So, you’ve ventured into the world of non-monogamy, perhaps dabbled in cuckolding or opened up your relationship in one way or another. But now, you’re wondering: Can we close that door once it’s been opened? Is it possible to return to monogamy after experiencing the thrills, the challenges, and the intimacy that come with an open or cuckold relationship? Well, let’s chat about it!
The Allure of Non-Monogamy and Cuckold Relationships
First, let’s acknowledge what brought you to this point. The journey into non-monogamy, whether it’s swinging, cuckolding, or full-blown polyamory, is often sparked by a desire for something more—more excitement, more connection, more freedom. For some couples, like Kev and me, cuckolding becomes a powerful dynamic that deepens our bond, fuels our sexual energy, and helps us explore parts of ourselves we might never have discovered otherwise. There’s a thrill in seeing your partner with someone else, and it can be incredibly empowering to embrace your desires openly.
But with that thrill comes a deeper connection, and it’s this connection that can make closing the door on non-monogamy quite a challenge.
The Challenges of Closing the Door
Once you’ve tasted the freedom and excitement of an open or cuckold relationship, it’s hard to go back to traditional monogamy without feeling like something is missing. For many couples, the idea of closing off those experiences can feel a bit like losing a piece of what made your relationship special. The question isn’t just, “Can we close the door?” but rather, “Should we?”
Here’s the thing: It’s not impossible, but it requires a lot of communication, understanding, and mutual agreement. If you and your partner are on the same page, it can work. But if one of you is hesitant, it’s going to be an uphill battle.
The Steps to Closing Your Relationship
If you’ve decided that it’s time to close the door on non-monogamy, here’s how you might go about it:
1. Have a Heart-to-Heart Conversation
Start with an open and honest conversation with your partner. This isn’t something you can gloss over—dig deep into your feelings and be prepared to listen. Why do you want to close the relationship? What are your partner’s feelings on the matter? Is it about wanting to return to exclusivity, or is there something deeper at play?
Discuss the emotional impacts of your open relationship. Has it brought you closer, or has it created distance? Do you miss the simplicity of monogamy, or is it something else that’s driving this decision?
2. Evaluate Your Relationship’s Needs
Consider what your relationship truly needs at this stage. Are you seeking security, simplicity, or something else? Maybe you’re in a place where monogamy feels right, or perhaps a more flexible approach, like becoming “monogamish,” would better suit your needs.
Monogamish relationships are those where you’re mostly monogamous but allow for occasional non-monogamous experiences. This could mean an occasional flirtation, a rare sexual encounter outside the relationship, or simply enjoying the freedom to fantasize and share those fantasies with each other.
The key is to tailor your relationship to fit your needs, not to force it into a mold that no longer suits you.
3. Identify Relationship Boundaries
If you decide to close the relationship, it’s crucial to set clear boundaries and expectations. What does monogamy look like for you both now? Are there any gray areas you need to address? For example, is flirting with others okay? What about staying in touch with former partners from your non-monogamous days?
These conversations can be tough, but they’re necessary. Remember, boundaries are there to protect your relationship, not to restrict your freedom.
4. Cutting Off Connections
One of the hardest parts of closing a relationship is cutting off connections with other partners. If your partner has formed deep emotional or sexual connections with others, ending those relationships can be painful. It’s important to approach this with empathy and understanding.
Don’t demand that your partner simply cut off these connections. Instead, discuss how to transition out of these relationships in a way that feels respectful and kind to everyone involved. This might mean having a final conversation with those partners, explaining the decision to close the relationship, and expressing gratitude for the experiences you’ve shared.
5. Rebuilding Your Connection
Once the door is closed, it’s time to focus on rebuilding and strengthening your connection as a couple. This might involve spending more quality time together, exploring new shared interests, or even seeking couples therapy to help navigate the transition.
Remember, closing the door on non-monogamy doesn’t mean shutting down the excitement and intimacy that you’ve built. It’s about finding new ways to keep that spark alive within the boundaries of your relationship.
The Statistics and Facts
Now, let’s get a bit factual. Studies show that around 20% of couples in the United States have experimented with non-monogamy at some point in their relationship. Of those, about half eventually decide to close the relationship and return to monogamy.
But here’s the kicker—only about 30% of those couples report a smooth transition back to monogamy. The rest? They struggle with feelings of loss, resentment, or simply missing the excitement of an open relationship. However, couples who navigate this transition successfully often do so because they prioritize communication, mutual respect, and a shared vision for their relationship’s future.
Monogamy, Non-Monogamy, and Everything In Between
So, should you shut the door completely, or is there a middle ground? This is where the concept of being “monogamish” comes into play. For some couples, fully closing the door feels too restrictive, but remaining fully open doesn’t align with their current needs. Monogamish relationships allow for occasional non-monogamous experiences within agreed-upon boundaries, providing a balance between exclusivity and freedom.
For Kev and me, we’ve found that keeping a little wiggle room in our relationship helps maintain that sense of adventure while still prioritizing our bond. It’s not about going full throttle into non-monogamy again but allowing ourselves the freedom to explore when and if it feels right.
Can It Work? Yes, But…
Here’s the bottom line, darlings—closing the door on non-monogamy after exploring it together isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. It requires patience, understanding, and a lot of communication. You can’t force this decision on your partner, but if you both feel it’s time to return to monogamy (or something close to it), then with the right approach, it can work out just fine.
The key is to keep the conversation ongoing. Relationships aren’t static, and what works for you now might change down the road. Be open to revisiting this conversation if needed, and always prioritize the health and happiness of your relationship.
Check out this episode of the wonderful Sex & Psychology podcast by Dr. Justin Lehmiller entitled what comes after nonmonogamy.
When people become nonmonogamous, they don’t always stay nonmonogamous for life. Sometimes people decide to take a temporary break from it. Other times, people stop practicing it altogether because it’s just not what they want or need anymore. Maybe they only want to pursue one relationship right now, or perhaps they just want to be single. So what does a post nonmonogamous life look like? That’s what we’re going to be talking about in this episode.
Final Thoughts
So, can you close the door once it’s been opened? Absolutely. But whether you should, and how you go about it, depends entirely on you and your partner. It’s a journey that requires honesty, empathy, and a willingness to adapt to each other’s needs.
As always, my lovelies, trust your instincts and lean on the strength of your connection. Whether you choose to embrace monogamy once more, become monogamish, or keep the door slightly ajar, the most important thing is that you and your partner are on the same page.
Sending you all the love and encouragement as you navigate this complex and fascinating part of your relationship. Until next time, keep the conversation flowing and the love growing!
To be clear me and my wife are swingers and have been for a long time I have helped a lot of people deal with stuff
Can it be closed yes …. To say it’s hard is a understatement…. Then again if opening it wasn’t hard then you probably didn’t know what you where getting into …..
Yes I have helped people close that relationship and it is very very hard but it can be a good experience as well a life without struggles is a life not lived
It’s a bell that cannot be un-rung, which is why you’d better be damn sure that you’ll be able to live with the knowledge that you allowed another man to fuck your wife because you were horny at the idea of it. Even if you both mutually decide to unwind it, you’ll never be able to go back to where you were before dove into the cuck pool.
Can you close the door? Sure. Will it be the same if you do? No.
I agree with your last sentence, it will never be the same because you’ve had an experience together. Good or bad, better or worse. I feel the need to question “you allowed your wife to fuck another man” to clarify what you meant. Are you suggesting that since she had sex with someone other than you that she is now of less sexual or relationship value than she was before? I don’t think that’s what you meant but “allowing her” is an interesting way to put it and I think it may need some clarification.
It only needs to take on whatever meaning the two of you allow it to take. If you give it the meaning of watching your wife receive pleasure and connect with another person and don’t give it the meaning of breaking the sanctity of your marriage vows then it can be just that. Sex might mean something to the two of you that it may not mean to others.
“I don’t think that’s what you meant but “allowing her” is an interesting way to put it and I think it may need some clarification.”
Without getting into the power dynamics, yes, allowing her is the reality. The alternative to allowing it is that she did it without knowledge, consent, communication. We all know that those things are the most important things, right?
I also think I want to go check out this cuck pool that you speak of. 😘
Ok been on this topic before….. You are right it won’t be the same …. Nothing is ever the same as it was yesterday… It can be new better or worse or something in between it’s never easy nothing is …. It really can be a careful what you wish for moment…. How ever no one I think is saying just give up …. You have to always do your best talk it through and cut each other a lot of slack ….. Without knowing everything hearing both sides that’s the best advice I can give
Of course, tomorrow will always be different than today. But different how? One day older but substantially the same as yesterday, or one day older and filled with regret that cannot be undone? They’re both different tomorrows.
You said it, my friend … it really is a ‘be careful what you wish for’ thing. Be careful! Many people aren’t careful and with something as important as the love of your life … be careful.
Ah yes regret …. It sucks … But can also be a powerful tool to fix a problem it’s all in how you look at it … I personally regret not being there for someone and now they are no longer with us 😔….. But every day I use that regret to make shere I push myself to be there for someone who needs me if I can ….. ( We all need our time to and some people can’t be helped ) …. In the case of alternative lifestyles regret you need to make it part of your relationship we regret this thing we will never let it happen again it becomes a we thing …. That is making a problem into a foundation for something better…… Sounds easy well that is not true it’s hard ….. I am going to say it right now if you think you will regret it DON’T DO IT !!!! … And no one should ever shame you for avoiding a regret… But if something happens always try to find a way to build a positive thing from it build grow and learn together
Also you probably already know all this you seem to be well thought out how ever I’m saying it for others who might read what we say and wonder how do I get out of this
Wishing the best for everyone 🙏
😁
https://bronnieware.com/blog/regrets-of-the-dying/
I linked the whole article but the picture tells at least m believe on the matter. On deaths door people tend to regret the things they were to scared to go after far more then the decision they made that didn’t work out. I would never presume to tell someone how they should live their life but if you and your partner are both interested in some form of an open relationship not pursuing it due to fear of the unknown. That will weigh on you far more then the regret of taking the plunge and finding out it’s not for you. That’s just my two cents on the matter and like everyone has said in the comments, open communication and a clear understanding of what you each person want are an essential part of any healthy relationship. The need only grows when adding another partner.
This is definitely a view point I have heard many times throughout the years my wife and I have explored the cuckold dynamic. When I reflect back it’s probably a view I held at some point myself. The thing that changed my perspective was when I realized I was letting other peoples opinions influence my personal feelings. Who determines how you should look at your partner or yourself after they have been with another person? It’s you it’s a decision you can make and change anytime you desire. Society undoubtedly has conditioned us to view sex outside of your primary relationship as a negative but if you break that attachment to the societal norm then you are free to assign any feelings you want to that experience. We have 1 established rule that has never changed since we entered the lifestyle. Our relationship is always number 1 so if either of us don’t feel 100% on board everything stops immediately and will not start up again unless we both are back at 100. With that rule as our guiding principle everything we have done within the lifestyle has been an experience we will share forever. Just as if we choose to stop that will just be another chapter of our lives we will navigate and enjoy together.
Q: Is it possible to return to monogamy after experiencing the thrills, the challenges, and the intimacy that come with an open or cuckold relationship?
A: Possible, but unlikely. Once she has experienced the freedom of relations with another man, it would take only a moment of weakness to cause her to stray. The to return to monogamy would take more than communication. It would take discipline and commitment.
I don’t always agree with you … but I do here.
In any open relationship, when one partner starts having doubts, the first step should always be to pause everything. Communication, retrospection, and analyzing the “why or why-nots” come second. The person you’re with is someone you love, cherish, and have chosen to spend your life with – it’s the minimum respect you owe them. The only potential exception is when the entire relationship has been open from the start and is predicated on it, but I would assume that’s not the norm.
In a cuckolding dynamic, the responsibility primarily lies with the woman. If her partner expresses discomfort or wants to reevaluate, it’s her responsibility (as the one with more power in this context) to ensure that things pause and are reassessed.
Whether stopping is a real option is highly subjective and depends on the couple. Couples who can’t come to a consensus should revisit whether they are truly content in the relationship. If one partner merely tolerates the other’s behavior, it often leads to festering resentment and future issues.