I’ve never been an overly extroverted person, in fact I really have to make an effort to be outgoing in social situations. Relationships are much of the same. When Kevin and I first started dating, I made a bit more of an effort. I dressed up for him, I was a bit more flirty in public and in private. I hate to say that I take him for granted now but I know he will be there and the extra effort to be outgoing isn’t quite as strong. Another thing I noticed with being flirty and outgoing is the pressure to have sex. If I am being extra flirty, maybe it is just that – maybe I am just being flirty because that is what I feel like doing at that very moment. Even when it comes to the bedroom, if I dress in something sexy maybe it is because I want the attention on my body not because I want to get him all riled up and ready for sex. Use teasing as a way to start getting rid of your sex calendar and focus on enjoying sex, not rationing it.
In recent months, a simple cheap Chinese plastic cage has allowed me to get back into some of the sexy play that I really enjoy. He knows that he must earn his way out of it and he knows that I am in control no matter how things play out. I’ve really started to enjoy dressing up in sexy clothes, teasing him. For example last week I lit some candles in the bedroom, invited him up to find me in a gorgeous teddy that I got from Fredrick’s of Hollywood about five years ago. I thoroughly enjoyed doing a sexy striptease and grinding up against him with absolutely zero expectations afterwards. He commented that it felt like a strip club since we was locked and couldn’t have me, all he felt was pressure from his cage and arousal. Sexy stripteases like this rarely end with sex for us. It usually ends with me getting a fantastic, mind-blowing massage as his sexual energy is redirected back to me. His attention makes me feel so sexy and does way more for me than a few minutes of pelvic thrusting.
I’ve mentioned in previous blogs that I do have a healthy sexual appetite and we have sex a few times a week but he typically isn’t allowed to have an orgasm when we have sex. I do sometimes allow him to masturbate after sex but I do so enjoy the look on his face when we lock him back up without allowing those balls to empty. He sometimes gets frustrated or tries bargaining with me so I entertained his deal one day. “If you let me cum now, you can lock me up for ten days” he said. I laughed and said make that 30 and you’ve got a deal. He came back and said two weeks. I laughed and accepted his two week deal. He was really regretting that decision towards the end of the two weeks and I didn’t let him out a minute early.
Male chastity by it’s very definition means that he isn’t having sex, that you are preventing him from having sex. Right? There is a misconception that you lock him up and leave him for a week or two. A locked guy is constantly reminded of his penis because he has a piece of metal or plastic hanging from it. Very few men want to be locked and ignored. The heightened level of arousal is attained by arousal and play followed by your prevention of his orgasm. Without teasing and play, he isn’t likely to enjoy this game very long and may become resentful due to feeling trapped and ignored. If you tease regularly, the focus goes away from your perceived neglect and to his locked, helpless appendage. Rather than feelings of anger or resentment, he focuses on intense feelings of frustration. That is the head space that you want him to be in since it removes negative feelings that may be misdirected toward you.
With heightened levels of hormones, he will analyze and over-analyze everything you say and do (or don’t do). Make sure you play with him but ensure that do it on your own terms. You can tease for twenty seconds or two hours but it is essential that something happen on a daily basis so he doesn’t feel forgotten and ignored. I’ve provided some ideas below to help keep your playtime exciting and interesting. Your goal is to get him as frustrated as possible so he simply cannot bear to have that cage on him a moment longer.
When he is caged, I find myself bending over unnecessarily, spreading my legs for him, staring at him while I sensually pretend like I am playing with myself. I love watching him give me his full and complete attention followed by an expression on his face just a few moments later. An expression somewhere between mild discomfort, frustration and pleading for release. It is a cruel game but we both enjoy the power that it gives me over the male urges that we both know are outside of his control. I also like to give him surprise cage inspections, make him pull his pants down to his knees and I give things a little tug to make sure his cage is tight, balls look full. As they get more full the ring may need to increase in size if he experiences pain or circulation issues. I’m sure he would let me know so this is more of a psychological exercise than anything. The goal is to make him feel like you find a tremendous amount of value in him remaining locked for you.
Another thing that we’ve tried recently is to have sex with him while wearing my strap-on above his cage. The look of disappointment on his face when he enters me and realizes that he feels nothing on his little guy is pure gold. He is MUCH better at following directions when he is able to focus his energy on my needs. I equate it to training wheels for sex.
I Can’t Feel Anything
Try using numbing spray or lube when having sex to give him as little sensation as possible. Saying fun things like “what’s the matter, can’t feel anything?” will add to the game for both of you. Make sure he wears a condom so you don’t have any loss of pleasure due to the numbing spray.
When you go out, hand him your panties to put in his pocket so he has a constant reminder that you aren’t wearing any.
Unlock him and have him lie on the bed beside you while you do something like watch TV or read. Set a timer for an hour and require that he use his hands to make himself stay hard for that amount of time. If he cums, he receives a punishment. If you look over and see that he is not hard, the cage goes back on. If he stays hard for the entire time, he gets a reward of your choosing. For bonus points, have him use only one hand.
The Orgasm Jar
Each time you have an orgasm through sex, add a nickel, dime or quarter to a jar on your nightstand. When he gets to $5, he gets an orgasm. Depending on how well he listened and performed, you choose if he earned a nickel, dime or quarter. Oral sex is worth a penny regardless of the quality of your orgasm. After you give him his reward, feel free to talk and guide him to be as sexually satisfying of a partner as possible.
Spin the Wheel
Can’t decide? Spin the wheel! You can create a “Wheel of Fortune” type game for the punishments that you choose. Spin it every few days to determine what will happen to him. I’ve got an example above with some lockup times but you can throw some of these ideas into the wheel and give them a try.
One of my readers suggested that she makes her husband sleep on the couch when he is not caged. This makes their time in bed together that much more interesting. He craves the cage because he craves sleeping in bed with her. I thought this was an interesting touch.
To Have and to Hold
Try taking a hold of his penis with one hand and hold it firmly. Don’t move. When he feels a firm pressure around his penis, his natural instinct will be to thrust. It will take great concentration for him to not move. The moment he moves or thrusts, you remove your hand or lock him back up depending on how high the stakes in your game are. When he is new to this, you can give him a warning or two. As you get more experienced, get rid of the warnings and try making conversation with him. As he thinks of answers to your questions, his mind starts to focus on other things, his body and subconscious will thrust into your grip.
What’s the Matter?
Allow him to masturbate to orgasm (ruined or normal) and immediately after he is finished, play with him a bit to ensure that he is nice and limp. If your fella is still ready to go, give him another orgasm to make sure that he is nice and soft. Once you are sure that he isn’t popping up anytime soon, give him your best lap-dance and offer yourself to him. Grind yourself on him and act sad and disappointed that he “isn’t interested”. Maybe next time.
Things of a Certain Size
This one would apply if your guy enjoys teasing about his penis size, if your fella doesn’t like mild humiliation – skip this one. Ask him to bring you ten things that are the same size as his penis. Give him a few days to compile his things. When he presents them to you, examine them as he watches. You may find you can play back some of the items in the future. For example, if he brings you a baby carrot, make that your go-to snack to give him.
Offer him five minutes of sex without a condom or ten minutes of sex with. Adjust accordingly based upon your man’s stamina to ensure that the shorter of the two times will make it very unlikely for him to finish. You can also attach additional negative consequences if he doesn’t finish in his allotted time.
I also enjoy handcuffing him or making him sit on his hands while I masturbate in front of him. This is also great to do while you leave him locked as well. Even when penetration and all of the body feelings that go along with sex don’t happen, the emotional connection and closeness is still present. You would be surprised how much of his sexual needs are met even if things don’t happen the way that they do traditionally.
Teasing and humiliation when done in fun and when done in moderation can be quite fun. You can tease him mercilessly with only a few words. We had two of his friends over to the house a few weeks ago and I leaned over and said “do you realize that with your cage, you are the only man in this house incapable of fucking me?” He looked over at me and cringed, knowing it to be true. I also like to refer to his penis as “your little guy” or “mini Kevin” which is a good tease to him but he isn’t as sensitive to this as some of the guys from my past.
Try being very verbal while having sex and explaining how much larger an ex lover felt inside of you. I’ve got an ex boyfriend who was quite large and sometimes I tease poor Kevin about it. Not because I want anything larger, I’m quite happy with a normally proportioned penis but because men are conditioned to think that their masculinity is directly related to the size of their penis. Sometimes you don’t even have to say a word while in the bedroom and playing with a dildo or strap-on, just hold it up and compare the size with him. Guys are very sensitive about size and it can be an enormous tease, especially while locked.
All of these comparative teasing types are proven to actually raise testosterone levels and turn him on as a type of male competition. One fantasy that many men have is to watch their woman be fucked by another man. This actually comes from a biological term called “sperm competition”. When the man thinks of her with another man, his body increases it’s level of arousal to ensure that his sperm is able to win if they both get the opportunity to procreate with her. All of this comes down to biology and evolution, so incredibly interesting to learn about it and to game the emotions for the pleasure of your relationship.
As you and your lover experiment with male chastity, the bond you share will become greater as fantasies are shared and enacted. You will discover that trust, communication, support and the love shared between you continues to increase as you stretch the boundaries of your play.
You can have so much fun when there is no pressure to have sex. To your heart’s content you can touch him, grind against him, pull his hands toward your breasts and crotch – all with no pressure. I’ve even done some public flashing while we’ve been shopping and other places I knew I wouldn’t get caught. Previously I rarely did this since it would imply an expectation of sex which I really didn’t want to commit to. Who knows if I would be in the mood when it came time to hit the sack so I simply stopped teasing. Now I can tease to my heart’s content and all it does is build up that sexual energy and ensure that it is focused on me. The longer he is locked, the more laser-focused his attention is on ME. No wandering eyes, flirty conversations with anyone else. All of his attention is all about me…
…and I like attention.
If you liked this, I wrote an article about teasing last year and it has some more fun ideas.
Being teased is amazing for all of the reasons you mention. Deliciously cruel.
Love it. This is such a critical part of the chastity dynamic, and I see two type of teasing. Flirting and insulting. Flirting is for me is a dick tease, which builds my mojo up. It can be a simple hug where her hips push into my cage or something more explicit and direct. It doesn’t take much. I take in her desire for me with no outlet and it magnifies by ten with laser focus on her. This is the part of the emotional roller coaster that makes it so hot.
Teasing can also be insulting or humiliating words, which is not part of our play, because I find it hurtful and cruel. From other blogs some men really get off on this. I accept others for who they are and the desires they have, but this type of teasing in chastity play for me is counter productive to our joint goal of building intimacy.
From my point of view, teasing is the very basis of the game of chastity.
Without it, even if our man’s interest is focused on us, it is not as intense as when a certain closeness, or even sexual tension (not necessarily leading to a sexual act) comes into play.
It is also necessary to be imaginative and multiply the different teasing games in order not to fall into a certain routine.
Personally I am particularly fond of sex with strapon and chastity cage in place.
Totally agree. Thank you for reiterating that. Tease and denial is necessary.
In that I am completely chaste but not by virtue of a cage (usually), my Wife is also very fond of strapon sex as a suitable replacement for the penetration she wants. We have two ways of accomplishing this. One is a hollow strapon, which is rather large circumference wise. The other is a cock sleeve over the application of our favorite desensitizing spray that works rather well for her 2 desired outcomes …. denial of my orgasm because I can’t feel a thing, and the good, long hard fucking she requires without having to stop and start because I’m close to cumming.
As I explore this marvelous site, I am no longer surprised at the nuggets of gold, the pearls of wisdom I come across. This entry is no exception. This particular pearl is spot on:
“A locked guy is constantly reminded of his penis because he has a piece of metal or plastic hanging from it. Very few men want to be locked and ignored. The heightened level of arousal is attained by arousal and play followed by your prevention of his orgasm. ”
When tease and deny evolves into ignore and deny … problems ensue.
Thank you Emma for another wonderful post.