Stan's Book

@happycuckold

Now I have a question for you.  A number of correspondences ago, you mentioned something and I didn't catch it until I was reviewing our discourse.  You said you were more like Kevin than me in that you shared an ED problem.  Is there something about Kevin having ED that I missed in the blog?  If so, I really missed a lot of details.

Be well,

Stan 

@stan. I have to say, your reading of my situation with my wife is accurate.  I say that, although seeing it spelled out bluntly makes me look like a bit of a loser, doesn’t it?

You are absolutely right that my wife isn’t naturally dominant, at least not in a way that matches my desire to be submissive.  I know you are right that she dominates me just enough to enable me to feel submissive, without doing anything that would feel distasteful to her (like pegging).  Having a powerful imagination, I can get erotic sustenance from the things she does for me.  But the D/s aspect isn’t entirely in my head.  I agree that I should be doing my fair share of the housework anyway, but I do quite a bit more than my fair share.  My wife likes being dominant about that.  Lol. Which is fine by me because it turns me on.  This may seem like a stretch, but the feeling I get from knowing that she gets to enjoy more leisure time when I do more housework is analogous to the feeling of compersion I get when she has sexual fun with other men.

It’s interesting that if you look at female dominant triad of chastity/pegging/cuckolding, I have experienced only one out of three, but it is the one you consider to be the most radical and the biggest risk to marriage.  But that worked out well for us because our shared sense of excitement on days she would see the other man brought us together in a very intimate way.

You come back constantly to your feeling that Kevin is being shortchanged by Emma because she exploits his submissive nature to take their relationship in a direction he couldn’t possibly desire.  You say, for example, “because he’s submissive, he goes along with the pegging so that he gets to have the piv sex he really desires.”  I don’t see how you can know that to be true.  I think you are telling us how you would feel if you were Kevin and assuming that is the way any man would have to feel.  I’m not so sure because when I imagine myself in Kevin’s place, I imagine different feelings than you do.  When I said that the triad of chastity/pegging/cuckolding could be emotional dynamite, I didn’t mean that in a way that is necessarily bad.

@stan @stan. No, I didn’t mean to imply that Kevin had ED or any other issues that would limit his ability to have satisfactory piv sex.  (My apologies to Kevin and Emma if I seem to have implied that).  In fact, I think Emma has said that isn’t the case.  What I meant is that you have said that the value of “cuckold play” for you is in playing on the psychology of sperm competition in order to make piv sex better for the husband (cuckold) and wife.  You implied that if the cuckold play didn’t serve the purpose of better piv sex for the husband, that would have to lead to unbearable frustration.  I disagreed with that because my ED means that the excitement of being cuckolded doesn’t serve the purpose of better piv sex for me.  In fact, my experience is that it can be very exciting for a husband to have only non-penetrative sex while the wife has her desire for piv sex satisfied by another man.  So when I said I feel more like Kevin than you, I meant that you would probably hate to be in my place the way you would hate to be in Kevin’s place.

Posted by: @stan

Bro, without you telling me something I said had helped you, I would have been gone a while ago. 

Wait ... are you blaming this on me?  *smile *wink

 

@HappyCuckold,

@stan. I have to say, your reading of my situation with my wife is accurate.  I say that, although seeing it spelled out bluntly makes me look like a bit of a loser, doesn’t it?

NOT EVEN!  You sound like a nice man who is sexually driven to enjoy this submission fantasy.  Cool for you. Your wife sounds like a gem who is willing to indulge your fantasy to a point, especially if it results in more leisure time for her.  Much like I treat my wife.  Just a different dynamic in the bedroom.

Did this desire get stronger after ED or has it always been like this?  

You mention the cuckolding.  Did you have ED when you started that?

Also, what’s stopping “you” from locking up your own cock, if you want to?  You can pretend she did it to you.  She doesn’t sound like the kind of woman that would stop you.

@HappyCuckold wrote:  It’s interesting that if you look at female dominant triad of chastity/pegging/cuckolding, I have experienced only one out of three, but it is the one you consider to be the most radical and the biggest risk to marriage.  But that worked out well for us because our shared sense of excitement on days she would see the other man brought us together in a very intimate way.

You keep looking at this from your own perspective.  Until you read the blog, you can’t understand my logic and keep looking at it as if it were happening to you.  You keep accusing me of looking at this from my own perspective.  I’m looking at this as an analyst because I'm not against submission.  I am against coercion.  Even if it's just using someone's love against them.  The subs who comment are usually looking at it from their own perspective.  Read the blog.

Kevin isn’t you nor is he very much like you! 

Emma has an undergraduate in psychology.  She understands how to “fuck” with people’s minds.  I have an undergraduate in psychology.  I can see some things in this situation that I don’t like AT ALL.

Emma met a somewhat submissive guy and is leading him on a journey.  Kevin had never before been pegged, caged, or actually submissive sexually before this relationship.  At least not anywhere it’s discussed.  They started out with normal sex.  Then she talked him into letting her peg him ~ NOT his idea.  Then she talked him into letting her put him in chastity to check on her hormone theories ~ NOT his idea.. One of my original questions is below: 

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Ask yourself this? If Kevin came to you and asked to put all of this away, remove the cock cage, give up the other lovers, and return to a monogamous equality of partners relationship, would you? The answer will tell you where Kevin stands. My impression after reading your articles is that you wouldn’t. You’ve lost respect for Kevin. Andrew is your “man” for the time being and Kevin is becoming more and more your girlfriend. When Andrew goes you’ll find another “man” and eventually Kevin will go.

You are correct, I would not. I feel like the cage and retention add to the equality of our relationship. The cage may go away but I would ask Kev to continue with orgasm rationing to aid in the intimate connection that we share. Andrew is staying with us for a time, and plans to move later this month or possibly early March so he is a temporary resident in our lives. We will miss him greatly but he was never an equal third in our relationship. From the onset, we were all very clear on what the relationship roles would be and we communicate openly about feelings and about happiness.

No where in the reading of the blog do I get the idea that Kevin is into humiliation, domination, or degradation.  The relationship has all been very loving between Kevin and Emma up to this point.  Although, in my opinion, based on Emma’s intellectual advantage over Kevin with her knowledge of psychology and ability to manipulate people, I think this has been moderately coercive.  Kevin didn’t suggest any of this.  Emma did!

Emma’s transformation from loving partner discussing things to dominant partner pushing things further started (imho) when he was only allowed to cum on her leg when Andrew had taken her piv after pingpong ~ their very first playing experience ~ a deliberately humiliating act to Kevin and making him “less than” Andrew.  Then he was asked to leave the room on another adventure.  Then after moving in she pegged him in front of Andrew without discussion.

This relationship has changed from loving guidance into being submissive to the woman he’s in love with, to “semi” forceful dominance… like pegging Kevin without discussing it with him first. That is a demeaning, humiliating act when the other guy doesn’t get pegged.  It puts the sub in a sub position to the man also. 

Tough choices.  Put up with it (there is jealousy) or bail.  I think he’s holding on for Andrew to leave hoping things get back to normal.  I question if Emma can be happy without alpha sex. 

That is speculation.  All this is “biased” speculation based on some things said in the blog and how I see this following the “exact” path that I’ve read at least a dozen case studies about.  Their dynamic isn’t exactly the same… although I contend that since Kevin gets pegged and limited piv… Where Andrew gets piv more frequently, it might be worse.

@HappyCuckold wrote:  You say, for example, “because he’s submissive, he goes along with the pegging so that he gets to have the piv sex he really desires.”  I don’t see how you can know that to be true.  I think you are telling us how you would feel if you were Kevin and assuming that is the way any man would have to feel.

Bro, You really need to read all parts of this journey before you go making statements like that.  I didn’t say it, Emma did.  It is clearly spelled out.  Kevin likes piv more than Emma wants to do it with him.  She wants to keep him caged and in denial to fuck with his hormones.  This is NOT his idea.  This is ALL Emma’s ~ I’ll call it what it is ~ manipulation!

That’s why I’m concerned for Kevin.  That’s why I talked about leading him away from his sexual identity.  I’m starting to think Emma is just running her own social experiment using Kevin as a guinea pig.  How much can she get him to let her get away with?  How submissive can she really get him to be?  If I had proof that she used her psychology training to effect all these changes in Kevin, I would turn her in.  What she's done with Kevin would be considered sexual abuse. 

You need to read the blog.  If you want to continue to discuss this subject, go through it.  There isn't a whole lot to it and the three part series is a little sexy in a cuckold porn sort of way. 

By the way Happy, I’m not the only one who has addressed this.  If you read the blog, it kind of jumps out at you.  This is just one example:

 @drsam wrote:

You clearly love Kevin and I think you crave his affections. However, you can only get the level of affection you crave by limiting his ability have PIV sex with you and dominating him. You stated before that you want a rich sex life (paraphrasing from memory) and now Andrew satisfies your need for penetrative sex. You get everything you want. Andrew gets no strings attached sex without much of an investment. I must assume Kevin is getting something he needs, you Emma. I have a deep desire to submit to a woman, in anyway I can, which is why I can appreciate the dynamic of this arrangement. But I need to think about this more. I really enjoyed these stories.

@Emma responded:

@drsam

I feel like that series turned into harry potter or something. I hate multi part stuff. I'll try to do any more as more standalone. Kevin and I have a richly emotional connection and our unique sexual dynamic plays directly into the emotions that we experience together. While Andrew does satisfy my need for penetrative sex, I do also desire penetrative sex with Kevin. It's just... different. It is more deeply connected. Maybe we can equate Andrew to lust and Kevin to Love. 

 

The unfortunate part about that “lust” is this.  That’s a woman’s need for a dominant male to have sex with is coming out.  The piv sex with Kevin, doesn’t and hasn’t satisfied that need for a long time. Probably since they started pegging more than piv, but it’s “loving” ~ meaning she’s not getting off.   She has spent quite some time with a submissive. With the addition of an alpha, now she is complete.  She gets alpha sex and loving, submissive sex.  What are the chances of going back to where they were with just the submissive sex?  No problem if he’s cool with it.  Big problem if he’s being coerced into it.

 

Be well Happy,

Stan

Man.  Has Vegas set the over/under number on the number of pages this will end up at when this is all said and done?  Whatever it is ... I'll take the over.

@stan. You are right that I haven’t read everything on the blog.  I just discovered it recently, so I have been responding to bits and pieces.  My view is undoubtedly clouded by my own masochistic kinks and my own positive experience of consensual non-monogamy. I realize Kevin isn’t me, but since I don’t know him, I try to imagine how I would feel if I was in his place.  But I realize I can’t really know that for sure either.  I am going to stop commenting, I think, because I don’t feel it is possible for me to have informed opinions about this stuff.  Thank you for sharing your research with me.  It sounds like you will have an interesting book.

HC