The world around us is full of mutually beneficial symbiotic relationships! Think of the bee and the flower, barnacles on whales the list goes on and on. Now think of parasitic relationships, fleas on dogs, mosquitos on humans or aphids on plants. When you think of your relationship, which comes to mind? Clearly there is some compromise with the symbiotic relationship but it isn’t single sided. The single sided relationship leans toward being parasitic. You probably see where I am going with this; a relationship needs to be mutually beneficial for both parties.
When a woman seeks a marriage, she is looking to be your number one. She seeks your intimacy, your vulnerability and she needs to feel like you are on her team. She needs to feel attractive in the psychological sense and secondarily in the physical sense. Women need to feel supported, developed and encouraged as a partner and as a lover. If you focus on her as a lover, your partnership and friendship wanes. If you focus on her as a partner and not a lover, your emotional connection will suffer.
Men need respect, they need attention and they need affirmation, encouragement and approval. While we instantly leap to sex being the way to a man’s heart, it really isn’t the sex. Saying “all he thinks about is sex” is a failure on many levels. Sex is a means with which to show love, respect and approval. Sex is a language all in its own and to men, sexual attention is the ultimate way to demonstrate importance in a marriage.
I am completely oversimplifying things but there is a symbiosis of both psychological and emotional bond between a couple and it is deep. Of course I speak from the heterosexual relationship as I normally do because it is my context but this isn’t much different for two men or two women. Learn what your partner needs and be the supply for that need. If you are the supply, they will never seek that supply elsewhere.
While many of my blogs are intentionally sexually manipulative, I never seek to withhold what my man needs. I simply seek to control the means of delivery and ultimately how he receives it. I know Kev needs sexual attention and I choose to give him my attention nearly every day with a full orgasmic release once a week. I never withhold the attention, only the release so he is constantly in a highly euphoric and aroused state. While this might seem crazy to some, it manipulates the animal side of him to benefit his human side and ultimately improves our relationship.
Do you speak the same language as your spouse? Does he speak yours? Set aside time to discuss your relationship and communicate about your needs. Think about how you feel and why you feel that way. Are your needs being met? Are you attempting to communicate with your partner in the way that you want him to communicate to you or are you communicating in his language.
My blog is about relationships and I’ve re-read the five love languages book by Gary Chapman multiple times. I think he is on to something but he cuts short in terms of sex. Another book by Douglas Weiss goes into the 5 Sex Languages which I think is an important distinction. Sex is a much deeper topic and it merits a book to expand upon it. I found the grammatical errors distracting but overall the book was quite insightful into sex as a means of emotional expression.
Consider a D/s relationship. While at first glance, you might the dominant is parasitic and taking from the sub it might not be so. The sub takes from the dom in the same way the dom takes from the sub. In a perfect D/s relationship, it is symbiotic and both the sub and dom get what they need. It is also very possible for the sub to be the parasitic side of the relationship. Knowing little about this type of relationship and trying to steer clear of the BDSM world (or at least lean vanilla) with this blog, I’ll leave it at that.
What do you think? Do you have a symbiotic relationship or does one side lean toward being parasitic at times? I know enough about myself to know that I lean toward being parasitic at times. I make a conscious effort to communicate and make sure that I am giving back when I feel like our balance is changing. Kev also communicates his needs when they are not being met or feel like they are becoming secondary. Communication is the key to maintaining the healthy balance of symbiosis.
Hope everyone is happy and healthy!