So, there's that.
I will start by letting Emma know that I have been following her since nearly the beginning of her posting. If I remember correctly, I first found Emmas writing when she was on a different format before landing here.
I first became interested in chastity in 2017, buying my first cage mid year. My initial hopes of chastity were for it to help me reduce that amount of masturbating that I was doing, and to find a closer intimacy with my wife. Intimacy that I craved. I introduced my wife to chastity in the fall of 2017 and was met with a resounding NO. She was beyond not interested in chastity in any way. She would not even discuss it at all.
Due to work, we are apart more than we are together. I have continued practicing chastity between rounds of compulsive masturbation. I have had several cages and have settled with a Cherry Keeper that I use now.
My wife has always had a low libido. Since I became interested in chastity, I have learned to be a better lover for her. In the last five years, I have given her more orgasms than she had in the previous 25 years. I love going down on her. I have tried to explain compersion to her since I do 100% feel it when pleasuring her. She cant seem to understand that I can experience bliss, without orgasming myself. For years, our only sexual couplings are started by me. She never initiates. Once I start, she goes along with it.
In 2020, E.D. started poking its ugly head. I could only get about 1/2 hard, and if I managed an orgasm, it was just a draining more than an ejaculation. At this point, I really wanted her to understand that remaining in chastity while having sex was much more satisfying to me rather than feeling the pressure of trying to orgasm myself. I would be totally content sharing her orgasms. Still a hard no from her. (side note, I only managed to sneak in giving her orgasms on two occasions while I remained locked. Each time sending me to heaven.) I was at the point that even masturbating was not as enjoyable.
About Sept 2021, I decided that I would remain in chastity 100% until we had sex. Very little masturbation went on. I felt that she would surely see the benefit of me being locked. I asked her on two or three occasions to, please take my key with her when she left for the week. My key was left hanging in her medicine cabinet, never taken.
In November, I was still remaining chaste most of the time. I love wearing the cage as much as possible. I had an appointment with my Dr. and asked her for something to help with my E.D. She set my up with Cialis. What a game changer for me. Until you have lost it, you dont realize how good a real hard erection feels. The effects of one tablet stays with me for several days. It was incredible to feel my penis trying to get hard in the cage again. I love waking at night with my cage pressured up with a nocturnal erection. It is a comforting feeling for me and right back to sleep I go. The wife seemed to enjoy the fact that I could once again get totally hard, but any sexual interaction always started with me. I asked her to take charge of the Cialis, and to be sure and ask me to take one at least an hour before she wanted to have sex. I didnt want the temptation of taking a pill for my own enjoyment when she wasnt around. The pill bottle still remains in the cabinet, and she has never asked me to take one. (I have taken two for my own enjoyment).
Since last summer, we would normally have sex once a week. Always initiated by me. Always. It has become stale. Pretty much the same thing every time. Like a routine. Orgasm or three for her, then one for me if I can get there, then off to sleep.
Also in November, I started getting bold with wearing my cage around her. I would walk around the house in the evening, nude, wearing only my cage. When we would would have sex, I would get her warmed up, then she would tell me to take that thing off! By January, when I would try and warm her up, she would demand I remove the cage begore she would allow me access to her flower. Buzz kill.
Two week ago we took an unexpected road trip with a couple nights in a hotel. I took along the Cialis just in case. It had been a few weeks since we had sex and I was getting pretty randy. I had taken a pill on the second afternoon just in case something would happen that evening.
Then it happened. One evening after getting back to the hotel, she started getting frisky with me! I had not been wearing the cage because of what we were doing on the trip so the cage did not get in the way. She teased me. She let me pleasure her. Even though I for some reason couldnt get completely hard, I orgasmed pretty quickly compared to usual.
The next day, on the way home, I thanked her and told her that was the best sexual experience I had had in a very long time. She responded to me by saying that she was hurt by what I said. What? I was shell shocked. Where did that come from? She asked my if the only way I could enjoy sex with her is if she was nasty. I had not considered her actions to be nasty at all. Then she gave me another surprise. She tells me that she doesnt have a low libido. She has no libido.
Wow. Where do we go from here?
We have not had sex since then. The closest thing to intimacy since, has been holding hands a couple times.
I now understand that the reason I enjoyed sex so much that night is that she was showing affection for me. Something I havent had for a very long time. I now understand why the intimacy that I crave has not been found. I need to feel wanted.
I have really been taking stock in our lives now. Trying to make heads or tails of this. I really dont know where we go or what we do. Ive taken things back to basics for myself. I like chastity. Emotionally and physically. I have decided to lock myself and remain caged. I am tempted multiple times a day to remove it and masturbate but I am going to try very hard not to. I am going to try and remain 100% locked until such a time as she may want it unlocked. I also am not doing anything to initiate sex with her. If she wants it, she can let me know is the way I feel about that.
Im not looking for any responses here. This is something the two of us will have to work out our selves. Me writing this is partly to help me work it out. Unloading if you will.
Sorry about my writing. Writing is not really my forte.
To those of you couples who enjoy chastity, know that there are others envious of you. Enjoy yourselves.
Umm if at all possible see of she is willing to get her hormones checked, like you needed cialis to get you going, she might need a boost also.
Even if that is part of the issue it sounds like there are a lot of other things going on that you guys need to discuss & maybe see a therapist. If your always initiating, & she is just going along that's going to create resentment on both sides. You need to go back to basics with her & ask what she wants from your sex life. What she likes, what you could be doing to awake her desire, does she want to improve things, what is she willing to commit to, what does she feel the issue is with her not initiating, is she still attracted to you, so many things to work out.
Until you guys can get to a point where she has desire, she initiates at least a few times, and your sex life gets on track, your chastity desires will have to be put on a shelf.
You also need to be prepared for some truths you may not like, and also be prepared that she may never show interest in chastity. At the moment at best you have a passive partner she doesn't deny you, and she's shown you can wear it if you want, but it has no affect on her other than being a reminder that she's not giving you what you want which would lead to resentment.
I've been in your shoes. We would go an entire year with no sex, each serious discussion never fixed things long term. By the time she did agree to get hormones checked there was so much resentment and damage done that the marriage couldn't be saved. A healthy sex life is just as important in a marriage as every other aspect that is needed to be happy. A relationship will never work if one person is not getting what they want/need.
I read this on the site somewhere:
Push towards your goals but never past your wifes limmits ?
A partnership is just what it sound like, both parties haft to consent ?
You're in a tough spot.
I don't have any answers for you.
I just want you to know that you're heard, and there are others who feel your pain and wish the best for you and your wife.
The suggestion about getting professional help (physiological and counseling as well) seems like a very good one. You will know best what your wife is willing to undertake with you to work on this.
Not sure if you are still active on the site, but I would like to echo some of what @true42 said. You are heard and if you still feel a need to vent or testify, we are here and listening individual and marriage counciling are great options. They did wonders for my wife and I. If you have kids, it's especially important. You really need to get in alignment with her if possible. Physically and emotionally. If not, you're going to have to weigh your options. If you think you have something worth saving, don't give up. Do the hard things.