You knew what he was going to ask before he asked it. His body language said it all. He says something awkward like “hey baby, want to get jiggy with it?” You can respond that you have a headache or just tell him the truth that you just don’t feel like being intimate with him right now. Let’s take a moment to look past his awkward attempt to initiate sex and examine his motivation.
The male sex drive is a wacky thing. His libido is a constant that you can either become annoyed with or learn to manage for the betterment of your relationship. Be open minded and consider that male chastity may be the tool (pun intended) that you’ve been waiting for to help harness this energy. If you are new to the world of male chastity, there should be plenty of reading material on this site and others. I’d suggest that you start with this article about the male chastity fetish as it will help you understand what you both stand to gain by bringing a dinky little lock and key into your bedroom.
Let’s get back to his motivation, he wants sex because he either needs to feel connected to you or because he needs a release for his pent up sexual energy. Next time he asks, consider telling him to get his cage. Be very clear that it isn’t a punishment for asking, this is a solution to satiate his sexual needs. By locking him, he will feel connected and intimate with you. It will prevent him from going to the other room and releasing his sexual energy by himself. Lastly it will further amplify his sexual energy and redirect it back toward you in a way that is less awkward (hopefully) and by extension make you feel closer and actually want to have sex.
This isn’t a punishment. In fact, my opinion is that his cage should rarely if ever be used as a punishment. He is attempting to initiate because he wants to be closer to you and he wants to share intimacy with you. Locking him up is a response to his request and fulfilling his need. By locking him, you are giving him both intimacy and support. It may not be the way that he requested it but sex need not always be the exact way that it is requested. Few guys will directly ask you to lock them up but sexual support in a relationship can be fulfilled in a million different ways aside from the traditional act.
When he asks, be flirty and creative with your responses so you can keep a tone of playfulness in your relationship. Despite the fact that you are denying his specific request, realize that you are validating and fulfilling his need for intimacy and sexual support. What are some creative ways that you can respond to his request?
Not right now but I’d love to hold your key until I am ready. Go put your cage on.
How about you lock him up for a while? Go get your key my love.
I don’t want to do that right now but I you can do something for me. Go lock yourself and then bring me the key.
Show me how bad you want me, lock yourself up and fetch my key.
Let’s share a bottle of wine and lock you in your cage tonight. What do you say?
I bet you would look really sexy in your chastity cage. Go put it on for me.
I don’t want to have sex right now but why don’t you go put on something sexy for me. Your cage.
Sex huh. When was the last time you jerked off? Why don’t we lock him up for a while first so you can build up some energy?
Ooh I can really use an orgasm after a day like today! Why don’t you fetch my vibrator after you lock yourself up. Don’t worry love, you can sit on the edge of the bed.
No sex tonight but let’s get your cage and watch some porn together!
I need some oral love, let’s lock him up and you can go down on me.
If he enjoys playful humiliation:
With that little thing? Not until you grow an inch or two! While we are on the subject, why don’t you go lock him up for me.
If the requests are too frequent. This one is almost punitive.
You know what is really sexy? When we make out and cuddle without you pressuring me for sex. Let’s cuddle together after you lock it up and bring my key.
Now that he is locked; tease him and most importantly, don’t feel bad. Feelings of guilt can be common but they are misplaced. He enjoys this and while locking him up in a cage may not be sexually exciting, it is certainly amusing and his behavior changes are incredible.
Playing with chastity is whatever you make of it. At the vanilla end of the spectrum, this can be an innocent game to toy with his sex drive. Toward the middle of the spectrum, this can be a game ripe with denial teasing and light humiliation and perhaps a little bit of pegging. At the extreme side of things, you can include other fantasies that you decide as a couple are right for your relationship such as cross-dressing or cuckolding. Chastity is not synonymous with any other fetishes and is certainly not a gateway drug to some crazy world of sexual depravity.
Know that he will be more agreeable to sexual fantasies that are outside of his normal comfort zone when in chastity. I would recommend having conversations with him on an empty sack, if you will. Conversation about expanding the spectrum of what is sexually acceptable in your relationship is best had while both of you are not in a highly aroused state.
I know that I sometimes take flak for suggesting that women aren’t sometimes the sexual driver in the relationship. This is absolutely true, men and women both have varying sex drives and some men have very low sex drives just as some women have very high sex drives. The fact of the matter is, men are biologically wired to require a sexual outlet. Further, our society tells them men that physical intimacy is superior to emotional intimacy. Sex is also a boost to self esteem of men due to our culture’s idea that sex is what makes a man. There are lots of flaws in our society and the way that boys and men are conditioned. Both of you deserve an amazing sex life and using tools such as chastity to break down walls and experience intimacy in other ways will do wonders for your relationship. Women on the other hand are wired to be sexually active for a period of time and then grow weary of their partner in search of other mates. Our sex drives shut down to an extent and we must focus on the feelings that aroused us about our partner in the beginning. Rather than an animalistic push for intimacy, it is a gradual build up of emotional connection which leads to a more passionate and intimate lovemaking session. Understanding how you and your partner are wired is essential to ensuring that you both have the physical intimacy that you want from your relationship.
So give it a shot! Chastity devices are inexpensive and easy to purchase discreetly. Although we did have a ton of fun shopping for a chastity device at a sex shop one time. The clerk’s face said it all; barely restraining laughter yet feeling so bad for Kev’s plight. There is a level of taboo associated with chastity and while I personally believe the taboo is undeserved there is no doubt that it exists. Playing with and embracing that taboo can be a fun thing to toy with. Threaten to mention it to one of his friends or even ask him to show his cage off to one of your friends. You control how far this goes and how public you make it. The important thing is that you have fun with it together. His sex drive gains a huge boost and your sense of sexual empowerment receives an even bigger boost. Chastity is truly a win-win in the sex lives of nearly every couple with at least one partner that has a penis.
Do you have ways to ask him to put his piece under lock and key? I know that I am always looking for ideas so post your ideas in the comments below!