I haven't posted in a while but I probably owe you all an update. We've been off and on with the cage. About a week ago she pegged me until I had a p-gasm and while I was laying in bed recovering, she told me to get up and lock myself up. Once I was securely locked she proceeded to grab her vibrator and masturbate beside me. This was painfully frustrating the first few times she did it but focusing on HER instead of my own confined arousal shifts my pleasure and I when she had her orgasm, I felt pleasure. I smiled as she arched her back and when her body shivered, I felt chills in my own body. Absolutely incredible and then we went to bed with her holding my cage.
Unfortunately it is mostly downhill from there. I think as life gets busy it is easy to forget and after several days locked and mostly ignored, I get frustrated and resentful. This morning things came to a head when her lack of attention when we got up made me frustrated. It took me a while to sort my feelings out and by the time I shared my frustrations, the conversation didn't go very well. That led to her handing me the keys and telling me to unlock it. We do have a very busy life and I am sure that being overly sensitive to her level of attention doesn't help things. Make no mistake, the cage will make you overly sensitive to things that your can normally take in stride.
I know teasing is the key but without teasing, how can I keep from being too frustrated or resentful? Should I ask her for shorter lockup times if she isn't going to tease me or should I just try to communicate my needs better?
I'm jealous of your session, hopefully you told her how much you enjoyed everything she did for you. A lot of wives fall into the set it & forget it situation, and things end where you are.
Alot of this process involves you sacrificing your needs & wants, and also making your wife's life easier in & out of bedroom. I think it would be wise to sit down & talk about your expectations as well as hers, discuss what you can do for her to free up her time, and what you can do to increase her desires also. Maybe put some things in writing that you each commit to do. Alot is gonna fall on you to make your wife feel like she did when you dated...
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When you give your wife the key your trusting she will do her part to YOUR expectations, but if her vision & yours are different then someone or both end up in resentment. She resents you fir wanting more, & you resent her for not meeting your ideas of how it should be... life never lives up to out fantasies.
I still don't have any great answers on the "how not to get frustrated".
Sometimes, that just goes with the territory, unfortunately.
I'm currently (and often) in the frustration zone myself. I don't love my wife any less, but yeah, sucks for me, especially knowing just how little it takes for her to keep me from falling into the frustration zone. I guess I need to figure this one out myself ...
.... how can I keep from being too frustrated or resentful? Should I ask her for shorter lockup times if she isn't going to tease me or should I just try to communicate my needs better?
Fellas ... like anything else in life worth doing, it's a balancing act. We (sub husbands) are or have been through exactly what you are describing. In the past, I've had very similar 'discussions' with my Wife about my neediness for both attention and teasing. After each one of those I have it much easier to be able to focus on the very thing that I committed to her, which attending to and supporting EVERY SINGLE THING in her life that brings her as much joy in the moment as possible. After our 11 years in the lifestyle, she has been expertly able to remind me of my very real and genuine desire and commitment in that regard. Even in those times where I happen to think 'she's not doing it right' resulting in my self-determined neediness allowing my behavior to become a burden on her.
In a relationship wherein the husband truly has made such a commitment, like ours, it really does boil down 'topping from the bottom' and essentially using my discontent as means with which to get my wants (not needs) attended to. In our marriage, this type of discussion puts my feet back on the ground where they belong, and I realize the errors of my ways directly. That discussion, and the significant punishment spanking that follows (for topping from the bottom) never fails to make things right in the balance of our lifestyle. I'm still not immune from letting my wants for attention and teasing cause disappointment in my mind, but as time has gone on, I am more able to compartmentalize those feelings and use them as the energy I need to focus on my role in her life. I will admit that since I have become (mostly) permanently caged, the cage serves as a beautiful reminder of her dedication to her role in our marriage. I peek at my penis locked in a cage and a few minutes of reflection makes proud and grateful that this beautiful creature loves me enough to accept my submission and devotion to her enough to honor me with her ownership of me.
Sorry for the long-winded reply, but in the end, and quite simply, we devoted men that have quite literally offered ourselves to the women we love, have an obligation to our woman to not add to their burdens in life by allowing our neediness to weigh them down emotionally. I think you'll that over time, such feelings will naturally abate the more gratitude and pride you feel for her decision to accept ownership of you.
especially knowing just how little it takes for her to keep me from falling into the frustration zone
I love what you said here and this is a huge point of frustration for many guys. It can be hard for us to realize that all you are asking is for a daily/nightly tease. Once I came to this realization it was an eye opener for us and went from a plateau to a new level of intimacy. You can do all of the required teasing in the time you are stuck at a traffic light. The time you are in line for your morning coffee or even a commercial break. Nobody believes me when I say it like this but it is true! We build sexuality up to be some monolith when it is quite simple. Making your beloved feel a certain way only takes a moment of your time. It only takes a moment to be thoughtful and intentional but he wants you to initiate it. If you told him to go buy you flowers for valentines day and he did, the flowers would be less meaningful than if he did it on his own. There is little difference here. He wants you to give freely and playfully of your sexuality. To him, your sexual freedom means emotional connection and love. If you are like me, you attach sexuality to so much more. If you start his motor, you don't need to drive the entire race to the finish line. Just start his motor and take a quick lap around the race track. You can even start his motor and revv the engine a few times before turning it off. Just enough to keep the engine warm and ready for the race. Quit overthinking sex.
especially knowing just how little it takes for her to keep me from falling into the frustration zone
I love what you said here and this is a huge point of frustration for many guys. It can be hard for us to realize that all you are asking is for a daily/nightly tease. Once I came to this realization it was an eye opener for us and went from a plateau to a new level of intimacy. You can do all of the required teasing in the time you are stuck at a traffic light. The time you are in line for your morning coffee or even a commercial break. Nobody believes me when I say it like this but it is true! We build sexuality up to be some monolith when it is quite simple. Making your beloved feel a certain way only takes a moment of your time. It only takes a moment to be thoughtful and intentional but he wants you to initiate it. If you told him to go buy you flowers for valentines day and he did, the flowers would be less meaningful than if he did it on his own. There is little difference here. He wants you to give freely and playfully of your sexuality. To him, your sexual freedom means emotional connection and love. If you are like me, you attach sexuality to so much more. If you start his motor, you don't need to drive the entire race to the finish line. Just start his motor and take a quick lap around the race track. You can even start his motor and revv the engine a few times before turning it off. Just enough to keep the engine warm and ready for the race. Quit overthinking sex.
Wise words Emma. Success is so easy and is only inches away. Little effort required for such a bounty of results. This juice is absolutely worth the squeeze! Simply said, don't confuse tease and deny with ignore and deny.
I love what you said here and this is a huge point of frustration for many guys. It can be hard for us to realize that all you are asking is for a daily/nightly tease. Once I came to this realization it was an eye opener for us and went from a plateau to a new level of intimacy. You can do all of the required teasing in the time you are stuck at a traffic light. The time you are in line for your morning coffee or even a commercial break. Nobody believes me when I say it like this but it is true! We build sexuality up to be some monolith when it is quite simple. Making your beloved feel a certain way only takes a moment of your time.
Yup, and to be clear, it doesn't even always need to be sexual in nature to work. Men (see some of the other threads here) just need to feel desirable and wanted sometimes. Sexual desire for the man is a powerful thing, of course, but it's not the only kind of desire that can make a man's clock keep ticking.
