Do you lose or gain interest?
When my husband approached me about chastity as a fix for our mismatched libido, I was willing to try it. As of the end of November it will be the 6 month anniversary of lockup. We unlock for sex once a week and cleaning once a week but otherwise he is locked constantly. After this time he is a much more emotionally supportive partner. I am still erotically inclined toward him but for more sensual love. I want to be held or I want to be massaged. Sex is about coupling and bonding but not about passionate lovemaking.
I find that this suits my desire much more. I've not about "getting fucked" as much as I am about having an intense and deep bond with someone. His cage to me is incredibly erotic and a reminder of his love and sacrifices for me.
I love him ten times more than I ever have, but I don't feel the raw sexual energy with him. This led to him suggesting that I take a lover to fill that need because he too wants me to be fulfilled. The scary part is I am not sure if my sexual desire is declining overall or my sexual energy and physical reassurances with my husband. I am reluctant to try taking a lover because I love my husband and would never want to do anything to hurt him or hurt our marriage. I am lucky to be married to my best friend but I worry about the absence of lustful desire toward him. Is this normal? Is there no interest lost or gained but interest changed?
So, my wife and i have chronicled her loss of libido here as well. We are new to chastity. This week we have been dipping our toe into the idea of her having a lover. I will just say, so far, just the searching and looking together has amped her libido up. I can already see a change.
The idea of this is not a minor one. I feel her and I can handle this or I would not even consider it. We both have had some play time with others way back when we first started dating, but that was years ago and never had we considered us doing this together or even separate but openly. Now, it has opened up lots of ideas. None of which have we acted upon yet, mind you.
However, we seem to be moving forward and she definitely is showing excitement and sexual energy I haven’t seen in years. I like that for sure. How this all plays out?..we are taking it easy and being safe, responsible, and just letting it happen between us organically.
I guess it really depends on how each of you look at sex and what it means.
You just wrote a paragraph about deep emotional connections. I personally think that would not work in a poly or open situation. But, if you are feeling that way because you are sexually bored and need the excitement and thrill of the newness and chase, then it potentially could help.
I can only say for us, im pleasantly surprised at the results so far.