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Question for Emma

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Emma, having read some of your blogs and posts, you definitely have a good understanding of loving relationships, especially with regard to female lead.  If anyone can answer my question it would be you.  I do not mean for my question to be in any way disrespectful and if I am out of line please say so.  My question is one of curiosity because I do not understand the dynamic.

I see in many FLR scenarios that the woman does not permit her partner to orgasm inside her. In one of your blogs or posts I believe I saw where Kevin is never allowed to orgasm inside you when you have PIV.  Only on your body.  I realize that not permitting a man to orgasm inside his woman reinforces the submissive mind set and her authority. In your blogs you talk about it being about the emotions and the intimacy rather than the orgasm and by making him stop before he orgasms it maintains these feelings.   But the man is not the only one bring deprived.  The woman is being cheated out of the most wonderful intimacy that is a mutual or near mutual orgasm with someone who loves her deeply.  Truly making love is about so much more than the sex and orgasm but when the woman does not allow her man to finish inside her let alone when she does, doesn’t it revert to being just about her orgasm?  The intimacy stops when he pulls out?  After all this is the man she loves and who loves her.  Why would she want it to stop with her orgasm?  The bond I feel when Dave and I climax almost together, well it is the definition of making love.  From your blogs I have to believe that Kevin’s dedication to you and desire to protect and serve you is based much more on his love for you than on his chastity and denial.  An hour or two of shared ultimate intimacy once in a while is not going to change his mindset is it?  His orgasms will still be limited and controlled by you.  So why do you forego this most beautiful part of the love making with Kevin?   Why do so many keyholder woman do this?

I could never give up the feeling I get when Dave and I have intercourse.  We start with long and loving foreplay including an oral orgasm for me.  We have intercourse face to face and body against body, usually on our sides as this lets Dave move against my body with less thrusting.  When I have my orgasm my vagina pulses slightly and that sends Dave over the edge in a few seconds and his orgasm is mind-blowing.  (Remember he is now down to an every other Saturday schedule.)  When that happens the intimacy I feel is insanely strong.  We will just hold each other very tightly and close for a minute or more with no words spoken.  I can tell that Dave knows how much I love him by the way he holds me and touches me and kisses me. We talk about  how important communication is.  This is communication without words but it says more than words ever could.  Then we spend the next hour or so just cuddling and talking and caressing.  At some point I will have him give me one more oral orgasm and then we cuddle for a bit longer before going to sleep in his arms. 

Why would any woman choose to pass that up with the man she loves?  I don’t understand.

I would be interested in hearing from any women who do not allow their man to orgasm inside them or those who do not allow PIV at all.


Dave’s love for me is not about sex.  It shows up in every little thing he does every day.  He does more than his share around the house as well as being the bread winner.  He knows when I can use a hug.  He even still stops sometimes on his way home to pick me wild flowers from along the road like he did when we first married and flowers were not in the budget.  And with all this he looks to me to lead.  Would he like to have sex more often?  Probably but if you ask him he will say he wants me to decide because I know how to do it best and I am in charge.  Isn’t it similar for any man who will let his wife put him in chastity and let her lead?


Posted : 19/08/2021 8:56 pm
Reputable Member

99%+ of my orgasms are PIV inside my wife. Every once in a blue moon (or blue balls?) she will massage me to one, but I can't remember the last time that happened.

If it's an FLR, then you make the rules, and you do sex the way you want to do sex. At least, that's how it works for us.

Posted : 19/08/2021 9:52 pm
djv, djv and djv reacted
Trusted Member

Hi, Steph, I probably shouldn't answer this since your question was to Emma and other women, but I love your story and your passion and feel compelled to address a few points from the cheap seats where I sit.  First and foremost, PLEASE don't let anything I or others say cause you to change what appears to be a wonderful dynamic.  This is working for you two so do what works!

Some women don't enjoy PIV as much, and in some rare cases men do not get complete satisfaction from PIV.  My wife is NOT one of them, she loves sex almost any way she can get it - yet I am reduced to only a handful of PIV's per year.  I miss it very much.  Considering everything you say is true, why?  And why on earth would I put up with it?  That has been my "headtrip" since day 1 of this.

Her words:  Once she got me in the cage and took control (and she really loves the power), she started practicing longer and longer lockups.  Literally doubling them until we were into months, not days or weeks. It turns out this was on purpose, and I was being studied. During a few of our more serious conversations she told me that it takes me a full 6 weeks post orgasm to return to the fully submissive, loving man that makes her happiest.  After then next few orgasms she helped me to see this by pointing out small things in my behavior.  How I spoke to her, how much I put her first, etc.  I'm not a bad husband just because I get an O, but I am much better after a long term without.  It blew my mind but she is right (probably doesn't help that I am 61).  There are things that can be done to reduce this time or maintain the nice behavior, but most of those also reduce some of that loving bond you feel because they also modify the hormones that result in that pairing feeling immediately after orgasm.  With this knowledge in my head, and wanting to be the best husband I can be, going without an Orgasm becomes a very willing act of service.

She also says, and I still don't know if this is teasing/SPH or real, that after a while of using a faux cock (strap on) she can get more intense orgasms than she can from my penis.  As a technical guy this makes sense to me: she can choose the ideal penis for her moods, feel close to me yet get her G and C spots worked in the way her body most wants it right then.  She of course enjoys the power trip that goes with this, and can also choose many other types of stimulation.  In short, she uses variety and engineering to maximize her physical pleasure and gets off knowing that "her orgasm is our orgasm", and it really is.  Emma discusses compersion, and I feel very strongly that men are hard-wired to enjoy satisfying a woman.  At first this is masked behind their own hormonal urge to orgasm/reproduce, but I bet ancient males that made sure their woman was happy had an easier time reproducing than those that didn't care at all (sorry, I digress, but the point is that it makes us happy to make our woman happy).

But what about my view, isn't this robbing us of that "coupling" moment you describe?  Well, no.  I hate to say it, I really do, because I LOVE orgasms, but I get a feeling of satisfaction after bringing her to orgasm that I never, ever could have gotten by focusing on my own.  We cuddle longer, more seriously and communicate better than any time after I orgasm.  And it seems to longer we go, the more serious she is, the more intense the feeling.  If she gave me an orgasm every two weeks, I wouldn't get that other feeling.  And it seems the very things that make all this work (and I still haven't figured it out) mean that the longer I go and the more I want that orgasm, the better I feel.  It is like I get to walk around in pre-orgasmic bliss all day, instead of a brief period of intense bliss on a weekend night.  In short, I/we have learned to appreciate several new feelings that are just as valuable to me/us as my periodic O's.  If I have to be truly honest, I probably miss that I no longer have control over orgasms more than the orgasm itself now that I know all this.  There are times I would really love to rub one out so I can calm down, but that is not my choice anymore.  Which again is something that makes it all work.  

I better stop rambling.  As a footnote you should know that I never wanted chastity, it wasn't my kink.  I didn't even know EMC existed.  I certainly never wanted long term chastity (i.e. no PIV orgasms) and my male brain still has trouble with it.  But I guarantee you it CAN work.  Now please re-read my first disclaimer!

Posted : 20/08/2021 4:10 pm
Stevesub, Brian, Stevesub and 3 people reacted
Estimable Member

Well Mr Headtrip. Your post hit sooo many points of resonance for me. Perfect.... and saved me figuring out how to share it  🙂

Posted : 20/08/2021 8:50 pm
Deleted User
Honorable Member
Topic starter


I was really hoping to get the woman’s point of view but it is conspicuous by its absence.  It may be the women feel my question is inappropriate.  If it is, I want to apologize.  As the new member I do not want to offend anyone. 

Your comments are very interesting.  You sound a little conflicted between what is obviously working for you and at the same time wishing there could be a way to have it all.   Life tends to be one big compromise sometimes.

Many years ago Dave learned the difference between intimate love making and an orgasm when he just physically could not orgasm during intercourse for whatever reason one night.  His disappointment turned to joy when he realized he still felt wonderful after my orgasm and he experienced the same emotional high as when he orgasms.  We played around for a few weeks with him not getting his orgasm until after intercourse was over.  He would pull out and I would perform oral on him while he performed the follow up oral on me (69 if you will.)   It was actually me that missed his orgasm during PIV and I took us back to full love making.  We worked on his patience during foreplay some and I learned to time our orgasms so that he came immediately after me.

The result is he makes love in a sensual and intimate way and he sees the orgasm as a bonus not a goal.  Sort of like the brass ring on the merry go round.  We continue our love making for an hour or so after and he never seems to get what I learned almost 30 years ago was male post orgasm depression.  I fall asleep in his arms and in the morning he is loving and sweet and caresses me till we have to get up.

Posted : 20/08/2021 10:54 pm
Estimable Member

The thing is that there isn't an FLR rule book one can turn to, each partnership gets to decide their own rules and boundaries. As you say, some like PIV and orgasms, others just PIV, and others, neither.

I don't come inside my wife; our rules preclude me from having conventional orgasms at all and every sexual act I am permitted is initiated and overseen by her. But since we evolved this lifestyle my wife's libido has increased almost exponentially.

Over time I've learned to withhold ejaculations from PIV and being masturbated, to the point where I'm not sure I could let go now, but the upside is that, when I'm permitted to be uncaged, my stamina is equal to any demand she might make while I get intense pleasure from her getting more and better orgasms than I could give her back in our vanilla days, and she knows this. 

This works for us because of my extreme sexual submissiveness, but I'm sure it's not for many others in FLRs. But similarly, I wouldn't thank you for other people's practices that they would consider indispensable.

Vive La Difference!


Posted : 22/08/2021 12:03 pm
Trusted Member


You understand me well.  And we all agree that every siuuation is different.  Both my wife and I recovered from long term near sexless marriages and I think we are making up for lost time by trending a bit more on the kinky or extreme side of EMC.  I would feel a bit jealous of Dave's situation except my wife keeps me busy feeling like a teenager in love.

I can't imagine any woman would be offended by a question that is 100% legitimate from your view.  But I bet the answers are very personal to each.

Keep up the great writing of a great relationship. 

Posted : 23/08/2021 11:11 pm
Macy has keys
Estimable Member

Hi Steph, 

I completely agree with you! We often trigger each other's orgasms.  Mutual or simultaneous orgasms are the best. I absolutely love the feeling of him orgasming inside me and I can't imagine ever being inclined to give it up. It makes me cum immediately! I also love the post orgasm ecstasy you describe. Missionary is my favorite! He is 6' and 200 pounds and I'm 5'2 and 116 pounds. I love feeling his body pressed against mine, feeling his weight on me, his chest pressing against my boobs, belly to belly, face to face, out of breath, and each of us shaking from our orgasms. 

We are definitely not the typical couple on here, pretty vanilla actually except for chastity. So I don't think we have the same sexual mindset as most of the couples on here with respect to FLR and submission. I read about all the focus being on her orgasm, but as you and I agree, I am seriously missing out if I'm the only one having an orgasm, and I have to get that orally or digitally, and no strap on is going to be the same. All that to say, I don't understand it either. 

Posted : 08/11/2021 2:37 am
Deleted User
Honorable Member
Topic starter

It is nice to find someone else who sees the relationship more like we do.  From what I see you do a little more sadistic teasing than I do but I am sure it keeps him on his toes.

You are right about being more vanilla than most here. I sometimes wonder if we belong and Dave often feels like he upsets some people when he talks about our relationship.  He says a couple of responses to his posts reminded him that this is a kink, Domme/Sub site.  

We have recently gone to me being on top during our intercourse.  With his smaller size it helps keep him inside me and it also gives me more control of when the orgasms will happen.  The sensual love making after is the most wonderful way of coming down from the high for me and then that final oral he does on me is almost like desert after a great meal.  That sensual period after tends to eliminate any post orgasm depression (they call it becoming distant or unattentive here) and he is as loving the next day as ever.

There are times when I am tempted to let him have an orgasm with me more than every other week but at his age it takes about ten days to get to peak horny so that his orgasm will be at its maximum intensity.  Our nights in between are much more sensual than passionate but I still get my "O" and we both feel a special connection and closeness.  

Posted : 08/11/2021 1:18 pm
Honorable Member

@steph @macy-has-keys

It's really sad to ready that you may not feel that you are part of this community or that you are not 'hard core' enough to fit in. I'd like to think that this is a safe place for everyone regardless of how they pursue their relationships with the common theme being male chastity. Of course there will be those who are more developed in their tastes and peccadillos but many are just starting out or have got to where they are comfortable and this should be a welcoming place for discussion and support.

For us hubby doesn't orgasm inside me anymore, not because we are in an extreme FLR but because he suffers from erectile dysfunction. This has been a source of a great deal of upset, mainly for him. He's found it difficult on many levels not to be able to maintain an erection long enough to make either of us orgasm. We have increased the use of chastity over the years as the problem has got worse and it has provided for him a salve as to why he is unable to 'perform'. He can mentally 'justify' not having PIV with me not because he can't but because I won't unlock him. Of course I would unlock him, but it has helped him psychologically to cope with what's happened to him.

I have missed that part of our lives, but it is what it is (we have taken medical advice) and we have found other ways to enjoy sex and intimacy. I think it's different for each couple and whatever works for you then celebrate it and enjoy it.

Posted : 09/11/2021 9:19 pm
true42, djv, Macy has keys and 9 people reacted
Posted by: @mstara

It's really sad to ready that you may not feel that you are part of this community or that you are not 'hard core' enough to fit in. I'd like to think that this is a safe place for everyone regardless of how they pursue their relationships with the common theme being male chastity.

I wholeheartedly agree!  This IS a safe place and comparison with ANYBODY else is unnecessary and fruitless.  Take what have, what you do, who you do it with and how you love ... and celebrate it.  It's unique to you, it's beautiful and it's awesome!  It works for you and that is ALL that matters!

"Comparison is the thief of joy"   -   Theodore Roosevelt

Posted : 09/11/2021 10:04 pm
djv, Macy has keys, djv and 3 people reacted
Macy has keys
Estimable Member

Hey ladies!

Posted by: @steph

From what I see you do a little more sadistic teasing than I do but I am sure it keeps him on his toes.

It's my job to keep him on his toes! Yes, I do have a devious teasing streak running through me lol! Not a sadist, but I want him feeling my girl power!

Posted by: @mstara

It's really sad to ready that you may not feel that you are part of this community or that you are not 'hard core' enough to fit in. I'd like to think that this is a safe place for everyone regardless of how they pursue their relationships with the common theme being male chastity.

Thank you! I'm new here and I do feel safe posting here. I enjoy the variety of relationships and the variety of ways chastity is implemented. It's also nice knowing that I don't have to fit a particular mold to fit in. While I might connect more with the vanilla minded women, I'm looking forward to developing relationships with everyone and learning from everyone's relationships. 

Posted : 09/11/2021 10:05 pm
Sam, djv, subhubphx and 6 people reacted

@macy-has-keys The best part of this forum is the wide variety of ideas and lifestyle. Not sure how any of us, can refer to themselves as “vanilla” when we are all on a male chastity page together! ? ?

There’s an old saying in the bdsm community, i think it fits here as well:

Your kink isn’t my kink, but your kink is ok with me


Posted : 09/11/2021 11:32 pm
true42, Macy has keys, Sam and 9 people reacted