Getting Comfortable and Having Fun! But I Have a Few Questions.
I first brought up the subject of exploring male chastity with my wife about a year ago. It's was something I had been interested in for a while and thought it would be a good thing to introduce into our marriage after reading more on the subject. My wife had recently told me that she was feeling pressured and we both were feeling like our sex and intimacy was going in the wrong direction. She has always been shy about discussing sexual things and was initially confused, reluctant, and hesitant to try it. After talking about it a couple more times she said we could give it a try.
So we tried it for an afternoon initially with a cheap plastic pink cage we purchased. She enjoyed teasing me and asked me to do a few things for her throughout the afternoon and evening. When it was time to shower to asked to see the cage so I undressed in front of her. She was immediately turned off and gave me the key so I could take it off and bathe before bed. When we talked about it later she said that it felt like the pink cage was emasculating and she didn't like it. She said she enjoyed the teasing and the feeling of power/control it gave her but didn't sound like she had interest to continue down this path.
After a while we approached the subject again and decided to give it another try with a different cage. After some trial and error we found one that is comfortable for me and much better quality (Kink3d). We played a couple of times for a few days at a time and she began to really enjoy not feeling pressured by me, being treated exceptionally well, and feeling more connected emotionally.
She seems to be really embracing this now! Over the past three months I've spent more time locked than unlocked. She's deliberately teasing me regularly. She's told me to lock up because of my attitude, because I've misbehaved by masturbating without permission, and because she simply wants to be spoiled for a while. We are communicating much better and our sex life is phenomenal!
She has never been someone that wanted much teasing or foreplay and rarely would she let me satisfy her orally. That has all changed now. She has begun teasing me for extended periods of time. She's been making out with me in random places just to get my heart racing, pressing herself into me when we snuggle or I massage her, climbing on top of me in bed and making me worship her body, and has even denied my orgasms a few times after blowing me for a few minutes. She's allowed me to satisfy her orally more times in the past few months than in our seven (7) years of marriage and has some of the most incredible orgasms during this. She's also enjoying bringing me to the edge and back during sex multiple times and we're beginning to explore not letting me orgasm every time we have sex.
We tried to deny my orgasm during sex once. After she rode me in cowgirl for a while I was too close to last long enough for her. I reminded her that she didn't have to let me orgasm and that I'd be happy to please her orally but if she decided to do that she would need to make me lock up after or I'd misbehave the next day. She like the idea and slowly pulled herself off me. I immediately went between her legs as she laid on her back and exclaimed joyfully "I can't believe this!" She came incredibly hard and I wanted to feel her more so with her legs on my shoulders I thrust into her again. I managed to stop before cumming but she told me it was incredibly hot and wanted me to finish so I did. Later, she made me lock up for not following her initial instructions.
So, things have been going great! We're both very happy and having a ton of fun with this new dynamic. There are a few things from a Keyholder's point of view I'm trying to better understand and would love to get some advice, guidance, or wisdom learned from personal experience from any women here.
1) I'd love for my wife to feel comfortable seeing me in the cage and touching the cage while I'm locked. She will grab me occasionally. The first experience with the cheap pink cage has made her hesitant. Although I am hopeful she's growing comfortable since she considered letting me shower with her recently while caged. How long did it take you to get comfortable interacting with the cage and was there anything in particular that helped you become comfortable? Any advice that might help here would be appreciated.
2) It's difficult for me to last long enough for her after being caged for some time. She's commented about how we need to have more sex to train me to last longer and that she likes how it feels when I'm being forceful but that I always end up stopping too soon to avoid cumming. How have you trained your man to last longer or even to have sex without cumming?
I can't answer your first question, as we don't use a cage (yet). But much of your experiences I can identify with - my Wife has never been too bothered about being satisfied sexually, we had lots of sex but she was feeling pressured, and since She has been put in charge, after initial confusion/reluctance, She has embraced it, is loving it and gets me to pleasure her far more than ever before.
My Wife has always said since we started that She enjoys having me in Her, and initially missed PIV sex, but when we tried it, it did not last long. We tried 'soaking' which I found out about here https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2020/12/21/soaking-the-dock-and-talk-approach/
If my wife fancies it, she will let me thrust, but I have to stop if I'm feeling close, I will often pull out too, although as I've done it more I've found I can tell how close I am and regulate it before it's too late. I have also found that sliding my foreskin over the head before I slide in makes it a bit less sensitive (obvs that's dependent on still having one). This has helped me last much longer and now my Wife can ride me a bit (initially I had to be in control of movement as it didn't take much to go over the edge). It takes a lot of concentration (on Her pleasure), but it is so satisfying to watch Her enjoy herself. I would suggest by being inside Her every few days, your cock gets more used to the sensations, it doesn't need to be 'for sex', but see it more as Her enjoying you inside her and training you for when She wants to have a good time using your cock. She is in complete control, so may stop after just a couple of minutes, or may lie and talk for ages.
Another suggestion I have seen is to have sex after you have an orgasm, I find that if I have had a sufficient amount of time since having an orgasm, I will get hard again very quickly and not experience much of a loss of devotion to my Wife, but it will vary from guy to guy and is a bit risky as 2 orgasms in one day will definitely cause me to lose interest in my Wife and generally feel crap for a couple of days.
There are times when a dominant woman in a relationship/keyholder/Mistress Wife/etc., really just wants to enjoy the reckless abandon of just getting fucked for a good, long time, in different positions, for as long as she physically can, without being concerned about having to stop or interrupt to avoid her man cumming (sooner than she would like, or even at all). When she is in such mood and just wants a good, deep, long rogering, and keeping in mind that it is (or should be) ALL about her sexual pleasure, when things get interrupted to avoid him cumming, at that moment it becomes no longer all about her because she isn't getting what she wants because of you.
It's one of the great dilemmas of a FLR/WLM lifestyle. On some level she is sacrificing the amount and type of sexual experience available to her because yes, a man that is caged and/or denied is more likely to have such built-up desire that little more than a soft breeze will trigger an orgasm in him.
Is having to make such a sacrifice fair to her? Probably not. Sure, she's loving the constant state of desire for her that orgasm control and chastity gives the man, and all that comes with it. Sure, she enjoys having the chores done around the house, and having oral and sex toy pleasure available to her on demand, etc., but what about when she just wants to be fucked good and hard for a long time. Shouldn't that also be available on demand? What to do?
Some women are content to forgo a good long fucking for all of the other joys that come from her dominance. Others will seek and find a good long fucking elsewhere with another man and be willing to navigate the treacherous and perhaps risky waters, and all the hard work that goes in to finding the right guy to satisfy those needs, without wrecking her happy home and causing drama for her.
There is another option. A strapon harness and dildo that he can wear to fuck her proper with. This is something that Ms. K. and I have recently incorporated into our happy home, and it really is the best of all worlds. She can have her cake (orgasm control and denial) and eat it too (getting fucked the exact way she wants for as long as she wants). When we have sex this it is some of the best sex I have ever had even though I do not orgasm. The number and type of orgasms she has when we do this is enough for the both of us. It preserves the constant state of desire that I crave after sex and it allows for her have the kind of sex that leaves her completely exhausted and satisfied. And ... it's easy! The harness fits nicely over my cage, and securely and properly holds the dildo in the perfect position to satisfy her. I would suggest investing in a good quality harness and dildo. It is the difference between a satisfying experience and a disappointing experience.
So far anyway, it seems to check all the boxes for her and for me. We refer to it as her boyfriend, and she's even named it Brett, after a sexy character on a show we were watching that she openly said that she would love to fuck! I could go on, but this is already way too many words than are probably necessary, but perhaps it would be something that you fellas could incorporate into sexy time.
@subhubphx I have suggested to my Wife that I use the strap-on on her, however She really doesn't want anything but my cock inside her (She's not keen on my fingers). I am not going to push it, I was able to last long enough for her to satisfy Her last time so it seems that regular soaking/training has worked. Maybe in the future She will fancy it (She previously said a couple of orgasms a week were more than enough for Her - but now they are available on demand with no expectations of her (either to have one, or for me to), its probably just a couple of days a week that she doesn't have one!)
@spud I understand completely. My wife wasn't keen on it either ... at first. Once we found the perfect rubber (Vixskin from She Vibe), and once we learned the trick of soaking it in hot water from the tap for a few minutes first, she now absolutely loves it! It was a suggestion.
@subhubphx thanks for the comment and advice. I would absolutely be thrilled to do something like that but I fear it’s WAY outside of my wife’s comfort zone. She’s only now getting somewhat comfortable holding the key to my cage and is slowly warming up to making me lock up, touching it over clothing, and still has yet to see me in it.
At times, now for example, it feels like she doesn’t want much to do with the cage or being in control. Might be just due to life getting in the way.
Seems like there are waves of “lock it up, this is great, I love this!” Then lulls of not even thinking about it.
I assume that’s normal, at least at the start?
I assume that’s normal, at least at the start?
Normal? Perhaps, but what is normal. Normal in your world in unique to you and her, so don't worry about whether something is normal or not. I do think that it is important to communicate to her how important it is know the difference between tease and deny, and ignore and deny. If her indifference stems from having no interest and she only sometimes participates because she knows you like this, but she really doesn't ... then in the end it can't possibly be about her pleasure in life, which I believe is essential.
All that said, yes it is normal, especially from the start. Hopefully a new normal will develop as she finds traction in understanding the joys that this kind of relationship can bring.
@spud My wife said "hell no" to a dildo. But after some time, she suggested she would consider a replica of my penis. Maybe start with a mould of your JT and try it out. Once she's comfortable with that, start discussions about something bigger (If you so wish).
@MyCagedBollocks75 Yes, I have mentioned the replica dildo kits, but she just thought it was a bit silly (I had also suggested that she could wear it, and then do me with my own cock!). At the moment it's trying to get anything that isn't my cock inside her. My tongue discovered her g-spot the other day (have found it before with fingers, but she doesn't like those in there either!), so I am working her on the idea of using a vibrator for better stimulation (and to save my tongue, which still hurts a little from the workout!) - she is thinking about it. I don't feel in any particular rush, I am very grateful to her for how much she has opened herself up sexually, and pleased that she is enjoying herself so much.
My wife and I are continuing to have more fun each time we play with chastity. She decided to make me lock up four days ago and I don’t know when she’ll decide to unlock me. She’s thoroughly enjoyed me helping her with things, massaging her multiple times a day, comforting her, and has taken advantage of my offers to please her orally a couple of times.
This morning after bringing her coffee, rubbing her back, and giving her a nice orgasm to start her day she confided in me that she was feeling guilty for all that I was doing for her. I reassured her that she has snorting to feel guilty about. That she’s giving me exactly what I’ve wanted and asked for. She smiled, kissed me, and told me that she was going to have to have sex with me soon because I’m just too hot (made me feel really good) but that I will have to behave.
She had plans to have sex with me Friday night but I messed that up when I got frustrated about it getting late and she was showing signs of being tired. She reminded me that I needed to trust her. She kept me locked and allowed me please her orally before bed. To which I was very thankful for and was sure to tell her.
It’s exciting to see her have fun with this and start to embrace my desire to satisfy her. I’m not sure how to help her feel less guilty other than to reiterate how much I love this, that she is giving me what I am asking for, and that it’s really helping me to be a better husband.
How have other women worked through feelings of guilt with this? What did your husbands or boyfriends do to help with those feelings?