This is an ongoing story about my life with Kevin, our neighbor Andrew and the new and interesting dynamic that is coming from our new relationship. You can read previous blogs about our story or you can start here. Either way, enjoy!
It was a lazy Saturday afternoon, Kevin and I were playing some video games and he suggested that we see what Andrew is up to. I agreed and texted him. Andrew responded that he would be right over and I unlocked the front door so he could come in.
Andrew lives in the same apartment complex as us so it was only a few minutes before he arrived and walked in the front door, announcing himself as he walked in. “Hey sexy neighbors”, he said as he came in the door. We laughed and he sat on the couch between Kevin and I. We were playing a two player fighting game and Kevin handed the controller to Andrew. Kev had all but given up because he was quite literally getting his ass kicked by me. Andrew wasn’t much better, I continued to show both boys how a girl can lay the proverbial smack down.
After two or maybe three games, I could tell that my relentless ass-kicking was getting both guys frustrated and I was feeling a bit feisty. I leaned over and laid my head in Andrew’s lap. I felt him begin to get aroused so I stood and motioned to the bedroom. Kev saw and started to get up and join us but I told Kev that we would be right back. Winking as Andrew stood and walked with me toward the bedroom
Our sexual relationship with Andrew has gone on for some time now. Kev and I have been exploring what I suppose is a poly friends with benefits arrangement with Andrew that began with a game of table tennis. As Andrew followed me to the bedroom, I could tell that Kev was jealous. After all, Kev was the one that had suggested that I ring up Andrew. I knew he was hoping for the quality time that Andrew’s visit might imply. I shut the door behind me as I entered the bedroom.
After playing a two player sexual game with Andrew for about 45 minutes, we exited the bedroom to see Kevin looking at us both with a smirk on his face. I sat beside Kev on the couch and Andrew sat beside me. We talked about everything but the obvious and made some plans to have dinner delivered. We had some fun playing more video games – actual video games rather than the weak video game analogy that I used above.
After enjoying some dinner together, Andrew headed home and I asked Kevin what he thought about the evening’s events. Kevin didn’t say much and I asked him about jealousy which I could tell was present. He said that it did make him feel jealous and left out. Kev went on to express concern that I preferred Andrew over him. He proceeded to tell me that he felt insecure, like he was being replaced and somehow wasn’t enough.
I reassured Kevin about my love for him and told him that I wanted to push the limits a bit to see where our barriers should be since we hadn’t experienced much in terms of jealousy together. Kevin sighed and said that he hoped it was one of my little experiments. I continued to reassure Kevin that his jealousy was nothing to be ashamed of. We talked about which parts of his feelings were based on envy and which parts were accompanied by fear and insecurity.
I spent the evening giving Kevin attention, affirmation and reassurance. I apologized for my little test but I really wanted to spur communication about jealousy and I hadn’t seen it yet. I wanted to confront it head-on. Kevin acknowledged that he had felt bits and pieces up until that point but the scenario forced him to confront it as well.
After some discussion, I did apologize to Kevin for my arguably cruel trick and reminded him that he can pull the plug at any time. Kev is my priority and anyone or anything else is just a fun distraction to experience together. I acknowledged that what I did was potentially destructive and Kevin explained that it rekindled feelings of past hurt and betrayal. We had a wonderful talk and we both felt alive at the evening’s emotional roller coaster.
Did part of me like to see the jealous side of Kevin? Yes. I admit that I did like to see him upset and needing my deep reassurances. Did I single-handedly provoke this situation just to see what happened? Yes. I think I needed some reassurances that Kevin felt some sort of jealousy. We are actually quite good at communicating and we’ve discussed jealousy more than a few times. Kev has felt many things during the course of our experiences with Andrew although most of it was compersion and joy for me.
I didn’t enjoy hurting Kev and leaving him with a level of uncertainty about the depth of the love that I feel toward him. The context that we built together in this situation will give us some guidance so the emotions won’t hit quite so hard next time. Jealousy will certainly happen again but we will be ready to discuss and address it head on next time. As a reminder, reassurance and reward, I handed Kevin his key so he could unlock himself and we went to the bedroom to make love together.