Does Your Sleeping Position Mean Anything?

Posted by: @mstara

I tend to sleep on my side anyway but I love to feel him behind me as it makes me feel cosy. I also like that I can feel his cage nestled against my bum and love that warm feeling it gives me knowing that I control his cock and that it's all mine. 

We do the same thing, at least when we start falling asleep.  Then, invariably and simultaneously, we both move apart to our preferred sleeping positions.  Maybe that will change now that Ms. K has a new Jail Bird for me to wear.

It's one of life's little pleasures, particularly at this time, spooning together with him locked in chastity and throbbing away nicely.

He's warm and it feels so loving to feel his cage against my bum, especially if I've already cum and he knows he's not going to. For a chaste husband, not everything is about sex; in fact, nothing is.

Posted by: @mstara

It's one of life's little pleasures, particularly at this time, spooning together with him locked in chastity and throbbing away nicely.

He's warm and it feels so loving to feel his cage against my bum, especially if I've already cum and he knows he's not going to. For a chaste husband, not everything is about sex; in fact, nothing is.

Matara, my wife and I spoon like that, except that I don’t wear a cage. The masochist in me would like to have the experience of being caged, but I love the feeling of my uncaged penis nestling against my wife’s bum, especially when we are naked so the contact is skin to skin. I think my wife likes it too because sometimes she will wiggle and push her bum teasingly against me.

 I love the deep feeling of submission I get if she has had an orgasm, either from cunnilingus or a vibrator, and I am not allowed to have one.  But I don’t really agree that “for a chaste husband, not everything is about sex; in fact, nothing is.”  I guess you mean it’s not about “having sex” or not being allowed sexual release, but I think that chastity is ALL about sex for a submissive man, if you consider being kept in a prolonged state of sexual longing a form of sex.  Having an orgasm would temporarily free his mind from sexual desire; being denied orgasm focuses attention on sex, making everything sexual.  Or so it seems to me.

Something I have never experienced, however, is long term orgasm denial, and I’m not sure I could handle that.  I think that having orgasms, especially shared orgasms, is one of the great pleasures of life for men and women alike.  There is a masochistic pleasure for men in being temporarily denied orgasms, but in my mind a part of that pleasure comes from the greater intensity and emotional richness of the orgasms we are allowed.  But to be locked up and denied that pleasure for long periods of time!  I don’t know.  That seems kind of cruel to me, as much as the fantasy of it excites me.

That brings me to my question, Matara.  What does a woman get out of denying orgasms to her man for long periods of time? Is it a sort of sadistic pleasure?  As a masochist, I tend to   see sadistic pleasure as the counterpart to my masochistic arousal.  Or is there some other motivation to push orgasm denial to cruel lengths?  I get great pleasure from my wife’s orgasms, and I think she gets a similar pleasure from mine, when she allows me release...which is fairly often, to be honest.  I apologize if I am being too nosy, but I am curious about the motives for imposing long periods of orgasm denial on a man.

@happycuckold

For me there is no masochistic arousal per se in keeping my husband locked but it is rather how it changes the focus in our marriage. So the statement 'For a chaste husband, not everything is about sex; in fact, nothing is.' is about how men can be helped to change their thinking from purely sexual pleasure, which is mainly their own, on to a more broader plain.

For years his focus was on having an orgasm, and whilst he is a considerate lover and has always tried to ensure that I came too, sex wasn't a 'success' for him if he didn't cum. After a long period of chastity this is no longer the case. In fact it is the opposite for him now in that he doesn't want to cum. If I edge him he will ask me to stop if he thinks he's getting too near to his climax. He says he prefers now the state of being on the edge and doesn't want the 'drop' that he experiences after an orgasm.

So what do I get out of it? I am giving him what he desires and I get to change the dynamic of our marriage away from a large part being sex to a more holistic relationship where a part is sex.

@mstara. Thanks for your response, Mstara.  I totally get the idea of shifting the focus of your marriage away from sex, where sex is narrowly defined by the goal of male orgasm.

Though I can not imagine having the willpower not to cum when my wife gives me the opportunity, I think I can understand your husband’s motivation. If you have asked him to be chaste for an extended period, I can see how he could get a kind of high from carrying self denial to an awe inspiring extreme.  I think there can be a boost in self esteem in exercising power over one’s own animal nature.  His desire as a submissive to win your approval would ramp his willpower up to an even higher level, I imagine.  I also get his desire to avoid the “drop” that comes after an orgasm.  I have had some limited experience of that myself.  I really like the feeling of suspense during sex play with my wife, not knowing whether she will give a thumbs up or a thumbs down to an orgasm for me once she has been satisfied.  Sometimes I am torn between a pull in opposite directions: I really really want to cum because I am so horny, but at the same time I want her to deny me release so as to be kept in that state of heightened arousal. It’s a paradoxical state of mind.

If you don’t mind, I have one other question.  If your husband has attained a level of self mastery that makes him not want to cum when you edge him, why do you find a cock cage preferable to the honour system?  Presumably, he would have the willpower to obey your order not to pleasure himself without being locked up.  Is the cage a purely symbolic expression of your ownership of his penis, or does it serve a more practical purpose?  

@happycuckold

Sadly he doesn't have the will power not to pleasure himself if he's left unlocked for any length of time. Whilst now he prefers not to cum when I edge him, left to his own devices he would revert to the chronic mastubator he once was before we started to use chastity regularly.

I know this because it has happened a few times over recent years when he's been unlocked for a couple days. He'll intend not to cum as he masturbates, just to edge himself, but he goes too far and once the dam has been broken he says then the best thing is to keep doing it.

Posted by: @mstara

@happycuckold

Sadly he doesn't have the will power not to pleasure himself if he's left unlocked for any length of time. Whilst now he prefers not to cum when I edge him, left to his own devices he would revert to the chronic mastubator he once was before we started to use chastity regularly.

I know this because it has happened a few times over recent years when he's been unlocked for a couple days. He'll intend not to cum as he masturbates, just to edge himself, but he goes too far and once the dam has been broken he says then the best thing is to keep doing it.

 

Oh, okay.  Thanks for your response.  I am glad to know I am not uniquely weak willed in that regard.  I have been a “chronic masturbator” my entire life.  Sometimes it doesn’t even serve a purely sexual purpose for me.  For example, if I am having trouble getting to sleep because of worries, I know that an orgasm will have the effect of a sleeping pill.  I would probably find it difficult to live under the chastity regime you have for your husband, but I imagine it must be a deep and powerful emotional experience for your husband to submit to such intimate control.  I find it interesting that he prefers not to cum when you edge him. I mean, if he has been a chronic masturbator, he must really like orgasms, and there must be a part of him that craves release.  So I’m thinking the reward for not cumming when you edge him must be the emotional reward of your approval.  Is that how you see it?

@happycuckold

I think it's more that he prefers the sexual tension of always being held on the edge and that he has relinquished control of his pleasure.