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busy wife empty sex life

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Posts: 2
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My sex life is empty as of late. My wife works in the medical field and is busy and stressed much of the time. I support her but I also have needs and want to feel desired by her because she is my queen. We have sex sometimes but it is quick and I feel like she does it just because she owes it to me. It doesn't feel like she is into it like when we began our relationship. We experiment with the cock cage several years back and I feel supported and loved when locked but feel vulnerable and uncertain when free. I know she is busy but how should I approach her without making my sexual satisfaction a burden to her already occupied mind. I want to feel like I am valued and loved by her more than anything and locking me to prevent my daily masturbation would help me greatly. Thank you for your kind responses.

Posted : 03/07/2021 9:58 am
Posts: 90
Estimable Member

Feels to me and what do I know, I don't live in everybody's houses, but it seems soooooo common for peoples sex lives to be out of whack. It feels like it happen so much that society treats it as normal. Same with stressful work. Its normal, its okay. Thank god its Friday is the call of a society that's got it grossly wrong.

So you want to feel valued and loved? Talk to your wife. discuss your priorities. Remember, life is short and so far, no ones proved you will get another shot at it. Now is the time to make it what works for you.

Posted : 03/07/2021 12:27 pm
Posts: 158
Reputable Member

Every relationship is different. In our case, I need to come about 10x a week or I go crazy, so the choice was between me cheating on her, her giving me sex whenever and however I wanted, and her controlling me by taking complete control of my orgasms. We tried all three ways (one of which without her blessing), and it turns out that she likes the last option the best, so we're sticking with it. I hope you can skip most of the painful lessons that we had on the way to nirvana.

When people say that "communication is important", they're not kidding, but that doesn't mean that it will come easily. The other thing is that your wife probably will get overwhelmed if you just unload (no pun intended) all of this on her. Learn to be patient, and learn to control your neediness when you are trying to communicate. Women love to be wanted and needed, but most women find it a turn-off to have a needy husband. You need to learn to thread that needle, and avoid your needs, wants, and desires from becoming your wife's burdens.


Take time to think it through, and think about how you communicate. Learn to put 10x or 100x the work into the communication than what you are used to. Invest heavily, and do not look for returns on those investments; they will only come over time, because these are long term investments.

Posted : 18/07/2021 10:30 am
Posts: 36
Trusted Member

When my wife worked, she had two times a year for a month she was extremely busy and too tired and preoccupied for sex play. I started locking up during those times and the "rule" was, I got one or two releases during her busy time. I was not to ask for it, she would let me know. Worked for us.

Posted : 21/07/2021 4:52 am
joebear, joebear and joebear reacted
Posts: 12
Active Member

Maybe go in another direction and figure out a way to generate side income so that she can reduce her hours spent working, thus setting the ground work for more free time for her to get back to felling more alive again instead of the constant drudgery of work. 

Posted : 30/07/2021 8:23 am
Posts: 3
Active Member

This was me and I didn't want to have sex when I am stressed out but I don't mind doing other things to make him feel loved. Your wife most likely DOES want you to feel loved but she may not know about your needs. Talk with her and let her know what you need from the relationship. Make it important and let her know if your needs are not being met. The longer you go without telling her the more resentful you become ask me I know because we went too long without addressing it as a problem instead of thats just how sex is. My parents were not a good role model because they have a bad sex life and I don't want to be like them. My mom told me how much she does not want to be sexual with my dad and I made a pact to myself to be opposite of her. 

Posted : 30/07/2021 1:28 pm