Non-monogamy, also known as consensual non-monogamy or ethical non-monogamy, refers to the practice of having multiple simultaneous sexual or romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved parties. We all know the definition but why do we do what (or who) we do? The concept of non-monogamy is relatively new for us and we’ve been exploring the “lifestyle” as it were. As many of you have noted, we’ve been exploring more and I’ve been blogging less. My apologies for the spaced out blogs. I won’t commit to things getting better anytime soon because I won’t blog simply to post new content. For me, this site is about self discovery and the blogs help me sort things out for myself. You as my lovely reader are able to see the wheels turn in my head and many of you choose to leave comments that are very helpful for me to sort things out.
Do you crave forming new emotional and intimate connections with others? You aren’t alone, many of us have an innate need to build new bonds with others to aid in personal growth and self discovery. This helps us better understand our own desires, boundaries and preferences. Many of us desire or crave sexual variety or novelty and this is often a core motivation for non-monogamy. Exploring different relationships and sexual dynamics can help couples avoid stagnation and boredom that can arise from long term monogamy. New and exciting relationship dynamics that aren’t feasible with traditional monogamous relationships allow you to engage in activities that spit in the face of cultural norms. Our society encourages customization and an alternative framework that extends to relationships, you want it your way and non-monogamy allows this.
Monogamous relationships have an average shelf life of 8-12 years. Beyond that, couples need to look outside the box if they wish to extend the resilience and longevity of their relationship. Non-monogamy can provide an alternative approach to relationships that allow for new sources of support and alleviate pressure and expectations of the primary relationship that can lead to relationship dissatisfaction.
Clearly only you and your partner can come to terms with the specific reasons for this in your relationship but it is important to hone in on the reasons before going down a path that could have disastrous consequences. Did your husband broach the topic of non-monogamy? Does he want to see you with another man? Did your wife bring up hotwifing? Does she want to explore with other couples? Perhaps she wants you to long for her while she experiences the physical prowess of another man.
Over time we lose some of the key tenets of sexuality including animalistic desire. I for one, love knowing that my partner wants to ravish my body and quite literally tear my clothes from my body. When my Kev is watching me with another partner, I can see that look in his eyes. I can see the pain of knowing that another man is taking what is “his”. While the concept of sexual ownership is considered problematic, it is very real and part of our psychology so I’m going to give myself a pass here but feel free to object if you like.
This extends to both sides of the aisle depending completely on the needs of the couple. If the man has the need for carnal desire of a woman, hothusbanding and cuckquean are terms that refer to the opposite of a cuckold or hotwife.
I encourage you to work backwards in your non-monogamy and identify your core needs before you seek out scenarios. I know we’ve simply pursued scenarios that other partners have expressed interest in and simply gone with the flow. As we learn more about ourselves we’ve begun to seek out scenarios that scratch that itch for the very specific needs of our relationship. We love male chastity, pegging and most recently some light BDSM.
Any consensual non-monogamous practice, should always be based on open communication, trust, and mutual consent among all involved parties. Boundaries, consent, and emotional well-being should be prioritized to ensure a healthy and fulfilling experience for everyone involved. It is key to note that “everyone involved” extends to the outside partners too, while it may be easy to see them as a toy or novelty for your relationship they have needs, feelings and fantasies too. Don’t forget the needs of your bull or unicorn!
I love you all and I hope you are doing well. Check in on the forum and let us know how you are doing! What is the latest in your chastity journey? I’m really interested in hearing from a polyandry throuple. If this is you, hit me up on twitter or on the forum, I’d love to learn about this dynamic and how you make it work.