I don’t know your husband but my guess is that he is willing to do nearly anything to make you feel loved and supported. I am also guessing that you and your husband may not be completely aligned when it comes to love languages. When you are really hurting or feeling alone, he can usually do the things that make you feel loved but you yearn for him to show the same effort every day. He is somewhat oblivious and unless he observes you hurting he may not be self aware enough to make the concerted effort. The reason, it just doesn’t come naturally for him.
What exactly is he looking for?
Your husband has approached you and asked you to lock his penis up. Does this mean that he doesn’t want to have sex with you? On the contrary, this probably means that he craves more intimacy and sexual situations. He is probably deeply aware that he can do better around the house and realizes that a lock on the cock will help him realign his priorities and be more emotionally available.
Tease and denial is the act of experiencing high levels of sexual arousal without orgasm, think of it as foreplay on steroids. Foreplay is great, it primes our pumps for lovemaking and allows blood to start flowing to all of the right places. Imagine for a moment that foreplay lasted for hours or even days. There is a sense of euphoria and high that surrounds this type of long term sexual arousal without satisfying the arousal with an orgasm. Orgasm denial is a combination of chemical reactions and physical responses which trigger libido and excitement in the subconscious mind.
Lock his penis up? How do I even go about this?
Locking him up is about taking charge of the relationship, at least the sexual side. Find a cage that fits well and experiment with what works for the two of you. I can give you advise on what works and doesn’t work for me but much of it will be trial an error with your own relationship. I’d recommend that you start with my blog entitled Taking The Reins for more information on how to get started.
This sounds like it will be work.
On the contrary, this may be a change but it should result in having more help around the house and feeling more pampered overall. Understanding his needs and helping him manage his sexual urges will become second nature before you know it. Before long, you will be having fun with it and really enjoying the new relationship dynamic that it adds. Remember that he is bringing a fantasy to you and indulging his fantasy will validate your love to him. From the female standpoint, chastity is one of the most beneficial fantasies that he could have approached you with. Give it a shot, in my opinion you’ve really lucked out.
So how does this all play out?
You can do lots of fun things with it! Could he stand to lose a few pounds? Do you need more help around the house? Does he have a masturbation problem? How about other addictions such as smoking or alcohol? All of these things can be used in conjunction with a chastity cage to motivate positive behaviors. Remember that the cage is not a punishment, reinforce and reward his positive behaviors with attention while he is caged.
Is there a trick to it?
Yes! There is absolutely a trick to it. The trick is teasing. Teasing him will keep his hormones running wild and make it absolutely impossible to forget about his locked cock. Here are some of my favorite and most impactful tricks to keep his hormones flowing.
- Amp up your kissing game. Kissing gets the endorphins flowing and the more aggressive you are, the more it will pique his interest.
- I find myself bending over to pick things up, giving a little wiggle while I am down there. Giving him a nice view of the goodies in the process.
- Solo play. Lay beside him or have him sit across the room and watch you enjoy some personal time. He will probably find it agonizing at first. Use a toy or whatever works best for you. If he doesn’t want to watch, he is welcome to leave the room and close the door behind him.
- Lots of oral sex, for me. This one shouldn’t take much convincing. Asking for lots of oral attention is a wonderful way to keep his attention on high alert.
- When you are laying in bed, run your finger down his body and around his cage. A little bit of extra attention will go a long way.
- Any time you handle your keys to unlock your car or home, give them a little jingle and give him a bit of eye contact. Your little secret will jump start his heart.
- Wake him up with a nice firm grip of his cage, make sure that everything is locked up nice and snug. Give him a kiss and remind him how much you enjoy the little game.
- Wear his key or any key around your neck on a necklace. A subtle reminder that he is under lock and key. thegivingkeys.com makes some beautiful necklaces and they support a good cause.
- When brushing by him, give a little pat or tug to remind him that he is locked up.
- Sex with a penis sleeve or while wearing a strapon can be a fun way to amplify the denial.
- Many of us are generally givers in a relationship. Allow yourself to be selfish.
- Compliment him on how well behaved he is while he is locked. This will compliment him but make him worry about when you will unlock him!
- Get a lock with a timer on it and have him add a few hours or days from time to time.
- If you have an open minded friend or couple, consider sharing your secret with them. You don’t want to embarrass your guy too much so make sure that he agrees prior to doing so. Talk about an interesting conversation starter.
- Optionally if you have an interest in pegging this is a great time to try it together. We enjoy pegging several times a week. In our house, we are about 50/50 piv and pegging sex and he usually stays locked when we peg.
His Chastity Cycle
Once you get started, his cycle will look something like this. Your goal is to expedite steps 1-9 and stretch steps 10-11 as long as possible. Now that Kev’s body is familiar with the process, we can get up to step 10 in about two to three day’s time but at the beginning it took weeks!
- Turned on by the idea of being caged.
- I’m ready! Lock me up!
- Being teased is so hot yet so frustrating.
- It aches. I’m so frustrated.
- It hurts. All I can think of is my frustration.
- I think I want out.
- I need to get out. Let me out.
- I regret this.
- I am truly suffering. Please let me out!
- I give up, how can I please you?
- Complete submission.
- Release! Free at last!
- I’m never doing that again.
- Go back to step 1
As always, I am ridiculous about shoving communication down your throat. Chastity will likely be an opportunity to turn the tables on traditional female sexuality. You may embrace it on a weekly basis as we have. You may decide to reserve it for special occasions when you need to feel just a little bit more loved. No matter what, make sure that he is your partner through this and keep the lines of communication open. For the first couple days, he will almost certainly talk your ear off with regard to this new experience. When you grow weary of the conversation, be certain to let him know. If he continues, be firm that you are done talking about the subject and give clear consequences for continued discussion. Remember that chastity is always optional. If he wants to quit, always be ready to do so at any time. If he pulls the plug, it will be a VERY long time before you try his fetish again. There is absolutely an emotional rollercoaster associated with chastity but emotions are no excuse for disrespectful or rude behavior. Don’t take any shit and be ready to pull the plug on your little game at any time if he doesn’t treat you like the goddess that you are.
Nice advice, just wondering about the “penis sleeve”. Never find some solution that worked in combination with a cage.
Completely understandable bob. I know that there is an attachment for the CB series of plastic cages that is essentially a penis sleeve extension that is hollow and attaches directly to the base ring to temporarily replace the tube. We could never find one to purchase though so I don’t have any type of review to offer.
Non-cage related sleeves are amazingly fun. You should give them some consideration. It is one amazingly beautiful way to, as Emma says, amplify the denial.
Any suggestions on where to purchase a sleeve?
We got both of ours from adamandeve.com
@LocknKey, we got ours from our local sex shop. They had a good selection to choose from.
Great article. Thanks.
You’re very welcome. Thanks for reading!
Best introduction to male chastity that I have ever read.