This sounds like a bad joke but these three stereotypes are thrown around frequently these days, at least in my circles. I want to draw some parallels with submissive men and men in female led relationships. Are you a simp, a cuck, a nice guy? Let’s start with some overly simplified definitions that we will be using for the sake of today’s conversation
Noun – A simp is someone (male or female) that does way too much for someone that they like.
Noun – A cuck is a man who accepts and often encourages his wife or girlfriend have sex with other men. The female form of the a cuck is a “cuckquean”.
Noun – Men (or women) who believe that basic social operations are currency for sex.
I wanted to define each of these terms before we start because they are often used interchangeably despite having very different meanings. You will hear many of these terms used as insults with the intention to insinuate effeminate, unmanly or inadequate men that allow themselves to be dominated by their female partner.
Why is it a bad thing to be a simp?
Doing things for someone shows that you care about them and can be used to project your interest in someone else. My interpretation of a simp is someone who is “friend zoned” but continues to be overly kind with the expectation of nice-ing their way out of the friend zone. One of the Urban Dictionary definitions that rang true to my experience is “a man who puts the hos before the bros”. Few self-identify as a simp, the term is most often used as an insult by men and women alike. Simpish behaviors are almost always a negative thing and should be avoided.
Are you a simp?
If chivalrous behavior and acts of service are your love languages and your de facto flirting method than someone has probably called you a simp; either to your face or behind your back. The standard expectation of flirtatious behavior is lighthearted teasing and engaged conversation. As someone who suffers from a mild form of autism and possibly undiagnosed Asbergers, I understand this. When I was younger, I’ve personally had to research flirting because I’ve never been good at it. Sometimes I don’t pick up on facial expressions and social cues very well. In middle school and high school, I would often think some guys were incredibly mean because they were always teasing. I’d come home crying and upon explaining it to a friend, they would explain that he was teasing because he liked me. This happened time and time again and I realized that I liked some of these guys until they began to tease me. If you like me, tell me that you like me. Don’t play these coy and immature emotional games. I don’t like it. Oh look at Emma, she is completely off topic again. Let’s move on to the next term.
What is a cuck?
Our cave dwelling ancestors would have communal relationships and a cuck would be a man tasked with spending time and resources protecting a female who is carrying a child that is not his own. Unwittingly raising a child that bears no blood relation is deeply shameful to some. This term came from the cuckoo bird who lays eggs in the nests of other birds for the other birds to hatch and raise. With the freedom that modern birth control allows, the shame of cuckoldry and non-monogamy is rooted in our jealous and possessive traits. It is very likely for a woman to be intimate with a man other than her primary partner on a regular basis without concerns of an unexpected pregnancy. Today, the term cuck simply refers to a man who is humiliated by his partner. I personally believe that the recent prevalence in the usage of the term is linked to the racist tones in todays cuckold pornography. Much (most?) of today’s cuckold pornography is average white men who are emasculated by a black man with a freakishly large penis who plays into many racist black stereotypes. When I hear the term cuck thrown around as an insult especially in political circles, I personally hear it a racial slur. While this term is often used as an insult, it is not a negative thing for many couples and with excellent communication cuckolding can be a very healthy part of a relationship.
Are you a cuck?
Men who embrace or accept cuckold lifestyle typically want to allow their partner sexual freedom and are comfortable with watching her express herself sexually with another partner. In fact, many women believe that cuckolding can be a validation of love because he allows himself to put her pleasure above that of his own. The term compersion refers to someone who takes joy in watching the pleasure of his partner. A compersive partner is truly wonderful even if it doesn’t lead to cuckolding. Does the idea of watching your partner kissing or having sex with another man sound exciting to you? Before you say yes, investigate your motivations and consider the emotions that non-monogamy might bring up. Still unsure? Try this quick test, lay in bed with your hands by your side and watch your partner masturbate. Once she finishes, roll toward her and cuddle with her. Simply enjoy the pleasure that she experienced from her orgasm and expect nothing further. What feelings did you experience? Jealousy, anger and resentment? Cuckolding probably isn’t for you. Did you feel arousal, joy and deep love and compassion? You might just have the potential to be a loving and supportive cuck.
What is a “nice guy”?
A nice guy is is usually unattractive but feels like he is entitled to a woman’s affection because he is nice to her or gives her gifts. A nice guy will talk himself up and say how he is one of the good guys unlike all of the jerks that she has dated in the past. They will talk about their nice deeds and try to “weasel” their way into intimacy. I am a huge fan of video games but my biggest annoyance is when helpless women are the prize to be won at the end of the game. I played Super Mario when I was younger and saving the helpless princess was the prize at the end of every level. To think that this doesn’t play into the minds of men of my generation is naïve. I always wanted to be the badass princess that attempts to save the helpless plumber.
Are you a “nice guy”?
Do you view dating as a game or women as a prize to be won? Do you find that many of your relationships start as friendships and you push or guilt the woman into becoming intimate with you? Do your gifts to women that you are pursuing come with strings attached? Remember that true niceness comes with no expectations. Are you resentful toward women when they turn down your advances or do you accept it as incompatibility and move on?
The second meaning, referred to as Nice GuysTM, is based more on a female perspective of a bitter nice guy. A nice guy who has become resentful from his repeated failures and rejections will often complain about it. Since he believes he’s done everything right, he thinks there must be a problem with girls for not wanting to be with him. He becomes outspoken in sharing his frustration with friends and people around him. This “nice guy” effectively ends up trying to shame girls for not liking him or for reciprocating his affection, and tends to blame all girls in general for his problems. From the girl’s perspective, this comes off as needy and controlling, and pretty obnoxious. Girls then become resentful in turn for being made to feel like they “owe” him something. Especially if they perceive that something to be sex (and often that’s what is is, ultimately). Unfortunately the nice guy sees this reaction from women and thinks it only serves to prove his point, so it’s kind of a bad and ongoing cycle on our society, especially with teenagers and young men.Reddit – /u/n0ggy
We’ve defined all of these three guys walking into a bar and you’ve probably got a good idea of whether your past behavior might fit into any of these categories. Perhaps you are not one of these guys but your past behaviors might resemble one of them. Be self aware about your behavior and work to defy any unhealthy tendencies when you feel like you are leaning into them.
Is a submissive man a cuck, nice guy or simp?
Maybe all of them and hopefully none of them. That is like saying is a man with brown hair a cuck. Perhaps but they have absolutely nothing to do with each other. A man with submissive tendencies can have all sorts of traits and the above traits are no exception. A submissive man is more likely to be more in touch with his emotions and that is a great thing, especially if those emotions are healthy. Many submissive men are successful professionals that require them to be in control during work hours. Submissive men are often turned on by successful and intelligent women.
For many reasons, I would say that most truly submissive men don’t fall into the categories of simp or nice guy because they value and appreciate women for intellectual values. With that said, any guys can be predisposed to these characteristics and so can the ladies. These traits are often associated with men because women are the keyholders in terms of sex in our society but women can be just as guilty. Most of the above isn’t gender specific but I’ve written it from my perspective. Re-read it and flip some pronouns around, you might just be a femsimp, nice gal or a cuckoldress.
What do you think? Let me know in the forum or in the comments below!