Cuck Positive

Cuck Positive: How can I create a positive cuckold relationship dynamic?

The purpose and scientific motivations for human relationships and bonding comes down to lust, attraction and attachment. Each of these three have their own set of hormones. Testosterone and estrogen drive lust. Serotonin drive attraction and oxytocin and vasopressin drive attachment. When we feel the right cocktail of those hormones, we feel the complex emotion of love.

What is love anyway?

The American Psychological Association defines love as “a complex emotion involving strong feelings of affection and tenderness for the love object,” as well as “positive sensations in their presence, care for their well-being, and sensitivity to their opinions.” Many describe love as a relationship between two people that makes them feel a certain way. We sum this up with one word, love which I personally think is overly simplistic because the love I feel for a sibling is quite different than the love I feel for Kevin or the love I feel toward my boyfriend. In some relationships, love can feel like something you can’t give enough of while in other relationships love can feel like an obligation. We can feel levels of love for someone shortly after meeting them and we can feel love for people years after they have passed away.

But, beyond these definitions, how exactly does love work? Let’s talk through some of the chemistry, biology, and evolutionary aspects of love and sexual/interpersonal relationships. The greeks for example have many words for love and each is very difference nuance to this complex emotion.

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Men are sexmongers!

Men in modern society are seen as lust driven monsters who will act on every sexual opportunity that presents itself in front of them, often by force or coercion. Married women, children, nobody is safe from a man in heat. While sexual predators exist, this couldn’t be further from the truth. When sexual scarcity exists, some men become more dominant while others retract to emotion. When there is a scarcity of food, some people will start a farm and others will steal food from others. Sex is a resource like food, water, housing and money and you can trade any of those resources for sex. The oldest profession in the world, prostitution is proof that sex is a a resource. This doesn’t mean that all men are monsters, it simply means that like all humans, men are driven by resource accumulation. Attaining a sexual resource is staking your ownership claim on a woman as the modern institution of marriage is often seen.

Love and motivation

In my mind, love is the motivation emotion. If I love you, I’ll drive across the country for you, I’ll give you money, maybe I would even die or kill for you. If you need to bury a body, you know the short list of people you can call that will help you and there is no doubt that every last person on that list loves you. Does it matter if it is mutual? It often does but sometimes unreciprocated love can be every bit as strong or even stronger if the person feels like it may motivate the favor of the other person.

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Pair bonding

Sexual activity in pair bonds is associated with the activation of subcortical structures that support basic motivational and physiological processes which mediate complex thinking, empathy, and other processes that make us feel a greater level of well-being. In human relationships, partner preference and pair bonding is greatly influenced by sex. While our sex drive for many women is noticeably stronger during ovulation, we have sex in times when pregnancy is unlikely or nearly impossible. Satisfying sex is seen as an indicator of good health and an influencer of partner preference. Orgasm is a rush of those sex hormones and also increases the chances that men and women will select that partner again for a sexual encounter. A reward for a job well done, if you will. Many couples feel an intense physical closeness after orgasm while others repel their partner after orgasm.

Women: More satisfying sex

With women having the role of selector and men having the role of selectee in human sexual relationships, women also experience a greater level of sexual dissatisfaction and desire a greater level of mate novelty. Most men have a lower level of sexual opportunity, resulting in a real or perceived mate shortage. That disparity can cause men to hold on to female mates who may have shown signs of desiring younger, more attractive, healthier, higher status or more money. Women on the other hand have been conditioned to suppress the desire for sex and favor the emotional connection by placing safety and security on a higher pedestal than personal pleasure. Women tend to look at sex through the lens of long term consequences of successful procreation. While options exist such as abortion and adoption, the result of a successful procreation is a nine month pregnancy and caring for a child. For men, sex has for fewer consequences so it is easier to see it through a short term perspective.

The ability to have separate partners to fulfill those separate needs takes us back to the first paragraph where I outlined the different sets of hormones. A core, anchor or emotional partner who triggers oxytocin and vasopressin or attachment hormones is key to provide a foundation of safety and security. Without the secure emotional base it is difficult to unlock our more animalistic sexual energy. In fact, women who leave one partner for another on the basis of fulfilling lustful urges often finding themselves changing the dynamic of the lust powered relationship to an emotional relationship, thusly repeating the cycle. Men who identify as sapiosexual and somewhat reserved will usually be the best core or anchor partners because they will allow your baseline feelings and emotions to feel more validated. These men are typically career driven, more likely to be college educated and intelligent. They aren’t afraid to have a philosophical conversation in bed, laughter and smiles often accompany a deeply connected partner like this.

More traditionally masculine partners will drive your the testosterone, estrogen and serotonin which drive lust and attraction. Emotions take much longer to cultivate and grow while lust burns like a match, brief and powerful but typically burns out quickly. Laughter and emotional connection in bed will rarely accompany this type of partner.

Learning to separate the needs of our minds and bodies within a cuckold type relationship is the best way to gain fulfillment of both of your sexual sides. I typically recommend two partners who are polar opposites because you can get those vastly different needs met while still maintaining very separate and concise boundaries between them. With that said, we all have a “type” and commonalities with the features and characteristics that we find attractive and comfortable so your partners will often feel similar and in some ways.

Men: Sperm competition

For men, the majority of the allure of cuckold relationships comes from a completely explainable and biological phenomenon called sperm competition. When a man mates with a female who has recently mated, he will naturally release more sperm and mate more vigorously. When a woman has a more timid or what one might call a docile or beta (I hate this term) male, who is more in touch with his emotional side, she often will love the opportunity to unlock another side. I personally love seeing my partner overcome with erotic energy whether that be pleasure, frustration or even just seeing him succumb to his purely animalistic side. I don’t want a man with predominantly animalistic traits as a partner though, I need a deeply emotional partner as my primary relationship in my life.

It isn’t uncommon for men to feel a deep shame for being aroused by the idea of their partner being with another male. That is the reason this practice falls into the genre of kink and fetish but it is a very human trait that is becoming more mainstream as it is better understood. For men, I think it is highly important to try and understand this trait rather than suppress it. As you actively begin to explore this arousal cycle, it will likely become addicting because you’ve tapped into a brand new response cycle. The fetishization and more appeal of cuckold dynamics is relatively recent although it has existed forever. A man with a cuckold fetish in past times would be a sexual deviant but in more recent times would more mainstream.

Sexual denial and humiliation

In porn, you will see sexual humiliation and denial in a cuckold relationship. While these two can go together and there is admittedly a fine line between the two dynamics, they can also be separated. Let’s discuss them separately. Sexual denial is about mate preference and you selecting another mate over your husband. When you deny him sex while simultaneously receiving sex from another partner, he feels replaced which increases the arousal levels of sperm competition. Let’s imagine that your husband is present during a sexual experience in a typical cuckold scenario where he is watching but not participating.

You can reinforce this positively by making direct eye contact, and mouthing the words “thank you” or “I love you” during the experience. You can show love and compassion in your eyes and try to connect with him emotionally during your experience with the other partner. This will typically have the largest amount of build up and emotional response from your husband because he enters a state of compersion. This compersive state allows him to focus on your pleasure and channel it for his own. He can see the joy and lust on your face and you can simultaneously see that he is satisfied by watching you being pleased. Men are problem solvers by nature, especially the sapiosexual and emotionally aroused bunch. Solving your arousal and sexual problem will be deeply rewarding.

There is a fine line between denial and humiliation and there are a few reasons to take the humiliation approach. If you husband needs reasons and reassurance, it can be useful to call out the obvious trait differences that you find attractive in your other partner. You may refer to him is a bull and use very direct comments like “he is so much more muscular/manly than you”, “his dick is so much larger than your little penis”. This is positive about your bull and draws a negative comparison to your husband which may over time feel less than. This also changes the cuckold dynamic from a passionate fling where your husband is denied sex, it becomes a comparison where his is denied sex because characteristics that he may be insecure about.

You can bump your level of power and control while simultaneously increasing both the denial and the humiliation by implementing a chastity cage which will prevent him from using or touching his penis until you choose to unlock him. You quite literally hold the key to his sexuality. It can be loads of fun and the power can be intoxicating.

The royalty perk

Another less discussed topic about male cuckold relationships is the royalty perk. This is the idea that he is king or most top dog when it comes to your desire. Ultimately she comes home to him and he is king of his castle and the object of the greatest affection. There is a fine line between feelings of misogyny/objectification and owning her sexuality vs genuinely feeling valued that she is so desirable to other men but coming home to you. This is one to talk about and if the reasons are directly related to relationship empowerment and supporting your relationship hierarchy then this might be a fun one to play with. I may write an entire blog about this one at some point because the line is so fine between wonderful and toxic.

A dry run

Whatever approach you decide to take, communicate openly about the pros, cons and fears about opening up each step of the way. role play at home a bit to see how each method works. You can play with a toy and communicate arousal and frustration levels openly. You can take frequent breaks to discuss feelings and stop altogether if things get too intense. It will be much easier to stop if there isn’t a third person present although you should feel comfortable stopping in any scenario.

Summary

A positive cuckold dynamic focuses on sexual denial and love and not humiliation. Humiliation adds a layer of negativity to the fetish that some couples may not like even though it is just a fantasy. Determine what you need from love and how does cuckold fantasy support the loving relationship that you have with your husband? This is after all about building and supporting your core relationship and satisfying parts of your life that you may find unfilled or longing for more.

Love can have wide-ranging effects on the brain and body, and it may serve an important role in the perpetuation of the human species. Most of the above is related to male/female relationships because that seems to be where most of the research has been done. It most certainly applies to any relationship dynamic and you should draw your own conclusions as to the partner in your relationship with more masculine and more feminine set of traits. While love can be filled with happiness and excitement, it can also be confusing, scary, and painful at times. It is important to communicate with your partner often and deeply to ensure that you are both on the same page. I can’t stress communication enough.

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subhubphx

” … or the love I feel toward my boyfriend.”

For me, this is a non-negotiable deal-breaker. End of relationship, end of story.

For others, it seems, having a genuine thrill wallowing in the never ceasing shame, guilt, and humiliation of your wife fucking other men, and then also explaining to you that the reason she wants to/does is because you are inferior to other men, is something I cannot wrap my head. But that’s me and what others like or say they like, genuine or otherwise, is none of my business.

Obviously, we are all different, and of course ‘to each their own’. I can appreciate and even a wife (my wife even) wanting to be fucked by another man that may be younger or have a bigger cock in a way that is akin to him being essentially a human sex toy. One that goes back in the drawer right after her orgasm, not to be seen or heard from again until the next time. But “love”. Any kind of love, in any amount? No fucking way!

These are my personal feelings.

Aries

I can understand Kev’s addiction and submission to a wife who loves him, but doesn’t feel guilty for making him stay locked up for long periods of time, fucks whenever she wants or even has a boyfriend.

I feel the situation very intoxicating, humiliating and arousing.

omfggg

My Opinion

Replace “communication” with “Extreme Toxic Manipulation”

I don’t want a man with predominantly animalistic traits as a partner though, I need a deeply emotional partner as my primary relationship in my life.

Why not marry a woman then, men have animalistic traits it’s in their genes, and now you have trained your husband to forget about them or changed his whole attitude regarding everything

It’s expected that you feel unfulfilled sexually, now trying to seek from somewhere else and using positive reinforcements in justifying the above

Going through the whole blog and reading about cuckolding at last, it seems almost abusive and manipulative at some level, right from starting about not feeling fulfilled before FLR and now introducing cuckolding in a relationship. and making it about him. what?

maybe it’s just how FLR is, but it has gone extreme I think

Aries

Hi, Emma,

It’s not easy at all for some men to embrace FLR due to how they have learned it is right to behave as a man.

Some men may have an internal conflict, and it’s difficult for them to admit they would love to be subjugated and firmly guided to a FLR relationship.

Being dominated to the point of accepting a half open relationship is enormously challenging and may need the guidance of an intelligent and strong girl.

Thanks.

subhubphx

To even suggest that a FLR ultimately must evolve into in the relationship where a wife fucks other men is reckless, irresponsible and full of shit.

Aries

Dear subhubph,

Relax, nobody is going to force anybody to do things he doesn’t want.

Cuckolding can be something unpleasant or traumatic if it’s not well matured, but I think it’s not this case.

I just think that if that fantasy is inside both partners and the subby has a dominant, demanding and eager wife who wants to have a position of queen of her house in all aspects…her little cuckold must be ready to end up on his knees with the thick strawberry of her wife’s boyfriend in front of him that he will have to caress with his tongue.

If mommy serves her boy a delicious cream pie made with all her love he will have to be polite and eat it all.

Thank you.

subhubphx

Relax, nobody is going to force anybody to do things he doesn’t want.”

I am relaxed. I’m always relaxed, but I disagree. I appreciate you telling me to relax. but don’t. People (husbands) ARE going to be forced to do things they don’t want but will agree to it for fear of losing his wife. When that happens it is a bell that can’t be unrung and resentment will absolutely set in.

Aries

Dear subhubphx, I don’t think there can be many men forced to support an unwanted cuckold relationship.

In my opinion this fantasy is normally proposed by the husband, and there’s much people into real suffering. It’s what those men want.

I have read femdom blogs in which it is clearly explained that the husband really want their wives to make them suffer. There are oders in which the wife is presented as a diabolical woman who force their husbands to suffer, and you have to search for little times in which this point is said.

I follow a blog in which the wife insits that her husband don’t want her to make him suffer, but that’s not true. Her husband wants to live a fantasy of unwanted enslavement.

I personally prefer true blogs, in which things are told as they really are, but I think it’s common to show a fantasy in which it’s the wife who manipulates and abuse her husband.

Thank you!

subhubphx

“I don’t think …” “In my opinion this fantasy normally …”

The rest of your words are additional opinions.

‘Opinion’ and ‘Normally’ mean nothing outside of one’s opinion. In this case your opinions. Be that as it may, I stand by my original opinion

To even suggest that a FLR ultimately must evolve into in the relationship where a wife fucks other men is reckless, irresponsible and full of shit.”



omfgggg

(sorry, same person different account, was not expecting a reply)

Not all men have animalistic traits many men are more sensitive than some women.

Agreeing to some extent, maybe even less. I would say animalistic traits vary based on circumstances, timing, and necessity. For example, demonstrating authority and competitiveness might be crucial in a work environment, whereas being submissive could prove beneficial in other situations

Tell me more about your thoughts about female-led relationships, and what piques your interest about.

I recently came across the concept of this type of relationship, and it seemed like an interesting and unique. I randomly stumbled upon your blog and was impressed by your well-detailed, knowledgeable, and intelligent writing.

It seems that the concept of cuckolding evokes a strong emotional response, why do you think that is? What did you search for when you happened upon my site?

I would say not a big fan of cuckolding, my strong response happened to be regarding the progression of your relationship.

{From husband — Sub—cuck—pup(probably not yet) that seems like progression, why I think like a pup, he is in chastity (24/7) like a neutered pup, he has become more obedient, more affectionate, more loving and loyal}(Do you think if the cage is removed, he would show the same level of love?)

Your posts regarding this topic were so chronologically accurate that you seemed to provide every technique and method to induce more humiliation and submission (at every stage) in a person and to make it work for your benefit.
This seems like toxic manipulation and abuse of influence
(What I think is, humiliation does not end after scene; it builds up and builds up more and more.)

If it were agreed upon on an equal consensual basis, I wouldn’t dare to say anything.

Why do I think it was not on an equal consensual basis?
When a person is met with relentless denial and continual rejection from the very start of the relationship, coupled with the crushing weight of humiliation and emasculation pushing one towards submission at every turn, it’s obvious that he becomes an obedient, compliant, and docile person.
How can any decision be consensual when a person is consciously and subconsciously fully submissive and emasculated?

I wanted to ask you if cuckolding was part of the contract, or relationship evolved to be in a such stage that it seemed like a good choice.

(I think it’s important to clarify that when I criticize relationships or share my opinions, it’s not a personal attack on anyone. I have no issues with you, your partner, or your choices in life. I simply like to offer a different perspective.)

omfgggg

I might have written too much..

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