FLR101 – Chapter 3: How firm is your foundation? Consequences for unauthorized ejaculation.

Note: You may notice in my last two articles that I always have 9, 18 or 27 orgasms.  These are just numbers that have to do with sacred geometry.  They are 9 or divisible by 9.  I know, it’s weird.  But I need to pick a stopping point, or lovemaking could go all night. I choose 9.  Number 9 is the number of Universal Love and a host of attributes too numerous to mention here.  9s are intensely passionate people needing to control their wild impulses.  In love, 9’s are romantic and ardent. Now, on to the article. 

An aversive stimulus is an unpleasant event that is intended to decrease the probability of a behavior when it is presented as a consequence (i.e., punishment).

Despite the title, please dispel the notion of of the leather clad dominatrix you might have conjured in your mind.  I consider that I’m writing for women much like myself.  Like me, I consider my audience educated, and they have the desire to turn up the passion in a marriage that may have become routine over the years.  But I’m talking about introducing such an intense level of passion that you will need some kind of firewall to keep your man from going over the edge.  This aversive stimulus if done correctly is not a weekly, monthly or even bimonthly event, nor does it have to involve an investment in leather outfits or going to Buffalo Bill Cody’s ranch to learn how to handle a bullwhip.  It does however require you to lay down the law about how you feel about unauthorized ejaculation to your husband.  In life, we all live with unpleasant consequences to deter certain behaviors. We’re merely talking about creating an environment that is undesirable for a man to ejaculate in without your permission.  You should have already read about the foundational principles of semen retention, and constructing an ejaculation schedule for your man here:

Enhancing Your Marriage Through Semen Retention
Implementing an Ejaculation Schedule for Your Husband

I’m a normal professional woman married for over 10 years to a normal highly intelligent man.  I employed the principles of semen retention, the ejaculation schedule and consequences for violating the schedule in my marriage over the past year, and I’m to the point where I can safely say I’m not going back to having just a “good” relationship.  Once the first three principles are implemented with daily sexual stimulation, passion and service will emerge and be self existent in your relationship. 

I consider semen retention to be the foundation of my marriage, but the foundation of semen retention is the consequences that await an unauthorized ejaculation.  The only authorized ejaculation in our relationship follows the words coming from my lips: “You may release your load now.” He lives to hear these words, and ejaculation always follows on the last syllable of that sentence.  He will do anything to hear them.  But those words won’t mean anything if the schedule you set for his ejaculation isn’t enforced.  There’s no getting around this.  Males have such a strong evolutionary built in desire to plant their seed.  They’ll just do it and apologize afterward.  It’s a sincere apology, but it doesn’t get my schedule followed does it?  I believe he really means it, but it doesn’t solve the problem.  When hormones take over, they can’t help themselves.  When my husband’s passion has pushed him to the brink after thrusting me to 18 orgasms, the only thing I’ve found that works to keep him from teetering over the edge is something that’s so horrible that awaits on the other side of his ejaculation that he wouldn’t even consider violating the sacred ejaculation schedule. Violating the schedule should be almost as serious to you as him sleeping with another woman.  It is to me. Violating the schedule drains the passion from your marriage and damages both parties.  He needs to accept that you have the right to insert yourself between him and his penis as what he does with it effects your marriage whether it’s masturbating or an accident during intercourse. 

Really, the consequences you choose should be between you and your husband.  If there is reader interest, I could share what we do, but how does that serve you?  I think it would just serve to titillate.  If some article told me that I could enhance my marriage by having my husband lick food off my body, I’d click out pretty quick as I find that disgusting, or someone else told me I needed foreplay to get warmed up …boring.  Am I the only woman that likes to just immediately saddle up and start riding toward my orgasm?  What I’ve presented over these last three articles isn’t what I think you should do to spice up your marriage based on my own opinion.  I’m just presenting the facts.  Hopefully you will be able to use these facts to turn up the passion to 11 in your marriage and exercise unparalleled influence over you husbands behavior and attitude toward you using these principles. 

My purpose here is to outline solid scientific principles used to shape behavior, and my discoveries about how male biology responds to semen retention.  I’m writing these articles, because I have a hunch that all humans operate on the same fundamental principles, and that these principles if followed should produce the same results in varying degrees of intensity for many other couples.  Like good science, I think what I’ve experienced in my experiment over the last year should be able to be replicated by others.  I don’t think they apply only to me and my husband.  That would be odd.

Every woman will vary by what they’re willing to do, and what their man will respond to.  You need to have an open discussion about what exactly would be an aversive stimulus to him that would deter unwanted behavior.  I’m sure your husband has some ideas, and those would probably be the ones you might want to disregard, but as long as they’re not arousing or function as a reward, you could try them.  You know him best, and you know what’s truly aversive to him.  Will he be open to this? There’s a multi-billion dollar sex industry specifically aimed at this built in desire that males have.  Many don’t even know they have this trait until it’s awoken by a certain female.  The term “pussy whipped” is so widely used because so many men have this trait.  I would speculate all men have this trait precisely because they are all hominid males and share the same biology.  It’s biology not psychology that propels them to the courtship state.

The typical cycle for a relationship is courtship, marriage, continual on demand ejaculation allowed by the female through intercourse or masturbation, boredom, routine, male seeks novel females through adultery and porn.  Eventual divorce.  These principles will break that cycle extending the courtship phase into marriage for years.  And consequences for unauthorized ejaculation will enforce the primary principles of semen retention and the ejaculation schedule.

For my man, it was as easy to get him to accept the principles of semen retention, an ejaculation schedule, and the consequences for violating the schedule as it is for a lit match to persuade a gallon of gasoline to burn.  Have a companion inventory with your husband.  Talk to each other about where you both would like to see the relationship go, and how much passion and intensity you would like to have in your intimate moments.  Read these three articles (links at the top of this entry) together and have a discussion about whether those principles have a place in your relationship.  The three principles discussed in these articles are the only ones my husband and I live by, and they are the rocket fuel that serves as the foundation of our passion. 

Honesty should already be the basis for any relationship.  Have a discussion about how important honesty is in your relationship.  He needs to be open and honest with you about his intimate habits if this is to work.  If he can be truthful to you in answering your daily inquiries, ask him to accept a 30 day trial of following your ejaculation schedule for him, and that you’re willing to support him by enforcing the schedule.  At the end of the 30 days, you’ll know if it’s not for you, or you’ll know you’ll never want to go back to just “good” sex.  Your husband may want to go back to the old way, but he’ll know what he had before will never match the intensity he’s had with you over the last 30 days.  There will be few ejaculations for him, but his pleasure will be far greater.  He will need to weigh that in his decision before he turns absolute control of his ejaculations over to you.  His ejaculation schedule is the only part of my husband’s life I exercise complete control over, and because I control that my influence may be seen in shaping his other activities.  My husband would dearly like to ejaculate more than he does, but he knows the benefits to his pleasure and health are unparalleled practicing semen retention.  He also knows that he needs me involved to support that decision. 
Now this is the conflict.  I have no interest in being his dominatrix.  It’s just not my thing despite the cute leather outfits that I’d like to try.  I’m the farthest thing from sadistic, though my patients may think otherwise during certain procedures.  Our country employs a nuclear arsenal because using it would be so horrible, everybody does anything to avoid pushing the button.  And this is how the world lives.  It’s a stimulus that’s only been used twice in 70 years, but it keeps everybody in check because it’s there in the background waiting to be employed.  The only thing I want is the schedule that he agreed with followed to the letter.  Is that to much to ask?  The aversive stimulus we have is in the background of our relationship not in the foreground.

I do have a science background, and I remember well my class: Experimental Analysis of Human Behavior, and I’m a bit familiar with the principles of operant conditioning.  The consequences that you decide on must be so completely aversive to the subject, he will do anything to avoid them.  It doesn’t bother me to deliver the punishment because I know what I’m doing is for the his own good.  I administer it with a firm tone and make sure that it is severe, but I don’t do this out of anger.  It’s in a loving manner but fierce.  When I’m done he’ll be better for it, and when you’re done, your husband will be a better man.  You just need to know that whatever you do, your doing it for his own good, and the health and passion of your relationship. 

Your man must not be aroused by whatever consequence you choose for it to be aversive.  It’s likely that he’ll be aroused by being punished by you.  Great, so he’s aroused by being punished, now what do we do!?  No worries.  The aversive stimulus must overwhelm the “punishment at a women’s hands reward” that he just earned by violating your schedule.   My husband wants no part of it, and it’s why he hasn’t touched himself in close to a year.  He has gone from masturbating 30-60 times a month to masturbating 0 times a month.  That’s all I require from an aversive stimulus.   Is he ready for me when I slide next to him in bed?  Do I get a salute of attention from his soldier when I walk into the room?  Do I really have to answer those questions? 

Can he stop thrusting, and put his soldier away when I’m completely satisfied having received my 9-18 orgasms, and his ejaculation day is 3 days away?  That’s a trickier question, that I’ll answer in an upcoming article.  But, yes, he can thanks to consequences and service me for the next three days as well.  Will the orgasm and ejaculation that he’s earned on his ejaculation day be the most intense he’s ever had?  What do you think?  Not only that, but he’ll await your release command thanks to the aversive stimulus lurking in the background that rarely needs to be applied.

This application of an aversive stimulus is done only to support the foundation of the marriage which is semen retention which is the fuel that will ignite the most passionate love making that you’ll experience as well as his obedience if you desire that.  So in about a year, I’ve had to put maybe 10-20 minutes into maintaining the new level of bliss my marriage has attained.  That’s time well spent I’d say.  It’s not a daily or weekly thing, but maybe something that crops up every two to three months.    If you find yourself having to apply this aversive stimulus (whatever you’ve chosen) weekly or anything close to that, you’re doing it wrong as far as it being aversive.

Once you have your aversive stimulus, what do you do? Simple.  If he has a moment of weakness, he confesses.  You have a time and place set aside, have him on his knees explain to you why it’s happening, and apply the aversive stimulus.  After it’s over, he should be on his knees and explain to you why you had to apply the aversive stimulus.  At least this works for us.  No anger is involved, just loving support and acceptance during application.  And best of all, it rarely needs application.

Once the schedule is enforced, there really is no conflict in the marriage.  Things get done.  There’s no nagging, just a simple statement: “There’s no ejaculation until such and such is done.” and it gets done pretty quickly.  I haven’t used a stop watch to time it so I can’t say for sure how fast it gets done.  Conflict dissipates.  I think we had a little tension once, and I simply said “what an odd response to have toward the person that decides whether your going to ejaculate of not.”  The issue was resolved, and there was silence.

It’s important to note that it’s not just the application of a negative stimulus that can influence behavior, but also the removal or postponement of a positive stimulus. For example let’s take a typical experience that most couples encounter.  This happened today.  We’re having a discussion in the car, and he raises his voice.  I don’t like that, in fact I hate it.  I simply calmly said “You’ve just been bumped a day,” meaning his ejaculation day on Sunday is no longer tomorrow, it’s on Monday.  The drive to ejaculate is so strong in a male, it was less than ten minutes before he apologized, and asked if I might reconsider as he has been looking forward to his release all week.  I said we’ll see how the rest of the day goes.  I’m not stewing keeping anything inside like some poor abused wife, and he’s trying to do what he can to repair it, and I know the rest of the day will be smooth blissful sailing as he’s not going to try for a bump to Tuesday.  He could just say in a moment of anger, “I quit this shit you bitch!”  I would just tell him to carefully consider it because it will be a couple of months before I even consider this type of relationship again, not to mention just being bumped a week for that outburst if he decides not to quit.  He knows the sex and masturbation he had before isn’t even in the same universe as the pleasure he experiences now even without ejaculation.  It would be a huge setback and rift in our relationship if he did that.  He doesn’t want that.  He doesn’t have to apologize either.  He could just wait until Monday.  But he does what he can to repair it, and he hopes he’s back on track for ejaculation tomorrow.  We’ll see, I haven’t decided yet.  Does an intercourse session take place if the kitchen is dirty?  Is the kitchen clean and orderly 99% of the time?  Answer not required.  A clean kitchen does not guarantee a session will happen, but a dirty one 100% guarantees a session won’t happen.  The removal of a positive stimulus can be just as effective as the application of a negative one and functions as a consequence.

How do you get him to submit to these consequences?  You can’t.  There is no force, but every action and choice has a consequence.  Just like I can’t force him to submit to the consequences of his infraction, he can’t force me to admire, respect and honor him.  Your respect and admiration for him will compel him.  Most males won’t be able to tolerate losing the admiration and respect of the woman they love.  He asked me about going back once, and as our relationship is built on honesty, I had to tell him that frankly I would lose respect for him, and be immensely disappointed in him.  How could he after he knows the passion and joy that this has brought to our relationship.  He said he was afraid that I would lose respect for him if he continued with semen retention which brings submissiveness to a male especially if he has an extended schedule.  I told him that I’ve had more respect for him over the last year than anytime during our marriage.  How could I lose respect if he is living in his true nature, the nature that the Tao has revealed to him through semen retention?  I also remind him that he has developed stamina that any man would envy and any woman with an awakened yoni would crave.  I tell him how incredible the sex is for me and how much I would miss it.  So he submits to consequences so that we may transcend.  His ejaculation schedule will always be adjusted to reveal the man I respect most.  Some may say that a male just ejaculating whenever he wants is the natural way.  Enlightenment will always be a choice and never will come by just doing nothing.  This is just making the one choice of not ejaculating, and letting his new biology lead the relationship, setting the new roles for male and female.  Once the three principles of semen retention, the ejaculation schedule supported by consequences for violation of the schedule have been installed in your relationship, they will fuel his passion and service.  So, light the match, experience the burn, and see where it takes you. ~Namaste

Thanks to my hubby for helping with the graphics!

DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.

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12 comments:

Anonymous

Sunday, July 17, 2016
Thank you Yoga Girl for this post. It is very informative and I believe provides a path to more intimate and loving marriage for me and my wife.

I am interested in examples of aversive stimulus that you might suggest. I doubt that my wife’s view of a loving and caring marriage would enable her to be harsh. (She is loving and caring and would struggle to punish me).

I think that we would need to think carefully of how we could arrive at a suitable aversive stimulus.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Tim

Yoga Girl

Sunday, July 17, 2016
I agree, Tim. Averse punishment need not be harsh. If you feel your truly ready to give over your right to ejaculate solely to her and ejaculation is only at her sole discretion and on her schedule then an aversive stimulus could be as simple as bumping your ejaculation day 2 days later than it otherwise would’ve been. The threat of bumping my husband’s ejaculation day has a huge impact on his behavior.

-Also, for an infraction of the schedule (if you stimulated your self without her permission for instance), she could implement an 8:30 bedtime for a week or whatever time and length she chooses that would be aversive. The threat of a bedtime terrifies my husband so it works. An 8:00 bedtime is aversive in that it removes all stimulus, and gives you time to reflect what you’ve done and how committed you are to following her wishes. Before she goes to bed, she should check in with you and ask you to explain why you now have a bedtime.

-Corner time can also be effective. Turn a chair facing the corner and sit there for an hour. She should check with you periodically during this time out and have you explain why you have a time out.

• Nose against the wall. She can have you stand with your nose against the wall with a quarter between your nose and the wall for fifteen minutes. If the quarter falls, the time is increased. It’s pretty aversive.

-Putting a man on a allowance for spending money for a period of time is also aversive. If his behavior is compliant, spending limits go up. If he’s not, spending limits get tighter.

-If he’s a sports fan, there is no game watching. I personally feel that sports should be eliminated anyway, but the wife should determine what games are to be viewed.

-Whether he has permission to go out with friends should be determined by compliance with the ejaculation schedule.

Hope these suggestions help.

Anonymous

Monday, July 18, 2016
Thank you for the thoughtful and extended reply. Your suggestions help but I guess the key point you make is….” If you feel your truly ready to give over your right to ejaculate solely to her and ejaculation is only at her sole discretion and on her schedule”

That is the question…. To be allowed to ejaculate or not ejaculate and for her to the only one who can answer that is question…

I guess this is key topic that my wife and I need to discuss. As your post suggests there are plenty of possible aversive stimuli to chose from.

Thanks again for your thoughts.

Tim

Yoga Girl

Monday, July 18, 2016
You don’t have to make it a lifelong commitment right now, you can just do a 30 day trial and see what works, and what doesn’t. My husband, and I have been doing this for a close to a year, and we still kinda consider it a trial. At some point though, I expect to have a special moment where he commits to this for life. It’s already pretty cemented into the relationship, but a formal ceremony would be nice. Best of luck to the both of you!

Anonymous

Monday, July 18, 2016
Thank you. A 30 day trial would be a good way for my wife and I to get back on track.

And a formal ceremony is a lovely idea.

Namaste

Tim

Awedbywomen

Monday, August 01, 2016
I have been in the DD circles for some time, hearing from both male and female dominants, together with male and female submissives.

Based on what you describe, and what your comment mentioned was your aversive stimulus, could that aversive stimulus be a severe caning for some couples?

Also, how do you feel about a more protracted domestic discipline situation within the context of FLR and male semen retention? Have you experimented with more frequent but less severe forms of negative punishment?

Reply

Yoga Girl

Monday, August 01, 2016
“Based on what you describe, and what your comment mentioned was your aversive stimulus, could that aversive stimulus be a severe caning for some couples?”

It could. It can be whatever a women is comfortable delivering, but I’m writing for women and most are not interested in causing harm to their husbands.
There are so many other effective no contact aversive stimuli that would work just as well to enforce the schedule and retention. like:

-Delay E-day a day or two.

• An early bedtime for a week.

-revoking TV or computer time.

-putting him on an allowance and restricting or increasing it according to his behavior.

-If he’s a sports fan, deciding which games he will be able to watch if any. Personally, I think sports watching should be eliminated, but that’s for each individual wife to decide.

-restricting time out with his friends. That should always be at the discretion of the wife. If he’s going out with friends, he should always call and ask permission first.

-corner time

There are so many other options for the male that craves a controlling female authority, your goals can be easily accomplished without any physical contact.

I think the problem with something like caning is that it’s fetishistic. So it would need to be very severe to overcome arousal to be truly aversive. So I don’t recommend it as it could cause damage to the male. With BDSM punishment, people will have to deal with their own their own safety. I can’t advise on that. the averse stimuli with no contact are very aversive, and influence even my husband’s behavior.

“Also, how do you feel about a more protracted domestic discipline situation within the context of FLR and male semen retention?”

I’m not sure what you mean here with “protracted domestic discipline situation”. You need to be more specific

Have you experimented with more frequent but less severe forms of negative punishment?

Well, that would be more of a game which is fine, but not something I’m interested in. I just want retention and my ejaculation schedule for him followed. If you have to do it frequently, it’s not really aversive as far as shaping behavior. On the other hand, all I have to do is threaten with a bedtime, and target behavior is achieved. To influence my husband’s behavior with a caning, I might need to go further than I’m comfortable with.

Reply
Replies

Anonymous

Saturday, August 06, 2016
Hi Yoga Girl,
After we have discussed of the consequences, my wife finally choose an early bedtime for a whole week and have me bought a baby cam. During this time we will have separate bedrooms. We have a discussion about the difference between an accident during intercourse or ejaculation through masturbation. She thinks that in the second case it should be two weeks…
Dominique

Yoga Girl

Saturday, August 06, 2016
I think she’s right. Intentional masturbation should be dealt with more harshly. Pick the bedtime and amount of days that is right for both of you. My husband finds one day with an early bedtime akin to Chinese water torture and is very aversive. It keeps him very alert during intercourse about warning me about any spill that may arise. He actually would prefer a whipping with a leather strap than an early bedtime. Accidents happen, but I really don’t like them as it wrecks all the work we’ve done in retaining. I can probably count on one hand the number of accidents he’s had in the past year.

I think you’ll find the possibility that your wife may be watching for any unwanted touching very controlling and serve your desire to be under her thumb. The best thing about this aversive stimuli, is that you’ll actually get the rest you need which is so important in addition to helping with retention.

Anonymous

Sunday, August 07, 2016
“My husband finds one day with an early bedtime akin to Chinese water torture and is very aversive”. Following your comment my wife may reduce the duration but she wants that this take place at least for the three evenings of the week-end starting on Friday. Personally I think that the first excitement phase of being punished by my wife will faded very quickly and be soon replaced by a very long and boring time.
“I think you’ll find the possibility that your wife may be watching for any unwanted touching very controlling and serve your desire to be under her thumb”
Yes I do, absolutely with no reserve.
“The best thing about this aversive stimuli, is that you’ll actually get the rest you need which is so important in addition to helping with retention. The best thing about this aversive stimuli, is that you’ll actually get the rest you need which is so important in addition to helping with retention.”
I really like your sense of humour because I think that rest will be the last thing I’ll have.
Dominique

Anonymous

Friday, September 30, 2016
Thank you for a very informative article. On the subject of caning or spanking, an old fashioned hairbrush is truly awesome in the amount of pain with no physical damage it can deliver.

Just before my wife spanks me it is arousing but more from me experiencing her authority during the spanking it is not arousing at all. Even light spanks with the brush help me focus on changing my attitude. The BDSM community is well aware of spanking for arousal and pleasure, and spanking for discipline.
Thank you once again for your story, I really enjoy your blog.
M TOADS

Yoga Girl

Friday, September 30, 2016
Thanks for reading. I find that firm discipline helps my husband focus on his role as well which is of course to be a loving and supportive husband. I have used a brush, but more commonly use the 16″ drilled wood paddle, and the 20″ leather three tailed strap which are also very effective in helping him align his priorities.

This is one of a few blogs that were published by Yoga Girl at her website at http://flr101.blogspot.com. This site is now offline but all credit goes to her.