Notifications
Clear all

Vanilla FLR

8 Posts
4 Users
1 Likes
405 Views
Ksk
 ksk
(@ksk)
Posts: 8
Active Member
Topic starter
 

Anyone else in a vanilla FLR?  I wish I was in a highly sexual FLR but that's not something my wife wants.  Tease and Denial is the only kink and it's not strictly enforced.  I asked for the tease and denial. I tell her she can only make me orgasm but the truth is she doesn't care if I do.  I have gone 3 months without orgasm with being teased regularly.

My Wife led marriage is not formal but she does have rules.  The rules are not written down but she gets angry with me if I break any of these rules. They are:

Husband Obeys wife

Wife controls the finances

Husband does all housework and grocery shopping

Advertisement

Wife can and does withhold sex from husband

Husband does not argue or fight with wife even if she starts it

I enjoy being submissive to her.  I know it sounds strange but I get satisfaction from it.  Going long periods of time without an orgasm makes me want to follow the rules.  The more horny I get, the more I want to serve her.  I enjoy this feeling.  It's sexual for me but not for her.  I still argue with her sometimes.  The wife led marriage is something I asked for and I want to do better.

Anyone else in a similar situation? 

 

 

 

 
Posted : 05/09/2022 7:58 am
Thorn
(@thorn)
Posts: 3
New Member
 

when you say its not for her if you want help with that you need to explain in more detail

 
Posted : 06/09/2022 12:13 am
Allabouther
(@allabouther)
Posts: 198
Member
 

Do you find your relationship fulfilling?  Does it increase the intimacy, bond, and openness between you and your wife?  What, exactly, are your needs that are being satisfied by this relationship?  Is it making you both better people?

 
Posted : 06/09/2022 3:04 am
Ksk
 ksk
(@ksk)
Posts: 8
Active Member
Topic starter
 

My wife has always wanted to be the dominant partner in our marriage.  The marriage became a wife led marriage when I told her that I will let her be in charge and obey her.  She always wanted this. Our marriage is better. 

It would be great to be spanked for being a bad boy, lick her pussy every day, get pegged ...  That's not going to happen.  She lost her sex drive after menopause, and she is fine with that. She does order me around more because she knows that turns me on.  She plays along with the tease and denial.  Yes, she doesn't really care if I masturbate.  If I don't masturbate and rely on her for an orgasm it will be weeks or months between orgasms, so it does work for us.  I clean house nude with a butt plug inserted.  To my surprise it doesn't freak her out. I revealed a side of myself to her that she had not seen, and she is Ok with it. Yes, it's fulfilling to serve her.  

The reason I posted was to connect with other men in a similar situation. 

 
Posted : 06/09/2022 4:51 am
Allabouther
(@allabouther)
Posts: 198
Member
 

@ksk I am glad you find it fulfilling and that it is important to her that you are fulfilled.  I think connecting with other guys in similar situations is a fantastic idea.  It would have helped me in my first marriage.  

I am certainly not predicting that something similar is going to happen to you.  But my marriage went through a similar phase and the outcome for us was not good.  The end took a long time in coming, mostly because I was working overtime to find a way to keep the love going while ignoring the writing on the wall.  What was once a mutual relationship became completely one-sided sometime after I accepted that she was not interested in sex.  As you say, that happens and it can be perfectly fine.  But once it was clear that my ex couldn't have cared less about me (sex or anything else, for that matter) except for what she could get from me, I realized there were two distinct relationships; the pretend one that I was making up in my mind to try to justify a loveless marriage and the one that died when she decided she was unwilling to be vulnerable to anyone, especially her husband.  She closed off and I was left to fend for myself. I had no one to give me a reality check to help me see I was in denial.

You don't have to have a lot of sex to be intimate.  And intimacy is far more important than sex.  Just keep communicating.

 
Posted : 06/09/2022 7:15 am
joebear reacted
Ksk
 ksk
(@ksk)
Posts: 8
Active Member
Topic starter
 

@ allabouther I am glad to hear you are happy in your new marriage.  I understand what you are saying about your previous marriage.  I am curious if you told your ex-wife you liked to be submissive? If yes, how did she react?  

I don't have a loveless marriage.  It's a sexless marriage except for tease and denial.  My wife is having hot flashes, trouble sleeping, and lost sexual desire.  Classic Menopause for many women. It has been more than a year.  Her family doctor is aware and prescribes medication. Maybe later she might get interested in sex again.  I hope so.  I don't think of my orgasm denial and service to my wife as pretend.  It's part of our marriage now.  Yes, I choose the orgasm denial and my wife benefits from it.  She also participates.  She makes me cum occasionally.  I don't like it when she does make me cum.  So, maybe it is her choice after all.  She makes me cum when I don't want to.

Thanks for sharing.  You can PM me if you want to chat more in detail

 

 

 

 

 
Posted : 06/09/2022 8:52 am
True42
(@true42)
Posts: 135
Reputable Member
 
Posted by: @allabouther

You don't have to have a lot of sex to be intimate.  And intimacy is far more important than sex.  Just keep communicating.

There is so much truth in this.

 
Posted : 09/09/2022 2:53 pm
Allabouther
(@allabouther)
Posts: 198
Member
 

I thought that I could build a bridge to increased intimacy with my ex-wife if I showed her my willingness to be vulnerable and by showing her that my commitment to her meant that I would be submissive to her.  I did offer submission on my part.  It did require that I expose vulnerability.  It resulted in ZERO increased intimacy.  She just was not interested in exposing any vulnerability of her own or in improving our intimacy.  She just exploited it and found a way to turn it into a completely one sided thing that actually reduced intimacy.  Once she knew I was willing to be submissive, it was like she decided that she didn’t need to try to work a relationship any more.  She could just make me do all the work.  She only became more selfish and self absorbed.  

Now that I have what I consider to be a very successful FLR with the best sex of my life, I see that the only way it happened was because the intimacy, trust, and mutual willingness to be vulnerable was established first.  That permitted an FLR to develop (as opposed to a D/s relationship that could develop on a different path) and then the off-the-hook sex rose from the FLR.

I don't equate intimacy with FLR with D/s.  It is possible to have them all at the same time, but it doesn’t have to be.  I think you can easily have a D/s relationship without having true intimacy.  But I don’t think you can have a meaningful FLR without having true intimacy first.

 
Posted : 10/09/2022 9:49 am
Share: