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Penis Fascination

I admit it. Penises fascinate me. I wouldn’t say that most penises are incredibly attractive (sorry guys) but they are shaped to be very practical. Their sizes and shapes are perfect for their designed purpose. I don’t typically get instantly aroused when I see a picture of a penis but I do get turned off seeing penises that are generally unkempt or otherwise appealing. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love and appreciate men but penises are tools of the trade. Some men are better with their tools than others but most tools are suitable to get the job done.

The perfect penis

There probably isn’t such a thing as a perfect penis but I think the proportions of a penis matter. A pencil dick and a can of beans dick are on the opposite ends of the spectrum. Almost like I can be comfortable at 75 degrees or 80 degrees but 60 is far too cold and 100 is far too hot. I’ve seen and felt my share and I’ve enjoyed each and every one of them no matter how far things went (or didn’t go) with that particular member.

The mystery

There isn’t much mystery when a guy is with a gal in the bedroom for the first time. Men have typically seen the outline of her breasts and aside from the potential for a push-up bra, they aren’t much of a surprise. Her butt is typically not much of a surprise either. Feel free to disagree but I think that most vaginas look the same aside from the extent which her labia is inside or outside her body. Men on the other hand are entirely different unless of course you have exchanged nudes prior to doing the dirty. He could be huge or he could have a dinky winky, you never really know for sure.

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They grow

There really is no correlation between flaccid and erect penis length. Some guys will triple in size when aroused. At the other end of the spectrum, some guys get hard but don’t show much difference in size at all. This is extremely fascinating to me. I cant imagine if my hand doubled in size every time I wanted to pick something up. On the female side, we get a bit wet when aroused like mouths watering when we smell delicious food.

I enjoy laying in bed or on the couch cuddling with Kev and tugging him a few times to feel him swell up and hold him while he gets soft in my hands. I do this almost subconsciously sometimes. This never seems to be a problem although he sometimes nudges me for more when he gets hard down there. It rarely leads to more but sometimes things happen after binge watching a Netflix show and teasing him like this for a few hours.


Harnessing the power

Cages and chastity are exciting and sexualize one of the biggest physical differences between the sexes. The ability for sexual organs to grow when aroused. By caging a penis, you take away that enormous difference and keep him restrained at his smallest size. At a subconscious level, guys are able to grow hard and soft throughout the day with varying levels of arousal. By caging your guy, you prevent him from getting hard throughout the day and restrict his body to his pre-arousal size. This may seem like it isn’t a big deal but after a day or two, your guy will almost certainly protest.

After being locked up the first time, Kev told me that he was surprised at the amount of erections that he was seemingly unaware of. Semi erections could be caused by a glimpse of a woman’s breasts while grocery shopping, some tight yoga pants on a TV commercial or perhaps even a soothing radio voice that made him stiffen up.

Chastity in itself is not mean, humiliating or manipulative. Chastity is a growing trend among women to harness the sexual energy in their relationships. If you use chastity in a way that is mean or manipulative, you will almost certainly create resentment in your fella and in your relationship. Be very open and honest about what you are doing and reward or praise when he exhibits behaviors that you are looking to cultivate. Over time, your man will understand and appreciate the benefits of the chastity friendly relationship.

All kinds of men practice chastity. Straight men, gay men and all types of professionals. We’ve heard from cops, doctors, lawyers and even an airline pilot. A healthy sexual relationship is nothing for any man to be ashamed of.

Sinking in

Caging him makes him more aware of these surroundings and focus his energy back in my direction. Taking away his ability for his body’s most core reproductive function will take some time to get accustomed to. It will seem awkward for both at first. Initially holding the key won’t seem like a big deal. In fact it takes a while for it to sink in. For him, it usually takes one to two days each time you lock him up. Once locked, he will spend a day or two ruminating and complaining about it. This part becomes annoying very quickly but by the third day, his attitude typically changes. The sooner he stops obsessing, the sooner it can start working its magic.

It takes time for it to sink in for you as well. Once you lock him up, he will start acting differently and will begin giving you more attention. Not all of the attention is good, in fact he can become quite annoying if left to his own devices. Remind him that he is locked and give him guidelines for behaviors that you find annoying. Be nice about it, remember that he isn’t himself and he is adapting to some changes.

The magic key

What is the magic you ask? After those annoying behaviors subside (usually the first day or two of lockup) he will mellow out a bit. Once he stops focusing his energy on his penis and refocuses on you, amazing things start to happen. He becomes more thoughtful, more communicative, more chivalrous. You will also see his constant focus on sex disappear over time as he subconsciously transfers that responsibility to your hands. It will be a weight off his shoulders and you may find that with time, he prefers being locked. This certainly seems far fetched at the beginning but many men feel that way with time.

He won’t be a different person, of course. He will still be himself but will more closely resemble the guy that you fell in love with. The guy that he was when he took you on your first date together. After three or four days of lockup, he may need some reminders. I choose to wear a key necklace or use the word key in sentences more frequently than required. I always overemphasize the word key in sentences just to take him on an all-expenses paid trip to that head space. While visiting that head space, he can become distracted but know right where he is. Day dreaming about the fact that he has shared something with me. He has shared control of something so very personal and essential to him. He has shared something core and essential to his psyche.


The key is a symbol that is easily recognized while you are in public or private. Teasing is something that can go with you anywhere as well. Teasing can take many forms; a grope to the butt, brushing by his front side and slyly reminding him that you haven’t forgotten about him. Adding playfulness into your relationship is a wonderful way to experience joy together. Kind teasing at his expense are one of our favorites. Just yesterday I told Kev that I was writing an article about long term 6+ month lockups and asked his opinion about a lockup that long. I am not writing any such blog but I could see the expression on his face melt as he thought of the prospect of being locked for six months.

I thoroughly enjoy teasing and I like making a game of things. We’ve teased with weight loss,

How it starts

Chastity comes into the relationship in one of two ways. Most likely, he shared this fetish with you and you reluctantly gave it a try to further push the sexual boundaries of your relationship and satiate his latest sexual urge. Less likely, you learned about the benefits from reading online or from a friend and decided to introduce it to your relationship. Whatever the reason, I am almost certain that it began as a game and a novelty. Even if it stays as a game, it is a wonderful way to break up the monotony of your monogamy.

The key (pun intended) that we’ve found is to try and keep it a game while extending it beyond the day or two where it is a sexual novelty for him. After the first day it becomes difficult for him. If you keep the teasing level high and reward him for wearing the cage with physical attention and praise, he will continue to see it as a game. If not, it may become something that he dreads or simply refuses to wear.

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The ego

The male ego is very closely tied to a mans penis. I think men idolize their penis and see their penis as a miniature representation of themselves. If he is unable to perform, it symbolizes his inability to perform as a man and can make him feel insecure. The male sexuality is incredibly closely tied to his self worth and underlying confidence.

His self confidence and ego are two things that you must watch if you decide to lock him up. If his personality becomes too introspective or he becomes overly quiet, this might be a sign that he is becoming depressed. Depression is a beast that we don’t want to wake. I highly recommend that you unlock him before his hormones take him to a place of depression. For Kev, this is about three weeks but will be different with every guy.

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Emotional man

Men are taught by society to be stoic, strong and emotionless. We do this to our children with comments like “boys don’t cry”. Don’t get me started on that topic but I don’t want an emotionless man. I want a man who can be elated with excitement or sad and distraught. I want a man who can ride the roller coaster of emotions that women experience. I want a man who can come with me on my roller coaster ride and experience the highs and lows of life by my side. A cage encourages your guy to express himself. A cage encourages emotions. A cage encourages him to break out of his shell and meet you where you are.

Men are sexual beings

Men thrive with sexuality. They yearn for your sexuality and want to express themselves sexually as well. Men don’t simply crave sex. Men crave sexual acceptance and attention. This is a need for men to exist in a healthy sexual state. Locking your man does two things, it gives him attention all throughout the day and it shows him that he is of value. You are holding the key and keys symbolize worth and value. By locking him up, you show him that you place a value on his body and on his sexuality.

Additionally, since we humans are design to want what he can’t have. Locking him up adds value to YOU and makes you more valuable to him. If he wanted you before, imagine him wanting you 100 times more while he is locked. Imagine not only being the object of his affection but his attention being laser focused on you and you alone.

Men masturbate on a daily basis. Their bodies are designed in such a way that they feel the need to expel their fluids frequently or they feel full and can’t focus on their day. When you minimize the ability for your man to masturbate and reduce his ejaculation frequency, he will become more aware and more intentional with his attention toward you.

Sharing the key

Since I do wear the key necklace frequently, it has come up from time to time. I have shared our secret with a couple of my friends, several of them have locked their fellas up as well. Not all of them have stuck with it after all is said and done but all of them had generally positive experiences.

To sum it up

Penises are incredible. They are so much fun to play with, to manipulate and to look at. They are the most squeezable, tug-able part on the human body. They represent so much of what is core to your guy. When you harness the power of his penis, you experience another side of him. You can be submissive or become a source of authority. Your power and play will ebb and flow just like every aspect of your relationship. This allows you to change the dynamic with the mere wave of a key.

My personal opinion about relationships is that they need to be evenly balanced between both parties. How can things be evenly balanced when you literally have his penis in a cage? The answer is hormones. Women have the stereotype of being hormonal but men have hormones too. Rather than create erratic and unpredictable emotions, male hormones focus their sex drive and push men to place sex on a pedestal above all other.

You are able to grow together and experience emotions that he has probably never dealt with. This is something fun. Something fun for you to do as a couple. It really works.


<3 Em



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We’ve been using chastity off and on for about 7/8 years now. I forget exactly when we started. The initial foray into locking his cock up was quite a leap of faith for me as I really wasn’t sure about it at all.

Unfortunately at the time we were starting out there was very little information that was more informative than fanciful, but I was able to read a couple of bits on a site called (not sure it’s active now as the last post seems to be around 2013).
Like this site, it took a more down to earth approach in trying to explain why my husband has ‘suddenly’ come up with this weird idea. What I didn’t know at the time was that he hadn’t ‘just’ come up with the idea, but had been interested for some time and if fact already owned a cage that he’d been wearing without my knowledge.

Now whilst I was willing to give it a go and play along with his daft idea, I was concerned that I would be missing out and it was another thing I would be doing to please him sexually. After all his sex drive had always been higher than mine and as it was I was feeling somewhat guilty about not being able to keep up, which is probably why I decided to give it a whirl in the first place. Combine that with the fact that I actually get a huge turn on when I have his dick in my hand and can feel it getting hard, knowing that I’ve done that, and the thought of locking it way wasn’t high on my list of things that would do it for me.

How wrong I was. I didn’t actually take note of how long it took for things to change (could have been three days I don’t remember) but it soon became apparent that there was a shift in our dynamic. And far from it being a turn off, it soon became a turn on for me too. Sure he was getting his rocks off, but so was I. Over a period of time we started to use it more often and for longer. The cages changed to adapt to our new level of usage. What I have noticed is that the longer we have been using chastity, both in terms of duration of single wear and the number of years we have been using chastity, his reactions have changed also.

Whilst I very mush recognise the pattern in our earlier sessions that Emma outlines, I have found that him being in chastity has normalised over time. Now he is caged most of the time with very brief periods out of the cage. This is often a matter of hours, sometimes over night and occasionally for some days. He no longer asks for his release at all and if I’m edging him will ask me not to let him cum. He hates the ‘crash’ after an orgasm and would much prefer to be kept on the edge. I however love rubbing myself against the cage, having him wear a strap on or a mouth dildo gag . Whilst I wouldn’t say that his cage is permanent it is pretty much 24/7 but that is how we both like it these days – well at the moment that is, who knows what the future will hold!


Growth: this is something I worry about.
I have not ever been caged, but I do fantasize about it.
However, I am a grower. Completely relaxed and flaccid, I can be about 1.5-2” in length. Erect, highly stimulated, I reach 6.5-7”. That’s got to be uncomfortable when caged.


I am the same way DC24. I am about 1.5 inches flaccid and 7.25 hard. I love chastity and once you find the device that fits you well and comfortably, becoming hard in the device does not hurt. Some cages do, you need to experience the different ones out there, but the one that worked best for me with the least amount of effort in hygiene was a metal cage. The shaft is the same length as I am fully flaccid, maybe even a little smaller and fits snuggly. The cage is best because of durability and the ability for your penis to breath and dry out after a shower. No need to remove the cage for cleaning. Also with it being smaller, it’s easier to conceal in public. If you have interest, you can go a long way with experimenting. Have fun!


Thank you so much for such an informative article. I believe more and more women will be demanding their male suitors install a chastity device and hand over the keys to them.
Way back in 2002 I gave my wife to be a CB-2000 male chastity device as a gag gift not knowing they actually worked. I gave it to her because her previous live in boyfriend and husband before him both left her for the other women they were doing.
I wanted her to know I would not do that! I promised her at the time, “I will wear it whenever you want me to.” never realizing or thinking that she would make it all the time!
I wore it for two weeks before we got married and at the wedding. we were too tired after the wedding so she kept me locked. This was an exercise of her authority and power unbeknown to me at the time.
My Wife gave exquisite oral sex, but that all stopped as soon as we were married. I asked a few times, but always got the same answer, “Giving oral is an act of submission and I won’t have you getting confused about who is the boss in our relationship! Within 8 months she had me locked all the time with only once a month releases.
I’ve been locked since 2002 all the time and I’ve adjusted well. Often she does not unlock me for two or three months.
I love her more now than the day we were married.


Incredible writings. After reading this I absolutely want to
Live the chaste lifestyle and introduce it to my wife. I know deep down inside i need it and would benefit. Thanks!


Emma, this is a wonderful blog! Thank you for providing a place with quality knowledge and recommendations for incorporating male chastity into the relationship. Amidst all of the fantasy and kink on the internet it is refreshing to find a site with practical advice and experience. Keeping my guy’s penis under lock and key has been one of the most beneficial additions to our relationship for many of the reasons you mentioned! He is so much more attentive and trust and closeness between us has significantly increased. His orgasms are heavily regulated and mine have multiplied significantly, all while keeping him with a high arousal and attentiveness. I love that this is becoming more common and that you are helping to normalize females controlling the penis in a relationship. Locking his cock really has been one of the most empowering aspects of our relationship, not to mention how much fun it provides!

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