Long Term emotional...
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Long Term emotional and relationship

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Posts: 15
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Am wondering the chastity and cage are the props. What have been the changes in feelings? behavior? attitudes? Daily interaction with spouse or keyholder? 

Posted : 29/01/2023 8:34 am
Posts: 39
Trusted Member

Seen in this light, everything that surrounds us is a prop. Everything has some influence on the partnership, dealing with each other....
Everything is only as important as it would be unimportant if it were no longer there. So hard to say. That fills whole books.

For me / us (short version):
my chastity means:
she can trust me (her ex cheated on her)
it helps to find my place (I am submissive and want to be allowed to be)
I don't take myself so seriously, my wife all the more
I prove to her that I trust her, because (on top of chastity) I give her considerable power through our partnership concept (I have never been disappointed by her either)
It means security and freedom for each other because we know everything about each other. (through the many, many communications regarding sex and chastity)

The chastity belt means:
A constant reminder to me who put it there and why they did it
A wonderful basis for discussion for changes, new acquisitions, small mean things ....

These things are simply part of our life concept and do not have to be defined so precisely. Tomorrow everything old will be old and everything new will be new anyway.


Posted : 29/01/2023 9:47 am
rene and true42 reacted
Posts: 158
Reputable Member

As I posted somewhere else recently:


Chastity is almost unavoidably a form of training for me. It's a bit embarrassing to admit, but 90% of the "training" has just been to get me to behave in the manner that I should have been all along. I'll list a number of things that we have talked about, and how they have changed me.

1. I used to get bored with her speaking her own opinion, so I would do us both a favor and interrupt her half-way into her first sentence. Usually with an eye-roll first. She had to live with that asshole interrupting her for the first years of marriage, and at some point after we began our experimentation with chastity, she put her foot down and informed me that I would never interrupt her again. It actually makes me start to cry now when I think about what a complete fucking asshole I was, for so many years (even 2 would have been 2 too many). How my attitude ripped down her self esteem. And for what? So I didn't have to listen to her opinion? What a fucking jerk I was. And how thankful I am that she corrected me. I only wish we had discovered chastity sooner.

2. Speaking of rolling my eyes at her, OMG she hates that. Every time I would do that, I ripped down her self confidence and let her know how little I respected her. What an asshole. She told me how it made her feel and informed me that I would not do it again. Like a bull being led by a nose-ring, I happily agreed and thanked her for correcting me, and I have never rolled my eyes at her again.I only wish we had discovered chastity sooner, before I had had an opportunity to hurt her with my disrespect.

3. Speaking of not speaking, not only did she not like being interrupted, but she also didn't like being tuned out and/or ignored. Crazy expectation, right? She actually wanted me to actively listen to her, and let her speak her mind on whatever topic she wanted to talk about. And she wanted me to keep my mouth closed while she did it. I, of course, imagined this to be impossible. She imagined that I had no choice but to listen. I have since learned that I have no choice but to listen, and I have learned to appreciate her sharing her thoughts with me, uninterrupted. I only wish we had discovered chastity sooner.

4. Toilet seats stay down. And toilets get cleaned. This one was remarkably easy for me.

5. She really did not like being pressured to have sex. I liked being able to expect sex whenever I wanted it. So we compromised: I no longer expect sex, ask for sex, or put any pressure on her whatsoever on this topic. She can relax now and allow me to caress her body, knowing that I have zero expectation of anything in return. It really has allowed her to enjoy sex much more, and while she still likes me to come (most of the time), she now comes first in my life, and she knows it. When she wants to play, she knows that I want to play with her. And when she wants to sleep, she knows that I want her to sleep. Her control over when and how we are intimate is definitely one of the most fascinating parts of my being trained. I wish we had discovered chastity much sooner; our libido mismatch (since day one) meant that she could have always had the leverage in our relationship, and I wish my training had started the day I met her.

6. I used to not really care what she thought when it came to what I did. That was my business, and while I might want her to be happy, I didn't want that badly enough that I'd substantially change my direction based on her requests. I have since learned that I really do want her to be happy, and I'm willing to change my direction on any topic immediately if she indicates her preference. Yes, I have learned obedience. I'm not a slave; it's just that I obey her completely, without question. It is a strangely wonderful and liberating feeling to know that I must obey her completely. But I have also found that I like doing what she would want me to do, not just what she says I have to do. We probably both wish that we had discovered chastity sooner.

It's safe to say that chastity has had a profound impact on our relationship. Yeah, a year or two after we started, I agreed to never masturbate again, and all the other normal agreements you read about here. That's all a bit cliche. What was really important is that my attitude changed toward her.

I am looking forward to her training me in whatever way she pleases, for the rest of our lives together. It's not much work for her; she simply adjusts my attitude and my direction when and as she sees fit. She has steadily changed me to the point now that I am as easy to train as an eager puppy, and she has made me every bit as happy as one, too. I long for her guidance, and I am literally desperate to please her. I only wish we had discovered chastity sooner.


I don't actually get to use the cage very often. Only a few times this year, although she likes it ... I think it's just that I've been so well trained by now that the cage isn't necessary from her point of view. Is it a prop? No. It's very real. When I wear it, it keeps my mind on her, where it should be. And chastity (i.e. her controlling when and how we have sex) has been very real now for a couple of years. Fortunately, my wife loves sex, so we're usually making love 1-3 times a week, and rarely will we go more than a week without any. (Over the last year, I think there was one time that we went about 2 weeks without sex.)

Posted : 31/01/2023 6:33 pm
joebear and rene reacted