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It's not about you. It never is or was, and shouldn't be

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Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 915
Member
Topic starter
 

I came across this blog post by Denying Thumper.  It's about the trials and tribulations of a submissive husband and his unsettling desire to realize his cuckold fantasy.  It's very well written.  Give it a look.

Although I don't have a particular fetish about Ms. K. having sex with another man, and she she currently has no interest in it either, I did find the underlying message about what is important in a WLM/FLR to be extremely relevant and important.  As I have said in the past, I have evolved (see what I did there?) from being a husband that had non-monogamy (cuckolding) near the top of my hard-limits list, to a husband that would only ever want to to make my Wife's life as pleasurable as she would want it to be, even if her evolution brought her to a point of changing her mind and wanting another lover.  

 
Posted : 01/09/2022 7:08 am
Tincup
(@tincup)
Posts: 130
Member
 

No partner should be coerced into doing something they don't want. Hard limits are hard limits and if they are to be changed, it should happen organically without the pressure of fulfilling someone elses fantasy. 

 

For most of the normals outside this community, hard limits start at non-monogamy and it is not something that should be taken lightly in any committed relationship.  If this desire is based solely on fantasy & fetish and not on a foundation of love & compersion, it is likely to erode and destroy the relationship.

 
Posted : 01/09/2022 9:28 am
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 915
Member
Topic starter
 
Posted by: @tincup

Hard limits are hard limits and if they are to be changed, it should happen organically without the pressure of fulfilling someone elses fantasy. 

Absolutely agree.  My hard limit changed organically.  That will never be tested until and unless Ms. K. changes hers.  It's not my fantasy.  My hard-limit change is merely no longer being absolutely opposed to it.

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Posted : 01/09/2022 9:51 am
Tincup
(@tincup)
Posts: 130
Member
 

I know that well from your posts. The comments were for the community. Cheers! 😆 

 
Posted : 01/09/2022 9:56 am
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 915
Member
Topic starter
 

@tincup   Gotcha

 
Posted : 01/09/2022 9:58 am
Killahb
(@killahb)
Posts: 9
Eminent Member
 

This is the type of situation that causes me anxiety about seeking an FLR (single but starting to get involved in local femdom scene).  I'm definitely on the submissive side, a people pleaser, and always tend to put the woman first.  However, I've never had a cuckold fantasy and I'm 100% positive that should the topic come up in a future relationship, it could end the relationship as it would definitely be a hard limit for me.

I understand the concept of compersion, but I don't think I am wired for it.  I simply could not take the humiliation that would necessarily come with cuckolding. 

 
Posted : 01/09/2022 10:33 am
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 915
Member
Topic starter
 
Posted by: @killahb

I understand the concept of compersion, but I don't think I am wired for it.  I simply could not take the humiliation that would necessarily come with cuckolding. 

Completely understand bro.  Listen, we're all different.  We come from different backgrounds, life different lives and have different ideas on things.  So it's absolutely OK for you to feel that way and just know that cuckolding isn't a foregone conclusion in spite of what the porn-fueled places on the interwebs will have you believe.  

I'm not that much dissimilar to you in your feelings on cuckolding.  However, I'm not an overall submissive person.  In fact I'm alpha in pretty much every aspect of my life except with my Wife and in the confines of our marriage.  This was the source of my initial feelings of "no fucking way" will that happen in my marriage.  Having lived 12 years in a loving WLM, the compersion I felt (and still feel) has led me to know, in my heart, that my primary source of joy in my life is seeing to it that my Wife has the kind of joy in her life that she wants, whatever that may be.  I've been able to get here because of the trust I have in her to never allow anything bad to happen to me, just because it might be something she would enjoy. 

Like for example ... ever since we got together in the beginning she has always had a fetish and strong sexual desire to bite me hard enough to tear the skin.  I mean she really wanted/wants to do this.  So much so in fact that I'm pretty sure she'd have a spontaneous orgasm if it were to ever happen.  To this date, it has never happened.  Even now that we are in a dedicated Wife Led Marriage where she is in charge, always, about everything, all the time.  Even though it is something she wants "desperately", I trust that she would never just do it because she knows I don't want her to.  

I hope all that makes sense.  In the end we continue to evolve (see what I did there?).  We have no idea about the things we will allow, or even prefer after having been in a loving WLM over time.  Communication and trust are what is necessary .... always.

 
Posted : 01/09/2022 11:06 am
Tincup
(@tincup)
Posts: 130
Member
 
Posted by: @killahb

I don't think I am wired for it.

This is you telling yourself that cuckoldry is not for you. You need not feel shame nor pressure to change that hard limit. Find someone who shares your views and respects your limits and have the time of your lives!

 
Posted : 01/09/2022 11:07 am
Killahb
(@killahb)
Posts: 9
Eminent Member
 

@subhubphx All good points!

"ever since we got together in the beginning she has always had a fetish and strong sexual desire to bite me hard enough to tear the skin."

Now that is actually something I'm interested in experiencing!  

 
Posted : 01/09/2022 11:41 am
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 915
Member
Topic starter
 

@killahb


Sexy Lips Gif
 
Posted : 01/09/2022 11:43 am

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