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New, fascinated, and don't know where to start.

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janae
(@janae)
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

Hi, I'm a 19 year-old woman who is new here and to the concepts of female led relationships and chastity in general but find it fascinating. I found this site in kind of a roundabout way. A couple months ago I was part of a bachelorette party and a couple other ladies there gave the bride what turned out to be chastity cages as gifts. I had never seen one before and thought it was some sort of gag gift (one of the cages even had little spikes on it). Others laughed at first too, but then they were asking questions and I was shocked to learn this is actually a thing and my friend apparently locks her (now) husband. I was the youngest one there and the others started asking her questions like how much care and attention he gives her, how much oral sex she gets, and if she was going to let him cum on their wedding night. It was kind of overwhelming to me initially and I didn't know what to think and wasn't comfortable asking my friend more about her sex life personally but I was fascinated.

I couldn't stop thinking about it afterwards and ended up exploring the internet a bit about male chastity and female control in relationships which is how I found this site. I'm really curious about the topics still and appreciated reading a few of the explanatory posts here which seemed more informative and less "kink". I didn't know anything about orgasm control or chastity a few months ago but now I can't stop thinking about it. I didn't know chastity cages existed but now I've found I really enjoy seeing a penis in one (online at least). It still feels kind of taboo but I also enjoy the feelings I get when learning more or seeing images of men locked down there. I think it makes me feel a sense of safety, curiosity, and more adventurous than I usually do--especially with hearing about the attention, emotional engagement and focus my friend described and seems to be explained here as well.

I can't say I'm that experienced with sex yet and what I have explored hasn't been great. I've never received oral sex and have yet to ever orgasm with a partner-usually the guys just cum quickly and are done and it's been pretty lame actually. I'm left to get myself off later if I want any pleasure. I want to be sexually active still but I know I want to do so while getting to explore some of the aspects of a female led relationship including the chastity aspect for a guy. I have no idea how to go about starting to explore this in real life though. How do I find guys that would actually be interested in this or wouldn't run away at the suggestion of a cage? How would I even go about bringing it up? Is it just the type of thing that I would need to wait to be in an actual relationship and then at some point start to explore chastity when we trust each other more? Or is there a way to start sooner and explore some of the benefits now? I'm fed up with lame experiences and want to start experiencing some of the intimate and relationship benefits others describe here. Appreciate any thoughts or suggestions others may have.

Thanks,

Janae

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Posted : 12/02/2022 6:27 am
nevertoolate, jc5200, LocknKey and 24 people reacted
J.M
 J.M
(@j-m)
Estimable Member
 

Hi and welcome

keep in mind most of us here are little older and often have calmed down and found our center.

I would say find a guy that loves you and treats you good, within in time he will do whats good for you and the relationship ?

Im sorry to say,trying to make a 19 year old boy do chastity and react like we do isnt fair and im afraid not many boys are not muture enought.

BUT dont settle you deserved to loved and treated right, a guy should be willing to atleast treat uou as an equal both in bed and life.

Hope this dont scare you off, life and love is out there go and find it ?

 
Posted : 12/02/2022 7:26 am
Janae, Emma, restrainedlove and 6 people reacted
restrainedlove
(@restrainedlove)
Estimable Member
 

Welcome!

I think part of having good sexual experiences is knowing what you want and clearly explaining that to your partner. Right now, you are curious, investigating, and learning. Good for you. I wish I was there when I was your age. There MAY be 19-year old chase males out there, but they are likely vanilla and weird from religiosity. 

We were religious VEP (vagina envelops penis, more commonly known as PIV but power to putting the woman first) for many years. We are finally starting to explore and it feels uncomfortable at first. I think part of that is the puritan culture America was established on. 

I would recommend reading "She Comes First" or maybe signing up for OMGYes (we haven't done this yet but it looks promising). When my kids get old enough to have the talk, my recommendation is that the woman has an orgasm (or is very close) before the man gets to have sex. Being able to communicate your needs is an important first step in at least getting a partner through life (opposed to a man who thinks he should make all the decisions.)

Luckily, I took a psychology class at my religious college and the teacher talked about the very likely necessity of using fingers or other methods to get the woman toward orgasm. While it still took time exploring and learning with my spouse, we at least knew it was something we had to work on. 

Good luck. Maybe take your friend out to coffee someday and say "I'm curious about the chastity cage." These conversations seem weird but why should talking about sex be weird? She received a gift and her friends knew her well enough to give one. She is probably OK to talk about it. 

 
Posted : 12/02/2022 3:48 pm
Janae, J.M, Janae and 3 people reacted
restrainedlove
(@restrainedlove)
Estimable Member
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Famed Member Admin
 

Hi @janae and welcome to the site! I'm really glad that you found us. I think most of us have experienced the orgasm gap and men who last all of a few minutes and are done once their satisfaction is met. Our society paints a picture of sex beginning with a man's hard penis and ends with his ejaculation. Don't believe me, go to pornhub and watch 99% of the videos which end with the unrealistically large penis erupting volumes and volumes of cum. This leads to a commentary about my general dissatisfaction of the porn options available for us. I find myself searching for porn with search keywords like "smiling woman sex" and "happy woman threesome". What the heck? Is our world completely about manipulating women into having lackluster sex to satisfy men who bring zero stamina to the table? Sadly it seems that has been your experience thus far. All I can say is - eventually sex gets better. Many women go for guys that are older simply because it takes guys some time to mature enough to realize that sex is a coin with two sides. 

I wouldn't suggest starting a relationship by looking for a guy into chastity. I personally don't like chastity as a kink, I like it as a tool for enhancing a loving relationship. I would recommend that you search for someone that you connect with on a deeply emotional level. At some point he will seek ways to please you better and you can discuss chastity as one of those options. Pegging is another thing that is a cultural taboo however it can make you understand your own sexuality from an entirely different perspective. I love the way pegging makes me feel and I think it might be a fun thing to do if you find a willing participant. Pegging may be easier to bring up in conversation than chastity simply because it is more mainstream. He might say something like, "are you into anal" and you can reply with "yeah, I have a strap-on, just let me know the day and time big boy". After a laugh you can gauge his response and either drop the subject or open up and tell him that you are genuinely curious about pegging. A sexually adventurous guy might be hard to find at 19 years old but you might just luck out! Find a guy that is sexually open minded and explore with him at the same pace. I think that will be a rewarding way to build an amazing connection with someone.

Thanks for the links @restrainedlove those are all great! 

 


Hello GIF by Originals
 
Posted : 12/02/2022 6:26 pm
nevertoolate, LocknKey, restrainedlove and 9 people reacted
janae
(@janae)
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

Thanks to each of you for your responses. I get that most boys my age aren't very mature yet but I want to be able to enjoy sex and have a good time while I'm young. I don't want my sexual experiences to just be about getting a guy off quick which is what thay have seemed like so far. I'm open to dating a little older guys (although probably not older than 30) if you think that may be helpful in exploring more fulfilling emotional and sexual realtionships? I get that there is a lot more to it than just chastity and its the other benefits I am really hoping to find as well but I also really want to explore the chastity aspects and how that may go hand in hand. That and I really do enjoy seeing penises caged! (Hehe, I think that's ok to share here. ? 

BUT dont settle you deserved to loved and treated right, a guy should be willing to atleast treat uou as an equal both in bed and life.

Thanks @j-m I hope to find this and I don't want to settle anymore. ❤

I would recommend reading "She Comes First" or maybe signing up for OMGYes (we haven't done this yet but it looks promising). When my kids get old enough to have the talk, my recommendation is that the woman has an orgasm (or is very close) before the man gets to have sex.

Fascinating! I've never heard of either of those but they sound like they could be really helpful. What is OMGYes btw, and how do you sign up for it? Love the thought of a woman getting to have orgasm(s) first and that you want to teach your kids thats the proper way to have sex. As I mentioned before, I have never orgasmed during sex (or even come close) and I would love to know that I can get an orgasm or two before a guy starts penetrating me and at other times as well! I hope that is something I can start experiencing.

Maybe take your friend out to coffee someday and say "I'm curious about the chastity cage."

This sounds like such a good idea but the thought of bringing it up irl just makes me really nervous. We didn't really talk about sex growing up and it's hard for me to not think about chatting about a topic like a husband being in chastity as "taboo". Hopefully I can find the space and courage at some point because it does seem like it would be really helpful to talk to and learn from other women benefiting from it already.

And thank you @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j for your kind and welcoming words. I do feel really welcome here and I really admire your thoughtfulness and writing. I've learned a lot already just from reading a few of your blogs and appreciate the other links. I can tell it's more of a lifestlye and helpful tool in your life than a kink and I really admire that and want to find it for myself. I've never really considered or explored the idea of pegging but I like the playful ways you describe it. And yeah, I've never really been into porn as it seems so malecentirc and like unsatisfying sex for women. I could see myself getting more into CFNM style scenes though as I hadn't really encountered that before and am similarly curious about it and like the way I feel when i see women clothed and in control and getting to explore on their own terms. Do you think that is healthier porn for both women and men to explore? If you have any reccomendations or other things you'd reccomend please let me know. I'd really like to learn more, thanks.

 
Posted : 13/02/2022 7:01 am
restrainedlove
(@restrainedlove)
Estimable Member
 
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Thanks for the links @restrainedlove those are all great! 

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j Thanks for writing all the articles, so I could post the links.

 
Posted : 13/02/2022 2:47 pm
Emma, Emma and Emma reacted
restrainedlove
(@restrainedlove)
Estimable Member
 
Posted by: @janae

This sounds like such a good idea but the thought of bringing it up irl just makes me really nervous. We didn't really talk about sex growing up and it's hard for me to not think about chatting about a topic like a husband being in chastity as "taboo". Hopefully I can find the space and courage at some point because it does seem like it would be really helpful to talk to and learn from other women benefiting from it already.

I understand being nervous about it and overcoming the taboo. I've used the anonymous "Tell a Friend" link to message several of the wife's of our friends and just hope to see someone with a key on some day. It is weird to bring up. In your case, the friend is already found out but I definitely sympathize with it being hard to bring up again. 

@Janae OMGYes.com is a website dedicated the science of women's pleasure (I heard about it while reading "Becoming Cliterate", below). It helps you know what you like and then you'll be able to describe what you like to you partner. The link below has a discount attached to it from the Shameless Sex podcast on Youtube (at least where I listen to it).
https://www.omgyes.com/?o=shs5&utm_source=shameless&cookieConsent=false

There are lots of good pegging articles on here too - just use the search tool: https://www.evolvingyourman.com/?s=pegging

According to Becoming Cliterate:

  • 50% of 18-35-year-old women say they have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner
  • 64% of women vs 91% of men said they had an orgasm at their last sexual encounter
  • 55% of men vs. 4% of women say they usually reach orgasm during first-time hookup sex

https://www.drlauriemintz.com/becoming-cliterate/RESOURCES

https://www.harpercollins.com/products/she-comes-first-ian-kerner?variant=32207941861410

 
Posted : 13/02/2022 2:50 pm
Emma, Emma and Emma reacted
Dad Jokes
(@dad-jokes)
Trusted Member
 

I must agree that it is all very fascinating. I feel like there is so much we don't know about sex. I really enjoy this site because of the focus on female pleasure. I think my wife is absolutely sexy and beautiful and I want to make sure that she is completely fulfilled in our sex life even if we have to go outside of what society calls normal for her to get there. You've come to a very exciting place and Emma has some really interesting and insightful blogs as you see above.

 
Posted : 13/02/2022 5:28 pm
subhubphx, restrainedlove, subhubphx and 3 people reacted
true42
(@true42)
Reputable Member
 

Janae - the good news for you is that there are probably 100x as many men interested in this topic as there are women. So if it's something that you want to explore, it shouldn't be hard to find interest. Of course finding a decent person is a challenge no matter what you're looking for, but you probably already know that.

Good luck!

 
Posted : 14/02/2022 2:09 pm
brittany
(@brittany)
Estimable Member
 

Me and my boyfriend are both 25 and he’s locked granted it’s only been three day, janae girly as a young woman learning this new dynamic id love to talk to you about how we discovered it and just give advice to each other as we both learn new things. I understand your feeling regarding 19 yr old guys and having grown up in a similar time as you I feel like I might be able to give good advice about that.

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 8:02 pm
Janae, restrainedlove, bestwhencaged and 6 people reacted
janae
(@janae)
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

Thanks @brittany! I feel like I need a mentor and guide in this and I love that you are are starting it out and feeling so empowered. I read through your introduction post and was encouraged to see anohter young woman who is actually living this out. ❤️  

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 11:45 pm
brittany
(@brittany)
Estimable Member
 

@janae no problem boo us gorgeous girls got to stick together and make sure the men know their place ??. A new motto I saw some where says good boys don’t cum lol. I messaged you if you want to talk more at length about this stuff. 

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 11:51 pm
brittany
(@brittany)
Estimable Member
 

@janae no problem boo us gorgeous girls got to stick together and make sure the men know their place ??. A new motto I saw some where says good boys don’t cum lol. I messaged you if you want to talk more at length about this stuff. 

 
Posted : 15/02/2022 11:52 pm
Janae, Janae and Janae reacted
janae
(@janae)
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

@brittany Good boys don't cum. I love that! ? (Now I just need to find a good boy, or teach one to become one.)

 
Posted : 16/02/2022 12:30 am
LocknKey, restrainedlove, Sam and 12 people reacted
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