Stan's Book

@stan. Stan, it strikes me that the difference between this and climate science is that climate scientists understand the causal link between carbon emissions and atmospheric warming.  That doesn’t seem to be the case in correlating ejaculation frequency to prostate cancer.  How does one explain that moderate frequency of orgasms appears to be riskier than either extremely high or extremely low frequency?  That doesn’t make sense if you want to infer causality, does it?

Also, the correlations aren’t statistically robust the way smoking, for example, correlates to cancer.  Other lifestyle choices, such as moderate alcohol consumption, would seem to present similar low levels of risk, and a similar level of scientific uncertainty.

Posted by: @dharmaproject

@happycuckold The problem with most of these studies linking orgasm frequency to prostate cancer is that they rely on self reporting and memory. They lack the hard data of multiple men reporting every orgasm over their entire life and instead ask the men how often they think they orgasmed per week or month at certain parts of their life and have found a correlation for prostate cancer to those that report less orgasms. They have done the same thing for men who have obtained a vasectomy.

Last thing, then I'm off to the gym. 

As evidenced by your comments on priests and monks, you didn't read this study before providing you own "unbiased" opinion.  

This wasn't a study where they self reported a detailed sexual history from years past.  This was a study that started at ground zero.  Nobody had cancer when they started. 

They reported their frequency from the time they started the study and that's the group they went under.  Previous history was correlated into the data based on memory and weighted, but the 14 years of study were based on them tracking their frequency.  

Do you happen to have any studies that refute any of the evidence I'm providing, other than your own "unbiased" opinion?

What exactly is your 3 urologist family members opinion on wearing chastity cages overnight, restricting nocturnal erections? 

If you say that any of them think it's a good idea, or even an ok idea, I'll say you're full of BS.  NOT ONE urologist you ever talk to will tell you that restricting nocturnal erections is a good idea.  But who wants to listen to the Dick Doctors?  They only spent 8 years of their life studying the intricacies of penis health.

Peace, Out.

@Happycuckold,

Stan, it strikes me that the difference between this and climate science is that climate scientists understand the causal link between carbon emissions and atmospheric warming.  That doesn’t seem to be the case in correlating ejaculation frequency to prostate cancer.  How does one explain that moderate frequency of orgasms appears to be riskier than either extremely high or extremely low frequency?  That doesn’t make sense if you want to infer causality, does it?

XXXXXXXXX

As I said, I have a research study about this too.  There is no "concrete" evidence that this is "the way it is" but the data does suggest a pattern.  

As ejaculation is denied, hormone levels rise initially, then plateau, then drop. 

I am not a doctor.  My degrees are in psychology, sociology and engineering so I am not going to say I know what all those hormones do or what their effect on the prostate is. 

What my research study shows is that 5 - 7 day ejaculation frequency basically tops out some of the hormones that Emma likes to talk about.  The ones that make you so horny you'll be as submissive as necessary to get sex.  If you top hormones to their max level, then release, top hormones to their max level then release... over and over again that "could" be the issue?

That could also explain why 0 - 3 times is less harmful?  Since past day 8 or 9 the hormone levels start decreasing. If you ejaculate every 2 weeks, your hormone levels would be lower when you reset?

XXXXXXXXX

Also, the correlations aren’t statistically robust the way smoking, for example, correlates to cancer.  

I think they are.  Doctors came out and told us they studied the effects of smoking and it causes cancer.  We believe them because they did studies and research and came to those conclusions. 

I think when doctors of this 30,000 patient study tell me: "Here is the evidence, and here are our conclusions" that I'm also going to believe them.  This study was normalized for all factors effecting prostate cancer. There are other studies out there that parallel this studies' results.  I'm really satisfied with this evidence.

Posted by: @dharmaproject

@happycuckold

If one is unable to thoroughly read a blog before making some inflammatory accusations and attacking a total stranger’s character then I question that person’s ability to analyze any scientific study or university research. Instead I suspect that their “research” is only biased opinion. 

Sorry, but I like to poke back when poked.

If one is unable to read and comprehend a research report before providing evidence (priests and monks) thereby  making an incorrect assessment of the data and looking completely foolish, I question that person's intellect.

Instead I suspect that they don't listen to their urologist family members or read the studies they choose to argue against, and that their "biased opinions" are only based on their personal feelings and have nothing to do with actual fact or science.

@stan. Full disclosure: this topic is interesting to me because I already have both ED and prostate cancer.  I was diagnosed with a “low grade prostate cancer” a few years ago. I have since learned to live with a considerable level of uncertainty in my life. One oncologist advised me to have my prostate removed.  He was of the opinion that “cancer is cancer and you shouldn’t mess with it.”  My urologist, and some of the academic articles I read online, disagreed.  My urologist said I could live to the age of 90 with this disease, though there is some risk that it could suddenly “progress” and kill me.  He said I had to consider that the treatments for prostate cancer also have considerable risks.  I used to think that medicine is an exact science, but my urologist says that they aren’t even sure whether the kind of prostate cancer I have is the same disease that kills some men in their 50’s and 60’s.  I have opted for watchful waiting, but who knows whether I will regret that someday.  Considering the complex risk assessment I am living with, the risk of having one’s cock caged doesn’t look very big.

Incidentally, over the period of my life, I am definitely in the high frequency orgasm category.  For much of my life, 21 times a month would have been my idea of self restrained.  I kind of like the idea that high orgasm frequency is a healthy thing because when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, I wondered whether I might have harmed myself by masturbating too much. It is comforting to me to think that my PC is a statistical anomaly rather than punishment for my sins.

@stan The point I was making was that based on the statistics, the cancer risk of orgasm denial is closer to the risk of such lifestyle choices as a daily glass of wine than it is to something like smoking.  Because there is an overwhelming statistical correlation between smoking and, not only lung cancer, but many other kinds of cancer, most people agree that smoking is a bad lifestyle choice.  Moderate drinking is different.  For a long time we were told that a daily glass of wine is actually good for you. Recently, however, some very large studies have shown that not to be true.  Apparently, any amount of drinking correlates to an increased risk of early death, and alcohol has been classed as a low level carcinogen.  Should we, therefore, stop drinking wine?  Maybe.  But the cost/benefit analysis of that choice is far from overwhelming.  Maybe the case with orgasm denial is something like that.  And orgasm denial is even trickier since there isn’t a clear linear progression of statistical risk from low frequency to moderate frequency to high frequency of orgasms.

@HappyCuckold,

First, let me say how very sorry I am that you're having to go through prostate cancer.  That really sucks!  Please do as much as you can to stay healthy and well!  The ED and enlarged prostate kind of go hand in hand as I understand it so that makes sense.  My buddy had to go through it too.  He got the pump installed.  Says it works but the fact that it's not him getting it up messes with his mind.  I'm sincerely sorry for any man who has to deal with it. I wish you the absolute best.

As you pointed out, there are other factors that lead to prostate cancer. The fact that only about 6% of the 50 year old's who had orgasm 21+ times a year got cancer vs. 8.5% of the 50 year old's who 4 - 7 times was compelling evidence to me though.  Additionally when both groups are 54 you see the spread increase to about 5%.  That's as far as the study has gone so far but it appears the gap will get wider and wider as these subjects get older.

I would like to think that "maybe" you would have gotten much worse cancer had you not masturbated or had sex nearly daily for most of your life.  By the study, you did everything possible to keep your prostate in the best shape you could from an ejaculation frequency prospective.

I think if people would think about and approach this from a common sense prospective, everything would be better.  One of the things about me is that I stay fit.  I'm an old man and still outlift most of the younger men in the gym.  I'm in the gym 6x/wk and I hike 5 miles 3 or 4x/wk.  My body is nearly as strong as it's ever been, even with some "serious" bumps and bruises (5 bulging, leaking discs with a herniated L3, both shoulders repaired - new rotator tear a couple of years ago, bad arthritis in both hips, bad knees).

Point:  I got to the point that I could barely walk because of my back pain. The more it hurt, the more I sat.  Finally after taking a 2 way, 45 minute drive and not being able to get out of bed the next day, I started working out.  VERY slowly but surely I got better.  Today I no longer walk with a limp... matter of fact I can run.  You can't tell I'm hurt if you observe me.  My bad back?  Yesterday I deadlifted 275# and hack squatted 300#.  Those aren't huge numbers but I'm 6'/180#, old as dirt, and I have a really bad back. (but I did decide to stay home today instead of going like I said earlier... I'm a little sore, lol)

Is the penis really any different?  If you don't use it, if you keep it locked away, it doesn't get the exercise it needs to stay strong and healthy.  At some point in time, it's going to fail to get erect.

Is the prostate any different?  Delay seems a lot like not exercising the prostate.  If you only exercise one time per week, the lactic acid build up in your muscles is awful.  It takes a couple of days for the soreness to go away.  Maybe that's like hormones?  Maybe those hormones do damage if you repeatedly allow that buildup to happen?

Don't know for sure why it happens.  Just know that based on that study I provided, it does.

Take good care of yourself Happy,

Stan

@happycuckold

Ahhhh.... now I see where you are going.  I agree with you 100%.  This isn't a statistic that states "If you practice ejaculation frequency repression you ""will"" get cancer".  This is a statistical risk evaluation.

You have About 2.5% higher chance of cancer at 50 if you limit ejaculations to less than 3x/wk and about 5% higher chance at 55 over someone who has more than 3 orgasms per week.

If you extrapolate, and the data doesn't change they age; about 10% higher chance at 60, a 20% higher chance at 65, 40% higher chance at 70 and so on.

It's just risk statistics.  I encourage people to do whatever they want.  Just know the risks involved.

My problem with this site is: People are allowed to make their own decisions.  We still have smokers in the country.  To each their own.  BUT, don't deny the science. 

Put this kind of DATA on the website. Talk about it honestly. Let people make informed decisions.  Don't minimize the data. To allow people to risk prostate cancer and ED without knowing the recommendations from urologists on chastity or seeing the research on prostate cancer is dishonest and potentially harmful to people. Put it all out there and let everyone decide for their self. 

That's what I think anyway.

Be well Happy,

Stan

@stan. Thanks, Stan.  Yes, it does suck to have PC, but it could be worse.  It could have been the aggressive type. The worst thing is the uncertainty about whether I have made the right choice not to opt for aggressive treatment.

I can live with the ED. I told my wife that I could get a surgical implant that would allow us to have piv sex, but she told me not to.  She said she likes our sex life the way it is. We have sex still.  It just doesn’t involve penetration. If she’s happy, I’m happy too. 

I suppose my PC could have been worse if I hadn’t had orgasms so frequently.  Who knows?  I tried to interest my wife in a chastity cage a couple of times, but she thought it was silly.  She didn’t see any reason to stop me from masturbating. She said that if I was horny and she wasn’t in the mood for sex, it made sense for me to have sex by myself.  But then I don’t seem to have the kind of hormonal mood changes orgasms are supposed to cause, so I guess being permissive about orgasms for me is no skin off her nose.

 I may be lucky that my wife wasn’t into enforced chastity. But I like the way Emma and other women here talk about chastity. I have a feeling that it would be a deeply emotional experience to be subject to such an intimate form of control. I think it would be hard for me to be denied an orgasm for long periods of time, but I feel as though that feeling of sacrifice would make the experience all the more intense.

Another message from @stan via a comment on another blog post:

Hey Emma/Hey Everyone else,

This will be my last post as it’s clear that I’ve hijacked your blog.  I wasn’t intending to but there was just too much misinformation, or not all the information that I feel some things needed to be addressed.  

If you didn’t know about the medical research I’m showing you because of the “Social Dilemma” effect, you NEEDED to know about it, so I won’t say I’m sorry.  

Actually, it’s Kevin that needs to know this medical information as it affects his future health, NOT YOURS… so he needs to be the one to decide if he wants to continue allowing the practice of orgasm denial. 

Faced with these “facts”, you also need to ask yourself if the “effect” is worth it, given the potential risks to Kevin’s health.  How much do you love someone if what you’re encouraging them to do increases their risk for prostate cancer?

I’ll leave you with my final thoughts on your lifestyle choices and some “possible” more healthy alternatives that still meet your objectives.

Orgasm denial:  Ejaculation Frequency and Risk of Prostate Cancer: Updated Results with an Additional Decade of Follow-up – PubMed (nih.gov)
This research was conducted over 10 years, on well over 100,000 subjects by MDs and it says orgasm denial is a BAD, BAD, BAD, idea for prostate health!
Patient summary: We evaluated whether ejaculation frequency throughout adulthood is related to prostate cancer risk in a large US-based study. We found that men reporting higher compared to lower ejaculatory frequency in adulthood were less likely to be subsequently diagnosed with prostate cancer.

Swollen prostate and ED go hand in hand.  Ejaculation frequency and swollen prostate are inversely proportional.  You do the math!

This study basically shows that you need 21+ ejaculations a month for optimum prostate health.

A possible alternative to retaining: Ruined orgasms?  I haven’t researched that subject and I don’t know if there is any research out there, but it would seem like moving some semen through the system would keep the prostate healthy, and still satisfy your desire to only allow “climax” occasionally..

Cock cages and ED. Urologists will recommend against leaving the penis locked up overnight.  They tend to believe that the involuntary erections during the night are good for penis health. While there is no conclusive evidence that staying locked will lead to ED, there is no evidence that it won’t.  I’m going to side with the Dick Docs here and error on the side of caution about staying caged overnight.

A possible alternative if you still want to play with chastity:  Lock during the day and have Kevin wear oven mitts, or baseball gloves, or whatever keeps him from fondling himself at night.  Remind him that any attempt at masturbation will result in another week without piv… or something like that.  I would recommend against denying the biology involved for good penis health by keeping him locked at night though.  Have fun but play as safe as possible.

If you haven’t really had deep conversations about the scenario below… I would hope that you would.  From your perspective it was a very loving, connective act.  It may not have been the same for Kevin.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It has become clear that Kevin is submissive to me and I find myself submissive to Andrew.  Andrew and Kevin don’t seem to have a D/s relationship of any kind but that may simply be too new. 
~ Then you evolved it yourself without talking it through with Kevin. This is very concerning to me. See below and I’ll show you what I mean.  I checked with other subs on your site and they also found this situation concerning.

Another thing that wasn’t part of our shared lovemaking was pegging. Now that Andrew is part of our household, he enjoys being a part of those experiences as well. (A temporary part) 
~ But does Kevin enjoy being pegged in front of Andrew?  Now it’s no longer a special thing “just” between you two and never will be again.  Additionally, his total submission to you was put on display in front of Andrew without his express permission.  Would love to hear Kevin’s perspective on how that made him feel.  . 

The first time we pegged in front of Andrew was an eye opening experience for him. Kevin was of course locked, and understanding the importance of teasing and attention while locked, we decided to have a go at some hot pegging action. Andrew certainly knew that Kevin and I love pegging (by all accounts, you love it more than he does), he hadn’t watched or participated before so that was a new and exciting experience for him. That part of our lives had been behind closed doors and solely between Kevin and I. I didn’t want to exclude Andrew but I also wanted this to be close and intimate time between Kevin and I. Rather than asking Andrew to sit this one out, I invited him to watch us. Andrew agreed and I went to the other room to grab a harness. I grabbed the sexy lacy one and Kev’s favorite dildo. I pulled the harness up over my legs and tightened it up. Then I modeled it for Kev and Andrew. Andrew remarked at how sexy I looked despite the fact that I was now packing something extra.
~ YOU didn’t want to exclude Andrew.  What about Kevin?  What about the guy being pegged in front of another guy?  “That part of our lives had been behind closed doors and solely between Kevin and I.”
Nothing in your blog leads me to believe Kevin’s submissiveness has anything to do with a feminine side.  I get the impression he is submissive to you but not necessarily a submissive male.  I don’t get the impression that he is bi, or wants to be. You said there is no indication of a D/s relationship between Kevin and Andrew.
By not asking before engaging in pegging in front of Andrew, you FORCED Kevin’s submissiveness to Andrew.  Just because he went along, doesn’t mean he wanted that to happen, liked it, or wants it to happen again.  He may feel trapped because he let it happen and doesn’t know how to go back.  Maybe everything is cool and copacetic!  I hope so.  I hope you’ve really talked it out after the fact. 

I don’t think it’s your intention to lead Kevin places he doesn’t want to go, but he’s submissive to you.  He trusts you to not hurt him.  Be careful with his trust. Things like this always need to be discussed so they don’t go off the rails.  Too many guys are afu emotionally and talking to therapists over situations like this one.  Just want to make sure Kevin doesn’t end up being one of them.

After we were done, I was still horny (pegging always does that to me) and Andrew and I finished off with some PIV sex while Kevin supervised. As with every aspect of this new chapter in our lives, I felt like the center of attention and to focus. Call me an attention whore if you will but I love it.                                                                                
~  I’ve already told you what I think of your idea to cuckold Kevin.  You were already in the bottom ⅓ of the poll you took about pegging vs. piv sex with Kevin. Kevin would like more piv but “you” want it this way. I contend that’s because you don’t get tremendous pleasure from piv with Kevin.
 
By making your relationship now three people, you now get your emotional satisfaction from pegging Kevin and your physical satisfaction from by being taken by the more dominant Andrew. But what does Kevin get?  Kevin gets half the attention and probably !/4 the piv sex that he used to?
Do you really see him sticking around under these circumstances? You’re supposedly a Psychology major studying for your Masters. I have my doubts. Any second year Psych student would know the psychological implications of the sexual dynamic you’ve set up.

What is your primary type of sex?    

You said you and Kevin “2x peg/1x piv” = 66%peg/33%piv = which is the bottom ⅓ of respondents for how much piv is allowed.
 

• About 75% PIV and 25% Pegging (42%, 14 Votes)
• 100% PIV (21%, 7 Votes)
• 100% Pegging (18%, 6 Votes)
• 50% PIV and 50% Pegging (9%, 3 Votes)
• 25% PIV and 75% Pegging (9%, 3 Votes)

Total Voters: 33

 
 
I’ll ask you again: when Andrew is gone, are you going to be able to have all your needs met when it’s just you and Kevin again?

“At the beginning, Kevin felt like he was losing part of me to Andrew. We made it clear that I am not some sort of bounty or prize to be won and I think that is where the male psyche goes. Once we settled that we are doing this to bring each of us affection and excitement, I think we sorted through it all.”
 
Is the translation here:  I told Kevin that it’s my body and he doesn’t own me or have any right to be jealous of what I do with Andrew?
  
Is Kevin truly accepting of Andrew and your being together or is he just going along to placate you? Since you’ve given no indication that Kevin is bi, Andrew brings NOTHING to the relationship for Kevin.  You get two men, Kevin gets half of you.  It’ll be interesting to see where this goes, but I don’t see this going well if you can’t be completely satisfied with “just” Kevin again when Andrew leaves.

I know you posted that you don’t like talking about yourself, that you prefer discussing the concept of this subject more.  I contend that the concept is all garbage unless you know how the application of those concepts affects ‘real people”.

You’ve suggested things in your blog.  You’ve tried things.  How those things are working out for you is the value of your blog.  Even if they don’t work out, the lessons learned can be invaluable. 

I can look up all the other stuff you post in your blog on the internet. What really matters is; how did it work out when you tried it?  I know there is curiosity and interest because of the communications I’ve had with some of your other readers.  

I’m finished hijacking your blog.  It’s time to get back to my own project.  I truly do wish you happiness.  Keep communicating and I hope it works out for you both.  I may check back in a few months and see how you’re doing.

Be well and stay safe!

Namaste,
Stan

Message received from @stan via email

Emma,

I sincerely apologize for my posts.  You can decide whether to post this apology to your community, or just have me fade away into obscurity.

I apologize because I went off on a tangent due to researching cuckolding for 5 years, and only picking up part of your story.  I looked and looked and still came back to look today, because you just seemed like too nice of a person and too level headed from what I read initially about your journey, to basically "force" Kevin into cuckolding.   

That's when I found and read the 4 parts about how this latest development occurred.  If you skip from your journey with Kevin, the chastity, the pegging, the close and loving relationship it creates straight to "Then there were three" and "Moving In"...   It reads a whole lot different and you become a cruel monster for cuckolding Kevin.   I felt sorry for the guy because it looked like his love for you was being used against him, and I went off half cocked without the full story.

I am so sorry for my accusations that you were abusing Kevin by pushing him into cuckolding.  I see where he was a more than willing participant.  Please delete my thread.  I'm embarrassed for posting it.  I'm usually better with my research before providing my opinion.

I suppose I'm a little jaded because I've been researching this subject to death, and women coercing a cuckold situation is way more common than the way you did it.  Your way, with FULL discussion and understanding is the ONLY way it can be successful.  Additionally, both partners have to want it.

I'll leave you with this though.  Please! really study this graph and discuss it with Kevin.   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27033442/

This is REAL science.  It IS normalized, taking into account all the medical factors associated with prostate cancer.  This shows that your practice of 1x/week puts Kevin in the MOST dangerous category for prostate cancer at age 50.  0-3 orgasms a month would evidently be better for him than 1x/week (sorry Kevin).  

That is still not optimum for prostate health though.  If it was my wife, and I had the science in front of me, I'd figure out a way to play that also promoted her best possible health.  I want her around for a long time.

You could research whether ruined orgasms would still keep the closeness you desire while supporting prostate health.  Of course I'm not sure if they support prostate health like  full ejaculations.  Research topic/Blog topic?

Again Emma, I really do apologize.  I suggested you were abusing Kevin.  I see now that couldn't be further from the truth.

I got busy talking to @HappyCuckold and “beating up on” @dharmaproject for a while.  I apologized to all I had talked to about my suppositions.  @dharma took a pop shot at my ability to be unbiased, and off we went again. LOL!

That is probably because through these conversations, I feel like I’ve actually got another pretty good chapter on how I will suggest play with chastity devices, submission games, and pegging for monogamous couples who are interested in trying it as sex play.  Thanks Emma, Happy, and even Dharma!  This blog and your conversations have led me to clarity.  I appreciate you all!

Emma, PLEASE give thought to posting the medical research and medical opinions you do on your blog, without minimizing the information.  Real science isn’t a guarantee, it’s just an increased risk.  People want to know the real deal, regardless.  They will choose what is most important to them, regardless of the risk.

Additionally, you learned all about sexual psychology in your undergraduate.  Please communicate the possible damage cuckolding can do to a relationship if a couple isn't 100% clear in communication and completely in agreement. 

It has a chance of being successful in Kevin’s and your situation because you talk exhaustively about emotions and feelings and you decided you BOTH wanted to do it.  People who don’t talk as exhaustively about their feelings and emotions may take the plunge without fully communicating it through. That usually turns out bad.

I support monogamy. I support consensual non-monogamy.  I just suggest couples think through everything they can come up with before trying non-monogamy.  Have a game plan.  What if he/she doesn’t like it and the other does and wants to continue. How are you going to deal with that?  If one person at that point decides they’re going to continue, will the relationship survive?  If you decide to quit, how do you go back to just you two again?  Is there going to be resentment from the partner who wanted to continue?  This is just the tip of the iceberg on things that should be discussed.  After 32 years we discussed it for 6 months before deciding we had thought of every possible “what if” we could think of. 

Lastly, as I stated before, I believe the value of this blog is your experience.  I think you need to post more about that.  What has happened since November?  How is it going for you all?  What are the struggles involved? What are the emotions involved?  Living as three has some inherent complications, especially with the sexual dynamic between the three of you. Tell us about that.

Those are the lessons you can teach.  You took the plunge as you put it.  Your experiences and how those experiences have effected your relationship with Kevin is valuable to this community.  If you’re going to encourage consensual non-monogamy, tell people how it's working out for you.

Now, I am really going to get out of here and leave you all in peace.

Best of luck @HappyCuckold.  I’ll keep you in my prayers.  

Everyone else please stay safe and healthy.  Hopefully this COVID situation is on the mend.

Namaste,

Stan

One final shout out to @subhubphx.  Bro, without you telling me something I said had helped you, I would have been gone a while ago. 

Sticking around and chatting with some folks, arguing with others... I got some prospective and clarity on where I want to take this chapter.  I was originally only going to include pegging.  I think now I can also talk about safely playing chastity and submission games with some clarity on my part how that should look to be safe.

Appreciate you!  Be well and stay safe.

Stan

@stan. Thank you, Stan.

This discussion has been of great interest to me because of my own situation.  I hope our lengthy back-and-forth hasn’t annoyed everyone else too much.

 I think including a chapter on chastity as a form of sex play is a good idea.  The discussion has made me wonder about something. It appears that the women who have an interest in serious enforced chastity for their partners also enjoy pegging. My wife, on the other hand, doesn’t want to do either of those things.  That makes me wonder if there is psychological dynamic linking those two things.  I mean, I can see a thematic link between a woman simultaneously strapping on a penis to penetrate her partner while symbolically expropriating her partner’s penis by means of a cock cage.  It is a heady mix. If you add cuckolding, which involves a reversal of the patriarchal sexual double standard, it is emotional dynamite.

Stan, I’m not suggesting we should continue this discussion here!  Lol.  I think we have talked enough.  But I think that would be an interesting angle for your book.

@HappyCuckold

Emma gave me this thread... It's called "Stan's book"... so unless she deletes it, if you want to talk, we'll talk.

I'll just throw this out there for you though Happy.  Your wife is not dominant!  You would like her to dominate you, and you play subliminal games in your head with this kink, but her being dominant over you is in your mind.  (I've had 21+ most of my life, She thinks if I'm horny, I should masturbate.  She thinks cock cages are silly.  She doesn't want to peg me and isn't turned on by the prospect of pegging me, all her chores for you are jobs you should be doing anyway.)  She plays along with your fantasy at a minimal level because she wants you to be "Happy".  It appears she's been successful.

Congratulations on all those years together.  Not a lot of us make it 30+ with the same person.

~ Happy wrote:  I mean, I can see a thematic link between a woman simultaneously strapping on a penis to penetrate her partner while symbolically expropriating her partner’s penis by means of a cock cage.  It is a heady mix. If you add cuckolding, which involves a reversal of the patriarchal sexual double standard, it is emotional dynamite.

This IS so funny.  Go all the way back to the original message I sent Emma.  This topic is what started it all.  I was really supportive of their relationship as just two.  But, I suggested that cuckolding in her situation COULD BE very destabilizing to her relationship with Kevin.

That's when everyone jumped on me thinking I was just another "straight" who was MORALLY against non-monogamy.  As was revealed, that was an INCORRECT assumption on the communities part because I've actually tried non-monogamy and it was fine.  I posted my fears because of Kevin and Emma's situation and doing 5 years of researching this subject.

Really, the only way it ever works is if there is something in it for the man too.  Why would you stay if there wasn't something in it for you.  Compersion only goes so far in these D/s relationships.  If the sub feels "unwanted" humiliation, degradation, or in any manner feels unloved, it destroys the relationship. 

That goes BOTH ways for the record.  There are men who "push" their wives into cuckolding.  The wife may feel these same things: you're just using me, I'm just a toy to you, you don't really care about me if you can give me to another man.  

What was in it for me was the sperm competition.  But then, I got to reclaim my wife. It's like Viagra to me.  I went 5 time in 24 hours after our first experience.  We discussed this before.

What does Kevin get?  

Kevin stays locked in chastity watching her have sex, after having been pegged ~ which is NOT his favorite form of sex.  My impression is that because he's submissive, he goes along with the pegging so that he gets to have the piv he really desires.

I agree with you DY-NO-MITE!

Stay well Happy.

Stan