We evolve men, that’s just what we do around here at the EYM palace. Sometimes you evolve your man so much and you decide that it might be high time to evolve yourself a bit. A perfect relationship requires that both of you strive to be your best selves, constantly. Is it faux pas for a blog that encourages female led relationships to make a blog about supporting your partner? Part of being a good leader is being self aware about your situation and doing things for the good of your relationship. Female leadership is about responsibility, sacrifice and compassion.
Most of us talk, we talk about our feelings, we talk through our problems and that’s ok. Your guy may not be as communicative about his emotions and that’s ok too. His journey of evolution is learning to listen and not solve everything that you communicate to him. Part of your evolution is to keep him engaged with you and your conversations. Here are a few tips. Ask open ended questions so he doesn’t feel like you are talking for the sake of talking. When talking over text, use his name often and try and leave conversations with something you will make him feel the warm fuzzies. Say something that you know will make him feel good about himself or is sexually suggestive. This is a wonderful habit to be in and it makes him eagerly look forward to your communication. A great way to do this is to be playful. For example, I told Kev that he forgot to pick up some groceries that I asked him to pick up. The text went something like this.
Many women try and communicate their affection in the same way that the would want to be communicated and guess what, it doesn’t work well. Most men want to have their ass smacked and they want to be objectified. Yep he typically wants everything that typically turns me off as gross male behavior. What is wrong for me is right for him and that is just fine! You may also notice that I called Kev “pretty” in the text above. I call him pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, handsome, cute and other words like that. We gender so many of our compliments and it is bullshit. Men can be pretty and men can be cute.
Men want a woman that knows exactly what and whom she wants. Do you want him showered and in your bed by the time you get home from work? Tell him. Do you want him on his knees with an eager tongue? I make it a priority to let Kev know that he is wanted and needed as an object of my sexual desire.
This is especially important to add to the mix with orgasm denial. Denying his orgasm but reminding him how much you want him to cum is a wonderful way to compound the euphoria of dopamine associated with orgasm denial and chastity. Be pushy and aggressive when you know what you want. My desire levels have been hot and cold lately due to some health issues but last night the ovens of desire were burning especially hot. I told him in no uncertain terms that his but looked very nice in his jeans and I intended to fuck his ass tonight. I reminded him no less than three times while we were out running errands and the smile and boost in his demeanor was evident.
Power is a mindset. If you feel powerful in the bedroom, you feel powerful throughout your life. Once you try a dominant role in the bedroom, the desire to dominate can be addicive.
This one is important for both of you. It is easy to fall into the habit of sex with a certain partner being a certain way, always. In one of my past relationships, he would always initiate sex by lighting candles, turning the lights down, we would lay on our sides of the bed and then he lean toward me and we do missionary sex until he finishes. This was very unfulfilling, repetitive and I began to dread sex with him. When I found myself dreading sex, my body started to actively reject sex and it became uncomfortable to the point of being painful. Not fun, right? How did I fix it? Well, I talked to him but he wasn’t open to changing sex and poor sex was ultimately one of the reasons that we broke up. Sex is a form of connection and communication and must always be evolving to stay healthy. Sex should never be monotonous. Women will get bored of sex sooner than men so you will probably find yourself initiating this conversation more often than he will. Loving sex requires a deep mental connection; boredom and loss of interest and disengagement can stem from unresolved conflict, power struggles, resentment, depression, complacency, feeling unappreciated, or lack of confidence. Both of you need to communicate verbally to ensure that your physical communication stays strong and your sexual energy does not become stagnant. How can you boost your sexual energy? I think the next section will help!
Push Sexual Limits
Sex for a couple involves taking off your clothes and putting his hee hee into her hoo haa. It is just that simple, right? No way, sex is way more complex and nuanced than that! When you take off your clothes, he needs to spin his hee hee in a windmill fashion and she needs to use her fingers to open and close her hoo haa while simultaneously using ventriloquist skills to say something like “hey big boy”. As you might be able to tell, our bedroom play is rarely boring. Play is very important and everything you do sexually should be rooted in play. Sex is about play and about connecting on a nonverbal level (aside from vaginal ventriloquism of course).
We all have sexual limits, many of them are hard limits while some of them are soft limits. In the right circumstances, we might try something new. I highly recommend using quizzes like mojoupgrade with your partner. This will allow you to address different sexy ideas and see what you can try next. I also highly recommend that you both steer clear of the “if my partner is interested in it” option. It doesn’t show interest it basically says you will go along with something for the sake of your partner. You either want it or you don’t. Grow a pair and tell your partner what you want to try with him/her/they/xi/xim. Sexual limits are something that should always be progressing. When you try something new together, it gives you the opportunity to connect about your new experience. You can talk about what you liked and what you didn’t like. New sexual experiences are rarely 100% bad even when they don’t go well. Often you can learn something about each other even though it may not be a sexual road you will venture down in the future.
How about a couple examples of sexual limits? Do you have a guy who has difficulty with verbal communication; the strong silent type? Male chastity will fix that right up. The moment you lock is pecker, he will start talking non stop. He will talk about how it feels to be locked, how it feels to be at your mercy. How it feels to hand over his manhood to someone he trusts. Pegging is another great one that is almost always positive for both partners when they are loving, communicative and allow themselves to be vulnerable. Some of our best conversation happens after we roll over from a pegging sesh’ and talk.
Another that I find fascinating is cum eating. Yep, you heard me. Men are squeamish about their spunk yet we are supposed to worship their man-elixir. When Kev finishes in me, it is often accompanied by a request for him to clean it up. The first time he was squeamish and refused and we discussed it afterwards. He said that his hesitation was because he felt like society told him that was supposed to reject it or the ridiculous association that eating it made him gay. It still elicits sexual excitement when I request it but it is much more comfortable. I love it because I get to confidently instruct him to do something that makes me feel wonderful. Not only does it feel good for a little post coital cleanup action but it makes me feel good to know that Kev does something at my request that he knows that I like.
Gender roles are strong and they teach men to do things a certain way or they are gay. Boys are raised this way and everything they see on tv reinforces these stereotypes. Most of the above allows your partner to accept their masculinity yet be comfortable with vulnerability and communication. How incredibly valuable are these traits in any relationship? (Spoiler: Very)
Play to His Insecurities
To be insecure about something is to be human. Most men have deep insecurities about their body image, self worth, work, goals, etc. Further, men also have a very strong need to be respected. Why on earth do so many men want to humiliated. Deriving arousal from humiliation is a form of sexual masochism. Most often, there is an addiction to the rush associated with the adrenaline he feels when he experiences humiliation. Men are problem solvers by nature and they give themselves solutions that are far fetched in the absence of real answers.
My wife doesn’t want to have sex with me as often as I want to have sex with her. I’m sure it has nothing to do with work stress, two screaming toddlers and the argument that we just had. It is probably because she thinks my penis is small. Yep, that’s it.
Yeah it sounds insane to me too but remember that this is all subconscious and all he knows is that it feels good when you affirm his wacky hypothesis by telling him that he has a dinky winky. This of course requires constant conversation but a little bit of SPH (small penis humiliation) might be empowering for you and an extreme adrenaline rush for him. Just make sure to take things slow and talk, talk, talk.
Make Him Feel Sexy
Now that you’ve told him that he has a small penis, let’s make him feel sexy. All of us have an innate need to feel sexy and feel desired. For some reason, our society tells us that men don’t have this need. Guess what, they do have the same needs as us and they need to feel sexy. Men diet, workout and all of the same things you do but it can be socially unacceptable for a group of men to compliment each other like we do when we are with our friends. This means that he derives most of his self worth from his partner. Are you good at giving him compliments, great! Not so good at complimenting him? Make an effort to give him just one or two genuine compliments a day. At least one of those should be about his physical appearance. Not about him being a good father, a good provider for your family; none of that. Tell him something that you think is sexy about him.
If you don’t compliment him very often, he will probably act uneasy or awkward because most men don’t take compliments well. Once you get in a habit of complimenting him, it will actually mean something and he will do much better with accepting your compliments. Don’t perpetuate the cycle of men being these stoic creatures that don’t need any compliments, praise, feedback or love. They need all of those things just as much as we do, they just need it differently.
The benefits of semen retention are many. Research has proven that short term semen retention has both physical and psychological benefits. I cover this ad nauseum through this blog but psychological benefits include energy, focus, willpower, reduced social anxiety and a higher relationship iq. We aren’t talking about making the poor guy go for months or years without orgasms. We are really just talking about making him skip a few here and there. Kev and I settled on a 7 day cycle where he cums on Sunday nights. We have sex throughout the week but the orgasm happens weekly. We’ve experienced wonderful results and we both wouldn’t have it any other way. You can use a chastity cage or just use the honor system but the overarching goal is to make sex about the journey and not the destination. Focus on me and the present, not or working up to your ejaculation.
Be Sexually Demanding
Shift your focus! Sex isn’t about him and his needs or even you and your needs. Sex is about us and our needs. Sexual communication is an essential way of affirming the connection between two people. Many couples that fall upon sexual complacency do it because they fall into a sexual rut. If you had the exact same conversation every day when you came home, it would probably be mind-numbingly painful to go through the repetitive conversation every day. Sexual communication is no different than verbal communication, in fact it can be even more essential than what you say. Make him feel loved and make him feel appreciated. Mix things up by pushing his sexual limits and playing with his insecurities. I think you will find that a little sexual adventure in your life goes a long way. When it comes to bedroom talk, don’t ask. Tell! Almost anything is sexy when the clothes are off and you say it to him with confidence.
Put It Into Action
Did you like this blog? If so, look at the right column and select the blue tell a friend button. Send the blog to the special guy in your life and invite him to read it. If anything in this blog resonates with him, talk about it and decide if you want to try something a little bit different.
Great article Emma! As always you hit the mark several times and offer great insight. Here were some of my favorites that really hit home:
“Most men want to have their ass smacked and they want to be objectified.”
“Be pushy and aggressive when you know what you want.”
“Grow a pair and tell your partner what you want to try with him/her/they/xi/xim.”
” I think you will find that a little sexual adventure in your life goes a long way.”
Your writing is so thoughtful and heartfelt. As readers we can really feel that you are talking from experience and that you have an incredible passion to help us learn by sharing you and Kev’s journey.
Just a quick check, the last bit of the blog may have gotten cut off. The published version ends in an unfinished sentence.
Dang I even proofread this one too. I had an incomplete thought and added it to the end but got distracted and apparently I updated it with the incomplete thought. Thanks!
No problem Emma! You’re a great writer and it happens to the best!
Confidence in a woman is so damn sexy, with or without clothes. Example: My wife spent an extended time in FL with me up North (caged of course). She loved being independent, walking the beach, and just feeling sexy (encouraged by daily phone calls where I assured her how much she was missed). When I finally rejoined her she was just beaming with confidence. I literally got the shakes. It was like I had met the model of my dreams that I coveted but couldn’t have, yet here she was – my wife. The feeling was a little un-nerving to be honest and it was purely from the confidence she was radiating. She picked up on my awe and orgasmed while I was holding her and trembling.
Confidence IS sexy.
My wife already is my ultimate fantasy!
My girlfriend and I to he online quiz you suggested. She wants to move beyond some inhibitions. Taking the quiz together and talking about the results is helping her face her inhibitions with confidence,