A Review From a Fem...
 
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A Review From a Feminist MaleDom

TeacHerTricks
(@teachertricks)
New Member

First off, I want to communicate my respect and appreciation for Emma's work on this site. I have some critiques and comments I will share, but I want those to be taken with this context in mind. But before that, let me add to the context with a bit of background on who I am and how I see the world.

I'm male, about 40 years old. In relationships, I take a dominant male role, both sexually and functionally. I'm also a feminist. I have politically left views. My personal political and social directive is to prioritize the minimization of suffering over the maximization of prosperity (ie: more important to pull someone out of the gutter than to push someone onto a cloud). I grew up very poor, but now enjoy a financially comfortable life. I'm an intellectual and an athlete. I strive to be empathetic to everyone. I try to learn everything I can about all angles of a situation, especially where people are involved. Generally speaking, I try to remain open to having my opinion on topics changed if someone makes a more compelling argument than that which I currently support. I try to not let my ego obstruct my personal growth.

I have spent more than 10 years learning everything I can about various relationship dynamics. I do my best not to be judgmental, and generally I am supportive of anything that doesn't conflict with my above views (meaning: if it is not anti-feminist, if it doesn't harm people, and if it involves informed & educated consent of all participating adults, then I am probably cool with it). My research has particularly focused on areas of non-monogamy, power-exchange, kink/lifestyle relationships, and gender roles.

This site has a lot of good and valuable content, and often cites biological evidence to support theories and ideology. This is great. My main critique is that sometimes the advice tends to make overly broad and universal claims, about both men and women. For example, things like "Your husband will...", or "Women want...". These are generalized statements that the reader may assume will be applicable to them and their situation, but this is often not the case. Regarding the nitty-gritty themes of this site, women are not immune to sexually-based hormonal changes, men are not all mono-orgasmic, male masturbation does not always result in negative behavioural changes, and power-exchange relationships don't always benefit from micromanagement of the submissive partner (in fact many can be harmed by it).

I am familiar with Yoga Girl's FLR101 site, and want to make it clear that I recognize the reposts of its articles here (both the originals early in EYM's life as well as the recent dumps) are not entirely reflective of Emma's views. That said... what a shit-show lol! As a person with an analytical and science background (engineering, math, software), I have a LOT of trouble with things she wrote. More seriously, I really dislike how she sometimes misrepresents herself as having a background in science and medicine, using vague language and allusions. At one point she claims she is a PCP (acronym for primary care provider) which most readers will assume means physician. But she is NOT a physician! To further the illusion and false image, she often speaks of her 'practice'. Of course she intentionally uses language like that so that she can then say, "I never said I was a physician". In reality, she is a yoga instructor who believes in crystal healing, mystical energies, and magic numbers. Like many of her ilk that profit in these industries, she uses just enough real science to confuse and convince the ill-informed that her words are credible and her quackery has merit. But I would probably advise against taking medical advice from anyone whose first language is English yet doesn't know the difference between "you're" and "your".

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One concern I have, which both this site as well as FLR101 is guilty of, is giving relationship advice that involves manipulation. I can sympathize with the frustrations women face when being involved with many men, especially young men. Generally speaking, most women seem to self-govern healthier lifestyles than most men (diet, hygiene, vices, risky activities). When put in a heterosexual relationship dynamic, this undoubtedly leads to imbalances and conflicts in the sharing of responsibilities. But using manipulation to achieve balance is risky and can be self-defeating over the long term. Manipulation can breed subconscious (or conscious) resentment. It can take years, sometimes many years, but those manipulated tend to awaken to the reality at some point, and the resentment can be intense enough to lead to the failure of the relationship.

I know the majority (perhaps vast majority) of the readership of this site are actually men. Many men that experiment with orgasm schedules and chastity devices will see that it has some effect on them. It may be positive, in which case they might rave about this site. But it may also be negative, in which case they likely say nothing and are never heard from. This results in a skewed efficacy appearance. More importantly, men (and women) that suffer from masturbation-related negative consequences (for mood, relationship health, etc) likely have an underlying problem in their lives that is the root cause of strife. Using orgasm schedules or chastity will only mask the real problem, which will remain unresolved for a longer period. There is a reason that communities like NOFAP exist, but there is also a reason we've had decades of messaging from medical and psychological professionals that masturbation is healthy.

All that said, for folks that simply dig the chastity device kink, I say go for it! It is wonderful to have something that adds fun to your life and relationship, and I couldn't be happier for people that improve things for themselves and others in a safe and positive way. Same thing for any non-monogamy or power-exchange dynamic people want to explore. If decisions are made free from manipulation and duress, and coming from positive and mutually supportive environments, then by all means I support people's indulgence.

Best wishes to everyone!

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Topic starter Posted : 15/06/2022 10:51 am
true42
(@true42)
Estimable Member

I think, in a good relationship, that "manipulation" can be fun. But I think a good relationship first, with lots of trust, that evolves toward kink, is probably a much safer route than: "waking up after being drugged on a date with a chastity cage on your penis".

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Posted : 17/06/2022 5:11 pm
J.M liked
AllAboutHer
(@allabouther)
Estimable Member Supporter
Posted by: @teachertricks

My main critique is that sometimes the advice tends to make overly broad and universal claims, about both men and women. For example, things like "Your husband will...", or "Women want...". These are generalized statements that the reader may assume will be applicable to them and their situation, but this is often not the case.

@teachertricks I think you make a fair point that some things offered on this site (both blogs and forum) may be stated as broad and universal truths, but I am not sure how significant the point is.  I kind of shrug and say, “well, sure.”  But, I think there are a number of reasons this happens.  One is, as you say, we are not dealing with a random selection of the world’s population here:

Posted by: @teachertricks

I know the majority (perhaps vast majority) of the readership of this site are actually men. Many men that experiment with orgasm schedules and chastity devices will see that it has some effect on them. It may be positive, in which case they might rave about this site. But it may also be negative, in which case they likely say nothing and are never heard from.

Another reason is that we not a scientific society carefully reporting results on double-blind studies after peer review.  We are all just speaking from our own perspectives, a point that is made so often that it doesn’t bear repeating.  In fact, I don’t think any one takes you literally when you say:

Posted by: @teachertricks

More importantly, men (and women) that suffer from masturbation-related negative consequences (for mood, relationship health, etc) likely have an underlying problem in their lives that is the root cause of strife. Using orgasm schedules or chastity will only mask the real problem, which will remain unresolved for a longer period.

“Will only?”  Well, perhaps sometimes.  Maybe even frequently.  But certainly not “only.”  In fact, I believe that digging into a manifestation of a problem can be a very effective way of getting at and exposing the problem.  If you are trying to let someone else do your thinking for you and are simply trying things, yes, you probably are only wasting time and making things worse.  But the problem isn’t that these people are too willing to adopt change.  It is that they are not thinking for themselves.

If you look at the broad diversity of participants at this site, I think it is very hard to conclude that the consensus here is anything other than “one size DOES NOT fit all.”  

There are some times that I read things here and I kind of mentally “roll my eyes.”  And I am sure that there are many times that folks read what I have contributed and roll their eyes.  There are lots of opinions expressed at EYM and I think most of us take them for no more than that.  But, it is because this place is not overburdened by judgement that so many people in different situations, facing different challenges, with different perspectives can share their thoughts and encourage thinking and growth in others.  

I’ll mention female-led relationships to help make my point.  While there do not appear to be any established, or definitive, terms to describe the variety found in such relationships (at least that I have seen), all the attempts to describe such relationships recognize that there is a range from mild to extreme.  Heck, Emma doesn’t even like the phrase.  At one end, the participants may just be expressing personality with no verbal agreements and no orgasm control or semen retention.  The other end of the spectrum might involve written contracts, permanent chastity, humiliating cuckolding, and allegedly consensual abuse.

I see evidence of people at all of the four levels (as they are often described) here co-existing very well, taking what we read for what it is worth and with a grain of salt.

I think you essential point is right on, however:

Posted by: @teachertricks

But using manipulation to achieve balance is risky and can be self-defeating over the long term.

But, what @true42 says is right as well.  To me, it comes down to the source of the manipulation.  Is it based on trust, respect, and mutual understanding of the reasons and value of the manipulation?  Or is it effectively abuse?  There is a world of difference between the two.

Thanks for joining in.

 

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Posted : 18/06/2022 8:17 am
true42 liked

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