The dictionary defines compersion as:
The feeling of joy one has experiencing another’s joy, such as in witnessing a toddler’s joy and feeling joy in response.
You can think of compersion as the opposite of envy. The envious response to the above would be feeling envy rather than joy when watching the toddler. Compersion is an interesting thing when applied to lovemaking. For example, my Kevin feels compersion when watching me have an orgasm even when he is not allowed one of his own.
Many would argue that jealousy is the opposite of compersion but I don’t think so. Envy is wanting what someone else has and jealousy is being upset about losing what you have. These two emotions are quite complicated but they are similar at their most basic level and all of them stem from insecurity.
I feel that compersion is one of the markers of true love. If I feel compersion toward you, I am quite literally valuing your feelings over my own. If I am feeling envious of you, I am wishing to take the feelings from you and make them my own. Envy in a relationship is toxic and will poison even the best relationship in short order.
Lots of things can trigger jealousy and envy but watch for these specific red flags:
- Possessiveness – You are not his property.
- Low Self-Esteem – You need a guy who knows who he is and is comfortable in his own skin.
- Control Issues – I should probably look in the mirror on this one but I won’t. I know that I wouldn’t be compatible with a man who has control issues.
- Vulnerability – Communication is key here, we all feel vulnerable sometimes and it is essential to communicate those feelings with your partner.
Here is an interesting blog about compersion in the context of poly-amorous couples. While I think that the word jealousy should be replaced with envy in the chart below, it does a good job of illustrating these feelings.
I’ll save you the effort of googling Schadenfreude. Schadenfreude is the experience of pleasure, joy, or self-satisfaction that comes from learning of or witnessing the troubles, failures, or humiliation of another.
Kevin and I have been talking about the infrequency of his orgasms and noted that he has been taking physical pleasure and sexual satisfaction from my orgasms when he watches me. We started researching this a bit and found this term so I figured that I would share it with all of you.
Thanks for reading!
A most apt term for the couple practicing chastity. I can think of no better lesson learned, or quality experienced, for the husband.
While I have always been genuinely happy for my wife’s successes and pleasures, learning to enjoy her orgasms as if they were my own will be new territory for me.
Thanks for sharing the word, Emma. It’s one of my favorite feelings in the journey my keyholder and I are sharing. I just never knew what to call it.
It’s completely natural and normal for man to feel Compersion when woman orgasms,her orgasms become his orgasms. Retaining man redirect his enrgy,love,passion toward his lady, he is turned on by pleasing you,and taking care of your needs,you needs come first for him. Women merit,to be loved,respected,honoured,appreciated.
While I agree with you, some men see women as their property and they see a woman’s orgasms as finite. When a woman experiences an orgasm without him, he may see it as taking something from him. I’ve had boyfriends like this in the past and if you feel jealous of a woman experiencing an orgasm when you do not, you should spend some time thinking about where your feelings are coming from. Women, you should consider this to be a red flag.
I agree with all the comments…I so enjoy giving my wife and orgasm, and take pleasure in her pleasure, and that I was able to provide her with it through my efforts. It’s a wonderful thing.
Emma; you said “when he watches you” have an orgasm. I assume, then, that your orgasms are brought about by him or by you. Do his feelings change, depending on how your orgasm is achieved? Personally, I’m not sure I’d enjoy “watching” so much as I do “giving”, but that’s just me. And that my wife prefers my tongue over most everything else, so I rarely get to watch anyway.