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To delay or not to delay, that is the question.

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Therachel
(@therachel)
Posts: 41
Estimable Member
 

If she is feeling guilty send her this list of things that I LOVE about chastity. 

https://www.evolvingyourman.com/community/general-chastity/the-best-parts-of-locking-him-up/

 
Posted : 11/12/2021 1:34 pm
Dad Jokes
(@dad-jokes)
Posts: 41
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 
Posted by: @therachel

Any updates? 

We've had a busy week sorry for the delay. We had sex again with the timer and although I feel more stimulated and physically sensitive, it didn't end in ejaculation but I think we are both starting to enjoy the journey together without focusing so much on the destination. After my timer went off, I locked back up and we enjoyed her orgasm together. Once she finished we cuddled and enjoyed each other's company for a while, talked and even went for a walk afterwards. 

At this point, I've been locked nearly a month and she asked if I felt resentful. I told her that I don't feel resentful but the only times I ever get a tinge of resentfulness is when I feel ignored. December is always an insane month for us so we will be working together to make sure that our communication is strong. I am hoping for an orgasm soon but I am very happy knowing that she feels more connected when we have sex and like my focus is on her pleasure and enjoyment. 

I love keeping the focus on her because she deserves such a wonderful sex life and I feel like I've been inadvertently been doing some things to sabotage sex for her. The addition of the timer really seems to help make her not feel like the bad guy. I think her biggest concern is that I may be feeling resentful and we will communicate often to make sure that doesn't happen.

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Thanks for sharing that list, I will send it to her.

 

 
Posted : 11/12/2021 4:05 pm
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Posts: 1036
Famed Member Admin
 

@dad-jokes I don't know if you can see it for yourself but you are turning a corner from a selfish lover to that of a selfless lover. Your first post about her having an orgasm while you were locked was about yourself, focusing on something else because of the discomfort YOU were in. This one is about enjoying pleasure with the woman that you love while she experiences an orgasm. It was about HER with very little focus on yourself. It sounds like after your time together, you locked up without argument. I must say that I feel quite invested in the journey that you and your wife embarked on because you are unwittingly enjoying the same relationship evolution that many of us have experienced. You've invited us along and allowed us transparency into your journey together. Now that I say it, can you see the differences between this post and the one several days ago?

That was absolutely intended as a compliment for both of you but you're not out of the woods yet. How can the two of you sabotage everything at this point? Well, you can start nagging her for sex. You can begin complaining about the cage. If sex and physical intimacy dries up from her side, it will quickly turn you resentful. If anything, amp up your physical intimacy to match your heightened emotional connection and your relationship might just hit a whole new level of amazing.

@therachel That list is great! I love the term happy agony. I might steal it from ya.

 
Posted : 11/12/2021 4:54 pm
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Posts: 1036
Famed Member Admin
 
Posted by: @dad-jokes

An update on our situation! We had sex last night during which she unlocked me for some heavy petting with no penetration. While this probably sounds weird, I really enjoyed her version of sex which was lots of very intimate foreplay after which she locked me up and I laid beside her while she masturbated. I really enjoyed watching her get off and I swear I felt actual pleasure while I watched her get off.

This is level 10 teasing from her! The power dynamic of holding your key is quite addicting and it sounds like she is getting a kick out of playing with that power. Admittedly the power of watching the excitement on your face fading to dread and disappointment is exciting. I love this! Your body got ready for sex and you found yourself back in the cage before you knew it but you both enjoyed yourselves and you don't sound resentful which means the communication is happening. I missed this completely when I read through it the first time. 


Great Job Yes Gif By Pbs Kids

 

 
Posted : 12/12/2021 11:50 am
Therachel
(@therachel)
Posts: 41
Estimable Member
 

Sorry but who is the wife again?

When he does cum you need to lock him back up until you decide together what to do next. From the way things sound, these few weeks are a powerful change for your relationship and there really is no downside to continuing. If this really is to be his first time to cum from sex with you, it is a pretty big deal and will be a big deal to him. Now is your chance to surprise him with something even more memorable. Take the relationship by the horns and when he cums, enjoy your moment but be stern and instruct him to get up and put his cage back on to demonstrate that you are still very much in control. If the cage comes off, it will be at your pleasure.

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j I am glad you like my word!
 
 
Posted : 13/12/2021 10:07 pm
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 1047
Member
 
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I don't know if you can see it for yourself but you are turning a corner from a selfish lover to that of a selfless lover. Your first post about her having an orgasm while you were locked was about yourself, focusing on something else because of the discomfort YOU were in. This one is about enjoying pleasure with the woman that you love while she experiences an orgasm. It was about HER with very little focus on yourself.

Yes Emma, I agree and isn't it great?  Seems like there's a good chance that another marriage will benefit greatly from increasing happiness by both parties in direct proportion to the increased bliss of a wife.  


Improve Work In Progress Gif By Eugeniaclara
 
Posted : 14/12/2021 6:09 am
bestwhencaged, Emma, bestwhencaged and 3 people reacted
Flaflr
(@flaflr)
Posts: 52
Trusted Member
 

@dad-jokes I do not understand, why is there a timer?

 
Posted : 14/12/2021 8:45 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Posts: 1036
Famed Member Admin
 
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Your wife is the bad guy when it comes to sex and that needs to change immediately. Get a timer or clock and together decide what a reasonable amount of time for sex should be, sex starts and stops with that clock. I would suggest starting with something like ten minutes. If you aren't finished, that's fine; you can finish next time. When the timer goes off, get the cage. No questions asked. You can absolutely lie beside her and watch her masturbate after sex but no playing with yourself. That will only compound the problem. Sex should be a positive time together and should be something that brings you together. I am sure she would appreciate some massages and extra effort around the house. Vacuum, dishes, laundry. You know the drill. Pegging, cuddling and any other sexual activity that can continue as normal with the cage remaining on is just fine. 

@flaflr I recommended a timer to help with the challenges that this couple is experiencing. This thread is pretty long but the first page should explain the rationale behind my recommendation.

 
Posted : 14/12/2021 10:38 am
Flaflr
(@flaflr)
Posts: 52
Trusted Member
 

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j  I understand I agree this is a good idea.  I have had a similar problem with my ex-wife, taking too long to finish.  If my wife and I knew about male chastity I would still be with her.  I really like this idea.

 
Posted : 14/12/2021 10:45 am
Dad Jokes
(@dad-jokes)
Posts: 41
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 
Posted by: @therachel

Sorry but who is the wife again?

She is not registered to the site, pretty busy between work and everything else in our lives so I don't expect that she will register. 

Last night we had a great pegging session. I texted her earlier in the day and asked if she wanted to ? my ?. She responded with an enthusiastic "yes, great idea" which made me feel good. It has been a month since I've ejaculated so my prostate was much more sensitive so I was more comfortable and pushed back on her a couple times. She told me that I almost knocked her over at one point. Whoops. I did have a p-gasm which felt very good and relaxing but it didn't do much to release the dull pressure that I feel in my balls due to lack of release. They are so full! I am hopeful that the next time we have sex it will happen but I am not overly anxious about it. 

I am working on taking up more of the household chores and parenting work to help take the weight off her shoulders, support her better and make her feel overall more relaxed. Coupled with massages most nights, I think she is enjoying this too.

 
Posted : 16/12/2021 11:22 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Posts: 1036
Famed Member Admin
 

The emotional bond that you share with your wife has turned a corner, it is apparent from your words in this post and the previous. I love it! ❤️ 

The p-gasm does not expel your sacred liquids and it furthers your bond with your partner. You probably notice feelings of closeness and intimacy after enjoying a prostate orgasm. This is in stark contract to an ejaculation which increases the prolactin hormone which causes you to pull away from her physically and emotionally.

Many men are not capable of experiencing the prostate orgasm so consider yourself one of the lucky few. You felt what many men report about a hyper sensitive prostate when they have gone without orgasm for an extended period of time. Your dedication to supporting your partner with a more compassionate and supporting role is admirable. It sounds like pegging was a good time but almost pushing her over? It almost sounds like you were trying to take control of the pegging experience rather than accepting her dominance. I would invite you to be more passive when you are intimate in this way. Accept her verbal and non-verbal cues and allow her to lead this dance rather than trying to take the lead. I understand you've got a great deal of sexual frustration and I'd imagine that it felt great to have an outlet of some kind. Accept her tender loving and don't try to "top from the bottom". Your energy will clash and it won't be a rewarding experience for either of you. Rather than pushing back on her (and knocking her over!) try communicating what you want verbally. Ask her to be harder, softer, faster and so on. Work together sexually just like you've been working together emotionally.

I have a couple questions for you and you can just answer them on a scale of 1-10, feel free to explain if you need to but please begin with a number. I would also like you to ask the same questions of your wife. You can feel free to share her responses with us but please ensure that you have her permission to share any responses. Even if she chooses to not share the answers with us, they should be a good topic of conversation for the two of you to deepen your intimacy and understanding of each other's needs.

  1. How sexually satisfied are you presently?
  2. How sexually satisfied were you a month ago?
  3. How would you rate the bond with your partner presently? 
  4. How would you rate the bond that you had with your partner a month ago?
  5. Do you feel like orgasm control/denial has helped or hurt your relationship?

 

 
Posted : 16/12/2021 3:20 pm
Dad Jokes
(@dad-jokes)
Posts: 41
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j
I think you are right about topping from the bottom. I am not accustomed to communicating what I want sexually since I am usually the one who is usually doing the sex and asking questions. It didn't even occur to me to communicate with her and ask for what I wanted. 

How sexually satisfied are you presently?  

8/10 I am obviously very frustrated but I've been trying to refocus frustration energy on things I can control like learning massage techniques on YouTube and working out. I think the biggest difference is that I feel like she cares about my sexual/physical needs and I feel like we are in this together. I acknowledge that it isn't easy for her either and I appreciate that we are working through it. I'm also making a conscious effort to not be whiny or complainy. Just tonight I told her that I need more touching when I am locked and she said that she understands our needs are different and she forgets. She suggested that I remind her when I need her physical reassurance.

How sexually satisfied were you a month ago?

6/10 At times I felt unattractive/unwanted and like my needs were a burden to her. Now I am starting to see a layer of resentment was built up and we've started to break that layer down in the past month. I think you identified some things we were unintentionally doing to sabotage our relationship.

How would you rate the bond with your partner presently?

9/10 There is always room to improve but she is incredible.

How would you rate the bond that you had with your partner a month ago?

8/10 The bond was absolutely there but it wasn't as focused as it has become.

Do you feel like orgasm control/denial has helped or hurt your relationship?

I feel like the cage has helped and I am glad we are working on it together. She knows how frustrated I am and is doing her best. For example, she sat on my lap the other day and grinded herself against me and said "aww what's wrong?". She also says little teasing things. I said something like "I'd hit that" and she said, "too bad you're all locked up". Another time she said something like "aww your little guy is all locked up" it was both what she said and the way she said it. Once it registered in my brain, things swelled up and my cage became less comfortable for me. I like how sexually open and confident she has become, her sexual confidence and playfulness is a big turn-on. The teasing brings a smile and a laugh to both of our faces. She is my best friend and I want us (especially her) to have a completely fulfilled sex life and I feel like we are as close as we've ever been.

I won't try and guess what her numbers will be but I am curious to talk with her over the next day or two and find out what they are. If she is comfortable with me sharing, I will.

On a completely unrelated note. How long did you say it should take to regain sensation and get over the delayed ejaculation? I'm fine, not getting impatient at all. I'm just asking for a friend. ? A month by far is the longest I've ever gone.

 

 
Posted : 16/12/2021 9:53 pm
Kimmy2006
(@kimmy2006)
Posts: 17
Trusted Member
 
Posted by: @dad-jokes

I feel like the cage has helped and I am glad we are working on it together. She knows how frustrated I am and is doing her best. For example, she sat on my lap the other day and grinded herself against me and said "aww what's wrong?". She also says little teasing things. I said something like "I'd hit that" and she said, "too bad you're all locked up". Another time she said something like "aww your little guy is all locked up" it was both what she said and the way she said it. Once it registered in my brain, things swelled up and my cage became less comfortable for me. I like how sexually open and confident she has become, her sexual confidence and playfulness is a big turn-on. The teasing brings a smile and a laugh to both of our faces. She is my best friend and I want us (especially her) to have a completely fulfilled sex life and I feel like we are as close as we've ever been.

Having never been terribly kinky, feeling comfortable enough to be sexually playful isn't easy for me. It takes the right partner to let my guard down and it even helps when he tells you what to do and say. I know it isn't as arousing if I don't do it myself but telling me what to do and say is the first step to learning to be playful. Tell me the rules and I'll learn the game. If I don't know the rules, I will forever be afraid to play the game.

We are told never to joke about these things. If you left a guy with blue balls in high school you would be labeled a tease. As we get older, teasing and sexual playfulness become a turn-on. Everything we thought we knew is flipped upside down.

I feel comfortable is when my vulnerability is rewarded with acceptance and even playfulness. When I feel comfortable with someone, I lean into new experiences and have more confidence to make them happen. We have lots of favorites but there were a few very memorable nights of teasing that really helped me come out of my shell. The better we communicate the more comfortable I feel pushing the boundaries. I now know that look of frustrated agony on his face and learned to enjoy the highs of his sexual frustration with him. It makes me feel sexually powerful.

 
Posted : 16/12/2021 10:44 pm
Dad Jokes
(@dad-jokes)
Posts: 41
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 
We discussed this over breakfast this morning and here are her answers:
 
 
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j
  • How sexually satisfied are you presently?

8/10 - I asked what would get us to a 9 or a 10 and she said that she thinks we are on the right path. She expects us to learn about each others needs and for me to learn to communicate better rather than pushing her over. (Fair point)

  • How sexually satisfied were you a month ago?

4/10 - Ouch. The resentment and built up frustration was real. 

  • How would you rate the bond with your partner presently? 

9/10

  • How would you rate the bond that you had with your partner a month ago?

9/10 if I asked her a month ago but 6/10 if she was asked today and looking back. She didn't know this level of bond was possible. 

  • Do you feel like orgasm control/denial has helped or hurt your relationship?

It has absolutely helped, no question.

 

 

@kimmy2006

Having never been terribly kinky, feeling comfortable enough to be sexually playful isn't easy for me. It takes the right partner to let my guard down and it even helps when he tells you what to do and say. I know it isn't as arousing if I don't do it myself but telling me what to do and say is the first step to learning to be playful. Tell me the rules and I'll learn the game. If I don't know the rules, I will forever be afraid to play the game.

She said this same thing and asked me to help her grow by encouraging her when she does something that is a turn-on. We are hoping to bring these numbers to 11 by making communication a priority and learning about each others needs.

 
Posted : 17/12/2021 9:15 am
Dad Jokes
(@dad-jokes)
Posts: 41
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

She also asked for any teasing suggestions that don't take much time. Like @kimmy2006 said, teasing doesn't come natural for her. What ideas do you have?

 
Posted : 17/12/2021 9:27 am
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