Female Mind

Identify The Motivations behind your Non-Monogamy

Non-monogamy, also known as consensual non-monogamy or ethical non-monogamy, refers to the practice of having multiple simultaneous sexual or romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved parties. We all know the definition but why do we do what (or who) we do? The concept of non-monogamy is relatively new for us and we’ve been exploring the “lifestyle” as it were. As many of you have noted, we’ve been exploring more and I’ve been blogging less. My apologies for the spaced out blogs. I won’t commit to things getting better anytime soon because I won’t blog simply to post new content. For me, this site is about self discovery and the blogs help me sort things out for myself. You as my lovely reader are able to see the wheels turn in my head and many of you choose to leave comments that are very helpful for me to sort things out.

Do you crave forming new emotional and intimate connections with others? You aren’t alone, many of us have an innate need to build new bonds with others to aid in personal growth and self discovery. This helps us better understand our own desires, boundaries and preferences. Many of us desire or crave sexual variety or novelty and this is often a core motivation for non-monogamy. Exploring different relationships and sexual dynamics can help couples avoid stagnation and boredom that can arise from long term monogamy. New and exciting relationship dynamics that aren’t feasible with traditional monogamous relationships allow you to engage in activities that spit in the face of cultural norms. Our society encourages customization and an alternative framework that extends to relationships, you want it your way and non-monogamy allows this.

Monogamous relationships have an average shelf life of 8-12 years. Beyond that, couples need to look outside the box if they wish to extend the resilience and longevity of their relationship. Non-monogamy can provide an alternative approach to relationships that allow for new sources of support and alleviate pressure and expectations of the primary relationship that can lead to relationship dissatisfaction.


Clearly only you and your partner can come to terms with the specific reasons for this in your relationship but it is important to hone in on the reasons before going down a path that could have disastrous consequences. Did your husband broach the topic of non-monogamy? Does he want to see you with another man? Did your wife bring up hotwifing? Does she want to explore with other couples? Perhaps she wants you to long for her while she experiences the physical prowess of another man.

Over time we lose some of the key tenets of sexuality including animalistic desire. I for one, love knowing that my partner wants to ravish my body and quite literally tear my clothes from my body. When my Kev is watching me with another partner, I can see that look in his eyes. I can see the pain of knowing that another man is taking what is “his”. While the concept of sexual ownership is considered problematic, it is very real and part of our psychology so I’m going to give myself a pass here but feel free to object if you like.


This extends to both sides of the aisle depending completely on the needs of the couple. If the man has the need for carnal desire of a woman, hothusbanding and cuckquean are terms that refer to the opposite of a cuckold or hotwife.

I encourage you to work backwards in your non-monogamy and identify your core needs before you seek out scenarios. I know we’ve simply pursued scenarios that other partners have expressed interest in and simply gone with the flow. As we learn more about ourselves we’ve begun to seek out scenarios that scratch that itch for the very specific needs of our relationship. We love male chastity, pegging and most recently some light BDSM.

Any consensual non-monogamous practice, should always be based on open communication, trust, and mutual consent among all involved parties. Boundaries, consent, and emotional well-being should be prioritized to ensure a healthy and fulfilling experience for everyone involved. It is key to note that “everyone involved” extends to the outside partners too, while it may be easy to see them as a toy or novelty for your relationship they have needs, feelings and fantasies too. Don’t forget the needs of your bull or unicorn!

I love you all and I hope you are doing well. Check in on the forum and let us know how you are doing! What is the latest in your chastity journey? I’m really interested in hearing from a polyandry throuple. If this is you, hit me up on twitter or on the forum, I’d love to learn about this dynamic and how you make it work.



Related Posts

5 1 vote
Article Rating
Notify of
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Good to see you back at the keyboard. The shelf life topic has been looked at for several decades now, starting intensely in the 60s. Serial monogomy seemed to to be the only solution offered (break up and divorce). Men and women have always had affairs, were swingers, etc. It is as old as history. What is new is the fact we embrace the possibility that both physical and emotional extramarital experiences can be a positive addition to a long term relationship.


Newness, excitement, new relationship energy, reaffirmation of your desirability. A sense of the forbidden. Lust over love.


“Do you crave forming new emotional and intimate connections with others?”

“Many of us desire or crave sexual variety or novelty and this is often a core motivation for non-monogamy.”

Clearly, there are many situations where these two very different things intertwine or even overlap, probably in most ENM relationships. That said, they are distinctly different and carry different weights or meanings.

For Ms. K. and I, the former is a non-starter, while the latter is exciting to talk and think about during sexy time and is very much a possibility if she ever wants to fuck another man.

I wish I could contribute to the main reason for your post Emma (what is the motivation), but currently, we are still only on the outside looking in. I’m eager to see replies.

Lastly, it is so nice to see you poking your head back in here. I know we can get all the Emma we want on the Twitter machine, but it’s still lovely to see you here.


The love is the motiviation and coming closer together is for love! Ms K and you sound like you have a wonderful relationship.


We were married for like 5 years before doing anything else and after that long even a strong sexual connection fades. How you go from there is up to you. Do you break up and give up or do you find alternative ways to enjoy each other either with other partners or with teasing, bdsm, cuckold and learning and getting closer to each others MIND the biggest sex organ the brain.


Yeah, I happy to entertain the idea of sharing her other sex organs, just not the brain.


Identifying motivations is all well and good, but perhaps its simpler than that. A male in a female led relationship (especially those underendowed and/or locked in chastity cages) must accept their wives and G/F’s seeing other men for sexual fulfillment. Much like enforced chastity, pegging, corporal punishment etc. cuckolding the locked-up male is simply a normal part of a FLR – and the law of the jungle, regardless of her motivations. 🙂


I don’t agree. It is not a normal part of a FLR. Is there a better chance of it happening in a FLR? Sure, but it is not a normal part. If a marriage/relationship can really, honestly and actually be enhanced (not just fantasy) by her fucking other men, then that couple has things they need to communicate and agree about on a very deep level, because if there is even a slight hesitation about it by either of them, but they do it anyway, the marriage is over.

What do you think? Please leave a comment.x