Out and Reaching Out
So, after much introspection, soul searching, therapy, and honest discussion I have concluded that I am a bisexual man. Although I hate labels, calling myself bisexual seems to be the simplist way to present it for people to understand. I probably hover between a 2 and a 3 on the Kinsey scale for those of you who are familiar. I am married to a women (20 plus years) and have a family. We are monogamous and intend to stay that way for the forseeable future. I have had a little experience prior to marriage, but was not mature enough or enlightened to understand what it meant. The 90's were just different back then.
Although the predminant male demographic of this site would suggest there are likely many heteroflexible male subcribers, men having sex with men seems to be a closeted topic here. While figuring things out for myself, I have tried in the past to bring up some of these topics without much success. Emma seemed to be the only one interested. I am hoping that many of you just didn't feel comfortable at the time. I know this is site mainly dedicated to FLR topics, but I suspect that there are many variations of sexuality in play here in the community and some of us would like to explore them.
I am reaching out now to anyone that would like to share their experiences, struggles and triumphs. That includes anyone in the LGBT community who would like to participate. If you do not feel comfortable posting in the open forum, please feel free to PM me. I assure you that you will find respect, discretion, understanding and friendly correspondance.
Hey bud, I will be the first to reply. First, I have never seen your earlier posts so can’t respond to those. However, I think it’s fine to talk about this here. The site is what we all make it as users.
My wife and I were just talking about this subject last night, particularly how it pertains to us, with us being in a cuckold relationship now. Her new bf is definitely ok with male to male sexual touching, especially in a Dom/sub setting. So, we sat down and openly discussed what she finds interesting and hot, what I do, and what are not. I had to openly talk and admit to a bisexual event(s) in my teens that had happened. I never pursued or even tried it again, and i am not “looking” for it. However, we did say that in the context of this new relationship, things could change for us as a thruple, and we will let it play out, in a natural not-forced way. I am ok with that. She is as well. He is as well.
You say you wish to remain monogamous, how does that fit in your brain with coming to terms that you are bi? Do you want to explore but do not want to break your vows? Is your wife ok with you coming out with this? I would think this is a more fluid situation in reality than just saying I’m out and never acting on this….of course everyone is different and each relationship has its own unique strengths and weaknesses and twists and turns along the path of life….
@djv Thank you for the response! It is really helpful to have the interaction and to be able to think out loud and share. At times I felt like I was going crazy during the parts of my journey that were silent outside of the voices in my head. You can go to my profile and look at my past posts, but much of it is in the moment random stuff. I'm a curious cat and my head tends to leak out a bit.
You are right to point out that things sound fluid. I am still trying to figure my sexuality out. I am certainly more attracted to women especially in terms of relationships. My fulfills me more than any man could. However, my attraction to men is strong at times. I could see a parallel universe in which I have a friendship/sexual relationship with a man. The idea of tons of golf/watching sports/action movies and sex with a muscled neatly bearded man sounds pretty cool.
As for my relationship with my wife, we have many things going on all at once. My wife is on a jouney of her own (nonsexual), we are working on our marriage, and we have a family. Neither of us is ready to discuss changing the dynamic. For the record, I do not have any moral or ethical conflict with CNM. Only what my wife and I decide is right matters. I apply that to others as well. Despite being open to discussing extra arrangments for either of us, I am well contented to keep the status quo. Frankly, I am not a risk taker and some things end up better as fantasy rather than reality. Outside of a few panicky/fearfull moments (OMG are you gay, are you going to start cruising grindr), my wife is comfortable with my sexuality. She has not fully evolved to the point that I would like her to be, but she is working on it. I would love it if she were ready to not only accept, but celebrate who I am and what it may bring to both of us in our relationship.
Thanks again for reaching out. I hope you and your wife find a path forward to explore. I think the dom/sub dynamic is a great way to explore same sex encounters. You don't seem the type, but I hope you won't let outside noise deter you from doing something fun that feels right to you. Sex is sex and why not with a cute guy or one that really pushes your buttons? I hope you will feel comfortable sharing those experiences either with the community or in a PM.
Yea I don’t worry about what others think too much, especially at this stage of my life and relationship.
I pointed out last night, that in the swing and bdsm lifestyle communities, bi sexual behavior is totally acceptable…just as long as it’s two females, lol
The hypocrisy is real. Like i told her, its more a male ego thing than anything else in our society.
Golf, sports and sex, eh??
Interesting thought ? Cant say that i have ever been attracted to my golf buddies, especially the bearded ones ?
To each their own….does give new meaning to yelling out FORE!!!!
@djv I really don't understand the double standard and how it has survived this long. Really guys? I've read that about some of the swing/lifestyle circles. Seems pretty silly and limiting. All sex combos can be hot!
To be fair, I am not atteacted to my guy friends. Maybe it's the brotherhood and I just don't think of them that way. I also think it has much to do that I know they don't think of me that way. I have met some acquaintances I have lost a breath or to from though.
Heavy beards are out. I prefer closely trimmed or scruff. Preferably dark haired. And the treasure trail...??