Exchange of ideas and anecdotes

Posted by: @devotedmale

Hello. Mature male here in decades-long relationship with my Ms. Started out as very conventional. Evolved over time with realization she needed to exert more control and my needs involved a significant degree of surrender. At first it was hard to understand. Later, especially after the young ones left the roost, we were more relaxed and able to define things more clearly. In recent years, I have understood my need to adore this woman and she has accepted my expressions of that need. Our understanding continues to grow. She defers to me (very hands-on, engineering type) regarding things mechanical or tactical. I defer to her in all other matters, such as health (she's a nurse), nutrition, and our emotional well-being. That means, inside the privacy of our home, I am totally devoted to her. It has been, and continues to be, a learning experience. We joined (or I did, and always share anything like this with her) this site to tell others about ourselves and, through exchange of ideas and anecdotes, enrich our relationship even more. 

Welcome.  What ideas are you most interested in?

@dplaything

"What ideas are you most interested in?"

The ideas we are most interested in are the practical issues of an FLR relationship that have worked for others and for us. Just as no two individuals are the same, neither are any two couples. Each has their own perspective. I'm hoping to see things through the eyes of those various perspectives, and learn. Also to share our perspective.

For us, a discussion that comes up frequently is that my desire to be devoted to her must not deteriorate into putting a demand onto her to manage me. When this happens, she  says so, or I sometimes catch myself shifting the burden of my devotion onto her. 

For example, It has happened now and then that I begin to feel she is not paying enough attention to me sexually. Such is a common situation in all relationships, I'm sure, from both male and female points of view. We were just discussing this recently. 

Me: I feel like you are taking me for granted.

Ms: At what moments do you feel this way?

Me: It doesn't happen in moments. It happens in an overall mood that grows through time.

Ms: When, just today, for example, did you feel it the most?

Me: Right now, as a matter of fact. You came home from work, and I had gave you a complete rubdown and made dinner for you while you were in your bath. And now, after dinner, you are sitting in your recliner drinking the tea I brought to you and reading. Did all I did for you mean anything to you?

Ms: Of course it did. Thank you. You are very good at pampering me.

Me: Well, that's the problem. You just say thank you for my pampering. But I have needs too, and you seem oblivious to that.

Ms: Oblivious to what? So tell me your needs. What is it I'm not fulfilling that you think I should?

Me: Sex. We haven't had sex for weeks. I'm oozing with need.

Ms: You mean, you haven't had sex the way you want it for weeks. We've had plenty of sex. I've enjoyed your tending to me very much. You haven't enjoyed tending to me?

Me: Certainly. You seem oblivious to my needs, that’s all.

Ms: But I understood that is your need: to tend to me.

Me: Well, yes.

Ms: Then, what’s the source of your feeling that I’m taking you for granted? Your need is to tend to me, and that’s what I allow you to do. What exactly is missing from my side of this exchange?

Me: Maybe it’s an awareness. You don’t seem to be aware of my need for sex.

Ms: So, hiding down there in your need to tend to me is another need, a kind of secret one, that I’m supposed to be aware of.

Me: No…yes…I’m not sure…

Ms: It sounds to me that, right now, what is on your mind is sexual release. Isn’t it?

Me: Yes. You’re right. I was harboring a need for release within my need to tend to you.

I was totally embarrassed at this point, having been brought to realize my selfishness. I asked Ms to forgive me, and she said of course she would, although she would have to think about it in terms of consequences. She also asked me to forgive her for not being more complimentary about how I'd been tending to her. I forgave her and asked how I could serve her at that moment.

Ms: There you go trying to put it onto me how you should serve me. How about you serve me, and if I am delighted, I promise I will try harder show that. Just remember, if I'm not delighted, there will be consequences.

Conclusion: I might know how to change the oil in the car or fix the furnace....but my Ms is so wise in all thing that really matter.

Posted by: @devotedmale

Me: Sex. We haven't had sex for weeks. I'm oozing with need.

Ms: You mean, you haven't had sex the way you want it for weeks. We've had plenty of sex. I've enjoyed your tending to me very much. You haven't enjoyed tending to me?

Hi Devoted Male,

I read your conversation.  I am confused.  Your wife said you had plenty of sex.  You said you had not had sex for weeks.  You can have sex without getting release.  For example you giving oral sex is sex but you don't cum

ks