How is it attractive

@roxanne You are NOT being selfish to be loved and pampered! Plus, this is what he wants, so it is not selfish of you to take control of his orgasms and have him serve you because it gives him what he wants.

From my male standpoint, he wants your attention again both sexual and relational. He wants you to play with him again.  I’ll explain but first in no way do I intend to be offensive. I am there and probably 90% of marriages are there. In fact I am jealous because your husband was able to approach you about something outside of the proverbial box. (Pun intended) The clue comes in your description, “How is creating more work for a busy mother of two supposed to somehow improve our relationship?”

I’ll try to explain. As marriages mature a lot happens. Once children enter the picture then as I like to say the husband takes a lower priority than the dog. By necessity. You’re isolated. Your only playmate doesn’t want to play anymore. He goes to the internet. He turns to porn. He gets burned out on “normal” porn and sees other things and thinks “I wonder if wife would try that?”

The thing is we still want to play sexually. But what happens when our only sexual playmate doesn’t want to play anymore?

A man is sexually driven and that drive has to have a release. The great thing about your situation is your husband is wanting you instead of seeking another person, like I have seen too many times.

My advice. Talk. Go figure. I mean really talk. Just the two of you. Clear your mind and focus. Listen without being judgmental or interrupting.  Do not bring up chastity or ask him why. He probably doesn’t know why. Find out how he really feels. And go from there.

If you can successfully do this, you will be in the top 1% of couple.

Or you can take 3 minutes out of your busy day and give him a hand job.

Hope this helps.

This could almost have been written by my wife several months ago. I thought it was kinky to start with but after a month, I told my wife I thought it was the least kinky thing about me. We are more connected and communicative than ever. He may have come up with the title, but this is now the "Roxanne Show"

Posted by: @roxanne

We are learning together but he is giving me attention..

Good!

There is no single recipe for this particular cake. But what's kind of nifty about it is that you can shape it the way that you want to, which is a fairly unusual circumstance for most wives (speaking for myself, I used to be the only one of us in the driver's seat, and she always felt like she was just a passenger).

It is process, and it can take years ... in the case of my wife and I, it has taken years, and it continues to morph (more and more to her particular taste). We're not into most of the crazy stuff discussed on this site (pretty much just the cage, and even that is used fairly sparingly), but she does enjoy an obedient husband who absolutely adores her and wants to please her, and she enjoys always being right and never being disrespected or questioned, and she enjoys knowing how to always get her way. And I enjoy her enjoyment of it, far, far more than I could have ever imagined; I am, for the first time in our marriage, content.

So while I may have had a lot of fantasies (not unusual for a male), reality is far different, far simpler, and far better! Take your time, and figure out what you enjoy with your husband; in this particular game, time is on your side.

Posted by: @roxanne

How is creating more work for a busy mother of two supposed to somehow improve our relationship. 

This statement hit me in an interesting way. It sounds like you may be busy and possibly so busy that he may not feel like he is physically important to you. This may go deeper and may be about making time for him and making his physical needs important to you. Yes, you are a busy mother of two but you are also a wife of one which needs to be important as well. After the kids are grown, your husband will still be around and you need to make him a priority even if the way he best RECEIVES love doesn't always perfectly match with the way that you prefer to GIVE love. 

We haven't tried a cock cage yet. It sounds very interesting but I have to agree it sounded weird at first!

• @Roxanne

Deep breath. Relax.  Turn this into what YOU want.  There is almost no limit to what you can accomplish with this much control.

Understood, that this is not what you expected or wanted, but think about the things you would like - then communicate them.  Make it clear that if he bugs you or breaks your rules it is game over.

It sounds like you are already giving it a try which is great, now try to let yourself truly enjoy it uf you can.

My Queen wanted this, not me, but I cant begin to describe the power she now has over me and how much we have both learned to enjoy the lifestyle.

PS: I never thought I had had a self control "problem" but holy cow do I see it now...  But sorry, if I was unlocked for any length of time things would revert.  Does that make me a bad guy? Or a normal one?

I applaud your husband. I approached my wife about going beyond the vanilla sex.  I sent her a link about wive’s dominating men and I also texted her about how I would like her to be open about being dominant when we want to have sex and beyond.  She and I spoke and she said she is opening to taking the lead but is not quite comfortable with cages and other bdsm issues.  Still, I told her to experiment with me and that I don’t want to force this but I find being caged for a week or more erotic and it allows her control.  Not all husbands will share.  I took a chance.  I even told her if she wanted me to massage her or if she would command me how would she feel about it.  She said nothing but at least knows that if no one is getting hurt and both of us want this then why not.  Your husband just wants to see both of you to explore and do what is comfortable.  Believe me, no guy wants to give his penis away.  But we who do are doing it for the pleasure and also allowing our wives to have control that you may never get. Enjoy. 

@drew I was not sure what my wife would think when I approached her.  She was open and allowed me to explain myself.  Very good point.