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Brittany
(@brittany)
Posts: 38
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

apologies if this is too long I stumbled across this site and just thought it was so fabulous as safe feminine place to talk about the ability of us as women to be entitled to our desires and leaders in our relationships when wanted or needed. I’m actually 25 and throughout high school and college I was and I still am very feminine. I love to show off body and feel hot when able and for a long time during those years I found myself attracted to these “alpha men” some were good at sex some weren’t it was more their psychology that I realized was hard for me it was very egotistical and self focused but I came to think all men are that way. My current boyfriend and I have together for a lt tile over a year and we are both into fitness and try to be healthy and stay in shape for ourselves and also it’s fun to be attractive for your partner and we both want that. Anyway I did let a lot slide like him not being as generous in the bedroom because he was good at PIV sex and I do enjoy that so his selfish habits weren’t as negative for me. Then I discovered when I was using his phone for a second to order food a bunch of porn sites, I felt so cheated he was masturbating to these porn sluts (I use the word in the context of my perspective and feelings regarding his behavior not on a broader level to describe sex workers I just feel cheated) every day just about. I talked to a couple gal pals of mine on wine night and one of them told us about chastity and I decided to go into it. I measured his dick and everything I just told him I wanted to know how big he was exactly (male ego is easy)  then ordered a properly sized cage for him and once it arrived, I told him I knew about the porn on his phone and that this was our course correction, I said I felt like I don’t know you and I can’t go on like this I do love our relationship and aspects of it but these negatives need to be fixed and I listed what they were. He can let me put the cage on him and we can fix our relationship or he can have his hand and I’m done. He agreed so now we are pretty new into the chastity dynamic and I was researching online and found this place to hopefully connect with other women who either practice chastity and female led relationships with  their men to bounce ideas around with and just support each other.

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 8:29 am
Jafo987, LocknKey, AllAboutHer and 15 people reacted
Bestwhencaged
(@bestwhencaged)
Posts: 87
Estimable Member
 

Welcome Brittany.  It is great You have taken charge of Your relationship.  i hope that more Women follow suit.

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 9:22 am
Brittany
(@brittany)
Posts: 38
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

Thank you it’s very early in our process and he went from cumming every day to now being locked eventually I’ll want sex with him I trying to figure a way to where I could still have penetration without allowing him to cum or feel anything.

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 10:03 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Posts: 1014
Famed Member Admin
 

Hiya @brittany

We are happy to have ya here. The road you've entered is full of surprises about your own sexuality, male sexuality, the differences and ultimately the similarities between them. There is a delicate balance between sexual satisfaction, sexual expectations and resentment. Don't take his burden of incarceration lightly. While it may seem silly when he complains, it really isn't. The cage puts him into a heightened state of arousal because it is always there and always grasping him. The key is for him to transpose the cage's hold on his manhood for your own. How do you do that? Well you've come to the right place. I'll tell you!

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Constant teasing is the key to keeping him engaged and enthusiastic about orgasm control and your leadership in the relationship. What is teasing? Teasing is a playful approach to sexuality. Tease him with your touch, with your words and with your love. Find out what is arousing to him and give that to him freely and often. The only thing that you are withholding is the orgasm. 

Here are some examples, you can find more by searching for teasing in my blog posts. Lay in bed with him, tell him how horny you are and how you wish he wasn't locked because you want him inside you. Think how frustrating that must be for him and channel that energy. Masturbate beside him but keep the focus on him to keep the energy level high. Bend over on the bed, kneeling and play with yourself while you look back and lock eyes with him. Beg him to fuck you. This is COMPLETELY out of character for me but locking him gave me a sense of safety and security to be my sexually empowered self. It allowed me to shift my own view of sexuality from a resource that I give him periodically to something that I give freely and allow him to participate in regularly. The biggest benefit in the shift in control is fun and playfulness. It takes the monotony and boredom out of the bedroom and replaces it with playfulness and youthful lust. 

How long does he last when you have sex? Would it be reasonable to try having sex without orgasm? That is a wonderful way to enhance and excite without ending your streak. Consider locking him up no longer than a week at a time until you find your footing. 

How does your desire mesh up with his? Do you want it more? Less?

Have you considered pegging? I'd recommend that you give that a shot, incredibly empowering and it shifts his entire world view about sex in a way that words could never.

 

 

 

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 10:31 am
LocknKey, restrainedlove, LocknKey and 3 people reacted
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Posts: 1014
Famed Member Admin
 

I should also take the time to mention that this is a safe place, we don't make fun of anyone here and we like to keep the tone positive and empowering. Ask anything, say anything just be respectful to everyone and you will fit in just fine. 


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Posted : 15/02/2022 10:45 am
Brittany
(@brittany)
Posts: 38
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

We both have high sex drives I mean he looks like a male model and I loved riding him or having him on top of me just railing but the problem is he didn’t really go down on me ( we’ve changed that ) he has been kinda of whiny and things like that but I’m starting to get an idea of how to get me more excited. One fear of mine is if I were to release him too soon how can I trust he won’t try to sneak a porn or rub out in if he’s still not allowed to cum without me. I can’t stand the thought of him doing that and the cage is going to help solve that behavior because outside of that he wasn’t a bad boyfriend I thought life was good for the most part every relationships has its ups and downs tho. He had decent endurance he is decent size to and I do love PIV. I just don’t have strong interest in pegging something about that type of dominance doesn’t appeal to me it’s like trying to simulate the sexual oral of a man I’m at a point where I want to embrace my feel pleasure through oral and I want to have penetrative sex without him cumming but I don’t know how to do that to be certain. Could you take a strap on dildo and have the guy use it on the woman while he’s caged has anyone here done that what is that like?

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 11:13 am
Restrainedlove
(@restrainedlove)
Posts: 128
Estimable Member
 
Posted by: @brittany

I felt so cheated he was masturbating to these porn.

Welcome Brittany and good luck on your new journey. Good job taking charge of things and working to preserve the relationship. It seems like he realizes he has a good thing in you and is willing to sacrifice some of himself for your relationship.

@kristine recently has a similar post with some good stuff in her "need some advice" forum. Some good articles are: Lazy Husband, Taking the Reins, & 10 dos/don'ts. The whole website that @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j has created is pretty amazing.

Since you are new to this, you may have fun doing some basic Excel tracking (a simple spreadsheet is here). Maybe establish a ratio you are seeking and don't tell him 😉

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 11:44 am
Sam, Sam and Sam reacted
Brittany
(@brittany)
Posts: 38
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

@restrainedlove I’d never tell him ? I do enjoy PIV sex but I also love seeing him strain in his cage and how his dick is trapped in there up against it filling like it’s a huge turn on especially like if he’s pleasing me orally while I wear his key it’s so empowering for me. Apparently to I found out I can have him wear a strap on and ride it while keeping him caged which I think would be something else. 

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 11:54 am
Janae, restrainedlove, bestwhencaged and 9 people reacted
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Posts: 1014
Famed Member Admin
 

@brittany 

Yes! We absolutely have tried using a strapon dildo on him while caged and it works great.

https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2021/06/14/what-the-heck-are-reverse-pegging-and-fauxing/

I like to lay on my back while he enters me and watch the look of disappointment on his face as his mind tells him that he should be feeling pleasure but it never comes. The confusion is all part of the playful sexuality which rewires the mundane and repetitive to different and new. 

Pegging shifts him into a different headspace. I think you might find an emotional side of him that you didn't know existed. It might make him a more gentle and thoughtful lover. I know it did for my Kev.

Be open minded, try everything and see what works for both of you. This is about intimacy and deepening the bond for both of you. Pick and choose the aspects that work for you and grab on to them. Reject what doesn't bring you joy.

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 12:10 pm
Sam, restrainedlove, Sam and 3 people reacted
Restrainedlove
(@restrainedlove)
Posts: 128
Estimable Member
 
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Here are some examples, you can find more by searching for teasing in my blog posts.

Good examples are the Joys of Teasing and Not All Fun and Games

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Have you considered pegging? I'd recommend that you give that a shot, incredibly empowering and it shifts his entire world view about sex in a way that words could never.

@brittany Here is a good article to get started on pegging. It is possible to orgasm from pegging and you may not be in the head space to give that to him yet. You may consider learning ruined orgasm, milking, or (locking) plugs.

 

 

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 12:14 pm
Sam, Emma, Sam and 3 people reacted
Brittany
(@brittany)
Posts: 38
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

@evolvingyourman_i will definitely read more about pegging I am for surfing trying the strap on sex for me tho I want to see the look in his eye while I orgasm as he thrusts and his cage clanks I can’t imagine the thrill of it. Pegging him might be good for him then in that sense and our relationship as we pursue this dynamic I’ll, read more about it and possibly try maybe once I feel more confident being more dominant and assertive rn I want to really just explore all aspects of my feminine sexual energy oral pleasure kissing cuddling all my erroneous zones while obviously teasing him and keeping him hanging on for the next taste or opportunity to touch me I’m just not sure quite how to keep changing it up maybe pegging could tame him down a little bit and bring him a bit of a different energy some of the time?

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 12:15 pm
Janae, Janae and Janae reacted
Brittany
(@brittany)
Posts: 38
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

@restrainedlove he was orgasming everyday multiple times either from me, his hand or both. He needs to learn this is a relationship and it’s equal partnership emotionally and sexually part of our agreement is we are going to get to a place he had prevented us from getting to with his selfish behavior. Part of that deal is closing the orgasm deficit I faced because of him. I think of the sex in the first 7 months of the relationship it was long intense fulfilling when he is porn addiction started it became less in terms of duration and in emotional sensuality. We need to build that back up before I let him orgasm again. 

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 12:19 pm
Janae, restrainedlove, bestwhencaged and 6 people reacted
Restrainedlove
(@restrainedlove)
Posts: 128
Estimable Member
 
Posted by: @brittany

@restrainedlove I’d never tell him ? I do enjoy PIV sex but I also love seeing him strain in his cage and how his dick is trapped in there up against it filling like it’s a huge turn on especially like if he’s pleasing me orally while I wear his key it’s so empowering for me. Apparently to I found out I can have him wear a strap on and ride it while keeping him caged which I think would be something else. 

Everything about this is so empowering!

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 2:50 pm
Sam, Sam and Sam reacted
Sam
 Sam
(@sam)
Posts: 37
Member
 

@restrainedlove I just reread Emma's two blogs Joys of Teasing and Not All Fun and Games, great suggestion -- lots of great ideas.   

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 3:22 pm
Newtochastity
(@newtochastity)
Posts: 20
Trusted Member
 

Welcome Brittany, I love the post and think your doing a good thing I’m a 27m I average. 4-8 orgasms a month depending on behavior but some weeks I get zero and typically I go back in the cage unless I’m on a break. If you want a more in depth look in the male perspective feel free to message me as you go down this journey. Also Emma’s article on reverse pegging is fantastic I also learned a new thing about fauxing so we might have to go get some penis sleeves or sheaths at my house lol. 

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 4:02 pm

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