Once in awhile on rare occasions your husband will ejaculate. When this happens, he will tend to go through a process of reevaluation of himself and this new dynamic between you and him. Ejaculation is necessary as it keeps him interested in you. It also conditions the penis to stay hard by rewarding it with an ejaculation every once in awhile during an intercourse session. If he never ejaculated, eventually your husband may have erectile problems as he loses hope. And if the penis is never reinforced for getting an erection, it may also lose hope if I can anthropomorphise a penis. And we don’t want the penis to lose hope now that our yoni is awake and it finally appreciates a hard penis that lasts and keeps coming back for more. Thanks to retention, I had 27 orgasms delivered by a rock hard penis today about an hour ago, and he’s still hoping to give me more later.
Ejaculation is the off switch for a man. If you want to feel unwanted and neglected, just flip that switch. Once that switch is flipped, you may become the opposite of appealing to him. Things that aroused him before, may actually be repulsive to him after that switch has been flipped and his brain has dumped a boat load of chemicals, depleting norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide, and the hormone prolactin. This all activates the cingulate cortex and amygdala to call it quits. He then puts his pants on, makes an excuse about having to get up early and leaves you to clean up his mess.
It’s sad to hear so many women mourn the fact that their male partner is no longer interested in them after they ejaculate. They don’t understand why he would be that way after they’ve been so nice to them getting them off. They say things like, “I don’t understand it. I have sex whenever he wants it, and he’s not interested in me.” It’s disheartening to hear such a profound misunderstanding of male biology from a woman. That statement is the equivalent of me saying “Why is the light off. I flicked the switch to the off position. Why is the light off?!” When you turn him off, ladies, he wants nothing to do with you. In fact, at best you’re probably just annoying him. At worst, he may be repulsed by you. It doesn’t make sense given that five minutes ago he worshiped the ground you walked on does it? Most women I know want to turn their man on, and yet they’re the cause of turning him off. Knowing what you just learned, why would you ever flip the ejaculation switch except for rarely and only if it’s in the best interest of his health. Your husband wants to love, honor, adore and respect you. Why would you make these desires more difficult to have by permitting ejaculation. We need to get past the belief as a culture that ejaculation must happen for a man every time he has sex. When you have weekly companion inventories with your husband, these are the topics you can delve into and discuss. These are the creatures that lead and dominate our planet. Is it any longer a mystery why the world is in the state it’s in?
I speculate that the sedating effect after ejaculation is mother nature’s way of preventing the depleted man from exerting himself after he has drained so much of his reserve. Sleeping it off or relaxing for awhile before getting up to perform the next task would allow him time to conserve his energies and recuperate which could take hours or days after the release. I always insist my husband eat a can of oysters or take a zinc supplement the day of his ejaculation to help him replenish that vital nutrient he so generously releases in large amounts on his E-day.
Dr. Niel Stanley director of sleep at the University of Surrey says that legendary nap after sex which men are famous for is only specific to the human species. Some researchers assert that ejaculation is the equivalent to taking 2-3 mg of diazepam (valium). This link between sleep and sex is not known in the rest of the animal kingdom. I could probably enlighten him that this link between sleep and ejaculation isn’t due to the human male as a unique species. It’s due to depletion and sexual exhaustion. My husband isn’t sleepy after retaining for 7 days or more and then ejaculating, but was wiped out with frequent daily ejaculation. Feeling ready for nap time after ejaculation is not normal. It’s a sign of depletion and a man that needs some help to get on track with his health. Of course, male researchers don’t see this because sex without ejaculation would be horrific to them.
This link between ejaculation and sleep is not seen in the animal kingdom because all animals except for primates don’t have hands. As soon as man was able to grasp his penis as a species, he became depleted. Retention is more the rule than the exception in nature. In the animal kingdom, the opportunities to ejaculate are likely not occurring as often. Some animals will only be interested when the female is fertile and in heat, releasing pheromones to arouse the male.
We’re helping our men retain for their health and to mitigate the negative effects of his PE phase, but we’re not cruel by cutting off access to intercourse as human males are in perpetual arousal given that there are no mitigating health or environmental problems. I’ve asked my husband if he would like to be cut off entirely from intercourse to help him with retention for his health and forego the intercourse because of the frustration of not finishing, and that suggestion was met with a resounding, NO. He would rather have daily intercourse without ejaculation than no intercourse at all. Apparently, he’s still getting a positive experience from it. Indeed, he says it’s the best sex he’s ever had and thanks me for my resolve.
Hopefully your husband has retained semen long enough that the changes he experiences after ejaculation will be short lived. I find the following effects listed are greatly lessened with an extended ejaculation schedule. These are the symptoms of ejaculation you can expect for a short period of time before retention can restore him hormonally to his natural state. You should give him space until his biology replenishes. He may or may not want you in this space. I consider this his free time. He’s earned it over the last week. This PE (post ejaculation) period only lasts an hour or less for my husband, but that’s with retaining 7 days. If he had a shorter retention time, it could be a day or two for recovery. Depending on his behavior in this state, you may want to extend his ejaculation schedule when he resumes retention. The following are symptoms of his PE blues.
- He wants to quit.
- He feels ashamed.
- He tries to reassert himself to prove he’s a man.
- He tries to put you in your place – whatever he thinks that is.
- He will likely be non-compliant.
These are what I experience with my husband. Given that men are all biologically similar, I expect you might expect the same. It only lasts from a couple of hours or a day. It’s best not to have any serious discussion about the direction of the relationship after ejaculation as post ejaculation is not his natural state. PE he is living in an alternate reality where he thinks he’s a different man than you know him to be. Just smile and nod, and say “Of course, dear.” and keep a list of his behaviors that will need to deal with when he returns. Just give him some space until he comes back to you. If you set him free and he comes back, that’s how you know he’s yours. My husband always comes back, and our companion inventory will focus on the things he said and did in his PE phase like:
- We should just go back to the way things were.
- I should be able to masturbate if I want to.
- Being impatient.
- Actually telling me what to do with a stern tone.
Communication is important. You need to explore each others needs and wants. He’s now pretty good in his PE state as he has enough foresight to know he’s coming back despite how he feels in his PE moment, and punishment does accumulate for what he says and does in his PE state. So, even though in his PE state he may feel confident that he’s free and not going back to retention, he still watches his mouth and attitude because, well, you never know. And sure enough, three hours later he’s back.
Shame is an issue he may deal with PE. Experiencing shame PE is common. How could he have let a woman do this to him?! He probably did some things in his natural state that he wouldn’t want others to know about now that he feels like “a man” again. He may feel like you have lost respect for him, and try to reassert himself by putting you in your place where ever he thinks that is ie; washing the dishes, cleaning house etc. I assure him that I love him, and that when he practices semen retention, it turns me on, and he fucks me like no other man could. I however don’t do the dishes even in his PE state. They stay dirty waiting for him to return to his natural state.
I think this shame he may experience has a lot to do with what the culture of the past expected of men. It’s just a remnant of societal expectation left over in his brain. The world is changing. If you look at the trends, women are leading more households, earning more than their husbands, and are better educated than males. There’s no doubt that semen depleted males indoctrinated by the culture will have a harder time with this new reality than semen retaining males. Semen retaining males will more readily adapt to this rapidly changing reality and take their place supporting their wives as their biology dictates.
The culture of the past lingers in the male mind making it unacceptable to follow a female. I believe this is why the dominatrix fetish exists. Males are drawn to their natural state of submitting to a woman but feel it’s unacceptable unless they are compelled to do it. They want it but are not willing to do it voluntarily. It’s only acceptable if they are compelled to do it ie; she’ll leave me if I don’t do it, she’ll torture me if I don’t, or I have to or she won’t have sex with me. I think it’s up to women to realize this and take it. Power that is given is not really power. It must be taken. He wants you to take it. You need to talk to your male and get a sense of how he feels and go from there. I took my husband’s right to ejaculate. I took his right to masturbate, and he fell helplessly in love with me. Men respect power. You have to show them you want it. You demand it. You will then become everything to him from my experience. I would think this should come easy for him if you have a beta male. I have an alpha male, and he took to it like a duck to water. The power that men display to each other has nothing to do with his relationship to his female. He may be looked at by other males as a leader, but he may submit totally to his female.
From our experience in the past when we dabbled with a FLR, the PE phase is when you could encounter the most problems. If it fizzles out, this will be the time. And when we’ve hit this phase in the past, it was when I viewed this more as a kink or fetish. I certainly didn’t know what I know now about the spiritual and health benefits. I thought there was something abnormal about the things we were doing, and perhaps had guilt of my own for my feelings of arousal and pleasure when I would put him in his place. I have since seen it in a much different light and recognize the benefit of our relationship dynamics with the practice of semen retention. I now have an adoring husband who worships me. Tasks such as washing the dishes, vacuuming and laundry are done at my beck and call, massages when I desire them, much fewer confrontational moments in our day to day affairs, and a sex life most couples would envy. I am certainly committed to continuing our relationship in its present state despite my husbands pleas to be allowed to ejaculate more frequently or hoping to someday masturbate again. Someone has to stand firm, and it will likely need to be the woman.
There’s been more than a few times I’ve had to lay down the law about how this relationship will be. I think this is why the year has been successful in maintaining him. In the past in his PE phase, he would have drifted out of it, and I would have let it go. Now there are rules that he knows I’m actively enforcing, and if he wants to have intercourse with me, there are prerequisites that need to be met, and he knows ejaculation without my permission is a rule not a game, and I mean it. He’s thanked me several times for my resolve in maintaining his retention.
I’m there to support him through the rough spots like when sex is done for me but not for him and in his PE phase. For instance, at the time of this writing, I’m stretching him to two weeks without ejaculation with daily intercourse where I ride him in his pre-climax state for extended periods. He’s crying for it to stop, and just go back to the way things were. I’m the anchor that keeps it together as I insist on it. The passion is so intense that tears are running down his cheeks. He’s receiving more dopamine with this method than any normal male could hope for. He knows normal sex pales to what he has now. It would be like a heroin addict giving up heroin for cigarettes. We go to the point where a normal male would ejaculate and take a nap to territory way beyond where few men have gone before. His pleasure is excruciating as he takes me to 18-27 orgasms. Riding his engorged penis that’s ready to blow intensifies my orgasms beyond measure, and when I’m satisfied, we put his penis away until the next day. If he thought I didn’t mean it, there’s no way he would leave the intercourse session unresolved for himself that way.
At this writing, he still has five days left before ejaculation, and he knows I’m serious about this new life and serious about the consequences for unauthorized ejaculation. My husband is not being abused. As he practices semen retention, he craves a restrictive, severe, controlling female authority, and I’m happy to provide that for him. His PE phase is temporary and brief. His retention phase is much longer.
I think it’s important to let my husband know I’m not going to let this go during the times when he’s aroused. This knowledge will carry him through his PE phase and will be lurking in the back of his mind so when he’s aroused again, he knows he’s not going to ejaculate if he enters me. The woman really needs to be the constant anchor if this is going to work as his hormones are all over the place after ejaculation which is also another good reason ejaculation should be rare but not too rare.
If you’re constant with your desire, letting him know how much you want this, he should resume his normal retention state and take his place at your side. As the Tao reveals to him his true nature, your relationship will transcend as you discover your true nature as a woman through your husband. ~Namaste
Note: I will get into the science of why I believe it’s important to ride him in his pre-climax state for extended periods in a later chapter. It’s not to be mean or sadistic.
Wednesday, August 03, 2016
This is a fascinating post. I can only really concur that what you’ve discovered here about your husband mirrors much of my own experience as a man. My wife beginning to understand these things is helping immensely.
You said “I will get into the science of why I believe it’s important to ride him in his pre-climax state for extended periods in a later chapter.” I’ll just say that I anticipate this chapter with great enthusiasm.
Saturday, August 06, 2016
It’s good to hear that it matches with your experience. I have an article about extending the courtship phase into marriage next. Then the pre-climax article will be next. So happy these things are resonating with your wife.
Saturday, August 06, 2016
My wife and I are both particularly interested in ways to ‘awaken the yoni’ – as you mention. If there are ways that you’ve found to do this, either related to your FLR or not, we are curious to hear about them. We have tried so many things that haven’t worked, but we’ve certainly learned to be more patient and persevering when pursuing her pleasure. At the same time, we strive forward and reach higher.
Saturday, August 06, 2016
The yoni egg can be a useful tool. For those unfamiliar with the yoni egg, Grace at gracefulempowerment.com can be a great resource. Her jade stones are verified and come with a certificate. I also think it is important to have a healthy physical body and to have energy flowing freely through the 1st and 2nd chakras. Sometimes blockages can form from past injuries, trapped emotions, poor posture, or poor body mechanics. I enjoy the Maya Fiennes Kundalini for the chakra exercises to help both the physical body and the energy flow. You can find these easily on a google/youtube search. Hope this helps. I plan to go into more detail in a future blog on techniques I stumbled upon to allow me easy orgasmic release. I haven’t always been that way and found trying to have an orgasm a frustrating experience.
I would also encourage you to research Karezza. I think Karezza could be good thing to help awaken the yoni, but much of the practice avoids orgasm and movement for both partners. When Karezza was first founded by Alice Bunker Stockham, she advocated no ejaculation for the man and orgasms for the woman. This was later revised as she didn’t think it was fair to the man. I definitely don’t advocate that. I believe the female is designed to be multi orgasmic, but it could still be a good practice in the beginning. The Yoni and the Lingam have a certain energy relationship which generally involves movement that ideally ends with the female in orgasm and the male in retention.
Wednesday, August 03, 2016
interesting post..I’m sure most men who read this can relate to a lot of what you said..I enjoy your blog…RR
Saturday, August 06, 2016
Thanks for reading!
Saturday, August 06, 2016
Hi Yoga Girl,
Once more it’s a very good article. I really enjoy reading it as all your other articles and hope you’ll never be uninspired! I like the way you deal, analyze and explain all these issues. I think that many men in a FLR have experienced what you described so well and it’s a dangerous phase for the relationship.
“There’s no doubt that semen depleted males indoctrinated by the culture will have a harder time with this new reality than semen retaining males”. I think it is more a question for the men to recognize and embrace genuinely their natural submissiveness than being retaining males. Of course if you are a retaining male it’s easier to be in that state of mind. For example I have a female manager who is younger than me and have no problem to submit to her authority. She’s a demanding and no nonsense woman. I have helped her when she took office a year ago and have a very good working relation with her.
“In the past in his PE phase, he would have drifted out of it, and I would have let it go. Now there are rules that he knows I’m actively enforcing.” It’s a very important point because if you let it go the male will think that for you it’s more of a game and you don’t mean it. At the worst he’ll think that all you are doing is to please him.
“What did I get myself into?” was my main thought in the PE phase when I wanted no more than to have a nap but have a lot of housework to do before me. At this moment I wanted to quit. Today was my E-day after 6 days without ejaculation and this PE phase didn’t last long hopefully due to the semen retention.
Saturday, August 06, 2016
I think as long as the couple expects this “I want to quit talk” from the male in his PE phase, they can survive it. Nothing should be expected form the male in his PE phase. Some males may even be hostile or aggressive toward the wife and feel he needs to show her whose boss. I want to avoid that confrontation. She should just let him have his space, IMO. that’s good to hear that your PE phase didn’t last long. It’s helpful to know that it’s normal and to be expected and not to make any long term decisions while he’s in that space as it will most likely flip in an hour or a day depending on how long his retention was from my experience.
Friday, September 30, 2016
“I am certainly committed to continuing our relationship in its present state despite my husbands pleas to be allowed to ejaculate more frequently or hoping to someday masturbate again. “
But, I thought he was so happy?
Friday, September 30, 2016
He is happy. Thanks for asking. You can be very happy and not get what you want. He knows what’s best for him. It’s very unlikely that he will ever masturbate again, never say never, but it’s unlikely. His ejaculation schedule may fluctuate depending on what I see as best. That’s hardly a decision he can make for himself.
This is one of a few blogs that were published by Yoga Girl at her website at http://flr101.blogspot.com. This site is now offline but all credit goes to her.