My final Post. I messed up big time.
This will be my final post as I have screwed up pretty badly. I was browsing the site when Dave came in to see if I needed anything done or he could get me anything. He asked me what I was looking at and I told him. He wanted to know if I had posted anything and I told him a couple things and he asked if he could see them. I opened my my first couple of topics. He started to read them and I could see he was uncomfortable. He said, “you have the story of our life on the internet and you didn’t even talk to me about it.” Then he found and read the one about “Playtime” and he actually started to cry. Dave is still shy and very private outside of with me. Our playtime and his episodes are very personal to him. He just said, “How could you do this to me? The whole world knows about me. Don’t you care about my feelings anymore?” He got up and left the room, very upset. I tried to follow but he said he needed to be alone.
He is absolutely right. This is the kind of thing we would normally talk about before I did anything of this nature. I would let him tell me what he was comfortable with and we would discuss it. I would still decide in the end what I was going to do but I would never do anything that hurt him unless it was truly in the best interest of the relationship. After all, we are not a dominatrix and sub. We are a partnership with me as leader.
I have no good reason for why I did this. I was going to just make that initial post and be done. Then for some reason I wanted to talk about every aspect of our wonderful relationship. I didn’t even think about Dave seeing it or how he would feel. It was wrong of me. It is not about how I hurt Dave as much as it is about trust. For twenty nine years he has trusted me completely to have the final say and to guide our relationship but always with great communication and consideration. I have destroyed that trust to satisfy my own whims.
If there were some way I could erase all my Topics I posted and go back and start over and do it right I would do it in a heartbeat but the damage is done and all I can do is apologize and promise not to write about our life style any more so I will not be posting again. He is in the living room just sitting. It has been a few minutes. I hope he has calmed down enough to let me go tell him how sorry I am.
Maybe Dave needs to give you a good hard spanking, @steph
First of all i love your and Daves view on flr relationsip.
Neither of you have something to be ashame off, rather the opposite you should be proud.
You wrote what you did out of love and pride.
I can only talk for my self and i dont judge dave in any way, and all the things the world now knows about him are good things.
If it helps tell him i would be proud to call him my friend and a good human.
As i said these are just my words and thoughts do what you want with them.
We all mess upp sometimes
@Steph - I understand how you feel. I think if you didn't use your real names it's unlikely anyone will know your identity. Even if you used your real first name it's doubtful anyone will know who you are.
I sincerely hope Dave calms down and thinks this issue through. FLR, chastity etc. are far from mainstream kinks and it's vanishingly unlikely anyone will identify him or you.
I'm a member of a chastity forum and I share virtually every aspect of my sexual submission to my wife, confident that without a surname, address or photograph, nothing will ever come back. It's good for me to do this because none of our friends share our kinks (as far as I know) so I would otherwise have no outlet for my views and feelings.
It would be a shame for you to lose out.
I must say, I have no idea about your true identities, so I hope that your husband might realize how unlikely it would be for you to be recognized. That said, I am sure that Emma would remove your posts if it would help.
I also want to say that I found your stories very human. I get a very good picture of the kind of husband that he is and I can very much relate to him. I am sure you will get past this bump in the road of your long and solid relationship together.
Best wishes for your future. And if we did hear from you again, we would welcome it.
I figured that you'd changed all of the personal details to anonymize your postings. It's the prudent thing in this online world of ours fully of iffy characters of unknown and often concealed intentions. If you changed all of the locations, occupations, names, and numbers, then no real harm done, and "Dave" should get over it. If you didn't change all of the personal data, it's a relatively low-traffic site (no offense to Emma and what she is building here), and it is highly unlikely that anyone you know in regular life would happen by and recognize the two of you here.
That said, you did include a number and type of personal details that surprised me. Your postings didn't seem to be for exhibitionistic purposes, but the level of detail you included would make it somewhat easy for people you know to find you here, if anyone who knows you is searching for information about the two of you online. Lurkers and stalkers are not rare in this online world of ours. People with exhibitionist tendencies do post such things with their actual details for the simple enjoyment of the danger of it, but that didn't seem to be what was underlying your postings. If you meant to leave a clear trail of breadcrumbs and all of the personal details posted are actually yours, that is something you should have consulted Dave about before posting. He should still get over it, but you should expect it to take longer.
I won’t write about our life here but I want to thank you all for your support. I need all the encouraging words I can get. Thankfully, Dave let me tell him I was sorry and how much I love him and he forgave me. He even let me give him a little kiss. He is still hurting and not ready to talk about it yet. I think it would have been okay if I hadn’t written about playtime. That is so sensitive for him. Now I have to earn that trust back that he gave me so easily and automatically all those years ago.
Thank you again for your encouraging words.
@lil-c You are so right about everything. I may have been a little exhibitionist as I got carried away. I am just so happy with what we are and so proud. Unfortunately when I was writing our story I never gave a thought to bringing Dave into it. It was selfish and egotistical of me but I just felt so good when I was writing it. I never though about the consequences.I owe Dave so much more than "I'm Sorry." I have a lot of trust to rebuild.
Maybe he got upset about what happened but it is not a grand betrayal of any kind. Try to help him understand that this is the kind of place where your relationship would be understood the most and that you were just seeking out like minded individuals to help find ways of improving your dynamic.
@winstonmacgregor It is kind of a big betrayal. I have know for years how sensitive he is about our playtime. If you can imagine the one you love just blurting out your deepest darkest secret, that is what I did. I am sure he still loves me and at some point I will regain his trust. When we do I want him to come here with me and read some of Emma's blogs and some of the posts so he can see this is a supportive place and fosters loving, strong relationships.
Sorry, but Yes, you shared too much if it caught him by surprise and hurt him. But it was pretty clearly coming from a loving, caring place. FWIW I have far more respect for Dave after reading your story than most of the fantasy kinksters out there. He comes across as a high quality Real man.
You guys will sort this out. People have a need to share and grow. The fact that you both care so much after 29 years is amazing.
@steph Keep in mind that the two of you are completely anonymous and one could consider any stories spam if they really wanted to. He seems to carry a heavy burden of shame with his feelings and desires. Realistically there is no need to be upset about writings on an anonymous board but maybe you can use all of this to improve your relationship. There is an almost probability that he is really upset about reading your true inner feelings in an honest, unfiltered, and non-sugar coated type of way on here that he doesn't normally get in real life because you understand his sensitivities. Maybe deep down he is afraid of your true feelings because of his own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy and he is scared of reading about them. Ironically the best way you can help him is to probably keep posting and get him involved in an accepting community such as this. Hiding and shutting down is the kind of environment which shame thrives.