Sticking To The Program – Finding My Lilith (FLR101)

This is the first of a few blogs that were published by Yoga Girl at her website at http://flr101.blogspot.com. This site is now offline but all credit goes to her.

I thought I’d share a companion inventory we had recently.  During one of our intercourse sessions when he’s in his half zombie state and quite out of his mind, he states that he wants to go back to “normal sex” and take a break from retention.  In this state he loses all higher brain function and is oriented only toward the goal of ejaculation. I tell him he still has four days until his special day as I polish off orgasm #8  on his face and remind him to lick as he sometimes forgets when he loses brain function.  I finish #9 and get up to clean myself and pee as he lies there moaning half conscious with a steel hard erection pointing to the ceiling with only the thought of ejaculation processing through what’s left of his cognitive function.  This is why following retention won’t work unless I as a woman supervise it and make sure that he retains and have simple consequences that even someone that only has a lizard brain left can understand in this post intercourse moment.

A half hour later he wants to have a talk and states “No, really, maybe we should take a break from retention for about a month, and that I should think about it.”


me: I thought about it and the answer is no.

him: But why?


me: Because it’s good for you.  The sex is better.  Your harder longer.  And your big enough to reach my special spots when you retain.  When you have “normal” sex, you don’t get long enough to reach where you need to in there.  We’re going to continue with retention.” (Retention really does give him an unbelievable steel rod that’s longer and thicker.  I’m not giving that up.)

him: But I don’t want to retain anymore. (No kidding, like I don’t know this,  the veins in his penis look like they’re ready to burst.)

me: But I’ve already decided that I only want to be in a relationship with someone that is retaining.  Do you want that person to be you?  I have a right to maximum passion and happiness in a relationship and retention achieves that goal for us, baby.  We’re both happy, and I’m very happy.

him: What if I just want to cum and masturbate.  (Why he continues down this road, I have no idea.  He knows the answer is always “No!”)

me: As long as your under my roof, eating my food and spending my money, that better not happen.

him: Or what? (Yes, he said this!)

me: Or you’ll be spending your days when I’m at work in a cock cage (he really doesn’t like that), and you’ll get a strapping that you’ll never forget.  Now put you pants on, you’re dripping on the floor.  (He’ll consent to those terms or find another place to sleep.)

I don’t want people to think there is any hostility in this conversation.  He just needs the boundaries drawn out for him when his cognitive function is reduced to that of a third grader.  He’ll be back to his post doc level in a few hours.  I realize sex was just half an hour ago and his brain is still at 50%, but this illustrates that the woman is the only person in the room that’s going to have her wits about her and enforce retention for the good of the relationship, and I’m happy to do it until he becomes some kind of zen / tantric master.  But for now, he’s a typical western male standing in front of me with a raging erection that I’m done with that just wants nothing more than to ejaculate.  A steel hard erection that by the way millions of men take a blue pill to get.  I wonder how many would need that pill if they retained (outside of viral and medication side effect causes of dysfunction of course).  My husband would never be this hard without retention.  Aside from this little rough patch after sex sometimes, the relationship is bliss 99% of the time.  I admit I probably ride him too hard and long during intercourse requiring him to thrust fast and hard to get me to the brink of climax and we do it nine times so he’s quite out of his mind when we’re finished.

There is always a raging war between Eve and Lilith inside me (chap 11).  I’m about 70% Eve and 30% Lilith.  And I’m trying to make my Lilith side stronger, but Eve is in my DNA and she’s tough to exterminate.   In the past, I have been the docile easy going one.  I  acquiesced to my husband in many things because I didn’t really care that much regardless.  But now I have blossomed into a full woman – an actual person, and I have needs, wants, and desires of my own.

Being an Eve, I am the constant caring mother looking out for the best interest of the whole family, and I know that the best thing for the family isn’t to always let others get their way all the time.  Think of a single mom.  How often I watch them struggle with their unruly children, the monsters that they have created.  So often the single mother is exhausted and emotionally tattered and doesn’t have the strength to tell her child “no” though that is precisely the word the child needs to hear with clear solid boundaries so that there can be peace for everyone in the home.  To be clear, I DO NOT ADVOCATE PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT FOR CHILDREN.  Token economies work marvelously for achieving target behavior for children and are rewarding and fun.

It can be a rewarding challenge to rise up and become Lilith because even though it means having to be the bad guy on regular occasions during intercourse, grabbing that penis and stopping ejaculation, the rewards are immense.  For the single mom who chooses to be strong and take charge, she ends up raising a happy, productive, balanced child rather than a delinquent, and she wins a home where her children respect her.  Over the last year I have raised a happy productive more balanced husband by standing firm on retention, breaking that stimulus response relationship between his penis and his hand and replacing it with only my vagina.  Stimulation to his penis comes only from my vagina and because of this, I am the eternal novel female he seeks.   Even though I have given permission for him to pull on his penis, he reports no pleasure from it as he received from that activity before retention.  I assume because that pulling on it no longer results in ejaculation.

IMO, a woman that embraces her inner Lilith by enforcing retention not only increases passion in her marriage, but also builds  confidence in herself which helps her face other challenges in her work and community, and she is constantly nourished in the relationships she engages in because she has chosen to be an equal (if you choose to run your husband’s retention program that way) rather than a victim of her husband’s self abuse.  

My impulse is to make him happy, but making him happy in the short term is not conducive to his and our long term happiness.  It’s a conundrum.  But long term happiness wins out.  Plus, I truly believe that retention could have an effect on male health and longevity as stated in eastern philosophy.  I want him to be healthy and around for a long time.  He retains and consents to it if he’s going to live with me.  And in another few hours it becomes a non issue.   This is stuff I’ve already talked about.  I just thought I’d share it as it is a recurring issue.  Sorry if it’s redundant.


 Thanks to my hubby for help with the website …and the orgasms!

DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane, and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.



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