Delayed Ejaculation

This post is about understanding and treating ejaculatory disability/retarded ejaculation by conditioning the penis and male body to regain the ability to orgasm through sexual intercourse and oral stimulation. I’ve received quite a few emails from men suffering from delayed ejaculation and it seems male chastity may play a significant role in resolving this condition. For those unfamiliar with the condition, click here for more information.

The Plan

Abstaining from ejaculation and touching is very difficult for most men. It takes a tremendous amount of discipline for a man to abstain from touching and pleasuring himself daily or even several times per day. Remember, sex (and this includes masturbation) is supposed to be about fun, relaxation, and pleasure. Routine masturbation will desensitize the penis and make the mind expect very frequent touching and sexual gratification. There’s no reason to stress out over it. The process below can really spice up sexual relationships when done with a partner and rekindle relationships that have been hurt by the inability to reach orgasm. This will be difficult or impossible without a partner so ensure that you have someone trusted and supporting that can work with you through this process.

Basic principles:

1. Take a break and build up a burning desire for stimulation.
2. Make time, then take your time.
3. Experiment with losing control over orgasms. Partner play.
4. Focus on subtle sensations. Be gentle.
5. Go for quality over frequency until you regain sensitivity.

Sensitivity Renewal—1 month

Week 1: Lock it up! 1 week. Cease and desist.

Keep your hands (and anyone else’s) off your penis for one entire week. No sex. No masturbation. When you get erections, just endure them and appreciate them for what they are. Allow the tension and desire to build, and appreciate the pleasure of the erections themselves. Towards the end of the week, you should be going mad with desire to do something about it.

This can be difficult for most men, which is where accessories come into play. These small devices wrap around the penis and prevent the wearer from doing any activities that would take away from the cease and desist plan. Some of these devices have locks which gives a partner full control and confidence that everything is going as agreed. Men touch themselves an average of 90 times per day and many men masturbate daily or several times per day and have been doing so for years.

While these devices may look threatening or uncomfortable, rest assured that they are very comfortable when sized correctly and easily cleaned (with & without removal). These types of devices can be worn for long periods of time, sleeping, working, running and normal physical activity. Plastic devices are even safe to wear for air travel and the TSA screening process. For the first few days, the device can be slightly uncomfortable as your body gets used to it however the body and penis will adapt quickly to the new environment. If you find activities that are incompatible with the device, ensure that he is supervised and unlocked immediately before and re-locked immediately after.

Week 2: Sweet Release!

Wait for it…Wait for a day that the partner chooses and give it a go. This can be very kinky for a couple since the partner has complete control over the day and time of release. One day of release will be allowed during week 2. You might find that putting this release date on a calendar will help keep everyone focused on the goal and eliminate uncertainty and unnecessary questions about release.

Make time for it. Start off with him naked and on his back. Remove his cage. While its off, check for chafing or irritation. If you find any, consider leaving him unlocked until it heals. Once uncaged, masturbate him slowly and carefully If you want, tell him to let you know when he is close. Back off and start over so this all isn’t over in a heartbeat. You can tell him that if he has an “accident” and finishes before you tell him to, the lock will go back on immediately. This should get him to be cooperative since he won’t want to go back in the cage and end playtime. Be playful and enjoy the new control and responsibility that you have taken.

Do not “jerk off”. Take your time, use a personal lubricant, use a loose grip, and be gentle. He has bad habits so do not let him pleasure himself, do it for him. Slow gentle strokes that mimic the feelings that would occur during sex. This should be limited to 10-15 minutes. If orgasm doesn’t happen, clean him with a warm washcloth, rinse the device and re-lock. Orgasm is not expected but is a welcome surprise for both of you when it happens.

Lube is mandatory! No more dry fist. Personal lubricants or lotions are a must. 

Let’s talk about technique. For the male, you’re going to want to do some things for your partner:

1. Make your locked time about your partner; give massages, provide oral stimulation. Channel your sexual frustration into the needs of your partner to ensure that he or she feels both physically and supported. This process is confusing and challenging for them and they are doing it for you and for the good of your relationship. 
2. Supervised self love is acceptable but partner control is highly recommended.
3. Other play is OK. If you enjoy anal or nipple play, do it! This process is about regaining sensation to the penis not about denying pleasure. Use this as an opportunity to try something new in the bedroom. Many men find that other areas of the body especially the prostate can become far more sensitive. The device should not be removed for play.
4. Select and agree to unlock dates with your partner beforehand to set expectations. Your partner will adjust the dates depending on your partner’s schedule, your behavior and your overall compliance.
5. Communicate!

Weeks 3-4: Twice per week (Maximum)

As with the previous weeks, the rules are:

1. The partner will determine when the lock will come off. 
2. Very brief unlock periods. Unlock him, allow him to wash himself (supervised) and play with his penis using a light grip or fleshlight. Never leave him unlocked for more than 30 minutes before locking him back up.
3. Release times shouldn’t be routine. Keep him on his toes and surprise him.
4. Make sure to clean the device and body each time it is removed.
5. Use techniques that are more similar to sex, ie., gentle, lubricated, friction at a moderate speed.
6. Select and agree to the unlock days beforehand to set expectations. Feel free to adjust dates depending on behavior.
7. The partner is in control and determines when it comes off and when it goes back on.
8. Release refers to being released from cage, not orgasm. Orgasm is optional.
9. No sex.

What next?

Try having sex!

• Be gentle.
• Take your time.
• Try to let erections happen naturally.
• Use lubricant.
• Keep masturbation to a minimum and focus on methods that simulate sex when you masturbate.
• The partner’s orgasm is a right and the locked male’s orgasm is a privilege. Treat it as such.

The cage is a great tool to add to your relationship and provides a new method of control. Do you like the way you are treated when he is locked? Lock him up for a few days and enjoy!

What if I’m still not reaching an orgasm during sex?

If you relapse into not being able to orgasm during sex, repeat weeks 3 and 4 as necessary. To keep things interesting and exciting, this should be done at the partner’s discretion. Still not reaching orgasm? Try a 2 or even a 3 week lockup period with release from cage, teasing, brief stroking/masturbation periods and even sexual intercourse but no ejaculation from manual stimulation. Eventually the male body will need to get the semen out and ejaculate naturally during intercourse. Note that temporary/brief periods of erectile dysfunction is common during this period so don’t be concerned if you have trouble maintaining or achieving an erection for a few sessions during this period as the brain will be confused as it disassociates masturbation with release. Just increase the teasing with your partner the days before you intend to have intercourse to ensure the body is associating you with ejaculation instead of your hand.

Also look for different masturbation traits that the male body might associate with masturbation and orgasm. For example, outstretched legs and flexed leg muscles. Some males can only reach orgasm while laying on their back or sitting up. Ask him if he clenches his buttocks, flexes his legs or tightens his PC muscle. Try having him kneel, sit on the edge of a bed or stand during release. Mix things up a bit, perhaps the body has grown accustomed to only reaching orgasm when a series of conditions have been met. A longer lockup period with constant teasing should overcome any body conditioning that has occurred over time.

Last but not least! If orgasm does not happen during sex after reduced release period schedule above, the male should be locked up and unlocked once a week for supervised cleaning and brief tease & denial period to keep anticipation, arousal and testosterone production high. Don’t let him clean himself in the shower, you should unlock him and  clean him with warm washcloth. Clean the cage with warm soapy water. Tease his penis for a few minutes and then use a cold washcloth and maybe some lube or lotion to help him back into his cage. Have sex whenever you feel like it but if he does not ejaculate, he should be locked up immediately. Sex ends and so does his opportunity for sexual release. Don’t let him put too much pressure on himself, let him know that it will happen eventually. After a series of weeks or months without ejaculation, the body will forget his conditioned masturbation and be ready to accept any new pattern that you choose to impose on his body. During this period of time he will be whiny and annoying. Be prepared to remove his weekly cleaning session or delay sex as a punishment if necessary. There should be no conversation about unlocking, releasing or sex unless you initiate it. It should cease when you choose. Once normal ejaculation patterns are established, you can cut back to the previous schedule.

Other advice for getting over delayed ejaculation:

• Mayo clinic on Delayed Ejaculation
• Savage Lovecast episodes 
• Savage Love advice column 
• Vice.com: ‘Death Grip Syndrome’: Internet Myth or Penis Ruiner?
• A super-long thread about it on Reddit
• My Husband Can’t Cum Anymore

If you continue to have problems, go see your doctor. There may be other lifestyle or health issues at play that need to be checked out. 

Keep your partner happy

There is no reason (or excuse) that this process should leave your supportive partner feeling left out. During the time wearing the device, you will find that the sexual frustration and desire can be channeled into doing housework, providing massages or oral stimulation for your partner. Your partner is very supportive for agreeing to participate in this program and for dealing with your orgasmic difficulties. Keeping your partner’s needs and desires as a high priority will ensure the success of this program and of your relationship. Share this article with your partner and ensure that he or she is on-board with the program prior to starting it. Communication is key, this is a 4+ week commitment so ensure that you are both ready to embark on this journey together. The tips and explanation below will help him or her understand the process and how they can best support you through this journey. This is a partnership, be strong and resist any temptation to cheat as it will only be robbing yourself.