BIG congratulations! For us, the actual ceremony is not what really matters, but it is an important step in the relationship. FWIW, we did it as best as we could within our resources, and we both never regretted anything. i'm not advocating or pushing for it, just mentioning that we're both not party-people at all and we still enjoyed sharing this special moment with others. We enjoyed it, we spent only what we wanted ... no stress at all, far from the bridal nightmares they show at TV shows. We remember it as a nice time, organizing something as a team, having a good time sharing the great time with dear ones ... and then going to a simple but meaningful honeymoon. Please take this as a good natured comment, the main thing is to remember it as something special, whatever you do.
i love it that he is taking your name! For some legal circumnstances we kept separate names, but i dream of taking Her name. i think it's just a token of ownership. Years later i started wearing a simple necklace with a symbol She likes and Her pic engraved. It feels great, some days i love the soft sound it makes: reminds me of Her at every step. We also repeat our vows as i kneel to Her. As for Her last name, we use it informally as our family name.
i'm sure your relationship will continue to grow and evolve!
As I was browsing through the forums I came across the this thread Emma started on choosing what last name she and her fiancé should go by after they marry.
If you haven’t noticed, I refer to my husband as D J-K. It was his idea for us both to use both our names hyphenated.
When we met we were both professionals and it only made sense for me to continue using my maiden name professionally. I told him shortly after we got engaged that I would change my name to the hyphenated maiden name and his name.
All was fine until a couple weeks before the wedding he came to me and told me since we about to make a lifelong commitment to each other he thought we should both have the same last name. I was thrown a little till he then asked me if it would be alright if he did the same thing as I was doing and joined my maiden name to his name. He would be D J-K. He said then everyone will know we are one in the same. I almost cried and told him I would be honored if he did that.
When we told the minister that was to perform the ceremony for us about it he was first surprised and then said that is a beautiful idea. He said it would mean that two people were truly becoming one. Then he added and it says that neither one of you is more important than the other. It will be a marriage of equals.
We didn’t tell our friends before the wedding and when the minister announced us as Mr. and Mrs. J-K we could literally hear gasps in the audience.
We both used our original sir names for our business but for everything else we both used the J-K. When people heard why, most people thought it was actually a nice idea.
If you have good reasons for doing names that are not traditional and it means something special to you and your relationship, I say go for it. We have never regretted D J-k’s decision and it still means a lot to me that he wanted to do that.
It all depends on each situation individually. Who has the more fascinating/fun last name, who has a bigger family or reason to keep their name, etc. I don't believe that hyphenating last names is a good option. It is just to long, jumbled, and kinda unfair for children to have to fit on forms and such for the rest of their life and just better to pick one of the names for both of the two to have or just pick a new last name all together. I have basically a tiny family and if presented with the choice, I would have no problem changing my last name. I understand the cultural shame around a man taking a womans last name in explaining it to people. There could be creative ways around explaining it. You could say that you were having trouble figuring out what to do and just put both names in a hat and picked one out.
I was just seeing these posts for the first time. I was scrolling the resposes while I thought of my answer. You hit the nail right onthe head.
Goddess and I have been married 20 plus years and we were totally trad back in the day, so we feel locked in.
That said I really think a new name is the absolute best idea and way more people should do it. Celebrate a new beginning with a new name!
I also think Kev taking your name would be a great plan B. What a great way to define his devotion to you in name.