Nearly all of us have experienced a breakup in our lives. Many of us remember heart wrenching primary school breakups where we thought our world was ending. Some of us were broadsided by breakups in adult relationships which made us feel physically ill. Breakups can cause so much emotional distress that it can be difficult to eat, sleep or even function like a normal human.
Before I get too far along with today’s topic, let me dispel any fears that Kev and I have taken a turn for the worse. We are doing just fine and we’ve even set a date for wedding bells. We’ve worked out the logistics of last names and we’ve even narrowed things down to a short list of locations and venues. Life is perfectly fine in Emma’s world.
Our bodies respond to emotionally traumatic breakups in the same way that we handle grieving for lost loved ones and even physical pain. Did you know that going through a breakup can actually alter your brain chemistry? That’s right, your brain stops producing dopamine and serotonin which makes it very difficult to feel pleasure and happiness.
It may sound cold and callus to put it this way but breakups hurt because they represent a loss of resources. You’ve invested months or perhaps years in building a relationship with him. You’ve met his parents, you’ve supported him during a dry spell in his sales cycle. You’ve been through hard times with him and experienced so many emotional highs. Reminiscing those highs will now be a solitary experience, household chores will no longer be split among the two of you. Rent will now be a burden for you to bare all by yourself.
Click on this link to really nerd out with the psychological side of breakups. The somatosensory processing in our brain is so strong that it can lead to permanent disorders like fibromyalgia. The range of human emotion is so incredibly intense that we’ve only just scratched the surface of understanding.
How do breakups change in a female led relationship or female led marriage? The answer is, very little despite the female calling many of the shots, controlling bedroom activities, orgasms and even discipline in some cases. A dominant woman does not love her partner less, in many cases she wants to control decisions because she wants the best for him. She loves him so much that she doesn’t want to see him go down a rough path. He isn’t a fuel source for her narcissism, he is a partner for her. Losing him is no less hurtful for her than it would be for him. Women do experience a greater level of emotional anguish when it comes to breakups however I can’t say if this is nature or nurture. Our society tells men that they should not feel emotion and then are surprised when they feel less of it. Do men feel less emotional pain because we’ve stunted their emotional range? I have no idea but the differences aren’t as large as you might imagine.
The study indicated that women get more negatively affected, both emotionally and physically, by a heartbreak. Women participants rated their ‘emotional anguish’ to be 6.84 post break up and whereas, the figure turned out to be 6.58 for men. Further, women rated their ‘physical pain’ to be 4.21 on an average and men’s was 3.75.India Times
Sexual fetishes can be caused by sexual experiences and traumas during or around puberty but it is hypothesized that fetishes can be amplified by the trauma of a breakup, especially in men. This is usually not new trauma, it is an exacerbation of puberty borne traumas. This is caused by the human body’s innate ability to turn pain to pleasure as a protective mechanism. It has been said that a fetish is the opposite of a phobia. Both fetishes and phobias are defense mechanisms. A phobia draws you away from something you fear while a fetish draws you closer. I don’t fully understand this but I do understand that the complex emotional energy tied to fetishes and phobias keep many psychologists and therapists gainfully employed.
So why is today’s topic about breakups? I don’t know. My blog. My topics I guess. Communicate with your partner so you don’t have to go through a breakup, they aren’t pleasurable for anyone. Don’t forget your friends having to choose sides. What happens to the key in the event of a breakup? Sorry Kev but I imagine that I would throw it off a bridge ?, smash it with a hammer ? or blow it up ?. While I am mostly joking, I would be crushed if anything ever happened with Kev and I. Maybe it would help me get over heartbreak a little bit quicker ?.
Are you going through a breakup right now? Have you gone through one recently? Tell us about your breakup ? or loss of a partner ? in the comments below.
OK, I’ll be honest and admit that the very first thing that entered my mind when I saw the title of the blog was … oh fuck, what happened? Sorry to go there Emma and I’m so glad it wasn’t a real-life reveal. Whew !!
Leaving town for a fishing trip with the boys for the weekend. See y’all on the other side. Happy weekend.
OMG I almost messaged you to warn you. Haha. Have fun fisting!
Worst. Typo. Ever.
I’m going to leave it because it made me laugh so hard I almost snorted my tea out. I meant FISHING.
That IS hilarious. I’ve said that our lifestyle is racing toward new and exciting things, but that will have to wait until Ms. K. goes fishing with me. Ha ha!
I love the honesty and relatability of your last few blogs. Don’t get me wrong I love the sex topics but some of these are more easier to apply to my life. I find myself in a place where I am dating online and looking for men who may be open and accepting to female leadership. How can I find this man without coming on too strong or maybe push him away? Can you write about this?
Hi Darwynn. I am glad you find the site relatable and your idea about a blog to help find men who share your desired type of relationship is very interesting.
My personal opinion is that kink sites like fetlife, #open and perhaps Vanilla Umbrella might be good options for more formal kinksters. I want to be relationship first and kink second so my preference is to find someone special and mold a relationship around a dynamic that suits us both. I admit that I like the idea of leading someone down a road that is new and exciting to him.
If the kink comes first, I feel like that makes the relationship secondary to the kink. I don’t think lasting relationships come from a sex or kink focused relationship. I like your idea and I just posted on twitter to try and get some ideas. Thanks!
i had 1 breakup that was physically and emotionally painful, and draw me to a crossdressing fetish. It was a HS relationship that extended far more than it should have, so we pretty much let it die: no confrontation, no formal breakup. Months later we saw each other at a distance and although something jumped in me i knew it was better to keep it down. That evening i cried on the floor as mourning the dearest person.
Then i felt free to explore. She had left Her swimsuit with me and i HAD to try it on. That of course opened up lots of fetish areas. In a weird way, it felt as still being on a relationship.