Opening up about my/our FLM

Hi Bob. First of all, congratulations to you and your Queen on what sounds like a beautiful Wife-led Marriage.  I'm happy the two of you were able to find each other.  Also, thank you for the detailed description of your life together.  I love the things you and She do.  My Wife and I have standing rules in our marriage and like you, I feel like they provide a tremendous amount of clarity, which is helpful and beautiful in achieving our goal ... to provide bliss in her life. Sexual or otherwise.  Lastly, I wouldn't worry about comparison to other relationships.  Comparison is the thief of joy!  All that being said, I'll compare your list with ours.  HA HA  

- She likes to walk around the house naked or with very little clothes on. When she does, I am not allowed to look at her other than at her face while we are talking. Peeks from round the corner or gazing at any part of her body is not allowed.   My Wife requires that I be naked while in the house, which I love.  Sometimes she likes to be naked too, but she encourages me to look at her and sometimes is flirty with how she moves when she's naked.

- I may not grope her body without prior consent. This may sound self-explanatory but stems from our early phases when I liked to pull her towards me, grab her from behind in a teasing manner and so forth. One day she scolded me and told me that this feels disrespectful to her.   One thing I have always been grateful for was her always allowing me to grab and grope her without having to ask permission.  

- I may touch her however – we kiss, cuddle and caress a lot. But before touching any somewhat intimate zone, I am to ask her for permission.  Like the one above, she does not require me to ask permission.  Even so, of course, there are times that she will put an end to it if it is not something that she particularly wants at that moment.  

- She likes to put on lingerie from time to time, but we have turned its purpose upside down. Lingerie means for me: no touching and no sex. Lingerie is not for me but for her and its purpose is to give her the feeling of self-determination and authority over me. She may stand right before me and show the lingerie off to me, even kiss me, but my hands have to stay off her. We had long intense sessions where she would lay on the bed, read a book or be on her phone while I am admiring and serving her without touching.  She only occasionally likes to wear lingerie, and when she does, its purpose is to add to the intensity of the teasing she is doing.

- I am not allowed to masturbate, with or without cumming.  Likewise.  I am never allowed to masturbate unless I am specifically instructed to do, which she will do occasionally because she enjoys watching me do that. When I am masturbating as instructed, I am never allowed to cum.  The only exception to the no cumming rule is if she is particularly very disappointed with me and plans on punishing me (spanking) for an infraction.  Then, she will require that I masturbate to completion immediately prior to paddling me because it takes away any semblance of sexual pleasure.  It's the worst.

- When she masturbates, I am not allowed to watch nor will she tell me about it. She has become increasingly strict on that one. In the earlier stages, I was present a couple of times which was pure bliss for me. Then later I used to ask her about it until one day, she made it clear that her masturbation is none of my business. I have to admit that this is the hardest rule. I would love to be included from time to time.  The only time I am not allowed/required to watch her masturbate is if she masturbates while we are not together.  When that happens, she tells me about it, not because I have any right to know, but rather because she likes to tease me that she can and I can't.  It's not uncommon for us to be lying in bed and she'll decide she wants an orgasm.  It's my job to retrieve her favorite dildo, vibrator or both so she can masturbate while I kiss her body or face.  When she's done, I put her toys away, and we go to sleep.  I am required to then thank her for "our" orgasm before going to sleep.  

- I may not look or stare at other women, which is, I guess, quite normal.  I am allowed, even encouraged, to look at other women, but am required to honestly answer any questions she has about what may have attracted my eyes to her.

Other things about our marriage that may be of interest ... 

• I am caged 24/7/365 (mostly). 
• When she wants to be penetrated, I offer her a choice of 5 different boyfriends (dildos) for her to choose from, then put it in the strapon harness, and give her what she wants until she decides she is finished.
• I am allowed to have a full orgasm 2-3 times per year.  Usually, it's my birthday, and on Christmas morning.  Sometimes I'm allowed to do so on the day after our anniversary, but never on the actual day.  If I'm lucky, she'll peg me on the actual anniversary day as a symbolic gesture of our relationship.
• Since I am always (mostly) caged, she has allowed to orgasm without permission while caged.  It happens one of two ways ... either I am just so revved up in pleasuring her with my mouth or strapon, or it is a prostate orgasm from her pegging me, which is something I crave more and more.
• When I am disciplined for infractions, it is almost always by paddle.
• We enjoy "soaking".  Well, she allows it, and I absolutely love it.  It's amazing and frustrating all at the same time.  The rule is that NO movement is allowed after the initial entrance.  No thrusting, not even a little.  If that rule is violated, it's over.  
• She plans on marking me with a tattoo.  It will be at least her initial (K), but is contemplating whether to add the words "Property of" above it.  She also hasn't decided if she wants it on my ass cheek or just above my penis.

"I am aware that this is a very elaborate introduction."  I am aware this is a very elaborate reply.  Hope you don't mind.  *wink

Wow, thank you very much for taking the time to answer in such detail. Greatly appreciated. The comparison is not about “good or bad” but rather about learning and getting ideas on where this path could lead. It is pretty interesting how similar situations can be used for different purposes.

The rules I have stated have one thing in common: It is all about her respect towards her as well as her self-determination and autonomy. This also has to do with negative experiences she made in the past. So, during our discussions, we always focused on the question how we could empower her to be 100% the boss in all matters that have to do with her sexuality and her body.

Let’s take the example of lingerie. In the past there were guys who pushed her to put on certain things or even cancelled dates when she wasn’t wearing any special type of underwear. So, in her mind it was almost like a trauma. “If I wear nice underwear, I will have to have sex” or vice versa. However, I wanted her to feel free to wear something nice whenever she likes without feeling any pressure whatsoever. That’s why we ended up with the rule “lingerie means no sex” because it enables her to wear whatever she wants without feeling pressured to have sex. This takes a great deal of discipline on my side, but it is worth the effort, since now I can admire her wearing sexy lingerie and at the same time, she feels confident enough to put it on at all.

Same when she is at home naked: it is for her to decide what to wear (or what not) and it doesn’t entitle me to stare at her or grab her – it is all about her autonomy. Of course I can always approach in a respectful manner and she will hardly ever reject me.

The same idea is behind the rule about her masturbation. This is entirely her realm. Thus, her enjoying herself has nothing to do with me or should not raise any expectations on my side. She sometimes includes it playfully when we have sex, but it is not for me to ask for it nor to be present when she really enjoys her “me-time”. Maybe I was a bit pushy on that one so now I have to live with the consequences. She has hinted that this rule may change in the future – let’s see.

So, the center of it all is always her autonomy and I am a bit proud that we have come this far.

And cheers to you. There are some intense rules there, too. Especially the penetration one is something I would love to try....

Hello SideshowBob! It seems to me that your story, compared to the fantasies on the internet, is quite harmless. Its undoubted advantage is that it is real, unlike web-novelists who makes unreal stories about total slavery.

But in reality, it seems to me, nothing can be “too much.” Allow yourself the pleasure of being a knight in your castle, where no one should care about your entertainment with your Queen.

When it gets too much, you will feel it 🙂 Then you just need to talk to your partner. Otherwise, have fun to the fullest!

Your relationship looks wonderful from the outside! Continue to love each other in a special way!
Thanks for sharing!

Posted by: @sideshowbob

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Hi everyone, 
I’m a 43 yo male from Germany and I am very nervous to share some insights on my Female Led Marriage. I am aware that this is a very elaborate introduction. However, this is the first time I talk to anybody except my wife about my life in an FLR, so this is a big step for me. Thus, I decided to get it all out there before I chicken out. I hope this finds your understanding. The comments on this forum give me confidence that this is the right place for me to start an exchange and I thank you in advance for reading.
My wife is 47 and we have been married for 3 years now. I was married before and the way my first marriage ended, kind of led me into seeking an FLR, but this is another story altogether and I might write about it at a later stage.
My now-wife and I had known each other previously but had lost contact. While I was separated from my first wife, I met her again at a party and we immediately clicked. I found out she had liked me before but since I was married at the time, I was off-limits for her. So we dated, had some of the most amazing conversations of my life and one thing led to another.
From the moment we got intimate for the first couple of times I quickly realized I couldn’t run the “classic” sexual program with this woman. I was simply unable to dominate her and actually fell into a submissive role completely naturally. Interestingly, I am the first partner she is dominant with, but she says that our sex life feels completely natural to her as well – I am the one who allows her to be her true self, which truly amazes me.
She is highly intelligent, has two university degrees (I have none), is very decisive yet open to counsel and discussion. However, what I admire most about her is her personality. She is kind, patient and benevolent, but knows what she wants, is very eager in her goals and projects, which makes it sometimes challenging for me to keep up with her pace.
Our leading motif is that of a queen and her knight. This may sound a bit cliché but it came very naturally to us since she is into medieval role-play / LARP. In our wedding night, while kneeling before her and her literally holding a sword to my shoulder, I swore an oath to her with several bullet points such as to protect her, serve her, sexually fulfil her and honor her. This was probably the best decision in my life and I have been her knight ever since.
We have intercourse very regularly but she controls my orgasms. Thus, many times I will have to withdraw from her without ejaculation. This is one of the most intense experiences I have ever had and while it comes with quite some challenges, it totally gets me on. She will tell me only in the middle of the act, normally after she has cum once or twice, whether I will be allowed to cum or if I have to withhold. This may happen a couple of times before I am allowed a release. So believe me, I know what blue balls are.
We have a set of rules that guide my behavior and our relationship dynamics. We are probably still on the moderate side and if it was for me, she might well be more strict on me. This brings me to our “house rules”.

- She likes to walk around the house naked or with very little clothes on. When she does, I am not allowed to look at her other than at her face while we are talking. Peeks from round the corner or gazing at any part of her body is not allowed.
- I may not grope her body without prior consent. This may sound self-explanatory but stems from our early phases when I liked to pull her towards me, grab her from behind in a teasing manner and so forth. One day she scolded me and told me that this feels disrespectful to her.
- I may touch her however – we kiss, cuddle and caress a lot. But before touching any somewhat intimate zone, I am to ask her for permission.
- She likes to put on lingerie from time to time, but we have turned its purpose upside down. Lingerie means for me: no touching and no sex. Lingerie is not for me but for her and its purpose is to give her the feeling of self-determination and authority over me. She may stand right before me and show the lingerie off to me, even kiss me, but my hands have to stay off her. We had long intense sessions where she would lay on the bed, read a book or be on her phone while I am admiring and serving her without touching.
- Based on that rule, we don’t have sex while she is wearing lingerie, obviously.
- I may not ask her to wear certain lingerie or hint towards her putting some on. It is entirely at her discretion. Once she made me pack some for a trip, but didn’t put any of it on, which I simply had to accept.
- Also, I am not allowed to gift her lingerie without her knowing about it. We may go to a shop, however, she chooses something and I pay for it. This explicitly gives me no right to see her in it, however.
- I am not allowed to masturbate, with or without cumming.
- When she masturbates, I am not allowed to watch nor will she tell me about it. She has become increasingly strict on that one. In the earlier stages, I was present a couple of times which was pure bliss for me. Then later I used to ask her about it until one day, she made it clear that her masturbation is none of my business. I have to admit that this is the hardest rule. I would love to be included from time to time.
- I may not look or stare at other women, which is, I guess, quite normal.
At the moment, she is still hesitant to punish me in any way since she is afraid of losing respect for me. We have however discussed about financial fines for transgressions, but have not yet introduced them.

For me, these rules are very helpful since they give me clarity on how to act around my Queen. I would love to hear what you think about these. Compared to your marriage, are we still moderate or are we already on the stricter side?

I am looking forward to reading your thoughts.
Bob

Thank you so much for sharing OMG amazing