What Evolving Your Man is and what it isn’t.

This site has been around in one form or another for five years. Five years. That is an eternity in internet years but not really that long in terms of human history. I’ve evolved as a person. Kev has evolved as a person. We’ve evolved together and you’ve been along for the journey as we got engaged and ultimately married. I hope you’ve changed in the last five years, we all have room to grow and learn as individuals and together. A friend asked me about my hobbies and I told her about the site, halfway crying but mostly proud at what I’ve accomplished. She saw the site, dumbfounded and asked me who else was working with me on it. I gave her a blank stare and a smiled back as if to say… just me ?‍♀️. I thought for a moment and corrected myself. While I’ve maintained the site, the wonderful group of mostly anonymous internet inhabitants have really been the driving force behind the site. Without you, my attention would have fizzled and I would have moved on to some other shiny object.

What this site ISN’T.

Evolving your man is not a journal. I’ve been exceedingly shitty about chronicling my life as the events unfold. You as the reader get flashy headlines about me getting married and then I fail to write the follow-up about the actual events. Why? Selfishly because I don’t want to retell the story of my life. I want to share the feelings and the emotions that it makes me feel. I want to share the

What this site IS.

EYM is a thought blog, a place for me to come up with a topic and prove it out. Many of my blogs pull information from psychological journals, twitter and pop culture magazines. A mixture for disaster but it all comes together to formulate some thoughts and opinions that I personally find compelling. The site is about giving everyone a voice and a place to feel welcomed. This is inclusive of everyone; especially those who are still trying to figure out what sexuality, paraphila and gender mean in the context of their own lives.


What’s OUR kink?

We live a pretty normal life. No white picket fence, just two people in an apartment with menial jobs. We lead a fairly vanilla female led marriage. We talk through important decisions but ultimately I have the final say. Our bedroom is less boring, we embrace sex and sexuality. You will find me prancing around the house armed with my strap-on flip flopping back and forth with a glass of wine in hand. You will find Kev wearing only his cage, his smile and a can of the latest fancy six dollar craft beer. He and his friends are obsessed with beer lately but I can’t really get in to it.

My hobbies include going to the gym once or twice a day and just recently gotten into knitting and needlepoint which is just as nerdy and old lady as it sounds. Kev is locked the majority of the week I usually lock him on Mondays or Tuesdays and unlock him on Sundays. He enjoys his Sunday spillage and we look forward to setting aside some intimate time just for us to appreciate each other.


We make it a point to get him pegged once or twice a week and have sex (minus his orgasm) a couple other times a week. He is a cunning linguist or cunnalinguist or whatever we call someone with top notch tongue skills. In addition to the two of us, we’ve recently started inviting a couple of new male friends as exploration of our latest kink. Kev and I like to learn the ins and outs of sex, desire, jealousy, energy, compersion and everything else that makes us tick. Our kink is each other, we are both very lucky and appreciate so many things about who we are individually and how that makes us better together.

What’s YOUR kink?

Perhaps more importantly why is your kink? Do you like flipping bedroom roles and pegging that manly man of yours? What does that mean about you? What does it add to your relationship? In the big book of Philias, which are good and which are bad for you? This whole thing is an incredible journey of knowledge and we all have so much to learn about ourselves and each other. Think not only of what you do but why you do it. Why does it bring you joy and boost your sexual energy?

What Evolving Your Man means to ME.

I have so many thoughts, like spaghetti and I can’t sort them all out. Yes, I did go to college and yes, I did loathe all of the writing they made us do. So what do I do? Create a website and write hundreds if not thousands of pages of stuff without anyone paying me or holding a gun to my head.

What the essay did for me is allow me to form a position, back up that position with research and better understand my position. This site is me exploring my positions (not THOSE positions perv.) and do my best to understand what makes Kev and I tick. We are so much the same but so different and this site is cathartic and has literally saved us billions in couples counseling. We talk about most of the blogs and sometimes he changes or adds to my position and I’ll go back and add some of his thoughts. While I take all of the credit for this site, Kev is instrumental in helping me grow as a person and as a writer of stuff and things.

What Evolving Your Man means to YOU.

This question is mostly rhetorical and while I do care about what it means to you, I mostly care about how the inner dialog this question creates makes you feel. Does it bring warm feelings of relationship progress and emotional acceptance? Does it bring feelings of hurt from a spouse that never accepted your needs? Does it bring back uncomfortable memories of a relationship that was on the rocks? Has your relationship evolved in the past five years? Most importantly, are you happy with how you’ve evolved in the last five years?

The future.

I’ve had a few people announce that they are leaving because the site is going in the direction of non-monogamy. While I’d agree that I am starting to understand and appreciate something that I once cast aside, I wouldn’t say that the site is going in that direction. I would say that I am embracing something new with Kev and it is fascinating to me at the moment. At one point chastity and pegging were the darlings of the hour and now we’ve brought them into our relationship as an essential staple of our marriage. I can’t say what the future holds for the site but I will say that I’ve committed to question and answer blogs with several people and I’ve almost got more unpublished drafts than I have published blogs. No seriously, look at this 261 drafts and 263 published blogs.


That is crazy to me. I know if my ADHD hadn’t gotten in the way, you would see 524 published blogs but that is the whimsy of my mind. I’d love to go back and revisit some of that content, complete some of the blogs that I committed to but life throws so many new and exciting ideas and thoughts my way.

The future is certain, I’ll be here blogging away like I always do. I’m not going anywhere but I also can’t find creative inspiration from things that I’m genuinely not interested in. I’ve had people offer hundreds of dollars for blogs about their websites or products but I can’t find them interesting and I wouldn’t expect you to read about something that I’m not interested in. I’ll endorse a product or site if Kev and I use and enjoy them but not until then.

I’m getting off on a tangent. The point is that I appreciate you and I am thankful that we are on this journey together. If you see it necessary to take a break from this journey, I fully understand. I hope life brings you back this way eventually because I like you and I appreciate your thoughts and contributions to this site.

Oh and check out my twitter, I have over 6,500 followers and I’m doubling down on some fun content that I didn’t want on my website. I am afraid of over-sexualizing the site because I feel like it makes me less credible. Maybe it is a reach to think that I was credible to begin with but I like to think that I share enough of my thought process and research to justify my positions. So yeah, I understand that this site can’t be everything to everyone but I hope you find enough that resonates for you to stick around. Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Image 1
Along For The Ride – Copyright Netflix 2022

I don’t know anything about this movie but the pic seemed fitting.
Let me know if it is any good.



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Hi Emma,

What an awesome post! I’m in the group who read your blog regularly. I check your blog every morning. While I may not agree 100% of the time, I love hearing your viewpoint.On more than one occasion, my perspective on a topic you wrote about either modified or did a 180.

I wasn’t aware of your Twitter account and I will be checking it out. You are an amazing person!


What Evolving Your Man means to YOU.
“This question is mostly rhetorical and while I do care about what it means to you, I mostly care about how the inner dialog this question creates makes you feel. Does it bring warm feelings of relationship progress and emotional acceptance? Does it bring feelings of hurt from a spouse that never accepted your needs? Does it bring back uncomfortable memories of a relationship that was on the rocks? Has your relationship evolved in the past five years? Most importantly, are you happy with how you’ve evolved in the last five years?”

EYM does indeed bring warm feelings of relationship progress and emotional acceptance! Without question. For that, I am grateful. Also, fuck yes, our relationship evolved over the last five, and in no small part to you and this EYM. It’s been remarkable. Also also, we are ecstatic with how we have evolved during that time.

Coincidentally I am a recent Twitter tweeter. Still figuring out all the ins and outs of it but having fun exploring non-monogamy and other areas of recent interest and long term interest. Just remembered you were on Twitter and followed you this morning!

We love it here Emma. Thank you for making these last 5 years happen.


No apology is necessary. We all get busy and distracted and Ms. K. are no exception to that. We’ve had a lot of balls in the air the last few months that would’ve probably delayed our ability. Things are calming down now and we’re grateful for that.


Hi Emma,

While non-monogamy is definitely not my cup of tea, the catalog from which I order my tea has a plethora of choices, leading me to believe that we don’t all have to like the same kind of tea to be happy.

I enjoy your blog as I am fascinated by power dynamics in relationships, so I plan on sticking around.


Carl Travers

We are here too and who cares what everyone else thinks. We found you on twitter and now we are both addicted to your website. Thank you for helping what sounds like many of our relationships.


This is hands down my favorite blog and forum. I learn something every time I log on.


Firts and foremost this is a tempered friendly place to land. Most even keeled I visit. You may think otherwise, after writing so many drafts, but part of the fun reading your blogs is that much of it is thinking out loud. It is a fun journey to ride along with.

As for the monogamy topic, it and many other topics are informative and educational. We are free to sample what the buffet line offers.My interests have evolved reading here.

Keep thinking out loud. Talk and writing are safe, communication and sharing helps us all evolve.


Emma, this site has absolutely sparked some evolution in my marriage. We practice orgasm control with the honor system and that has helped return focus and energy towards my wife. Your mixture of personal experience and scientific tidbits have been a big contributor to our practice.
I have also evolved in my ability to communicate in the bedroom. This recently got us to the milestone of our first pegging experience last month! It was an amazing experience for me. My wife is still processing it but we now have better practices of talking about these feelings. She is exploring some kinks too, which is fun for me to support. Thanks for doing what you do.


Miss Emma,

What I enjoy most about this blog is seeing the different elements that can be, but are not always, incorporated under this umbrella of FLR/WLM relationships. My Wife and I don’t fit into the “typical” FLR in terms of our overall relationship, but many of the elements of the relationship are FLR in nature.

It’s an affirmation to our relationship in a way, that we might not be conventional, we are not weird or wrong.


I’m glad I found my way here. Y’all are awesome. I can’t wait to read through everything. Growing and changing is an important part of life and it’s very cool to see and I hope to grow along with y’all.

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