My mother told me that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. To some extent, she was right. Men love affection, attention, appreciation and respect. Cooking for your man shows all of these things – serving by providing.
How would you feel if you spent hours slaving over the stove and your man stopped for a quick burger on the way home? He may still eat your meal but doesn’t crave or enjoy it like he would if he had skipped his little stop at the drive through on the way home.
Masturbation is like that stop to the drive through. In today’s age we all work either around the house or both have careers so the meal isn’t always the primary way that we show the affection. Much of the affection and attention has fallen into the bedroom. Just as a home cooked meal provides a chemical response in your body, physical attention and orgasms do the same for all of us. Masturbation takes the sexual energy and hormonal affection away from your relationship and casts it into the tissue that he uses to clean himself.
While female orgasm is usually reinforced by a bonded pair, male orgasm is absolutely key to creating a strong pair bond in couples. In men the cause of hormonal pair bonding is the orgasm and sexual release. In women the effect of hormonal pair bonding is the desire for sexual release and pair bonding. While we are all different, this seems to be a trait that is generally true among nearly all men and women.
When he chooses to masturbate, it is a slap in the face to the woman since he is withholding the emotional and hormonal response from her. You will notice apathy, resent and even depression in men that are addicted to frequent masturbation habits. Couples who decide to be in a long term relationship open up and share finances, past stories, future dreams and physical releases. Real sex or mutual masturbation is a key part of the sharing of that couple to reinforce their intimacy.
Every sex therapy book that I’ve read stresses the importance of sharing that orgasmic connection with your man. Some of the most famous books such as “The Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld and “For Each Other” by Lonnie Barbach are fantastic reading if you are looking for scientific backup for the shared male orgasm.
If you are a man and you are reading this, I implore you to sit down with your significant other and explain your masturbation habits to him or her. Ask that he or she be a key part of your sexual releases. Daily masturbation habits are very difficult to control but with the help of a loving partner, semen retention is a fantastic way to harness his sexual energy and bring the two of you closer together.
When he is retaining you should expect:
- Him to hold your hand when you go out.
- His soft kisses on the neck and lips.
- Gentle holding and touching.
- An attitude of sharing and emotional connection.
- For him to show his genuine desire and affection.
- Acceptance that you control his releases.
- Submission to your authority.
Once the above is established, a release schedule can be built. If he adheres to the above, you can stick to a consistent release schedule. If you notice that he deviates from the above, adjust the frequency of his releases accordingly. Your ejaculation schedule will always be adapting, changing and will ebb and flow just like your relationship.
Read more on this site and give it a try. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Fantastic analogy with the quick burger stops, your article is so true. I would add that not all women are into cooking and therefore some men find burgers as a mean of survival. There was a time when my wife would want me to masturbate (without directly telling me) so she can offload the burden of sex and we reduced our sex frequency. Now, with chastity there is no hidden messages.
I would love to hear your thoughts on male masturbation without orgasm. My wife controls my orgasms and has trained me to only cum with her permission. However, I’ve found that breaking from masturbation completely a much much harder challenge. I think we’d all agree it’s not as bad a cumming while spanking off, but is it still detrimental? Do you and other women still view it as cheating?
I encourage Kevin to enjoy porn and his body with the exception of ejaculation. Some religious women do find porn degrading and morally wrong but I don’t share those feelings. Enjoy your porn, send porn to each other. Share your fantasies and porn together. Kevin and I both find those erotic caption images sexy and although most are rooted in fantasy, we share those throughout the day.
The more food you dangle in front of the man’s face, the hungrier he will get.
Hmm.. we are both fairly liberated but watching porn together (or in front of other) is still awkward for us. We have a few videos and lots of pictures of ourselves. We use that as our porn when we need it for masturbation (which we haven’t needed of late).
I will admit, this whole female led relationship is starting to seduce me. I would love to have all the power in the relationship. Despite that i think its a wrong thing to do
Out of curiosity, why do you feel like it is the wrong thing to do?
That user has not replied to you but I have some thoughts on this subject. For many people FLR is just femdom in disguise. I don’t find anything wrong with FLR in that context except when it is forced upon someone without consent. And it is all too often for the dominant to mistake coercion for consent. A victim male can be the one who is insecure (may be he doen’t make as much money and needs her money to survive, may be he is afraid he will never find another girl at all!, may be he is afraid of losing the kids, etc.). And so it could very well be that he learns to live with it and pretend that he consents to it or even enjoys it. For such men, the prospect that anything else is a game over from her side is enough to make them submit to FLR. In a truly consensual femdom relationship, I would expect the sub to bring the idea of femdom and not the other way round (some women make it a condition on which they date men).
And that I find just as wrong as when women are subject to abusive relationships that just work on the man’s terms. And how many times have we seen the woman not file for divorce or run away or report to the police? Some women don’t that because they are afraid of losing whatever good they see in that relationship (may be their child is better treated, may be the money is better than what they would make on their own, may be the guy is the only one who would date them, may be they think their days of finding someone else are over etc.)
True FLR would be when a man naturally relies on the woman to take the lead in areas where she is better and there is nothing wrong with that. In our relationship we have aspects of both MLR and FLR. For example, when it comes to finances she is the boss. When it comes to planning our trips I am the natural. As for the tele remote, it is a toss to settle the difference 😉
I appreciate so much your thoughts and writing. This entry really resonates with me for two reasons. I am the one who cooks in our house, when there is cooking being done, and the discovery that some may not have saved their appetite for the meal that has so obviously been in preparation can be so disappointing. I must also confess that I have used masturbation to provide release throughout my married life. The possibility that this pattern has been reinforced because my wife has not been physically or emotionally available over time is troubling. The alternate possibility that over time my masturbation may have played a role in her physical and emotional unavailability is potentially devastating to contemplate. After so many years of libidinous mismatch and the potentially damaging behavior on my part it is difficult to contemplate walking it back. I think it would/will take a lot of courage which perhaps I will find. Is it a given that a woman receiving this confession from her husband would want to control his daily-near daily habit and restrict it. Asking that she be a part of my releases is kind of terrifying not because she may ultimately not permit them on a schedule I can live with but because she may truly be uninterested in them , or that part of me.
Thanks for creating this space for these thoughts and for reading them.
Thank you for your candid honesty. I do think that she would appreciate this admission and honesty. Her control of your orgasms is truly the only control that will get you back on track and will get you to see eye to eye sexually.
Put your fear aside and gently hand this control to her. I strongly suggest that you fully explain your current habits and what you currently understand your needs to be. You may find that she doesn’t want this control. Some women would prefer that you control yourself and she might give you some guidelines for masturbation. Once women fully understand the gravity of the masturbation problem in the relationship, most will want to take control.
Identifying the problem is a wonderful step, now admit your challenges to your partner so she can help you be the man that both of you need in the relationship.
Side note- love that you do the cooking in the family. It is so liberating for household tasks to be out of the societal norm. Cooking, cleaning etc are all Kevin’s responsibility and it is great!
Thanks for your supportive encouragement.
yes, i’ll try.