We’ve exhaustively covered how amazing male chastity is for women. Spoiler; he will be a more caring and attentive lover. For many couples, this is sufficient motivation.
We were discussing this in our home yesterday and while Kevin and I love the positive benefits of his behavior in our relationship, Andrew expressed confusion about the whole thing. The truth is that neither Kevin or I were able to fully understand or explain it but we’ve all seen Kevin as more emotionally open when locked. Kevin tried to explain that the cage makes him feel wanted and more relaxed since the all consuming focus on sex is significantly lessened and able to refocus his mind on other things.
We All Want to Feel Loved and Desired
All of us want to feel loved and desired. We all want to feel like our sexual organs have value. For men who feel self conscious about their penis or sexual performance, chastity may be a subconscious attempt to shift their sexual satisfaction from something they see as flawed to something they can do well. Some men approach their significant others and request that they be locked up. Still other men seek professionals outside of their primary relationship with a request to be locked up.
It is About Intimacy and the Desire to Feel Wanted
So your guy asked you to lock his penis in cage. This may seem very odd and confusing but let’s look at what this cage represents to him. Metaphorically the cage represents value, you wouldn’t lock something that you didn’t value. Right? By asking to be locked, your man is asking to be valued by you. This seems like a stretch but stick with me here. You lock your valuables and you protect the key.
The male body is very attractive to most heterosexual women but you wouldn’t know it by watching TV, movies and magazines. Many males have a very low self-body valuation while having a high body-valuation of their female partners. Studies show that men who have female partners with a high body valuation of their bodies typically rate a higher level of relationship satisfaction. Females with male partners with a high body valuation of their bodies report much lower levels of relationship satisfaction. Females find higher levels of relationship satisfaction with non-physical valuation.
What we can take from this is that male bodies are undervalued by our society and men often have a lower self image of their bodies. Men often experience greater levels of relationship satisfaction with females who find them physically attractive. Females find greater levels of relationship satisfaction with males who find them mentally and emotionally attractive. This likely comes down to a females being wired to look for an emotional bond for raising children. A good looking guy with no emotional bond is far less likely to stick around than a guy with a strong emotional connection. All of the studies that I found were related to heterosexual couples so I can’t speak for homosexual couples. I assume
Cage = Value
The sexualization of both genders is a validation of a certain level of physical valuation. The cage is a symbol of strength and value. Locking up a man shows that you place a strong valuation on his body. This can be especially true for men who have some level of anxiety about the size, appearance or performance of their penis. The cage for many men is not only a reflection of value but also acceptance by their partner.
Men who are locked for a period of time and then unlocked feel a level of safety and security with the cage. After Kevin’s weekly release, there is almost never a battle for the cage to go back on. Kevin is more comfortable with his cage on and he likes the way he looks locked. I really like the look of the stainless steel apparatus dangling between his legs. I stare and compliment him frequently and I know he likes the way that makes him feel.
What Does It All Mean?
It means that locking your guy up is a wonderful way to make him feel loved and appreciated. If you aren’t particularly good at showing your physical affection, the cage can help you show your affection. In turn, the cage redirects his attention to you which should make him a much more attentive and considerate lover. If you approached him with the cage, expect to see a transition period followed by some very wonderful results. If he approached you with the cage, you can expect to see near immediate fulfillment of his body image needs.
A cage can be difficult and takes an adjustment period but once you find your groove and optimal lockup periods, you will be glad you tried it.
I fully recognise this
After Kevin’s weekly release, there is almost never a battle for the cage to go back on. Kevin is more comfortable with his cage on and he likes the way he looks locked
I think I’ve mentioned this before but my husband says he feels incomplete now if he isn’t wearing his cage. He soon misses it and never puts up any resistance when it goes back on. In part that’s why it is so seldom off these days.
Your point about male body image valuation really hits home for me. I don’t dislike my body but I don’t see it as an object of desire. I think this is why I find cross dressing exciting – it allows me to take on the attributes of desirability. As you say, women obviously find men desirable, attractive and beautiful but we rarely see that and, when we do it is usually only very specific male body types. I know in my case I have very definitely internalized an idea that women are desired and men do the desiring, which I know is ridiculous but is difficult to break out of. This point about signaling to a man that his body is valued really resonates to me.
I think this is fairly common among men since our society portrays woman as the desirable gender. I personally find male bodies extremely beautiful but I also find female bodies beautiful. I don’t really find the male or female genitals arousing. For that matter, the penis is a function over form thing for me. I DO love a nicely shaped butt though. 😉
Oddly enough I do find that I can appreciate the male body aesthetically but the genitals are probably the only part I find arousing!
For me Chastity is about Control, Focus and Penance.
I firmly believe that my constant Masterbation was an addiction. I was constantly running off to hide and secretly jerk off like an addict hiding their addiction from all those around them.
Now with my Wife having control over my Orgasms, my ability to “Get High” has been taken away from me. Forcing me to stop looking inward and focusing on my own pleasure and forced me to look outward. To Focus on taking care of my Family, the people who really matter in my life.
Finally it’s Penance. My masterbating all those years of being with my wife was cheating. I carry an incredible amount of guilt and shame with me about doing this. I have no business pleasuring myself without her knowledge. That type of pleasure must be shared.
I think your analogy of masturbation addiction to drugs is very accurate. I think it is important to accept that you didn’t know better and forgive yourself. Possibly even have a conversation with her and ask her to forgive you.
Pleasuring yourself with or without her knowledge takes away from the mojo of your relationship so the cage is about realigning and empowering the woman that you love. Kudos to the two of you.
I agree with you about penance. Firstly to atone to my wife. My habit caused a great amount of distress to. But also penance to make it upto all the women I’ve used to get myself off without their knowledge. Going all the way back to puberty. Women shouldn’t be used as fodder for our fantasy unless they want it. While a porn actress understands that it’s part of the job they agreed too, my classmate certainly didn’t agree to appear in my mind as I pleasured myself.
I’m not really sure why chastity and being locked up gained interest out of the other possibilities. I find that my wife enjoys the larger toys, and with my stamina (in my opinion) quite lacking, it almost just made sense to lock it up and replace/upgrade it with something that can be more pleasurable to her.
Of course, she still tells me that I’m just fine as well, though not sure if that’s her trying to save my feelings, or her wiring pushing off the feelings that she’s getting more pleasure from the toys/etc than her husband.
I do think variety is the spice of life. I wouldn’t call toys an upgrade since for us bigger isn’t always better. Men seem to equate penis size to virility but even a small penis can get the job done. There is a physical and emotional connection and the emotional connection is much more intense.
If you and your partner practice pegging, think of a small toy vs a large toy. The small toy with a showering of emotions is likely better than a larger toy with fewer emotions. Back to my first sentence however, variety is the spice of life. I enjoy a good fucking but I also enjoy making love. They are different to me. I NEED the making love but I crave the good fucking. Does that make sense?
Consider for a moment that your chastity may be equally about your own self image and self confidence than it is about her power.
Thank you for the reply! I can admit that my own self image comes in to play quite a bit, due to perception of small size of my own equipment, coupled with lacking stamina. Those two items spurred quite a bit, and knowing that my wife tends to enjoy girth (maybe not a 12″ long thing, but a nice soda bottle diameter) led me to think that a harness that allows me to share the love and affection experience with her, while pleasuring her with the substantially larger member would be a good mix. We used the harness once so far, and during that time I really never had the urge to ‘rough fuck’ her with it, was slow and passionate throughout. I should mention that the adapter/plug of the harness also vibrates, something that no ordinary man can do. 🙂
Back to your point. I believe you’ve hit it directly that the introduction of chastity was to fill my needs more than hers. She has since said she prefers me locked due to the change in attitude that it brings, but this was 100% my idea, leaving me to found places, such as your blog, to try and understand why I enjoy this, and what mutual benefits it can bring to a relationship so it’s not a one sided kink/fetish/lifestyle.
At face value it may seem odd that a guy would want to do this to himself but most men genuinely love their wives and want to feel like they satisfy her in every way possible. Understanding this innate need really helped remind me that people are generally good. Circumstances make people do things that we regard as evil but most people wish to do good by others. Remember to smile at someone today. Oh wait, they won’t see it from behind the mask. Dammit. Nevermind.
You know me, I love the thought provoking responses and points of view. Perhaps there is a difference in how the cage is used. For the most part when Kevin is locked, he is not locked away. He is encouraged to be nude because I enjoy seeing the cage. At first this was awkward but he loves the attention and compliments, with time he is nude around the house more often than not. I enjoy being nude as well so it isn’t like he is awkwardly out on display or something. Although maybe he is sometimes.
The cage brings many emotions along with it from the frustration and compliance to elation and arousal. I can add a couple days to Kevin’s lockup and see the frustration on his brow. While having sex, I ask him to hop off and lock himself back up and I can see him biting his lip or wanting to protest as the wave of sexual frustration flows through his body. There is clearly a subconscious reaction to the cage. If we are having sex and he isn’t following directions (too fast, too slow etc) and I remind him that he needs to slow down or he is going back in the cage, the frustration manifests itself into arousal. His penis is never harder than when I tease.
We DO use the cage as a correction and punishment tool but we also use it as a tool for positivity. He is beautiful and he deserves to feel that way. Lynn knows that you are beautiful and you deserve to feel that way. Consider reframing the way you feel about the cage and consider that it may be more than a correction tool for her.
Excellent observations, and I am sure self-value is part of it, but (in my case at least) there is something more at work that I can’t quite figure out (the “headtrip”). In fact I’ve never read a theory about why Chastity works for men that completely resonates for me.
The desire/need to please her is also huge, but again doesnt quite explain it.
We had a great sex life before chastity, and I always made the effort to be sure she was pleasured. I never watched porn, only masturbated when I knew we wouldnt be together, and was never “obsessed” w my “parts” (good or bad). Never the less she lured me into this and there is no turning back. Why?
It works for me. All I can think about now is sex. I’m 17 all over again, with a laser like focus on the girl of my dreams, my GF/KH. I can’t fantasize about anyone else even if I wanted to. When I pleasure her now it is “with feeling” (her words) – and her satisfaction just motivates me more. What would the average guy give to feel so young again (without the zits)?
I think this goes even beyond hormones. I’m no Psychiatrist but it seems almost Freudian, taking me back to that time when I was breaking free from mother and becoming a man. I can’t quite fill in the pieces but for sure there are subconcious forces at work beyond the traditional explainations.
I wonder if the fact that Andrew isn’t “attached” interferes with his ability to understand the positive side of chastity. I love my wife and she’s my best friend. I love being hers. I love that I’ve trusted her to lock me up and to decide when I’ll be released. I love that she knows that when I offer to perform oral on her or give her a foot rub that I’m not trying to transition it to sex because I’m locked up and she has the keys. The feeling and constant reminder that I trust and love someone so dearly makes me feel loved and valued. I can see how Andrew hasn’t evolved to the point of understanding the power of allowing one to lock him up.
All that said, Andrew is a dominate and Kevin is a submissive so maybe Andrew just lacks the desire to give up control to another person, even if he loves and trusts them.
I love this dynamic in my marriage and don’t want to ever go back to how we were although we were never in a bad spot. This said, I acknowledge that this lifestyle isn’t for everyone.