In some cases, men who desire a FLR had a mother who was quite stern. In seeking a dominant female such as yourself, they are looking to replace the female authority that makes them comfortable. While finding female authority comfortable if that was the relationship role model he had isn’t bad, it can be important to ensure that there is a distinction. Desiring female praise is a wonderful trait however motherly praise is different than praise from a partner.
Unfortunately, there are some cases in which the man in a FLR in which the woman has most of the power and authority and ends up regressing to a childlike servitude. Instead of becoming the man who works for your satisfaction, he ends up becoming a previous version of himself, redefining his role as your son and your role as his mother. This is of course unhealthy.
Prior to finding our footing in relationships, many women find that it comes natural to be a strong mother however weak when it comes to being a wife. This train of thought gets very Freudian and my experience there is rather limited so bear with me if I mistakes. For those of us who grew up with strong mothers but absent or weak fathers, we knew the strength of a parent from our mothers. We knew discipline from our mothers and when the father was home, he was often overruled by the mother since she was both the enforcer and the creator of the household rules. For those of us who grew up with strong fathers but weak or absent mothers, we saw strength and leadership in our fathers and submission and servitude from our mothers.
This shapes our future relationships and the expectations and roles of our future partners. My mother was a strong woman and she guided me on a path to be the woman that I am today. Kev’s mother and father were both somewhat equal but his dad wasn’t present much of the time due to work so his mom laid the rules down in her household. For this reason Kev finds himself more comfortable with a female running the household. Is it necessary for Kev to be happy? No, I think he would be happy either way but he is able to accept a greater level of relaxation and happiness with a female running the show. We’ve acknowledged that Kev thrives with leadership however we both want relationship equality. We both want our bond to be that of equals and we want both of our opinions to be heard in the case of life decisions.
This blog is a combination of a word of warning and an acknowledgement that our parents do play a role in our future selves. By taking away all power and authority from your male partner and making all his decisions for him, certain personality types would end up falling into a submissive/child role completely. This is one of the reasons why many females find “mamas boys” to be unattractive. We don’t want to compete with another female for his attention, even if that female is his mother. This isn’t about me, it came from a random thought I had while watching a modern classic movie. Hah!
Very true. In addition to being a beta male by nature, my mother “wore the pants in the house” and successfully quashed what little self confidence I had. Women can sense this lack of confidence in adult males, and frequently sexually tease then deny them, which only adds to to the males lack of confidence. At this point the male will frequently seek out dominant women, since he’s learned how to appeal to their vanity.
I can only imagine that parenting is challenging but my mother had very high expectations which were seemingly unattainable. Each time her expectations would be met, the bar would be raised with new hurdles to make it once again unattainable. Her expectations of perfection always made me fall short but I never surrendered a victim mentality, I always strived to meet her expectations.
Did my mother quash my self confidence? Perhaps initially. She helped me take pride in meeting her expectations and in my many successes. How does this relate to Kev? I try and keep the bar at a consistent height for Kev and praise him when he is successful. For that, he appreciates my leadership and we both appreciate the confidence in our relationship together.
In previous relationships, Kev has been with more timid or submissive women. Those previous relationships did not give the level of confidence and calmness of mind that we find in our relationship. While we are partners in all, I offer my leadership and dominance when necessary.
A helpful guide could be this. Mothering is when a submissive man becomes a ball of clay that the dominant woman constantly needs to mold and shape. He is empty and needs her to control everything he does and guide him. That is not very attractive and sounds exhausting. A FLR is based on her being the queen and you serving her. You are good at this and that, smart in your own way, strong in your own way but ultimately is all in service to her. You kneel before your queen and dedicate yourself to the betterment of her life.