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Brittany
(@brittany)
Posts: 39
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

My caged man tried to rebel against his cage last night. During a tease and denial he was begging to cum, I said no and he reached for the key dangling from my neck and I pulled back. It was scary for me as a keyholder he would even think to try to usurp my authority or power. There’s also a guy at the gym I see from time to time and over the last couple months he notices me now, since I now have my man caged I feel so attracted to this man how he compliments me how he’s attracted to me his body ain’t bad either and knowing he’s nice to me because he thinks I’m pretty and enjoyable to be flirty with. I’m thinking about going out to talk with him and see what he’s about. Is that wrong as woman with a caged man can I have my cake and eat it too can it really be perfect. There are punishments coming (he’s not) for his attempted grab at the key. How would the keyholders here feel if their man tried to grab the key or once out refused to relock? I’m curious to how others might handle it. 

 
Posted : 18/02/2022 5:53 am
Jd3064169
(@jd3064169)
Posts: 55
Estimable Member
 

It depends on what you guys agreed to when you started your journey,  if you didn't discuss punishments you'll have to have that discussion.  As far as relocking goes, you can give him a black & white choice of, he either locks back up, or the chastity cage goes away for ever. Never to be discussed or used again.   Once you figure out agreed punishments it's the same choice he either accepts what you both agreed to or it's all done. As far as guy in gym, again depends on what you agreed to & how far you want to go. If you nvr agreed to cuckolding him, yhen I'd say you need to stop at just receiving compliments. Until you & your caged man agree otherwise.

 
Posted : 18/02/2022 9:51 am
Bestwhencaged
(@bestwhencaged)
Posts: 91
Estimable Member
 

This is normally an egregious offense.  As jd3064169 stated, it all depends on what you have discussed and agreed upon.  You certainly need to communicate the rules of the relationship.

While I can't speak for keyholders, in my past M/s relationships, such an offense I would be given two choices: end the relationships (no Domme wants to put up with a disobedient sub) or receive corporal punishment without a safeword.  But that was all clear when the relationship started.  My understanding is that you are exploring power exchange starting with chastity.  I could be completely wrong and I apologize if I am.

Clear communication and mutual understanding are even more of a requirement for relationships that involve power exchange.

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Don't take this as too negative, take it as a sign that you need to communicate more clearly, set rules, expectations, and consequences.

 
Posted : 18/02/2022 10:08 am
TinCup, TinCup and TinCup reacted
Restrainedlove
(@restrainedlove)
Posts: 186
Reputable Member
 

Whoa, that is scary.

I recently read The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Ester Perel. Reading the book made me realize that infidelity is a really fickle. Some couples may be OK with masturbating, pornography uses, and/or non-monogamy, and for others it is a single-offence is a terminate-the-relationship offense. People often think they would not tolerate (whatever) until it happens to them and they realize what they have to lose. Maybe something for you to consider.

As I recall, the chastity cage was a way for him to continue the opportunity to have a relationship with you. It was because of his pornography use and a motivation for a course correction.

I agree with @jd3064169 and @bestwhencaged, there needs to be a conversation. I think the start of the conversation needs to be if he needs to continue in the relationship. However, what you are doing needs to be SSSC (safe, sane, sober, and consensual). You need to talk out. Maybe start with a chastity contract to make it more official. Maybe the key needs to go away for a while, maybe he needs to take on more household chores, maybe he needs some humiliation, maybe he needs some punishment (article on punishment here and as using chastity as a tool not a punishment here). It should just be agreed upon. 

When you are discussing the relationship, you can make it clear that you know your worth. Specifically telling him there is someone giving you compliments at the gym may be threatening and put him in a defensive mode that will make conversation with him difficult. However, conveying that you know your worth and that he needs to know his place will be good for your confidence and the relationship.

Does he need a break (a fun therapy video on the importance of communicating using the show "Friends") to rethink life? Maybe he stays locked unless he decides to leave.

As @jd3064169 said, if you haven't talked about cuckolding you need to have the conversation before engaging (article here). Otherwise, you may be crossing one of his lines of infidelity by going outside the relationship (after all he is willing to lock up for you). 

 
Posted : 18/02/2022 1:22 pm
Recover
(@recover)
Posts: 9
Active Member
 

I agree - communication, expectation setting, and consensual play are key. However, I would suggest having that communication outside of the dom/sub role and without ultimatums. If this is something worth investing in then take it slowly and learn each about each other along the way.

 
Posted : 20/02/2022 7:19 pm
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 1056
Member
 
Posted by: @brittany

It was scary for me as a keyholder he would even think to try to usurp my authority or power.

Like the others have said here, it's all about what the rules of your female led relationship are.  What others may or may not do in such a situation is immaterial.  Of course, to establish those boundaries in your relationship, it requires deep, meaningful conversation about boundaries, and in essence YOU establishing those boundaries and he either finding joy in them or not.  In my relationship, such behavior would end with me having a soundly reddened and bruised bottom.  If that didn't resolve the matter to her satisfaction, she would merely end the dynamic (and who knows what else) because for her it would evidence that in my mind, it would be about me, and not about her.

 
Posted : 21/02/2022 8:18 am
TinCup, TinCup and TinCup reacted

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