It is common knowledge that many kinks are born of insecurities, the incredible human brain sexualizes potentially hurtful things and makes us embrace them. Weird and counterintuitive but it is a real thing. Really real. Realest of real. Our society values the penis and attaches a manly subtext to men with a large penis and feminine subtext to men with smaller ones. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that many men self-shame with sexual performance and the ability to please a woman so closely tied to the male vision of success.
Men with larger penises are more manly than men with smaller penises.-Giant load of horse shit
Just as women are held to unrealistic size expectations, men are too. We are expected to have a size 0 waist with enormous back pain inducing busoms. Men are expected to have a large unrealistic and frankly sexually unappealing penis. Yes men, that’s right. Bigger is not better. Larger penises come with a higher risk of infection, injury and pain.
A man with a large penis is better in bed than a man with an average one.-Absolutely not always the case
Body shaming is just as common for women as it is for men especially in that department. I’m guilty of it as I think many of us are. With regard to fat shaming that women experience, many studies show that it isn’t motivational. Shaming a woman’s body over her weight can actually trigger biological processes (specifically cortisol) that make you gain more weight. Shaming a guy for his penis size isn’t going to boost their cortisol and change their size of his willy but it might cause some other reactions.
Body shaming can absolutely be toxic and cause psychological issues like self esteem, depression, risk of suicide and anxiety. Men are especially at risk because they are taught from a young age to keep their feelings to themselves. This means they internalize those feelings and never properly deal with them. It is even reported that Adolph Hitler may have suffered from a bit of phallus imperfectus. Did his penis abnormalities contribute to his insane murdering of millions of people? I have no idea let’s move along, this is taking my blog into a direction that I don’t want to go.
Deep breath. OK let’s move on.
What is SPH (Small Penis Humiliation)?
Small penis humiliation is consensual roleplay in which one person verbally humiliates another person for the size of his penis. There are varying degrees of erotic humiliation from giggling and calling him tiny to spitting on him and calling him worthless for his under-endowment. For the purpose of this blog let’s roll with the first of those two, I don’t want to celebrate degradation too much. The men on the receiving end of SPH report that they find it sexually arousing, many of them don’t even have a below average sized penis which I find curious indeed. Small penis humiliation may be similar in many ways to self deprecating humor. When we make fun of ourselves, our brains may take in at least a small percentage of what we are saying as fact even when it is said in jest. If you joke about it being small, you may eventually accept that as your self-penis-image.
How can this possibly be good?
I think we can all accept that it is impossible for a man to change his penis size in any meaningful way. There are surgeries, pumps, pills, cremes and all sorts of things but they are selling a bill of goods that will never be delivered. Exploring SPH fantasy with your partner might find this sort of play to be very arousing but it should be done with lots of communication and frequent check-ins. If you are kink oriented and ashamed of your penis size you might just find SPH to be a meaningful way to take control of your narrative.
“Humiliation scenes can involve something called a ‘corrective emotional experience,’ where the person experiences something that was previously painful or traumatic in their life (such as being teased for their small penis size), and through consensual interaction with a partner recreates the scenario,” explains Miss Couple, a relationship and intimacy coach. She goes on to explain that instead of being the victim, they flip the narrative and become more “in charge” of their experience.
Do women actually like SPH
Nope. I would say that women almost never enjoy SPH. This is a fetish that will absolutely take some warming up for both of you. Kev really enjoys some aspects of light SPH and I’ve really come to enjoy his reactions. It still can feel forced and uncomfortable at times but aftercare and open communication have helped me find it a fun way to bond with him sexually. Don’t get me wrong, if he told me that he no longer enjoyed it, I’d stop in a New York Minute and I wouldn’t look back.
Celebrating SPH September
If this sounds interesting to you and you find that you are drawn to emotional masochism that is SPH, make sure that you communicate openly and often with your partner. Women may find it especially challenging to degrade their partner in such a way. To this I say that you should not engage in role play that you don’t feel comfortable with. If you are feeling uncomfortable or anxious, there is no way that can be a fun time for either of you. If you want to poke fun at size insecurity with the hope of rising above the sense of defeat that a small penis may cause through psychological self-manipulation, I say go with it.
Starting slowly is as important as knowing when to stop. Start slowly with a pet name for his penis like “little guy”, “midget” or “baby dick”. If you found any of those nicknames slightly unnerving or even arousing, you might be a candidate for small penis humiliation. Your partner can take solace in watching your reactions and will quickly realize that this humiliation is being accepted as affection. How different is this from someone that finds affection from receiving gifts or verbal praise. It is simply another language with which to experience each other’s love.
Aftercare, Boundaries & Consensual Play
Kidding around is one thing but sometimes it stings. SPH will almost undoubtedly sting especially once you get good at it. Make time for cuddling and smalltalk. Give him comments about “you know I was just teasing you right?”, “Your penis is perfect for me.” Words of love and affirmation are key after any sort of role playing. Make sure this is a two way conversation because aftercare is your way of making sure that he is still enjoying himself and the fetish that you are exploring together. When doing anything in public, remember to consider those who might potentially overhear you, bystanders are not consenting participants in your fantasy. Some of my ideas below will include other fetishes that you may not have discussed. Make sure that you discuss anything new before assuming he is interested.
30 Days of SPH
30 day guide for those looking to get started with some light SPH. Remember to check in frequently with your partner and practice aftercare often. SPH is often accompanied with sexual denial so you will notice some of that below.
- Comment in passing about his little guy, shrimpy, clitty or tiny soldier.
- Smile and wiggle your pinky at him.
- Hold your thumb and forefinger close together. ?
- Emphasize and make eye contact when him anytime you use words like “little”, “small” and “tiny”.
- Cup his flaccid penis in your hand and ask him if it gets bigger. When it starts to get hard, tell him you were hoping for more.
- When you are shopping in the grocery store, pick up some baby carrots and with a sexy wink, ask him who it reminds him of.
- Ask him to masturbate and then tell him to stop playing with his penis like it is a real dick. He should only need to use tweezers or two fingers.
- Sex tonight? I don’t think you will be able to please me with that. Why don’t you please me with your tongue instead and then we can talk.
- I can’t even feel you inside me.
- The first time I saw you hard I thought you were still soft.
- Call it pathetic or tell him that he needs to pee like a girl from now on.
- This might be a good time to try out that pink chastity cage that you’ve been considering.
- Take a label or clothing sticker that says small and put it on his crotch or his penis.
- Find small household things to compare it with.
- Measure it with a measuring tape while soft and call him by that measurement. How are you today Mr. 7cm?
- Express disappointment after lovemaking. It sure would have been nice if it was able to fill me up.
- Express disappointment during lovemaking. Is it in? Let me know when it is in.
- Ask him to sit across the room while you pleasure yourself. Tell him that you wish he had a big dick like your toy. If he had a normal sized dick, he certainly wouldn’t be a spectator.
- Have him wear a strap-on dildo and fuck you with a “real penis”.
- Tie a bow around it.
- Compare it side by side with a dildo, decide on the dildo and explain that you are going to pick the one that is more satisfying. He can watch.
- Ask him to wear a pair of your panties, giggle and say something about not being able to see a bulge.
- Compare it to sizes of past partners or perceived penis sizes of his friends. Do you think you are bigger than Tucker? How about Mike?
- Ask him to walk around the house nude and make frequent comments about how cute his penis is.
- Penis sleeves & extenders are amazing. When he is using one, give him plenty of praise about how big he is, how satisfied you are and how full you feel.
- Have him use your toy on you instead of his penis “so you can actually feel it”.
- Take a picture of his soft penis beside a ruler and keep it in your phone. Remind him it is there from time to time and perhaps threaten to show it to a friend.
- Look at sites like Reddit’s rate my cock subreddit with him and talk about how nice the other cocks are. A great feedback method is to hold his and feel how aroused he becomes.
- For bonus points, have him submit his cock online for comments and “constructive feedback”.
- Get a fleshlight for him to use while you do something important beside him like checking your email or reading the latest issue of Simply Knitting Magazine. (Yes, I like knitting. No, I’m not joking.).
That is 30 days of September but it doesn’t have to stop there. Looking for more ideas? Check these ideas out from kinkly.com. Add your own ideas in the comments below.
I say let your freak flag fly and share this blog loud and proud to celebrate your love for all things SPH. Make sure that any of your shares use the hashtag of #SPHSeptember so we can make this a thing. I hope that I wasn’t overly negative or over-simplistic about the SPH fetish. I’ve talked about it before and I’ll link to some previous blogs below if you want to learn more about the topic. Happy #SPHSeptember