There is a big disconnect in the world of male chastity. Men like to hint to their partner about wanting to be locked up. In many cases the men simply show the woman a link to a cock cage and say something cryptic like “I want you to lock me up”. Ok but why? The reasons are far deeper and the intent is far more pure than many women think at first glance. What some of you might not know is that I spend some of my time as an amateur life coach for couples. This site has given me the opportunity to enter the lives and the bedrooms of many couples and learn what makes us all tick.
Let me start with a email that I recently helped a man write to his wife of ten years. I’ve copied and pasted this letter in its entirety with his permission.
Dear Wife’s Name,
I love you deeply and the intent of this letter is to deepen our love and I ask that you be open minded as my intentions are to be a better partner for you. The author Gary Chapman wrote a series of books based on the love languages that we best give and receive it love from our partner. I’ve read the book and you can read a quick summary here. I would be happy to share my digital copy with you as well. I know you intimately and I know that your primary love language is acts of service. This means that you truly feel loved when I do something for you. Think back to when I’ve done your laundry, made the bed or even cleaned out the rain gutters. You respond with a glow that I see in few other places which is why I love doing things to make you feel special and happy. I adore you as a partner and I could ask for nobody better to share my life with.
As you know, I’ve been spending time researching and learning about ways to better show my love for you and deepen our already intimate relationship. I’ve been reading a blog that helps me understand how to channel my love language which is physical touch into your love language of acts of service. This blog is called evolving your man and is written from a female perspective to help other couples who share dissimilar love languages. If we both shared the same love language, it would be easy to feel loved all of the time. Since our languages are different, this site has helped me translate your language into mine.
Physical touch is more than sex, it is deeply rooted in the male sex drive and the male need to feel wanted. I know that you love feeling wanted and love the compliments that I give you while you are getting ready to go to the office. I love feeling the same and I love feeling needed. The blog recommends the use of semen retention as a means to help redirect my sexual energy toward performing acts of service. Semen retention involves limiting my orgasms to keep my sexual energy high and use that energy to perform tasks to make you feel loved. If I haven’t lost you here, my love I am quite thankful for your open mindedness. When we have sex and I cum, I lose the energy that powers my sex drive. This would entail limiting those orgasms by denying me the opportunity to do so.
What am I asking of you? I ask that you, and you alone limit when I may cum. You know that working from the house leaves me with long periods of time where I am alone. I know that you are aware that I masturbate without you from time to time. What I don’t think you know is that I masturbate at least once a day as part of my daily routine and sometimes two or three times. I know that taking my energy and disposing of it into a tissue is not fair to you. While you have an open minded view of masturbation, I know that each act of orgasm takes energy from me that should be spent pursuing you and making you feel loved. Some element of chase is necessary for our relationship so you feel wanted and desired just like when we were first dating. Do you remember how I made you feel? Our marriage is wonderful but I miss the way your eyes would light up and I want to make you feel like that again.
This next part is difficult for me to write because I know it will be a challenge for me. If you wish, I would like to trust you to take over the orgasms in my life. I want you to ration them back to me at whatever interval you feel best. The male sex drive is very strong and I know that I won’t be able to do this on my own without letting you down so there are small inexpensive locking devices that will allow you to literally lock my penis to prevent orgasms. The author of the blog I mentioned limits her boyfriend to one orgasm every seven days. When we have sex, I would simply stop before my orgasm but you would continue to enjoy orgasms as you normally do. The key here is teasing and making my sex drive run strong because all of that drive goes straight back to you in the form of your love language.
I know that probably sounds crazy but I want to take a very intentional step to show you how much you mean to me. You are the light of my life and the reason that I wake up in the morning. I know that words are just that but limiting my orgasms will help me show you my love with my actions. If you are open to trying this for a month or two, please let me know. I know you are at work but if you can reply and let me know, I would appreciate it because I am nervously waiting for your response. This is a big change for us but I truly want to show you the love that you deserve in your native language.
Your lover and admirer,
Writing an email like this must be tough but showing his wife why he wants to control his orgasms is essential to her understanding that this isn’t just some weird sexual fetish. The response from his wife was brief but quite positive.
I love you and support anything that will help me love you more deeply.
If you want to copy and paste this message to your significant other, please do so. I encourage you to explain orgasm denial in such a way that promotes her needs and not just your own. This message was sent several months ago and since then the couple has continued to grow together.