FLR sites and books, do they shoot themselves in the foot?
I'll first emphasis, that I express my own opinion about FLR and I wholeheartedly respect those who take things to the next level.
Having said that, I repeatedly get annoyed, when reading different FLR sites and books, that pretend to ease more people into the FLR lifestyle and are being amazed why it is not getting more widespread.
In repeated polls, when couples into the lifestyle are asked, about 50% place themselves in level 3, about a third in level 4 and the rest are divided between levels 1 and 2. ( I personally fit my self and dearest hubby in level 3 with occasional slips into 4 with very specific regards, but the main thing for us is equality in the core
However, when you start reading the description in different sites and books, it takes about two paragraphs and all description dive into the extreme of level 4....(humiliation, degradation, pet, corporal punishments, inequality, female superiority and so on and so forth).
I state again, all these are great as long as you preserve the "safe, sane, consensual" rules and it suits your liking, however if one's intentions are to ease more couples into loving, growing relationship, it's missing the point and you will find more couples escaping regards running and screaming.
Do they shoot themselves in the foot? I guess it depends on what they are trying to accomplish. Much of the time, I think the purpose of many such sites and books is a perfectly transparent commercial attempt to attract "views," or sales, by playing to the masturbatory fantasies of men who are turned on by the idea of a woman being so into him that she will try to possess him in every possible way. I think there is a lot of projection going on out there. Many men wish they had more control over a red-hot sex life. They fantasize about a woman constantly controlling them sexually. "I can be a sex object 24 hours a day!" The more extreme, the better the masturbatory fantasy.
If I were trying to ease people into embracing the idea that a level 2 or 3 flr can be "normal" and beneficial, I would direct their attention to their own behavior and avoid the extreme altogether. Those who may be interested in an flr that benefits the woman (as opposed to providing an opportunity to top from the bottom) would probably find that they have already found ways, albeit not explicitly, to allow her to take a superior hand.
Now that I am living what I see as a level 3 flr, I can look back a see many things that hinted at my desire for an flr and my girlfriend's willingness to embrace one. But, I didn't necessarily see them for what they were at the time. She certainly didn't.
So, I'd ask a curious couple things like, "Does your man always make sure that you not only come first but that you have had all the orgasms who may want before he has his orgasm? Regardless of how horny he is, does your man consistently abstain from suggesting, or pressuring you for, sex when it is pretty clear that you are not in the mood? Is your man scrupulous about being a gentleman, even when it causes him inconvenience? Does he consistently defer to your judgment and desires?"
I think many people would see that they are already comfortable with, and even take for granted, some of the more tame aspects of an flr, and if they just acknowledged those things and communicated with each other as to why they are done and why they are comfortably accepted by both partners, they might begin to wonder what further benefits might come from a more explicit approach. Of course, some of those couples would progress to the more extreme end of the spectrum. But, I think that for most people, they need to test the waters at the shallow end before jumping into the deep end. For me and my girlfriend, it was really helpful to recognize that we were already standing ankle-deep in the water.
Thank you, AllAboutHer.
I think you are absolutely right, in many ways it was the same way with us, although in our case my dearest husband was the one to pave my way into it.
However, once I got comfortable and wanted to explore further on my own, there I became exposed to the uncomfortable extreme, that should I've been a newbie I would run like hell away from it all....
I think there are some good books available, personally, I like Sharyn Ferns and Rebecca Lawson among many others. For well written and offbeat stories, I like M.J. Rennie.
I repeatedly get annoyed, when reading different FLR sites and books, that pretend to ease more people into the FLR lifestyle and are being amazed why it is not getting more widespread.
That is why we've come to love this site and the no-nonsense approach to female led relationships.
They do 100%. They get too focused on the fetish side of it and forget the relationship side. Which I guess sells more books and gets more internet traffic. The focus this site has on relationships is what makes it such a breath of fresh air.