Your fella confessed that he has a fantasy of watching you with another man. That is a pretty big leap for even the most secure relationship. While many of us may entertain the fantasy, it is something that may do more harm than good if we try to fulfill it. Cuckold is a strong term and frankly, I don’t like the derogatory connotation. With that said, it makes for a dramatic headline so I’ll leave it for the sake of the search engines. Here’s to you Google.
Many guys have this fetish and it is a direct result of sperm competition. Knowing that their mate is desired by others, makes their blood absolutely boil with sexual arousal. Assuming you have a boundary in your relationship that restricts sexual intimacy to the two of you, how can you harness this sperm competition arousal while respecting the boundaries that you’ve set?
Accept first that you both bring certain things to the relationship. He likely brings security through commitment, love, and respect. You expect his communication, respect, trust and support. With that foundation, bringing sperm competition arousal to your relationship or marriage might just kick your sex life into high gear. We should start with the distinction of sperm competition and sperm competition arousal. Sperm competition is when two males ejaculate in a female and the resulting semen competes to fertilize an egg. We’ve established that this isn’t on the table for conversation at this point. We are going to take baby steps and try to experience some of the massive testosterone boost related to this experience without actually experiencing it.
A 1996 study showed that adult DVD sales (lol. DVD sales, whaaat?) with movies depicting multiple males were higher than movies depicting multiple females. I looked through the most recently published “year in review” stats from PornHub and I wasn’t able to see much information about threesomes. The search term threesome was there however there wasn’t anything distinguishing between the two boys and two girl variants. Anyone know where I can find this data?
There are many things which go into female sexual selection from environmental conditions – things we cannot control to specific characteristics about potential mates. In the top right of the diagram below, you will see the PSR or primary sex ratio. Simply put, the ratio of available mates. In the top left, you will see more environmental characteristics among the available mate pool. PRR in the diagram below refers to the potential reproductive rate or the reproductive rate if given unlimited mating access. The merging of the left and right sides of this diagram gives the OSR or operational sex ratio. The OSR is the ratio of males and females make up the mating pool of the population at any given time.
So you ask, this is all neat but what does this have to do with sperm competition? When a male is aware of the differences which make him more or less valuable in the OSR, his body will boost testosterone to make him more sexually aroused. A higher level of arousal in sexual situations will increase the chances of fertilization success. If a female saw two males and one was more genetically desirable (muscular, taller etc) a less genetically desirable male might overcome that genetic gap by having more resources or by providing a greater parental investment if fertilization/pregnancy was to occur. In many cases in our animal kingdom, the female will take the best of both worlds – mating with both males in hopes that she will capture the greater genetics and greater resources/parental investment of the second male regardless of which male’s sperm wins the race to fertilization.
This study includes everything from insects to primates but there is no question that our sex drive comes from our animalistic mammalian roots. The animalistic nature of our sexual side is likely why our society tries so hard to stigmatize something that is so core to our sense of self and well being.
The physical side of things from the female end of the experience is harder to quantify but I will say that there is something amazing about holding a member in both hands. Watching the faces of each member-owner as you give attention to the other. The member which is not getting attention gets a massive boost in arousal as if to say, don’t forget about me. Bring your attention back over here! When doing the act with one and holding the hand or kissing the other. the passion is turned up twelve notches in a way that is difficult to explain. I’m getting distracted… we’ve established that we aren’t going there so let’s take a couple steps back.
So how do you experience sexual energy tied to sperm competition without actually going there? Perhaps you are thinking of trying a threesome and giving your guy’s fantasy a shot but you want to tiptoe into the water and make sure that you won’t sabotage your relationship in the process. Here are three fun ways to experience a dose of sperm competition without actually bringing a third into your bedroom.
The Cuckold Warmup
- Find a dildo, preferably one that is slightly larger than he is.
Give the dildo a name. Preferably a name that isn’t part of your day-to-day lives. Don’t call it Michael if his best friend shares that name. Prior to having sexy with your guy, have sex with your new friend and call it by name. Giving the dildo a name personifies it, making it less of an object and more of a potential sexual competitor. While you play, try some very light SPH to see if he is more aroused or defensive with this sort of play.
- Try male chastity.
Locking his cock up in a cage has roots in sperm competition. The fact that he is locked means he is unable to perform sexually and this stripping of sexual ability is emasculating. The emasculation both inside and outside of the bedroom will allow him to be more aware of his sexuality and have more honest conversation. He will be more capable of communicating what arouses him, what threatens him and where the two overlap. Shorter lockups are fine, you really just want to see how he responds when losing sexual control as you deny him access. If you play with your friend from step 1 while he is locked, it could certainly be an interesting experience.
- Post a personal ad online.
Find a place to post a picture of your body online, obscure your face or simply list the ad as if you were in a location several towns away. Post the ad together and read the responses together. You can discuss them and talk about which ones he finds threatening and arousing. As you grow more comfortable with the conversation, talk about which attributes you find arousing and compare those attributes to your partner. He has bigger chest and arms than you do. I wonder what it would feel like to be held in them? Try using the toy from step 1 but replace the name that you selected for your toy with the name of the guy from the personal ad. For bonus points, try this while your guy is locked with the cage from step 2.
Try out some of the above ideas and see how he responds. Take your time! You can try over the course of a week or two years. As with all things sexual, enjoy the road and don’t focus on the destination. If he is clearly aroused then you may be able to continue to explore this avenue. If he is defensive, overly frustrated or angry then you should slow down or steer clear of play that includes elements of sperm competition. We are all wired differently and some of us absolutely get off from this sort of play. Some guys absolutely want no part of it. Carefully experimenting with situations like this can be fun but exercise caution as you learn how he responds to these potentially sexually threatening situations. Remember to talk after each experience. If he won’t share his feelings, refuse to experiment further. If he refuses to share how he feels here, that is a huge red flag. He is by no means capable of expanding the experience. Have fun!