The honor system has been working well for us and I don’t believe that Kevin has done anything behind my back but I miss the cage so it is making an appearance in our lives once again. No reason, I was responding to a comment from a user named Joe20 yesterday and realized how much I missed it.
The honor system is great but he just doesn’t act the same when he is in control of his locking. I think he feels a level of helplessness, dependence, futility, weakness, incapability and maybe even inadequacy when he under my key. He normally gets out on Sundays but I think we are going to skip this week. He isn’t a father so there’s no need for him to get any special treatment for Father’s Day.
I want to be waited on, I want to be massaged, I wanted to have my guy at my beck and call. For some reason he gets complacent with the honor system. Maybe this reminder will help or perhaps you just don’t get the same result with the honor system.
Just a short update today, nothing too exciting, I just decided to up the ante on our relationship game for a few days.
When I am not caged it default to the honor system, and I am not allowed to cum without permission. One day, I was sick with a cold at home and I watched too much porn. I could not help myself, and I masturbated and cum. Afterward I struggled a lot about telling my KH, as I was very afraid of the punishment. I took a few days before the remorse came haunting me, and I finally told her. She did not overreact, and we both had a very busy week so I thought I was off the hook. The next weekend I was expecting somehow our usual routine, but this is when she told me to go back in my cage for a month without any release. Fortunately for me she reduced the sentence because our anniversary is coming and she will release me on that day. Therefore, I am presently locked and will be locked during Father’s Day. I have to do a total of 18 days. I find that around day 10 it starts to get real physical for me with constant hardon in the cage for most of the morning.
How do you redirect the frustration on a lockup that long? Where do you redirect the sexual energy?
I was hoping you would be the one telling me how to redirect my sexual energy, as I have not figured out myself. At first, I was venting a lot by complaining, but I know that whatever I said will not change her mind. So, I ran out of words eventually and there are moments where I feel completely defeated. I feel like drifting away in a good way. I think what is important is that she comes and get me if I start feeling down, with teasing and hugging a lot.
You should know that I have told my KH about your story “From his perspective” in which your submissive went to bed crying at times. I then asked if I was to shed a tear if she would unlock me, and she replied that I would be ridiculous. I have noticed she is stricter with me since I have told her that story. It’s been extended to 20 days now because our romantic dinner has been rescheduled for other reasons.
I read this post and think what lucky guy Kevin is. Really I do. I think about your desire for play Emma and how precious that is. I also find myself wondering though in the trajectory of your relationship what’s more important, more desirable, having an evolved man or being the one to evolve him. Is there some pleasure in evolving him because he he isn’t yet evolved? Would a man already “evolved” be no fun to play with? In an earlier post Kevin offered that going back in the cage would feel like a punishment. I’m not suggesting that I know what he is feeling now that he is recaged or that I could have any bearings with which to navigate in a world were frustration or deferral of pleasure is pleasure or is the only pleasure on the horizon. Is there an element of Schadenfreude here? Is that part of the fun or does the term break down in the situation of male chastity and female control because both parties benefit in the long run. In your post on compersion, you said of control issues “I should probably look in the mirror on this one but I won’t.” Why not? It could be fruitful. I’m not suggesting at all that you are controlling is a bad way but just wonder whether there is something interesting embedded in the “should but won’t phrase.” It may take us back to chemicals and hormones or to your statement that many relationships start out 1/3 her, 1/3 him and 1/3 his penis and that you are just seeking to rebalance things 50/50.
I remember times in the past during vaginal intercourse when I would prematurely ejaculate- yes it has happened-what a terrible feeling it would be. It is more than just embarrassing and hard to talk about with your partner, its bother the feeling of letting your partner down, leaving he stranded, but it is also an assertion of the needs of the penis and the end of pleasure for the man. It is evidence of the fact that my penis is not necessarily my best friend and pursues it’s own agenda if you will. I think that even when premature ejeculation isn’t going to occur, for many men, by this I mean myself, the threat of it occurring, the need to manage the penis did really detract from my ability to experience and enjoy pleasure, and kept me from experiencing a shared moment. We could never really talk about this in our relationship. I suspect that this is not unusual. I think that any woman’s efforts to take this “bull” by the horns, whether it’s mechanical chastity, punishment, or emotional control, denial does help to banish the 3rd party from the relationship.
Such an insightful and thought provoking comment. I appreciate the level of detail and thought that went into this. Compelling self examination to be done here for sure.
I especially like your question about an evolved man being no fun to play with. I have to agree that the joy is in the journey rather than the destination. Any good relationship involves two (or more, poly anyone?) people evolving together.
I have just found your blog. Hope to do some serious reading soon.
Wonderful! Welcome to the blog.