My husband of twelve years just told me that he wants me to lock his penis in a metal cage. I didn’t even know what to say! I searched on google and ended up here. I thought we were a normal couple, what brought this on? Is he some sort of pervert now? I am so confused, help!
I’ve received the above question more times than I can count on this site’s contact form. I figured that I’d write a blog about it so you know that you aren’t alone and help provide some answers. Let’s talk about male chastity at a very high level and learn about some of the benefits. Clarity and understanding will help you understand what your husband has brought to you. If you keep an open mind, this might just be a blessing in disguise – admittedly a confusing one.
Why would he be interested in this? Am I not enough? The male sex drive is a one trick pony, his body is constantly producing new sperm and he is hard wired to want to release it. If you have mismatched libidos, he may be feeling guilt for wanting sex more than you. Perhaps he is feeling a greater guilt from unhealthy sexual views or role models during his upbringing. How about has feelings of not being good enough, being sexually deficient in some way. Masturbation is a huge one as well; he may feel guilty for wanting to masturbate or perhaps when you have sex, he may feel guilty for masturbating earlier in that day. Sex isn’t as good for either of us if we’ve already masturbated, right? Does he keep that to himself and feel guilty or does he admit that he already masturbated. Sex is complex wrinkle in our already complicated relationships. For many men, the cage is about guilt, paying penance and handing control of sexual freedom over to you.
I think most of us feel some sort of negative body image or sexual deficiency. The cage is his way of sexualizing those insecurities and redirecting them to a healthy outlet. Don’t get the wrong idea about his intentions, the cage does not mean that he wants to be celibate or stop having sex with you. Of course by it’s very nature it rules out the possibility of there being someone else in the picture.
Alternatively he may have learned the positive benefits of orgasm retention and denial and simply wants to bring some of those benefits into your relationship. After a few days of being locked, the cage does a wonderful job of redirecting subconscious sexual energy and focus to you. When his subconscious shifts, he doesn’t start pestering you for sex. The change is much more satisfying. Do you remember how he acted when you first started dating? Do you remember when he would open doors for you, give you unsolicited compliments or small gifts. Do you remember when he knew how to speak your love language fluently? Those are the types of changes that you can expect to see although that’s not to say there won’t be an adjustment period.
My boyfriend and I are on a 7 day cycle which sounds complex but it really isn’t. Every Sunday we unlock his cage, clean him up and allow him to ejaculate. Once the boys are empty, we put on a chastity cage for the next weekly lockup period. During the week we have sex a few times but here’s the kicker – he doesn’t ejaculate when we have sex. It took some time and most certainly effort but sex without the constant focus on orgasm is truly divine. His focus is on me and not the parts of the my body that he holds most dear. This means massages, touching and lots of attention which is more valuable that everything else combined- at least to me.
Your husband has brought this desire to your attention and is communicating a sexual interest that he has probably been thinking about for some time. Remember that if your husband is bringing this to you and he wants to experience this fetish with you. If his request makes you recoil in horror, step back for a moment and realize that there is nothing to be worried about. Your husband is simply trying to improve your relationship in a way that he knows will be effective. He is certain it will be effective because he knows just how strong the male sex drive is.
Ok so he wants to put a cage over his penis and he wants me to take the key. Yeah, that’s about it. To be very specific. Male chastity cages are made from plastic, resin, silicone or even stainless steel. These little devices prevent him from stimulating his penis and becoming aroused can be quite uncomfortable. The cage will give him a great deal of focus when it comes to keeping his energy directed at you. The key is a transfer of control and ownership and while mostly symbolic it is powerful for his subconscious.
Alright, when do we start? Perhaps never. If you aren’t open to trying something like this, you can take a pass and tell him that you aren’t interested. If you’ve taken the time to search the vast expanse of the internet to find my humble blog, you may be more open minded than you thought. Perhaps you are just trying to understand the world of male chastity and that’s ok too. If you do decide that you want to try it, just remember to set some boundaries and expectations. Communicate openly and frequently to make sure that both of your needs are being met. If either of you is just going along for the ride, this isn’t going to work.
Remember also that your husband has probably been thinking about this for months or even years before bringing it to your attention. It is completely fine to do some research yourself before giving him an answer of any kind. Remember that “let me think about it” is a completely valid response. Take some time to digest what he is asking and ask some questions as you learn more about what male chastity is; and what it isn’t.
If you decide to move forward and give it a go, you can start out in your house for a couple hours. If you find the benefits to be relationship-altering as I have, you may want to have him wear it for a few days at a time. The nice thing about a cage is that it is worn beneath his clothes and nobody needs to know aside from you and him. You might be surprised if you knew what kinds of men were wearing them. From police officers to priests to your Uber driver, these men may all be wearing chastity devices for their partner. Or perhaps not, you will never know. I’ve received messages from all types of men and I realize that this truly is something that has the potential to benefit every relationship.
The secret to success is teasing frequently. If you lock him up and ignore him for a week, you are destined to fail. Teasing him keeps his blood flowing and hormones racing. I like to wear a key anklet or necklace because it makes his mind drift to his locked cock when we are together. I’m generally a fairly reserved person but I’ll be quite overly sexual and teasing with him when he is locked. When I realize that the pressure to have sex is absent, I no longer need to suppress the part of me that fears innuendo will turn into expectations. My teasing only turns into sexual expectations when I want it to because the key puts me firmly in control. This isn’t something that Kev wants of me, this is something that he wants for us. I love this lifestyle. I really do.
So give it a try and send us a note on the forum to let us know how it went. I think you are in for a real treat.